Siren [2Jae Oneshot 1/2]
Originally written for 7fics, a blog on tumblr dedicated to filling got7 fic prompts. Go check it out!
A/N: Prompt was AU with Youngjae as a siren. Warning: suicidal thoughts
Important Note: Regarding sirens, I know there are many who visualize them as either looking completely human, looking similar to a mermaid/merman, or as spirits with no definite form. However, in Greek mythology, sirens are actually part bird, usually with wings and even bird legs and talons. I decided to take the liberty of making the sirens in my story have wings but not the lower bird body, so besides wings their anatomy is human.
It was remarkable how perceptions can altered so drastically by a singular event.
The sea breeze was no longer comforting; it stung, literally salt on an open wound. Jaebum shivered, trying to find comfort from the mild weather and warm sun but all he could focus on was not giving in to the fear, the cold dread that would slowly creep up on him as soon as he started to forget, his unconscious unwilling to let him move on and as soon as he remembered the terror would hit him like a typhoon.
And then the guilt always followed. Honestly, it was even worse than the fear. The fear, at least, would ease as soon as he returned to solid land. The guilt, however, was unrelenting, constantly gnawing at him from the inside out. His heart would twist, stomach heave, breathing become difficult.
Even now his breath was quickening, jaw tight as he squeezed his eyes shut, one scene replaying in his mind repeatedly. It wasn’t a scene he was there to see personally, but that only meant Jaebum spent his days recreating every single scenario that could have played out. Every way it could have happened. May have happened.
He knew it was useless. He knew he was torturing himself. He knew, rationally, that what he had was survivor’s guilt, and that it wasn’t his fault he got lucky. He knew his family wouldn’t want him to be like this, and that he should move on. And maybe he could have, if he went far away from the ocean, to a place where he could start all over and where memories couldn’t haunt him.
But here he was, on a boat, again, floating aimlessly on what now he could only see as a mass grave. Because that’s all he’s ever known.
He owed it to his family, at least, to try to move on. Which was why he was here, on this one week long “self-healing” boating trip. A euphemism, really, that he’d used to convince his concerned friends. Jinyoung had been especially against it, but Jaebum was stubborn and had insisted. What it really was, though, was a trip in which he would see if he could stop feeling so damn depressed all the time and if not, might was well throw himself overboard too because let’s face it, what use was he to the world anyways? Might as well feed the fishes.
And now it was decision day, day seven of his trip. Would he return to an empty home where he had nothing left, or would he be a coward, take the easy way out? It would be so easy to tie something heavy to his foot and plunge in…
The flowing, blue water underneath him seemed to be mocking him and Jaebum stared at it soullessly, mind in turmoil.
Jaebum didn’t notice when it began - he didn’t really notice much nowadays - but suddenly, he could hear a faint melody being carried by the breeze. As tuned his ear to it, it grew stronger, louder, clearer. It was something unlike anything he’d ever heard before, exotic and alluring.
Before long it was clear it was only one voice, yet somehow there seemed to be harmonies, chords and arpeggios that enriched the melody. There were no words to the song, or perhaps Jaebum just didn’t understand the language, but it stirred something deep inside him. The melody was eerie and haunting, almost dangerous with its sorrow and yet it also pulled at him, beckoning him closer. An ache anchored in his heart, an ache that could only be soothed by hearing more.
The melody grew stronger, guided by a voice crystal clear yet swelling with depth. It was ethereal and Jaebum was fixated on it, caught in a trance as his body moved without instruction. His mind was detached entirely from his body, immersed in the lapping waves of the song.
While Jaebum wasn’t aware, his boat was no longer floating, but gently landed on the beach of a small island. He was stepping out of his boat, steps slow as the song engulfed him, carrying him along in its currents. The full force of the longing finally hit Jaebum, the beautifully tragic melody both the cause and the solution.
And then it stopped.
The feeling was akin to being ripped from a vivid dream, initial disorientation and confusion followed by an immediate influx of sensations. Jaebum stumbled, and almost fell again when he looked up.
He was in heaven and that was an angel.
That was the first thing that crossed Jaebum’s mind as he took in the man standing him front of him, only managing to process the ethereal glow that emanated from his figure and the giant, fluttering wings sprouting from his back. But even as Jaebum was coming to his senses, the glow was dimming and his eyes took in the splotches of red on one wing.
His mind finally caught up with his body and his last memories hit him full force.
Siren.
Jaebum screamed, clapping his hands over his ears as he ran away, stumbling back the way he came. He continued to scream even while running, fear pumping in his veins and his heart pounding in order to try to keep up. He didn’t dare look back, sure the beautiful monster would be right on his tail.
