burnt bridges
I should be asleep, but I can't help but post this.
I don't hate anyone. Not actively. It takes way too much effort to hate people, and I want it to be understood that it just isn't possible for me to hate anyone.
This year was a lot of firsts. I've never felt the need to cut people out of my life until this year. I never successfully did so, until this year. And I've never had to make a post like this, until this year.
I'm not sure I should leave this as comments on people's journals, because honestly, I sort of feel it's better kept to myself. If they never read it, that's alright. Tonight I heard the phrase, "hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is." I don't know if I agree with that, but it did get me thinking.
With respect to some recent developments, I've become very confused. I find that I'm arguing a lot with myself, and with previous input, but I keep coming to the same conclusion. Maybe I'm just so biased that I can't see any other option... but I just don't know.
All I can say is that I'm sorry for making people feel hurt, I'm sorry that you think I'm some kind of crazy bitch, I'm sorry that I felt the need to exclude you from my life. I won't say I had the best intentions, because I know that's not true. I have been in the process of putting myself back together, and I hope you've been doing the same. I've forgiven what's been done to me, there are always some scars that escape attention for a long time... but I'm over it. And I'm very glad to be able to say that with all honesty.
If this is apathy, I don't see it as such a bad thing. I don't see it as being harmful, maybe you do.
All I know is that I burnt some bridges, and I hate having to look at their remains. I'd like to build some new ones over top so that those old hurts can be completely forgotten and replaced with better things. Maybe you don't want this, maybe you're not ready... that's fine. If I have to look at those forever, so be it... it was an experience and I learned a lot. I just don't want to look back and have to say I was too afraid to try.
I don't hate anyone. Not actively. It takes way too much effort to hate people, and I want it to be understood that it just isn't possible for me to hate anyone.
This year was a lot of firsts. I've never felt the need to cut people out of my life until this year. I never successfully did so, until this year. And I've never had to make a post like this, until this year.
I'm not sure I should leave this as comments on people's journals, because honestly, I sort of feel it's better kept to myself. If they never read it, that's alright. Tonight I heard the phrase, "hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is." I don't know if I agree with that, but it did get me thinking.
With respect to some recent developments, I've become very confused. I find that I'm arguing a lot with myself, and with previous input, but I keep coming to the same conclusion. Maybe I'm just so biased that I can't see any other option... but I just don't know.
All I can say is that I'm sorry for making people feel hurt, I'm sorry that you think I'm some kind of crazy bitch, I'm sorry that I felt the need to exclude you from my life. I won't say I had the best intentions, because I know that's not true. I have been in the process of putting myself back together, and I hope you've been doing the same. I've forgiven what's been done to me, there are always some scars that escape attention for a long time... but I'm over it. And I'm very glad to be able to say that with all honesty.
If this is apathy, I don't see it as such a bad thing. I don't see it as being harmful, maybe you do.
All I know is that I burnt some bridges, and I hate having to look at their remains. I'd like to build some new ones over top so that those old hurts can be completely forgotten and replaced with better things. Maybe you don't want this, maybe you're not ready... that's fine. If I have to look at those forever, so be it... it was an experience and I learned a lot. I just don't want to look back and have to say I was too afraid to try.