(no subject)
so i'm incredibly depressed and this is going to be a droning post. so dont read it if you are not in the mood.
i fell like nothing is going right for me at the moment. i got into a huge fight with my mom on thursday and haven't spoke to her since. she is making me miserable all the time and i finally exploded at her. she always has to take small arguments and blow them up and make me feel like any conflict will cause her to have a heart attack. do you fucking know what its like living with constant fear and guilt that you are going to cause your mother to fucking keel over. i'm going out of my mind.
went to LA to see the liz's (big one was visiting) for the weekend, which was perfect and much needed as per my stupid family situation. anyway, that was fun, a little bittersweet but nice. went way too quickly. oh also realized i do not know where my pot card is.
got back and am realizing that i have overscheduled myself all week and will once again be away from home way too much. fucking hate that. i went straight from the plane($60 on parking, btw) to my LSAT class. going terribly by the way. i always know whats going on in the class, and then get home and do mediocre follow up work. i think i'm getting better though. anyway, then went to the 1st film fest movie i bought tickets too. alone of course, as no one would want to see the jewish film festival with me (i didnt ask anyone). the movie was somewhat interesting, yet i didnt feel at all connected with it and my mind was elsewhere.
come home and search apartment for stupid pot card. i may have left it in the bag i got for my mom, but i dont think so. anyway, it is nowhere to be found and so i have to go get another one. more money down the tubes. and my roommate is home (its her b-day today) with some loud ass friends watching a movie. i say hi and all, but not especailly nice since i am feeling like shit. anyway, go down and search the car for the card, no luck. atleast i cleaned out the car a little.
so now i'm here with my room that needs to be cleaned, and my dirty clothes and miserable mood. i feel like such an ass. other than the past shit, i've been having a great ass time, but i cant seem to focus on that right now. i am listening to old juliana theory and revisiting my more meloncholy periods. i think i may just be entering into one for the next while. i totally fucked up my nails, so there goes my manicure tomorrow. and i'm gonna miss my class because i said i'd work for matt since he covered 2 of my shifts this weekend. fuck, i am working every day until next monday. i am a slave to rent!!!!!!aww gainesville. i miss gainesville a lot. well, that time, not specifically that place. fucking getting older sucks. see, this is how my thoughts go, its like a damn progression of pessimism. anyway, i'm gonna go try to clean up.
i fell like nothing is going right for me at the moment. i got into a huge fight with my mom on thursday and haven't spoke to her since. she is making me miserable all the time and i finally exploded at her. she always has to take small arguments and blow them up and make me feel like any conflict will cause her to have a heart attack. do you fucking know what its like living with constant fear and guilt that you are going to cause your mother to fucking keel over. i'm going out of my mind.
went to LA to see the liz's (big one was visiting) for the weekend, which was perfect and much needed as per my stupid family situation. anyway, that was fun, a little bittersweet but nice. went way too quickly. oh also realized i do not know where my pot card is.
got back and am realizing that i have overscheduled myself all week and will once again be away from home way too much. fucking hate that. i went straight from the plane($60 on parking, btw) to my LSAT class. going terribly by the way. i always know whats going on in the class, and then get home and do mediocre follow up work. i think i'm getting better though. anyway, then went to the 1st film fest movie i bought tickets too. alone of course, as no one would want to see the jewish film festival with me (i didnt ask anyone). the movie was somewhat interesting, yet i didnt feel at all connected with it and my mind was elsewhere.
come home and search apartment for stupid pot card. i may have left it in the bag i got for my mom, but i dont think so. anyway, it is nowhere to be found and so i have to go get another one. more money down the tubes. and my roommate is home (its her b-day today) with some loud ass friends watching a movie. i say hi and all, but not especailly nice since i am feeling like shit. anyway, go down and search the car for the card, no luck. atleast i cleaned out the car a little.
so now i'm here with my room that needs to be cleaned, and my dirty clothes and miserable mood. i feel like such an ass. other than the past shit, i've been having a great ass time, but i cant seem to focus on that right now. i am listening to old juliana theory and revisiting my more meloncholy periods. i think i may just be entering into one for the next while. i totally fucked up my nails, so there goes my manicure tomorrow. and i'm gonna miss my class because i said i'd work for matt since he covered 2 of my shifts this weekend. fuck, i am working every day until next monday. i am a slave to rent!!!!!!aww gainesville. i miss gainesville a lot. well, that time, not specifically that place. fucking getting older sucks. see, this is how my thoughts go, its like a damn progression of pessimism. anyway, i'm gonna go try to clean up.