It wasn’t until Jaebum was far, far away from the island that he finally allowed himself to breathe.
Far, far away, with the remnants of the haunting song still ringing in his ears.
~~
Jaebum couldn’t forget the siren.
It was a week later, and Jaebum found himself constantly zoning out, mind wandering to what had happened.
Why had he let him go? Jaebum knew that the siren had had him. But why had he stopped singing? And why was he on that island to begin with? The moment he had returned home he’d searched a map, locating the tiny island he’d stumbled upon. It was far from the sirens’ cliffs sailors knew to avoid. Were they perhaps migrating?
But that was ridiculous. Despite how lenient the rules were, the Treaty was still in place. It was a fragile treaty that greatly favored the magical, yes; even with benefits the magical beings were often the ones pushing the boundaries. However, such an outright violation was rare. The world had just recently settled into a more peaceful time between human and supernatural, and it seemed ludicrous that one single siren would try to upset the balance.
And what was ironic was the fact that the siren had probably saved his life, which Jaebum found incredibly disturbing as well. He’d been nearly ready to give up his life, so why had he clung so desperately to it when faced with the opportunity to be granted death? Did he, in fact, want to live?
It didn’t help that he couldn’t get the siren’s song out of his head, the beautiful voice coupled with the haunting tune nearly driving him out of his mind.
And so Jaebum decided he was either one: certifiably insane or two: really had a death wish when he found himself on his boat again, headed to the same tiny island.
He didn’t even know why he was going. Curiosity, maybe. Or a sick desire to risk his life and actually end his existence. Jaebum didn’t know. He did bring earplugs this time, however, though he knew their protection would be minimal if he was to approach the siren directly. Even if the Treaty forbade murder especially between species, who would ever know?
Almost too quickly, Jaebum found himself on that same island, cautiously walking up the sandy banks. His heart began to thump, adrenaline boosting his jumpiness as he left the water behind and approached the wooded part of the island.
I can still make you hear me if you plug your ears, you know.
Jaebum whirled around and immediately found himself face to face with the same siren from before. He was perched on a rock, wearing an amused expression and almost giggling. Jaebum, on the other hand, froze, and it took all of his willpower to not run in the opposite direction. He had heard the siren’s voice in his head!
The siren looked fascinated as his eyes swept Jaebum from head to toe, head cocked in curiosity.
Why did you come back?
“Why did you not kill me when I was here the first time?” Jaebum shot back, gritting his teeth as he put on a brave face.
The siren suddenly looked embarrassed, looking away.
I…I was surprised.
“What?” Jaebum asked bluntly.
I…Usually when we sing the ships crash against the cliffs and then we fly down to retrieve the souls. I forgot there were no cliffs.
The siren began staring at Jaebum curiously again, while rage bubbled up inside Jaebum.
You’re the first human I’ve seen alive.
“You’re a murderer!” Jaebum yelled angrily. “How can you even say that so calmly? You lure people in with your filthy magic and then suck out their souls?! You’re a monster!”
Now the siren looked confused.
What are you talking about? We’re helping you! You poor humans, living such a difficult life. We don’t eat your souls, we free the poor things.
“You kill people! How is that saving them?!”
The siren furrowed his brow, looking slightly taken aback. However, it didn’t take long for the dazzling smile to return.
Well, yes I suppose we do kill. But isn’t it a good thing, to be freed from the burdens of this world? Our songs are beautiful, yes, but they aren’t happy, are they? We take the emotions, the essence from the souls and they are the magic that flow through our songs. The souls are then free, released to the air and wind and sky.
Jaebum looked appalled.
“And who are you to make that decision for us? To say our lives aren’t worth living, that we need to be ‘freed’ against our will?” Jaebum’s fear had all but disappeared at this point, fury being the only emotion he could feel.
The siren had the nerve to giggle.
That last time, you were considering jumping overboard, weren’t you? Isn’t that proof enough?
“I…” Jaebum tried to rebut, but struggled to come up with a response.
See? The siren grinned, eyes crinkling in such an angelic way Jaebum wanted to puke.
“It’s about choice!” Jaebum finally exclaimed. “If I choose to jump, it’s my choice! You guys aren’t gods, or angels, who gave you the right to decide?!”
The siren looked surprised.
Why are you so bent on living, or having the choice to? You are miserable, aren’t you? What’s worth living for anyways?
Jaebum opened his mouth to answer, but then realized he had no response. He spluttered for a moment. The siren pursed his lips.
And don’t say love. It’s like our songs; beautiful but ultimately haunting. You humans are so pitiable in that way. You’ve heard the longing in our song? That emotion is the strongest; for whatever reason, you humans are born with an instinctive need to search for it, to be accepted, cared for. The longing drives you mad but loss is a part of life, whether in death or in another form. It’s useless to fight or fear what is natural, but your species is constantly attempting to defy death. Only acceptance can ease pain.
