For Posterity
Several ways in which today was ridiculous:
I marched down the street, pulling a little green wagon filled with two ENORMOUS pumpkins and balanced on top of that were two bundles of dried cornstalks which I scraped across all the bumpers of the cars that pulled too close to the sidewalks. Last Farmers' Market of the season.
I spent way too much on a present for a co-worker's son's wedding. Which was very long and so...standard...that it made me itch to get married just so that I could do it on the wing of a plane or something. It was like they were reading out of text books, and everyone else was getting snookered by the open bar and pretty much ignored the proceedings. I drank my champagne, ate my cake, and kept my head down while my other co-worker planned my bridal shower to Mr. Whoever. She also leaned over after the guests across the table took a break in the conversation and loudly whispered "He's DYING!" motioning to the older gentleman that everyone knows is dying and has been for years. This is why I don't drink outside of the house.
At said wedding, I figured out that you pretty much cannot go to a wedding as a single person because whoever you're sitting next to is assumed to be your date...in this case, that's a fairly tragic assumption - old, Republican, with an unfortunate nickname and a predilection for looking down my dress. I did not try for the bouquet.
My fake eyelashes, also, were totally glued in such a way that I looked positively post-coital. Heavy, heavy lids! And trying to maneuver them without ripping them off probably made me look a bit spastic. So, that was nice. On the wardrobe front, I was totally cute save for the fact that I was pretty much a walking display for my breasts. Whoops. I always seem to fuck up that whole burka versus micro-mini conundrum. I did have a five minute pity party driving home for my loneliness and apparent emotional abrasiveness.
Best thing of the day was the great woman at the local coffee shop saying I should go out instead of staying in since I looked so nice. Flowers in my hair, tits akimbo, she smiled just lightly enough that I believed her and it made me feel good.
Tomorrow I have one plan: sleep all day.
I marched down the street, pulling a little green wagon filled with two ENORMOUS pumpkins and balanced on top of that were two bundles of dried cornstalks which I scraped across all the bumpers of the cars that pulled too close to the sidewalks. Last Farmers' Market of the season.
I spent way too much on a present for a co-worker's son's wedding. Which was very long and so...standard...that it made me itch to get married just so that I could do it on the wing of a plane or something. It was like they were reading out of text books, and everyone else was getting snookered by the open bar and pretty much ignored the proceedings. I drank my champagne, ate my cake, and kept my head down while my other co-worker planned my bridal shower to Mr. Whoever. She also leaned over after the guests across the table took a break in the conversation and loudly whispered "He's DYING!" motioning to the older gentleman that everyone knows is dying and has been for years. This is why I don't drink outside of the house.
At said wedding, I figured out that you pretty much cannot go to a wedding as a single person because whoever you're sitting next to is assumed to be your date...in this case, that's a fairly tragic assumption - old, Republican, with an unfortunate nickname and a predilection for looking down my dress. I did not try for the bouquet.
My fake eyelashes, also, were totally glued in such a way that I looked positively post-coital. Heavy, heavy lids! And trying to maneuver them without ripping them off probably made me look a bit spastic. So, that was nice. On the wardrobe front, I was totally cute save for the fact that I was pretty much a walking display for my breasts. Whoops. I always seem to fuck up that whole burka versus micro-mini conundrum. I did have a five minute pity party driving home for my loneliness and apparent emotional abrasiveness.
Best thing of the day was the great woman at the local coffee shop saying I should go out instead of staying in since I looked so nice. Flowers in my hair, tits akimbo, she smiled just lightly enough that I believed her and it made me feel good.
Tomorrow I have one plan: sleep all day.