Blindsided
I'm not sure what is up and what is down anymore. It seems that I'm on a roller coaster that I can't get off no matter how hard I try. One day everything is fine and then bam my grams is in the hospital and life hasn't been the same since. It's now been 20 days for her. She has been up and down and to the brink of death and back again. None of us can figure out what she is going to do next. However our hope is short lived no matter what, because the medicine that has her for the lack of a better term "better" is in the long term a bad medicine and is doing more bad than good. Though if this medicine gives me a few more days, weeks, months or even a year more with my grams then I'll take it. I'll endure all this craziness. And if that wasn't enough, Ryan also took ill, while I've been gone and has spent his last 3 days in the hospital. Hopefully he'll get out tomorrow. I don't know when I will get to see him again, I hate living on two coasts. I know he has to be hating life right now, and I hate knowing that I can not be in two places at once. I'm not sure what I think anymore, about anything, facing death I guess seems to have that effect.