Why They Call It Falling - Part 2
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot (AU)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When a group of Vulcans on a cultural exchange move in downstairs, Jim's friends bet him he can't seduce one of them. The last thing Jim expects is to fall in love, but Vulcan culture is strict, and he and Spock will have to battle many trials before they can reach their happy ending. Based on the film Latter Days.
Words: ~4900/24000
Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, past minor character death, homophobia, parental disapproval, attempted suicide
Even with their inopportune soaking, Spock cannot bring himself to regret asking Jim to come with him to look at the ocean. It was a somewhat spur-of-the-moment decision, but the knowledge he gained from Jim, and of Jim, reassures him that it was the right one. Jim is utterly unlike anyone Spock has previously encountered, but he is learning that that is not necessarily a bad thing. Jim is clearly intelligent, if somewhat overzealous, and he treats Spock with an easy affection that has been lacking in his life up until now.
Spock still spends most of his time with his fellow Vulcans, exploring, learning, and generally interacting with humans, but he makes sure to carve out a small amount of time for Jim, even if it is as simple as asking how his day has gone. (He reasons that it is a useful opportunity to practice the human art of 'small talk', and says as much to Stonn when he comments on Spock's attention to the human.) Jim is always willing to talk, and more than once suggests another trip out, to show Spock some more of the city. His easy warmth is difficult to resist, and Spock cannot help but admit he has become quite attached. He suspects it will be difficult to leave Jim when it becomes time to return home.
But just as Spock is beginning to develop a genuine affection for Jim, events conspire to show him a different side of his human companion.
* * * * *
Jim has always enjoyed tinkering with things. When he was six he took apart his child's PADD to see how it worked. Unfortunately he hadn't quite mastered putting it back together, and his mother was not happy. The part he remembers best, though, is after she calmed down, when she sat with him and helped him to fix it. It's still one of his happiest memories.
Right now he's in a garage behind their apartment building, working on restoring an old hoverbike he bought from a guy in one of his classes. It's in semi-decent condition, but it needs a good cleaning and several of the parts are worn out and need to be replaced. Jim's been working on it for a few weeks now, in his free time, and he's making good progress.
He's adjusting the power cell when his screwdriver slips and tears through his jeans and into his leg. Jim stares blankly at the wound for a moment, watching blood begin to pour out, before the pain hits him and he swears and bursts into action.
He tears off his overshirt and turns it inside out before pressing it to the wound on his thigh. He has medical supplies in his apartment - the amount of scrapes he gets into it's just easier to fix himself up most of the time - but first he's going to have to get there.
Keeping the shirt pressed to his leg like a compress, dressed only in jeans and an undershirt, he stands and makes his way out of the garage towards the apartment block.
He is about twenty feet from the doorway when the door opens and Spock steps out. "Jim," he greets, before his gaze falls to Jim's leg and he frowns. "You are injured."
"Yeah," Jim agrees. "Caught myself with a screwdriver."
Spock raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment. Jim is oddly grateful for that. Bones would be calling him an idiot by now. "Are you in need of medical assistance?"
Jim shakes his head. "I'll be fine. It's not that deep." A sudden swell of pain makes him gasp. "But do you think maybe you could help me up to my apartment?"
Spock nods, then takes his arm and begins leading him inside. Jim manages to keep his surprise from showing on his face, but the significance of the action isn't lost on him. Spock doesn't like to touch, and usually avoids any contact with Jim. He's certainly never initiated it.
Maybe I'm just that pathetic right now, he muses wryly. Still, he isn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. If this is what it takes for Spock to touch him, he's prepared to go with it.
Spock accompanies him up to his apartment, and then inside. "Is your roommate home?" he asks, as Jim lowers himself into a chair in the kitchen.
"Nah," Jim replies, shaking his head. "She's off on some track meet for the Academy running team." He braces himself, then pulls the shirt away from his leg to inspect the damage. Fresh blood flows from the wound, adding to the hand-sized patch on his pants. "Dammit," he says. "I liked these jeans."
