Baby Got Back...
Many people have told me that life is about setting yourself challenges, setting goals that will take you outside your otherwise boring life and make you just that little bit uncomfortable, for a larger reward and a warm and fuzzy sense of accomplishment.
I'll be the first to admit that when I have my mind set on a particular goal, I will obsessively, sometimes illogically and pretty much always irrationally pursue it by every means possible, berating myself for every failure along the way. At present, that goal is getting my body to look the way it was. A goal which has me completely frustrated, stuck on 70.05kgs (after losing 5kgs), a figure which plagues me daily, because it means i'm overweight by the BMI standards... which means nothing really... But when I look in the mirror i'm inclined to agree. I do not see the person I wish to see, the figure i'd like to have.
I think it's life's way of saying... "Hey, you're an idiot for EVER thinking you were fat, you should've appreciated it, you looked fantastic... because now you're bigger than you've ever been and you KNOW it.. you fit none of your clothes because of your arse and your thighs"... Well life, karma... you did show me. And now I don't know what to do. I've finally got my mental confidence up, my brain sorted and I just don't like what I see.
I'm faced with giving up my goal.. giving up my challenge i've set and accepting the way I look.. I find it ironic that I have to disappoint myself, to achieve some sort of mental happiness in order to quit complaining about it. My friends tell me I look fine and just 'buy new clothes', but it just seems like they're telling me to give up too. Probably just so i'll just shut up about it.
Oh well. I have until Christmas. And then my December pay is being spent on presents and a whole new wardrobe in the Boxing Day Sales.
I'll be the first to admit that when I have my mind set on a particular goal, I will obsessively, sometimes illogically and pretty much always irrationally pursue it by every means possible, berating myself for every failure along the way. At present, that goal is getting my body to look the way it was. A goal which has me completely frustrated, stuck on 70.05kgs (after losing 5kgs), a figure which plagues me daily, because it means i'm overweight by the BMI standards... which means nothing really... But when I look in the mirror i'm inclined to agree. I do not see the person I wish to see, the figure i'd like to have.
I think it's life's way of saying... "Hey, you're an idiot for EVER thinking you were fat, you should've appreciated it, you looked fantastic... because now you're bigger than you've ever been and you KNOW it.. you fit none of your clothes because of your arse and your thighs"... Well life, karma... you did show me. And now I don't know what to do. I've finally got my mental confidence up, my brain sorted and I just don't like what I see.
I'm faced with giving up my goal.. giving up my challenge i've set and accepting the way I look.. I find it ironic that I have to disappoint myself, to achieve some sort of mental happiness in order to quit complaining about it. My friends tell me I look fine and just 'buy new clothes', but it just seems like they're telling me to give up too. Probably just so i'll just shut up about it.
Oh well. I have until Christmas. And then my December pay is being spent on presents and a whole new wardrobe in the Boxing Day Sales.