RENDEZVOUS IN AMSTERDAM
Sometimes when I tell another about my past experiences I hear what I say, mention what has happened, and feel it to not at all resemble any small vestige of my current life and I find it difficult to believe that the events were not dreamt up by some horrible emotions.
So here, a brief update from London:
This week has been a whirlwind, I came to Europe on Monday and have since been to Amsterdam from Tuesday to Friday. I only just got back to London this afternoon ! Matthias had bought me the flight there a week before I went, and it had seemed so unreal I was unsure of how I would manage and if I would actually have the courage to go. I seemed to have made the concious decision to way before I was aware of it though, because I had long ago looked up how to get to Stansted.
And getting there was alot easier than I had anticipated (and allowed time for) - I ended up at the airport something like 5 or 6 hours before my flight... and ended up sleeping on my weekend bag, wandering around, slowly eating yoghurt and falling in love with a Pandora bracelet.
I kept thinking about how simple it was to just pack a bag and fly off... I barely needed anything to pick up and leave. That kind of liberty felt wonderful, refreshing and uplifting. I didn't have to be anywhere I didn't want to be - it meant that I was never stuck. Flying off to Amsterdam... how's that for spontaneous. I made my decision by wondering whether I'd regret not going... and I knew that I would so I went. And I did not regret going at all. And now that I know what I would've missed out on... it is with certainty that I would've regretted forever not taking the chance and just running away to a foreign country.
What a great form of escapism Holland was, like something out of a dream. Had I dreamt it up? I barely believe what I say.
TUESDAY: Matthias and Stefan picked me up at the airport, he drove us back to his cosy, inviting house and I had my own room separate from the world. And it was cool and calm and dim. I watched them go bowling afterwards and felt so much safer with a warm hug from Matthias.
WEDNESDAY: I woke panicked but what did it matter - I was far far away and it was wonderful and the only thing that could affect me was my phone which I could turn off at whim. I was in Amsterdam walking around museums... Rembrandt, Van Gogh... and their incredible, moving pieces. It was everything and nothing, never did I think I could so love something inanimate, but the fact was that their paintings were almost tangible though surreal. A model after what I thought my own life to seem. I felt bad to have dragged Matthias along with me as it could not have disliked another activity more... but it meant alot that he came, and he watched on at my careful examination of the paintings I most adored. We came home to a meal his mother cooked and attempted to watch Apocalypse now. I tried a sprinkle sandwich and loved it. We somehow managed to talk until 3am without my knowing, and fell into a light sleep in my room only to wake soon later.
THURSDAY: He took me to see 300-some old windmills at Zaanse Schans which I enjoyed very much, they were big and graceful by the water, we strolled by them and climbed the inside of one... I was never so aware of my fear of heights. Afterwards we visited Madurodom - a park of miniature buildings with details as wonderful as the originals... only 25times smaller. I had seen this place in the picture of his childhood, and while he was nostalgic, I enjoyed being a small part of that nostalgia, or future nostalgia the place would bring. I slept a little in the back of his car before we went, because I was so lethargic. The way home took a while, and we got lost somehow but made it back. I was so tired I lay down for a little, and got up to eat another home-cooked meal... I had never felt so welcomed or at home elsewhere. The place is such a sanctuary to me. We talked over dinner about constellations among other things. After walking Akita we attempted to watch more of Apocalypse now... I couldn't take it and went back to the room to retire after saying goodbye to his sister, Hester.
FRIDAY: He made me a sprinkle sandwich for breakfast and took me to the airport. We sat at Burger King until I got nervous enough to desperately want to at least get through the gate. And just like that, I was back in London... eating chocolate souffle with Dorothy in the spacious living room of her apartment.
So here, a brief update from London:
This week has been a whirlwind, I came to Europe on Monday and have since been to Amsterdam from Tuesday to Friday. I only just got back to London this afternoon ! Matthias had bought me the flight there a week before I went, and it had seemed so unreal I was unsure of how I would manage and if I would actually have the courage to go. I seemed to have made the concious decision to way before I was aware of it though, because I had long ago looked up how to get to Stansted.
And getting there was alot easier than I had anticipated (and allowed time for) - I ended up at the airport something like 5 or 6 hours before my flight... and ended up sleeping on my weekend bag, wandering around, slowly eating yoghurt and falling in love with a Pandora bracelet.
I kept thinking about how simple it was to just pack a bag and fly off... I barely needed anything to pick up and leave. That kind of liberty felt wonderful, refreshing and uplifting. I didn't have to be anywhere I didn't want to be - it meant that I was never stuck. Flying off to Amsterdam... how's that for spontaneous. I made my decision by wondering whether I'd regret not going... and I knew that I would so I went. And I did not regret going at all. And now that I know what I would've missed out on... it is with certainty that I would've regretted forever not taking the chance and just running away to a foreign country.
What a great form of escapism Holland was, like something out of a dream. Had I dreamt it up? I barely believe what I say.
TUESDAY: Matthias and Stefan picked me up at the airport, he drove us back to his cosy, inviting house and I had my own room separate from the world. And it was cool and calm and dim. I watched them go bowling afterwards and felt so much safer with a warm hug from Matthias.
WEDNESDAY: I woke panicked but what did it matter - I was far far away and it was wonderful and the only thing that could affect me was my phone which I could turn off at whim. I was in Amsterdam walking around museums... Rembrandt, Van Gogh... and their incredible, moving pieces. It was everything and nothing, never did I think I could so love something inanimate, but the fact was that their paintings were almost tangible though surreal. A model after what I thought my own life to seem. I felt bad to have dragged Matthias along with me as it could not have disliked another activity more... but it meant alot that he came, and he watched on at my careful examination of the paintings I most adored. We came home to a meal his mother cooked and attempted to watch Apocalypse now. I tried a sprinkle sandwich and loved it. We somehow managed to talk until 3am without my knowing, and fell into a light sleep in my room only to wake soon later.
THURSDAY: He took me to see 300-some old windmills at Zaanse Schans which I enjoyed very much, they were big and graceful by the water, we strolled by them and climbed the inside of one... I was never so aware of my fear of heights. Afterwards we visited Madurodom - a park of miniature buildings with details as wonderful as the originals... only 25times smaller. I had seen this place in the picture of his childhood, and while he was nostalgic, I enjoyed being a small part of that nostalgia, or future nostalgia the place would bring. I slept a little in the back of his car before we went, because I was so lethargic. The way home took a while, and we got lost somehow but made it back. I was so tired I lay down for a little, and got up to eat another home-cooked meal... I had never felt so welcomed or at home elsewhere. The place is such a sanctuary to me. We talked over dinner about constellations among other things. After walking Akita we attempted to watch more of Apocalypse now... I couldn't take it and went back to the room to retire after saying goodbye to his sister, Hester.
FRIDAY: He made me a sprinkle sandwich for breakfast and took me to the airport. We sat at Burger King until I got nervous enough to desperately want to at least get through the gate. And just like that, I was back in London... eating chocolate souffle with Dorothy in the spacious living room of her apartment.