I used to think...
That the best way to leave a legacy was to be everywhere online, to drive distances to be in attendance... to feel as though I was 'living' and advancing my interests and friendships.To leave my mark across the world meant being on social networks, to network. All the time. As far as to watch what others were doing so as to pine away on places that were anywhere but here.
For me, the truth I found was entirely the opposite. In fact, my online life was killing my real life relationships - and the real life relationships were not only my most important legacy but my only true responsibility. Not a clever tweet, a well-timed instant message, a reactionary internet post or broadcast of all my accomplishments (minor and otherwise) across the web. From seeking advice from people who were the most removed from my life, I became disjointed and disconnected, exacerbating relationship troubles and no longer appreciating or even recognizing the little things - little things that seemingly weren't worth tweeting or spreading. When you no longer have the little things, the big things wither away. And when you shirk that responsibility, others shirk it back. It's a dangerous cycle. My energy was focused on those that may be fond of my online presence, instead of the individuals I'd sworn to give my all. I had dug in my heels, going through the motions of parenthood and yet resisting completely embracing it.
Over the past year I've found-- my family discovered together-- that true intimacy and harmony lay away from the keyboard, from AIM and twitter and perpetual online worlds. From being present in what is happening right here, because we will never be here again. Because someday, I will regret not devoting that mental attention to the highest priority in my life. In the last year, we went from our very worst to the most rewarding times of our lives because we stopped focusing on everyone else and became insular. My social calendar blew up and my heart and mind have been so much more content.
So, while I hope that you don't take offense to my absence across the interwebs, I've found my happiness in embracing my highest responsibility: to as a team, raise a human being to the very best of my family's ability and doing that means teaching her the value of real people in a world of avatars. Of commitment.
For me, the truth I found was entirely the opposite. In fact, my online life was killing my real life relationships - and the real life relationships were not only my most important legacy but my only true responsibility. Not a clever tweet, a well-timed instant message, a reactionary internet post or broadcast of all my accomplishments (minor and otherwise) across the web. From seeking advice from people who were the most removed from my life, I became disjointed and disconnected, exacerbating relationship troubles and no longer appreciating or even recognizing the little things - little things that seemingly weren't worth tweeting or spreading. When you no longer have the little things, the big things wither away. And when you shirk that responsibility, others shirk it back. It's a dangerous cycle. My energy was focused on those that may be fond of my online presence, instead of the individuals I'd sworn to give my all. I had dug in my heels, going through the motions of parenthood and yet resisting completely embracing it.
Over the past year I've found-- my family discovered together-- that true intimacy and harmony lay away from the keyboard, from AIM and twitter and perpetual online worlds. From being present in what is happening right here, because we will never be here again. Because someday, I will regret not devoting that mental attention to the highest priority in my life. In the last year, we went from our very worst to the most rewarding times of our lives because we stopped focusing on everyone else and became insular. My social calendar blew up and my heart and mind have been so much more content.
So, while I hope that you don't take offense to my absence across the interwebs, I've found my happiness in embracing my highest responsibility: to as a team, raise a human being to the very best of my family's ability and doing that means teaching her the value of real people in a world of avatars. Of commitment.