(no subject)
need to rant rant rant.
cant get this off my chest to anyone at the moment,would like to tell stuart but shes his fucking mate and it kinda includes him and yeah people that know him can read this but what ever i dont caaaaare right now just need to tell anyone cos its pissing me off.
its that charlotte girl...the one that told stuart not to date me and i got really upset about it and it pissed me off because she didnt know me,made no effort to know me and had never spoken to me before and was basically talking shit.
well she was at the pub on sunday night and i was there with poops and stuart.I didnt really talk to anyone except dan,poops and stuart all night cos i dont really talk to the rest of them,feel uncomfortable.And cos i was feeling uncomfortable i was being a boring piece of shit and went all old charlotte style,the charlotte that stares into her bloody glass and wont move from her seat,i kept telling stuart not to be so loud (which i just said sorry for cos i was boring) but yeah anyway theres me feeling all nervous like i was back in secondary school or something when stuart,poops and dan decide to go shop,well it was freezing out so i didnt go.I thought i would cope with being on my own and i was,sitting there with my drink tapping my foot and staring at the bottom of my glass,then charlotte comes over.I dont know what she was thinking,whether she felt sorry for me cos i was alone or cos shes stuarts mate and im his gf therefore thinks she must be nice,but she sat down and started talking.Well this here pleb doesnt look up and act like a fucking mouse.I was polite,i smiled when she said something nice but i barely spoke.She was asking all the questions if you know what i mean.She said that Staurt always has photos of me and him and that we look cute.She said we never really spoke and that she wanted to introduce herself and the whole time she was talking all i could think of was how pathetic it all was.How much i wished she would leave me alone,just 'fuck off back to your table,leave me in peace' i thought.She did in the end.
Shit i was so nervous sitting next to her.Its pathetic,it really is.I should be angry,and when i talk about it i sound angry but in my head im just like nervous and upset about the whole situation.I wish I had more confidence,i just know far too well what its like to be ridiculed in public,in front of my mates and boyfriend,and id do anything to avoid it.
On top of my already nervous and shy state i started getting jealous.Me,Dan and Poops were on the sofa so Stuart had to go sit on a chair near the others and charlotte.And they started talking,and he had this big grin on his face and laughed and i felt so stupid,started wondering why i was there and all.Cause he really liked her,i felt like second best,like he'd settled for runner up.And she was talking into his ear then he leaned over the table cos he couldnt hear her and had his hand on her shoulder and she was holding his head ot talk to him.. and i just felt like this girl on the side.I really didnt want to feel like that not right then.And i want to tell stuart why i was so nervous,that charlotte made me feel awkward.but everytime i try to talk to him about it,it just comes out as being angry and bitching.Jesus i felt like i was back in secondary school,like id walked back into the lunch room and could see all my mates but they were sitting with her and i get so scared of her makin a comment or looking at me that i dont even eat,i just go to the toilest and sit there for like half an hour.Thats how nervous i felt.
I feel pathetic right now.
cant get this off my chest to anyone at the moment,would like to tell stuart but shes his fucking mate and it kinda includes him and yeah people that know him can read this but what ever i dont caaaaare right now just need to tell anyone cos its pissing me off.
its that charlotte girl...the one that told stuart not to date me and i got really upset about it and it pissed me off because she didnt know me,made no effort to know me and had never spoken to me before and was basically talking shit.
well she was at the pub on sunday night and i was there with poops and stuart.I didnt really talk to anyone except dan,poops and stuart all night cos i dont really talk to the rest of them,feel uncomfortable.And cos i was feeling uncomfortable i was being a boring piece of shit and went all old charlotte style,the charlotte that stares into her bloody glass and wont move from her seat,i kept telling stuart not to be so loud (which i just said sorry for cos i was boring) but yeah anyway theres me feeling all nervous like i was back in secondary school or something when stuart,poops and dan decide to go shop,well it was freezing out so i didnt go.I thought i would cope with being on my own and i was,sitting there with my drink tapping my foot and staring at the bottom of my glass,then charlotte comes over.I dont know what she was thinking,whether she felt sorry for me cos i was alone or cos shes stuarts mate and im his gf therefore thinks she must be nice,but she sat down and started talking.Well this here pleb doesnt look up and act like a fucking mouse.I was polite,i smiled when she said something nice but i barely spoke.She was asking all the questions if you know what i mean.She said that Staurt always has photos of me and him and that we look cute.She said we never really spoke and that she wanted to introduce herself and the whole time she was talking all i could think of was how pathetic it all was.How much i wished she would leave me alone,just 'fuck off back to your table,leave me in peace' i thought.She did in the end.
Shit i was so nervous sitting next to her.Its pathetic,it really is.I should be angry,and when i talk about it i sound angry but in my head im just like nervous and upset about the whole situation.I wish I had more confidence,i just know far too well what its like to be ridiculed in public,in front of my mates and boyfriend,and id do anything to avoid it.
On top of my already nervous and shy state i started getting jealous.Me,Dan and Poops were on the sofa so Stuart had to go sit on a chair near the others and charlotte.And they started talking,and he had this big grin on his face and laughed and i felt so stupid,started wondering why i was there and all.Cause he really liked her,i felt like second best,like he'd settled for runner up.And she was talking into his ear then he leaned over the table cos he couldnt hear her and had his hand on her shoulder and she was holding his head ot talk to him.. and i just felt like this girl on the side.I really didnt want to feel like that not right then.And i want to tell stuart why i was so nervous,that charlotte made me feel awkward.but everytime i try to talk to him about it,it just comes out as being angry and bitching.Jesus i felt like i was back in secondary school,like id walked back into the lunch room and could see all my mates but they were sitting with her and i get so scared of her makin a comment or looking at me that i dont even eat,i just go to the toilest and sit there for like half an hour.Thats how nervous i felt.
I feel pathetic right now.