(no subject)
I didn't want to post this, but it's starting to hurt me more and more each day.
Last weekend, my Uncle Andy was rushed to the ER in Florida because he passed out when his wife picked him up. He recently got a new job there and was planning to uproot himself, my aunt, and my cousins all to Florida.
What happened was he complained about headaches for 2 weeks and that brought my Aunt Kim and the kids down to check up on him. When they got there, he was still complaining so Kim was going to take him to the doctors. As soon as he got into her car he suffered a stroke and passed out. Last Sunday morning, he woke up, not remembering anything of recent news. All he could recall was information from 20 years ago. As the week went on, he started remembering the kids, but that's as far as it's gone.
On Thanksgiving, or around it, the doctors discovered that he was into Stage 4 cancer, which my Aunt Kath (Andy and my dad's sister) said was not good at all. He has it all over his body. Kim sent the kids back home with some family friends this past weekend while she's staying down in Florida with him.
My dad, right now, is driving Kath and her husband, along with my Grandpa, down to Indianapolis so they can catch a flight to Florida. My Aunt Theresa (the other sister) is flying to Florida from Scotland to see Andy, as well.
Apparently, they don't think he's going to make it to Christmas. I don't want to celebrate the holidays if Andy's not going to be around. He was always the funny man at Kath's on Christmas Eve. Cracking jokes on everyone. It just won't be the same.
I swear to God, there must be some kind of family curse, because we always have family die around this holiday. The last one who passed was my mom's dad in February of '00. Five days prior to my sister's 19th birthday. Papa and my sister were really close. He was like a dad to her. I remember her taking the news the day that he died. I never wanted to see her cry again. She's not an emotional person and it really killed me see her so sad.
And two months before that, the week right before Christmas of '99, my great-grandma passed away. It was Papa's mother. My mom thinks that the stress from dealing with her death led to Papa's death.
Shit like this, with my 46 year old uncle dying, makes me KNOW there is NO SUCH THING AS A FUCKING GOD. Bible thumpers can burn for their beliefs, but if there was such a being, why wouldn't he let my Grandpa pass before the youngest of four kids did????!! Or better yet, why not kill someone who wants to die anyway, over someone who just got a new job and had his life planned out?
I would give my life to save Andy's, anyday. This isn't fair at all. I want to be gone, dead, I don't care a damn about life. But no, there's something making me live miserably while everyone I love, who deserves to live, has to die. Where's the fucking equality in that?!
I can't stop crying. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for his survival, because praying won't do a damn thing. Fuck you GOD. You don't exist to me ANYMORE. What you're doing is bullshit. I would much rather burn the Bible in front of the Pope than ever hear your FUCKING name again!
Last weekend, my Uncle Andy was rushed to the ER in Florida because he passed out when his wife picked him up. He recently got a new job there and was planning to uproot himself, my aunt, and my cousins all to Florida.
What happened was he complained about headaches for 2 weeks and that brought my Aunt Kim and the kids down to check up on him. When they got there, he was still complaining so Kim was going to take him to the doctors. As soon as he got into her car he suffered a stroke and passed out. Last Sunday morning, he woke up, not remembering anything of recent news. All he could recall was information from 20 years ago. As the week went on, he started remembering the kids, but that's as far as it's gone.
On Thanksgiving, or around it, the doctors discovered that he was into Stage 4 cancer, which my Aunt Kath (Andy and my dad's sister) said was not good at all. He has it all over his body. Kim sent the kids back home with some family friends this past weekend while she's staying down in Florida with him.
My dad, right now, is driving Kath and her husband, along with my Grandpa, down to Indianapolis so they can catch a flight to Florida. My Aunt Theresa (the other sister) is flying to Florida from Scotland to see Andy, as well.
Apparently, they don't think he's going to make it to Christmas. I don't want to celebrate the holidays if Andy's not going to be around. He was always the funny man at Kath's on Christmas Eve. Cracking jokes on everyone. It just won't be the same.
I swear to God, there must be some kind of family curse, because we always have family die around this holiday. The last one who passed was my mom's dad in February of '00. Five days prior to my sister's 19th birthday. Papa and my sister were really close. He was like a dad to her. I remember her taking the news the day that he died. I never wanted to see her cry again. She's not an emotional person and it really killed me see her so sad.
And two months before that, the week right before Christmas of '99, my great-grandma passed away. It was Papa's mother. My mom thinks that the stress from dealing with her death led to Papa's death.
Shit like this, with my 46 year old uncle dying, makes me KNOW there is NO SUCH THING AS A FUCKING GOD. Bible thumpers can burn for their beliefs, but if there was such a being, why wouldn't he let my Grandpa pass before the youngest of four kids did????!! Or better yet, why not kill someone who wants to die anyway, over someone who just got a new job and had his life planned out?
I would give my life to save Andy's, anyday. This isn't fair at all. I want to be gone, dead, I don't care a damn about life. But no, there's something making me live miserably while everyone I love, who deserves to live, has to die. Where's the fucking equality in that?!
I can't stop crying. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for his survival, because praying won't do a damn thing. Fuck you GOD. You don't exist to me ANYMORE. What you're doing is bullshit. I would much rather burn the Bible in front of the Pope than ever hear your FUCKING name again!