"Are you certain you do not need medical attention?" Spock asks, a definite note of concern in his voice.
"Yeah," Jim replies. "Trust me; it looks worse than it is." He waves a hand vaguely behind him. "There's a regenerator in the bathroom. Could you get it?"
Spock doesn't look convinced, but obediently goes to fetch the regenerator. Jim takes the opportunity to - carefully - slide his jeans down enough to get a proper look at his leg. The gash is bleeding steadily, but he stands by his original assertion that it's not that deep. Good thing, too, because he hates hospitals.
Spock reappears with the device and places it on the table within Jim's reach. Even with the situation the way it is Jim doesn't miss the way Spock's gaze falls on his bare thighs and then flickers away as if in embarrassment. Fascinating.
Still, right now he has other things to think about. With a practiced hand, he runs the regenerator over the wound, once to sterilise and then again to seal. It takes three passes of the sealer for the injury to fully disappear, but Jim's learned not to worry unless he goes past five.
"There, see?" he says, glancing up at Spock. "Told you I could handle it." He looks down at his leg and wrinkles his nose. "I'm just going to take a shower and wash all this blood off. Thanks for your help."
He stands up to pull up his jeans, and has to grab the table as a wave of dizziness washes over him. "Whoa."
He feels Spock's hand on his elbow, steadying him. "Perhaps you should lie down," he suggests.
"Yeah," Jim agrees, not even bothering to argue. "Help me into the bedroom?"
By the time he's settled horizontal on the bed, he's feeling a lot better. He realises his jeans are still at half-mast and blushes as he pulls them up.
"Are you feeling better?" Spock asks.
Jim nods. "Yeah. Thanks."
Spock hovers by the side of the bed, looking vaguely awkward. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Jim looks up into his face, filled with barely visible concern, and finds himself blurting out, "Would you just sit with me for a while?"
Spock raises an eyebrow, then nods slowly. "That would be acceptable."
"You don't have anywhere else to be?" Jim asks.
"Nothing of importance." Spock looks around, probably for a chair, and gives Jim a dubious look when he shifts over and pats the bed beside him. Jim gives him his best 'puppy-dog eyes' and Spock relents.
It's… nice, in a way, being close like this. Jim can't even remember the last time he shared a bed with someone he wasn't having sex with. Although, he thinks, there's still time…
He glances at Spock just in time to see his gaze slide down his body. Spock's eyes meet his and Jim can see a faint green flush cross his cheeks as he looks away.
Jim's heart speeds up. Even as he convinced himself Spock was interested in him, part of him thought he was just reading into things. But there's no reading into this.
Carefully, holding his breath, he reaches out and covers Spock's hand with his own.
Spock's breath hitches at the contact, but he doesn't pull away.
"I like you, you know," Jim says softly. "A lot."
"I know," Spock replies, barely audible. "And I…." He trails off, the greenness in his cheeks deepening.
"You like me too," Jim finishes.
Spock's eyes flick to him, and then away. "Yes." He looks down at the floor, a troubled expression on his face. "But… I cannot…."
"It's okay," Jim tells him. "It's just us here." He places his other hand on Spock's knee, rubbing it gently. "I can make you feel good," he promises. "You don't have to do anything, just lie back and let me take care of you."
He can see Spock begin to weaken. "Vulcans do not- It is forbidden-"
"Shh," Jim interrupts him. "Don't think about that. It's just sex, okay? Two people making each other feel good. It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."
He knows immediately that it's the wrong thing to say. Far from relaxing further, Spock stiffens, turning to him with an expression of sheer disbelief.
"Is that truly what you believe?" he asks sharply. "That sexual activity is meaningless?"
It's Jim's turn to stammer. "Not- not meaningless, just-"
"Just a temporary diversion," Spock finishes for him. "Of no more importance than any other pastime." He shakes his head, pulling away from Jim and standing up. "I cannot believe that I thought-" He cuts himself off, shaking his head again. Jim's chest aches.
