COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF QUEASE
[9:59:08 PM] laineeboo: I'm excited to leave again
[9:59:12 PM] laineeboo: I think
[9:59:13 PM] laineeboo: Singapore
[9:59:15 PM] laineeboo: isnt good for me
[9:59:18 PM] laineeboo: or I'm not good for myself
[9:59:18 PM] laineeboo: whatever
[9:59:24 PM] laineeboo: or my Singapore self is not good for my holistic self
So as situations get more bizarre, more obscure, take more wrong terms, more unhealthy
I feel the urgency of returning to London to
forget
forget
forget.
But in the midst of it all Rei says something that makes me feel unsettled...
that after what we had, he just wanted to be with someone "nice", a "sweetheart"
And this disgusted me to the point of nausea.
Of course, granted, I can be nice. That isn't an issue at all, in fact it's possibly the easiest most cowardly thing people can do because those that are generally generically nice need to compensate for their faces and cower behind a fake trait. The same goes for academic intelligence. No personality at all, lacking the sharp tongue, wit, vitality, and sharpness that is so alluring. You are otherwise just a brick, boring as fuck with little to do except simper because you are just too fucking afraid and lack the confidence to tell people the brunt of it. There is not a thing in the world I can dream up that they would have to offer; when I am kind and loving to you it is to be treasured and valued and cherished so much more because of its rarity. You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give about people less interesting than a slab of concrete in the middle of a highway. I'm am glad that I am apparently the polar "opposite" of this - there is nothing less desirable to me than someone that everyone is indifferent about; that has nothing special to give, that comes off a factory line and down a chute to be packaged and sold like the rest.
I couldn't be with someone that wanted that, I couldn't stand for a second the love of normalcy, of the mundane. To say I'm insulted undermines completely my sentiments. It makes me sick to think that I am followed by something so much lesser, as if my being special had not inspired anything at all. No doubt he will remember it though, and likely never love someone more for it. I need someone to love me better, and love in me that which I love of myself.
I'm expressive, and I'm cruel, I'm neurotic and it comes with passion... but above all I'm alive
as far as I'm concerned all else can
go
fuck
itself.
[10:01:39 PM] Christine Hoang: =[
[10:01:44 PM] Christine Hoang: baby
[10:01:56 PM] Christine Hoang: love yourself
[9:59:12 PM] laineeboo: I think
[9:59:13 PM] laineeboo: Singapore
[9:59:15 PM] laineeboo: isnt good for me
[9:59:18 PM] laineeboo: or I'm not good for myself
[9:59:18 PM] laineeboo: whatever
[9:59:24 PM] laineeboo: or my Singapore self is not good for my holistic self
So as situations get more bizarre, more obscure, take more wrong terms, more unhealthy
I feel the urgency of returning to London to
forget
forget
forget.
But in the midst of it all Rei says something that makes me feel unsettled...
that after what we had, he just wanted to be with someone "nice", a "sweetheart"
And this disgusted me to the point of nausea.
Of course, granted, I can be nice. That isn't an issue at all, in fact it's possibly the easiest most cowardly thing people can do because those that are generally generically nice need to compensate for their faces and cower behind a fake trait. The same goes for academic intelligence. No personality at all, lacking the sharp tongue, wit, vitality, and sharpness that is so alluring. You are otherwise just a brick, boring as fuck with little to do except simper because you are just too fucking afraid and lack the confidence to tell people the brunt of it. There is not a thing in the world I can dream up that they would have to offer; when I am kind and loving to you it is to be treasured and valued and cherished so much more because of its rarity. You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give about people less interesting than a slab of concrete in the middle of a highway. I'm am glad that I am apparently the polar "opposite" of this - there is nothing less desirable to me than someone that everyone is indifferent about; that has nothing special to give, that comes off a factory line and down a chute to be packaged and sold like the rest.
I couldn't be with someone that wanted that, I couldn't stand for a second the love of normalcy, of the mundane. To say I'm insulted undermines completely my sentiments. It makes me sick to think that I am followed by something so much lesser, as if my being special had not inspired anything at all. No doubt he will remember it though, and likely never love someone more for it. I need someone to love me better, and love in me that which I love of myself.
I'm expressive, and I'm cruel, I'm neurotic and it comes with passion... but above all I'm alive
as far as I'm concerned all else can
go
fuck
itself.
[10:01:39 PM] Christine Hoang: =[
[10:01:44 PM] Christine Hoang: baby
[10:01:56 PM] Christine Hoang: love yourself