ridiculous
i should be working on my research paper, but i really just need to sort out my thoughts and destress in a more personal and productive way. i want to get back into writing in this journal more. i feel like it would really help me and not feel so... lost.
lately, i don't even know who i am anymore. i'm so freakin' disoriented and just... caught up in school. the only thoughts that circulate in my head on a regular basis are: ahh fuck a drawing or omg how the hell did they come up with that answer?? or even wow, i should really pay attention during lecture. this semester is just really bad. i work 20+ hours on a single drawing only to get a B+. i'm too caught up with studio to even begin to comprehend whats going on in my other classes which means instant failure. i got a D on my physics midterm. i shouldn't be freaking out since i failed my first math midterm last semester, but i honestly don't think i can bring my grade back up. i don't understand a single thing. arch 170a is just ridiculous. i don't think i've ever stayed awake for a single lecture. AHHHH.
i'm going crazy, i swear. i've only just realized how hard berkeley is. before, i always thought it was just my fault that i wasn't studying enough, but now ... i honestly don't think i'm capable of learning certain things. i don't know what's wrong with me. it's like i forgot to study. i forgot how to learn. i am soo academically depressed. everytime i think about school, i get super emo. i can't even function. i'm so scared for the end of the semester. i just want to get this shit over with. i want to get berkeley over with. i'm totally not cut out for this. i'm not smart enough and too lazy. bahh. i hate my life.
lately, i don't even know who i am anymore. i'm so freakin' disoriented and just... caught up in school. the only thoughts that circulate in my head on a regular basis are: ahh fuck a drawing or omg how the hell did they come up with that answer?? or even wow, i should really pay attention during lecture. this semester is just really bad. i work 20+ hours on a single drawing only to get a B+. i'm too caught up with studio to even begin to comprehend whats going on in my other classes which means instant failure. i got a D on my physics midterm. i shouldn't be freaking out since i failed my first math midterm last semester, but i honestly don't think i can bring my grade back up. i don't understand a single thing. arch 170a is just ridiculous. i don't think i've ever stayed awake for a single lecture. AHHHH.
i'm going crazy, i swear. i've only just realized how hard berkeley is. before, i always thought it was just my fault that i wasn't studying enough, but now ... i honestly don't think i'm capable of learning certain things. i don't know what's wrong with me. it's like i forgot to study. i forgot how to learn. i am soo academically depressed. everytime i think about school, i get super emo. i can't even function. i'm so scared for the end of the semester. i just want to get this shit over with. i want to get berkeley over with. i'm totally not cut out for this. i'm not smart enough and too lazy. bahh. i hate my life.