A gentle, persuasive smile now formed on the siren’s lips.
Just take out those earplugs. Come to me. I can ease your pain and give you release.
Even hearing the words in his head was compelling to Jaebum, but it was nothing compared to the sheer mind control of the siren’s vocalized song.
“No.” Jaebum gritted out.
The siren tilted his head, looking genuinely curious.
Why? What makes living worth it? Weren’t you so keen to move on before?
Jaebum stared at the siren silently as he questioned himself. The siren waited patiently, unflinching from Jaebum’s eyes boring into his own.
“I think it’s you that should be pitiable.” Jaebum began slowly. The siren raised an eyebrow, eyes wide with intrigue.
“Yes. There is a longing. I long for my parents and baby sister to come back to me. I long for time to turn back, so I could convince my parents not to take the ship out that day because we knew the weather would be bad, so I could tell them I love them because I could never say it before. Yes, it hurts. But it is better to have loved and felt and end up hurt than never feeling anything at all. Your existence is a meaningless one, an empty one. Even now, as I’m staring at your face, you can look amused, but your eyes are empty. You should be pitied, not me.”
The siren’s brow furrowed as he contemplated what Jaebum said.
……so you’re saying my emotions aren’t real?
Jaebum gaped, speechless for a good few seconds.
“Is that all you got out of everything I said?!”
The siren giggled and Jaebum felt the urge to punch something.
I just don’t get it. Why would you want to feel hurt?
Jaebum’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly a couple of times before he rubbed his eyes tiredly.
“What am I even doing. I’m arguing about love with a siren who wants to kill me and eat my soul. I’m a moron.” He looked back at the siren, defeated. “I’m not gonna let you suck out my soul or whatever, so can you just leave and go back to the cliffs where you belong? You can sing to your heart’s content there, whoever wanders close enough probably deserves to die from their sheer stupidity anyways.”
The siren looked sheepish.
I…can’t. I got caught up in storm a couple weeks ago and it blew me here, and my wing is messed up…
Jaebum swallowed uncomfortably at the mention of the storm; most likely it was the same one his family got swept up in. However, he was quickly drawn out of his thoughts when the siren extended his wings for emphasis. Jaebum immediately grimaced at the sight; he had no idea how he didn’t notice before, but the right wing was clearly bent at an awkward angle and brown, crusty dried blood marred the gray feathers.
“Aren’t you magical or whatever? Can’t you heal yourself or something? You’re obviously not in terrible pain, so…”
The siren rolled his eyes.
Yes. But a couple of bones are dislocated; I can’t reach it to push them back into place. It’ll fix itself eventually, but it’ll take a lot longer than usual.
“How long?” Jaebum asked suspiciously.
The siren shrugged.
A couple more months probably.
“A couple months?! That’s too long!”
Although this small island was obviously deserted, it wasn’t too far away from the route many ships would take to reach nearby ports. Even if Jaebum warned those in his village to temporarily avoid this area, many would still probably fall victim to this siren’s song.
Theoretically, the siren wasn’t allowed to lure any sailors here because he was not within the designated area set aside for his brethren by the Treaty. However, Jaebum didn’t trust this siren one bit, and the government always acted more favorably towards the magic folk anyways - they were much stronger, first off, and so the government avoided antagonizing them at all costs. The fact that they’d agreed to sign a treaty to begin with was a huge victory for the humans.
Jaebum mulled over his options before ruffling his hair with both hands messily in frustration, letting out a growl.
“How long if the bones are snapped back into place?”
The siren flexed his wings again, expression thoughtful.
Probably a week. Why?
Jaebum grunted, mind working quickly but unable to come up with any other options.
“If I…help you, could you hold off singing for a week?”
The siren puffed out his cheeks as he considered Jaebum’s offer. Jaebum was still baffled at how such an angelic looking creature could be soul-sucking killer.
I have another condition.
The siren was smirking mischievously now, and Jaebum fought the urge to gulp.
You have to keep me company this entire week! It’s going to be so boring if I can’t sing, and you’re the first and only human I’ve ever met! You’ve said some interesting things, I want to learn more!
The siren actually looked earnest in his curiosity, eyes literally sparkling.
“I…” Jaebum racked his brain for reasons to say no. He had enough provisions to last him three days for sure, but he also had his fishing gear so surviving a week shouldn’t be a problem…
“Fine. Fine fine fine.” Jaebum finally conceded and immediately regretted it, grimacing as the siren turned around to fully show off his damaged wing.
My name is Youngjae, by the way.
PART 2