ACHING FAREWELL BRASSY PAST
and a 7:02AM confession...
I don't know why I feel now is any appropriate time at all to be thinking of relaying this but:
for my last 6days in Singapore Rei and I were having sex practically every night.
Some part of me must think it is important to remember this and to not be ashamed about my actions or steps I need to take.
It could happen no other way, I always knew I would. He had asked me to on the first night we saw each other since forever, and I knew what he meant. I didn't for a second think it was about the sex at all, than resolving something we both feared deep inside, emptying ourselves of the residual feelings and insecurities.
I'm not sure how much of a mind-fuck that was for me, but it taught me what it felt like to have to pretend to make love to someone you no longer/did not love. It did not feel good, safe, natural or genuine. After the first time, it was so different I rolled over and cried to myself.
These are sad, unreal pictures.
I am hurting in every single one.
Because I've grown up now, and all that we had has seemed to have so quickly and easily
vanished
I don't know why I feel now is any appropriate time at all to be thinking of relaying this but:
for my last 6days in Singapore Rei and I were having sex practically every night.
Some part of me must think it is important to remember this and to not be ashamed about my actions or steps I need to take.
It could happen no other way, I always knew I would. He had asked me to on the first night we saw each other since forever, and I knew what he meant. I didn't for a second think it was about the sex at all, than resolving something we both feared deep inside, emptying ourselves of the residual feelings and insecurities.
I'm not sure how much of a mind-fuck that was for me, but it taught me what it felt like to have to pretend to make love to someone you no longer/did not love. It did not feel good, safe, natural or genuine. After the first time, it was so different I rolled over and cried to myself.
These are sad, unreal pictures.
I am hurting in every single one.
Because I've grown up now, and all that we had has seemed to have so quickly and easily
vanished