Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize
As much as it pains me (not really) to say it.
My biological father did. No amount of 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you' will ever fix how horribly he had broken my trust.
You just don't tell a kid 'Oh, hey. I'm your REAL dad. I love you, I'll only come over three times in your life, and none of them will really be to see you... but hey, I love you, honey!'
Really. I knew he was just there to fuck my mom.
They'd rent me a movie, send me off to someone else's house. Anything to keep me away.
Gee, golly. I just love you too, you big pile of disgusting asshole.
Oh, you brought me stuff from Disney world because you went? How nice. Man I wish you would've taken me with you. I was seven. I would have loved it.
Oh, yeah. Me and mom are fine. Shes working two jobs and I'm a latch-key kid at seven, but hey. We're fine.
No... no one was with me on my eighth birthday.
And, by the way, I didn't get any presents in the mail. You did send me something, right, daddy? Oh, Ok. I understand it will be late.
Mom had leave my present and my cake on the table today, too. She said if I was good home alone today that I could eat as much of it I wanted when she got home, too. A scary man came to the door, today. I was such a good girl, I didn't even open the door.
No, I'm not lonely here all by myself. I have plenty of things to do.
And no, I don't miss my other Daddy at all, because I have you!
Heh, heh. I remember the first time I laid eyes on that scumbag. I slammed the door in his face and ran off screaming.
"MOOOM~ THERES A CREEPY MAN AT THE DOOR!!!!!"
Man if only I had locked it tight and said nothing at all.
I'd be much happier thinking my dad died from his own bullet through his head on our old front lawn.
You just don't tell a seven year old that just lost her daddy that all she knew was a lie and that YOU'RE her Daddy and then ignore her while you're there and just fucking LEAVE.
You got that?!
NO amount of 'I'm Sorry.' will ever bring that girl back again.
NO amount of 'I love you's will fix this.
I'm always going to be broken, I'm never going to be right.
And I can't blame you for why I'm crazy, but I can damn well blame you for why I'm so bitter.
... I miss my real Daddy, the one that put a bullet in his brain to blow out the sorrows.
Nice to know at least he really did love me, beneath all that alcohol.
I miss you, Daddy.
Its been over sixteen years since you died.
And only now have I really been able to cry.
My biological father did. No amount of 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you' will ever fix how horribly he had broken my trust.
You just don't tell a kid 'Oh, hey. I'm your REAL dad. I love you, I'll only come over three times in your life, and none of them will really be to see you... but hey, I love you, honey!'
Really. I knew he was just there to fuck my mom.
They'd rent me a movie, send me off to someone else's house. Anything to keep me away.
Gee, golly. I just love you too, you big pile of disgusting asshole.
Oh, you brought me stuff from Disney world because you went? How nice. Man I wish you would've taken me with you. I was seven. I would have loved it.
Oh, yeah. Me and mom are fine. Shes working two jobs and I'm a latch-key kid at seven, but hey. We're fine.
No... no one was with me on my eighth birthday.
And, by the way, I didn't get any presents in the mail. You did send me something, right, daddy? Oh, Ok. I understand it will be late.
Mom had leave my present and my cake on the table today, too. She said if I was good home alone today that I could eat as much of it I wanted when she got home, too. A scary man came to the door, today. I was such a good girl, I didn't even open the door.
No, I'm not lonely here all by myself. I have plenty of things to do.
And no, I don't miss my other Daddy at all, because I have you!
Heh, heh. I remember the first time I laid eyes on that scumbag. I slammed the door in his face and ran off screaming.
"MOOOM~ THERES A CREEPY MAN AT THE DOOR!!!!!"
Man if only I had locked it tight and said nothing at all.
I'd be much happier thinking my dad died from his own bullet through his head on our old front lawn.
You just don't tell a seven year old that just lost her daddy that all she knew was a lie and that YOU'RE her Daddy and then ignore her while you're there and just fucking LEAVE.
You got that?!
NO amount of 'I'm Sorry.' will ever bring that girl back again.
NO amount of 'I love you's will fix this.
I'm always going to be broken, I'm never going to be right.
And I can't blame you for why I'm crazy, but I can damn well blame you for why I'm so bitter.
... I miss my real Daddy, the one that put a bullet in his brain to blow out the sorrows.
Nice to know at least he really did love me, beneath all that alcohol.
I miss you, Daddy.
Its been over sixteen years since you died.
And only now have I really been able to cry.