I wanna get fucked up
I have these battles with myself. I want to get high. I want to get REALLY REALLY high and not feel, since everything that I touch feels like nails on my skin. But then, I think about it. And it isnt quite the best idea I could have.
I feel like an open wound. EVERYTHING shoots this seering pain through me. I hear thoughts and feel feelings of others...and they hurt me.
There is only a couple of things that turns it off, one is to get high, the other is sex. If I could just shut it off. Take it away, for a while at least. If I could just be in a room with one person...completly intertwined with that person, that works too. But just for a little while. I am just a slut...from the outside, but when I can be FOCUSED on ONE PERSON...it silences everything else. Slutty or not, it is better than being high all the time.
Why me? Exposed. Alone. Sensitive to everything. Afraid to sleep. What am I going to do? Insanitiy is an option. Suicide sounds good but selfish, I do have my little one. But this wont stop. What am I going to do? I can take it when things are going well for me, but when things are bad. The pressure of it all, is too much.
I need to be warm and safe, and I am not.
I am cold and alone for the night. I just need some silence, just for a little while....just a little while....
I feel like an open wound. EVERYTHING shoots this seering pain through me. I hear thoughts and feel feelings of others...and they hurt me.
There is only a couple of things that turns it off, one is to get high, the other is sex. If I could just shut it off. Take it away, for a while at least. If I could just be in a room with one person...completly intertwined with that person, that works too. But just for a little while. I am just a slut...from the outside, but when I can be FOCUSED on ONE PERSON...it silences everything else. Slutty or not, it is better than being high all the time.
Why me? Exposed. Alone. Sensitive to everything. Afraid to sleep. What am I going to do? Insanitiy is an option. Suicide sounds good but selfish, I do have my little one. But this wont stop. What am I going to do? I can take it when things are going well for me, but when things are bad. The pressure of it all, is too much.
I need to be warm and safe, and I am not.
I am cold and alone for the night. I just need some silence, just for a little while....just a little while....