Becoming Whole
Lately I've been thinking about what it means to be a whole person. I know that we can't be in a healthy relationship with someone until we are "whole" within ourselves. I agree with that 100%.
My friend's taking a class this semester called "psychology of human sexuality". One day, she told me that her teacher had two students, a boy and a girl, come to the front of the classroom. The boy was strong looking and the girl was petite. The teacher told the boy to pick up the girl, and he did so. Then the teacher went on lecturing the class. After a few minutes, the girl's weight proved to be too much and the boy dropped her despite her small size. The teacher turned around and started saying something like "why did you drop her?" And the boy, embarrassed and confused, said that he was holding her for too long and his arms just got too tired. The teacher's response? "Exactly!"
He went on to explain that in a relationship, if the two people aren't healthy, one will always be carrying the other and over time their relationship will fall apart. In an ideal relationship, the couple should be able to walk side by side, neither carrying the other. They should be whole because you can't depend on someone else to fulfill any missing part of your life. Your partner should enrich your life, not complete it.
But what does it even mean to be a whole person? I'm young. Everyone my age is still figuring themselves out. We're all trying to fill the gaps to make ourselves whole. But honestly, I don't really know what that means. People are changing constantly throughout their lives. So if being whole is determined on how well you know yourself, are you ever really whole?
Some think that being whole has to do with having no major problems. All major issues should be worked out prior to entering a serious relationship. But I don't think that's it either. You're always going to have problems. Life has a way of shuffling the cards and you're bound to get dealt a bad one every once in a while. I think that it's more of a matter of being able to handle your own issues. You shouldn't depend on someone else to fix you. But then again, it can be argued that in a lifelong partnership, you should be able to handle your problems together.
I don't know. Maybe I just don't have enough relationship experience to be able to give an accurate guess on this sort of thing. But I think maybe it's about filling in the gaps yourself. Maybe you're a whole person when you don't depend on someone else to tell you who you are, or to fix your problems, or to give you something you're missing in any aspect of your life. Maybe you're a whole person when you make the effort of finding yourself and fixing your problems, and filling the gaps by yourself. There's nothing wrong with the support from another person, as long as that person doesn't become your crutch.
Yours,
Lainie
My friend's taking a class this semester called "psychology of human sexuality". One day, she told me that her teacher had two students, a boy and a girl, come to the front of the classroom. The boy was strong looking and the girl was petite. The teacher told the boy to pick up the girl, and he did so. Then the teacher went on lecturing the class. After a few minutes, the girl's weight proved to be too much and the boy dropped her despite her small size. The teacher turned around and started saying something like "why did you drop her?" And the boy, embarrassed and confused, said that he was holding her for too long and his arms just got too tired. The teacher's response? "Exactly!"
He went on to explain that in a relationship, if the two people aren't healthy, one will always be carrying the other and over time their relationship will fall apart. In an ideal relationship, the couple should be able to walk side by side, neither carrying the other. They should be whole because you can't depend on someone else to fulfill any missing part of your life. Your partner should enrich your life, not complete it.
But what does it even mean to be a whole person? I'm young. Everyone my age is still figuring themselves out. We're all trying to fill the gaps to make ourselves whole. But honestly, I don't really know what that means. People are changing constantly throughout their lives. So if being whole is determined on how well you know yourself, are you ever really whole?
Some think that being whole has to do with having no major problems. All major issues should be worked out prior to entering a serious relationship. But I don't think that's it either. You're always going to have problems. Life has a way of shuffling the cards and you're bound to get dealt a bad one every once in a while. I think that it's more of a matter of being able to handle your own issues. You shouldn't depend on someone else to fix you. But then again, it can be argued that in a lifelong partnership, you should be able to handle your problems together.
I don't know. Maybe I just don't have enough relationship experience to be able to give an accurate guess on this sort of thing. But I think maybe it's about filling in the gaps yourself. Maybe you're a whole person when you don't depend on someone else to tell you who you are, or to fix your problems, or to give you something you're missing in any aspect of your life. Maybe you're a whole person when you make the effort of finding yourself and fixing your problems, and filling the gaps by yourself. There's nothing wrong with the support from another person, as long as that person doesn't become your crutch.
Yours,
Lainie