"Spock, don't-"
Spock continues as if he hasn't spoken. "On Vulcan, sexual activity is the very opposite of meaningless. It is an intimacy shared only between those who are fully committed to one another, who have joined their very souls. And to think I considered engaging in such acts with someone like you, who does not even seem to know the meaning of commitment."
Jim feels like he's been slapped in the face. "Now wait a minute-"
Spock cuts him off again. "I must go." And without so much as a look back at Jim, he leaves.
Jim thinks about going after him, but in the end just punches his pillow before flopping back on his bed. He has no idea how he's going to make this right.
* * *
He and Spock still exchange greetings, but they're much quicker and shallower. Jim is still kind of smarting from the things Spock said to him, but he can't deny there's a grain of truth to it. If he'd known how important sex was to Vulcans, and especially to Spock, he never would have made that stupid bet, and he certainly wouldn't have come on so strongly.
It disturbs him a little that he misses Spock's company a lot more than he misses the potential sex and credits from his friends. Somehow Spock has wormed his way into Jim's heart and made him feel things he's never felt before. If this is what falling in love feels like, in Jim's opinion, it sucks.
He's still mulling things over, trying to figure out what to say and do to get Spock to trust him again, when, once again, fate throws him a curve ball.
He's coming home after a late class, thinking of nothing more than a shower and a beer or three, when his attention is caught by a figure approaching from the other direction. When he gets closer he realises it's Spock, head down and moving swiftly. He is alone, and Jim is hit by the sudden sense that something is very wrong.
He speeds up and manages to catch Spock a few feet from the entrance. "Jim," Spock greets, as if nothing is amiss. "You are out late."
"So are you," Jim points out, disturbed by the blankness in Spock's eyes. He steps closer and adds, "Spock, what is it? What's wrong?"
Spock looks away, tension showing in every line of his body. "Stonn was struck by a vehicle."
Jim takes a sharp breath, feeling like he's been kicked in the stomach. "Is… is he okay?"
To his relief, Spock nods. "But he is currently in the hospital. I do not…"
"Hey," Jim interrupts him. "Breathe. It'll be okay."
Spock takes a deep breath and nods slowly. Jim lays a hand on his arm gently, relieved when Spock doesn't pull away. "Why don't we go inside?" he asks.
Spock nods again, leading him into the building, and then into his apartment. It's laid out the same as Jim and Uhura's, but that's where the similarities end. The Vulcans' apartment is extremely neat, with few personal items and minimal clutter. 'A place for everything and everything in its place', as Jim's mom would've said.
He wishes he could have seen it under better circumstances.
Spock pauses in the centre of the room and turns to him slowly, his eyes lost. "I cannot seem to…" He trails off, looking around helplessly. "We have known each other since we were children."
"It's okay," Jim tells him. "It'll be okay." He stares into Spock's eyes, willing him to believe it.
Spock stares back, and Jim is suddenly very aware of how close they're standing. He doesn't know which one of them moves forwards first, but they meet in the middle, arms wrapping around each other as their lips meet.
It isn't anything like Jim expected, but it's incredible all the same. Spock isn't a particularly experienced kisser, but he's a fast learner, and in Jim's estimation the kiss definitely ranks up there with some of the best he's ever had.
At least, that is, until they are interrupted by a sound from the doorway.
They spring apart, turning towards the noise, and Jim's stomach sinks as he takes in Stonn, one arm in a cast, staring at them as if he cannot believe his eyes. Behind him are the other two Vulcans, whose expressions are more of one who can believe his eyes and does not like what he sees.
Jim turns to Spock to see that all expression has left his face. He waits a second for someone to speak, then blurts out, "Uh, I can explain."
"That should prove interesting," Stonn replies, raising an eyebrow.
Spock does speak, then. "Jim," he says. "You should leave."
"But," Jim begins to protest, but stops when he sees the look on Spock's face.
"Please, Jim," Spock says, and Jim can't bring himself to cause Spock any more pain.
Feeling vaguely like a coward, he turns and, with a last look at the Vulcans, heads out of Spock's apartment towards his own. He can only hope that whatever rules Spock has broken with their 'liaison', the punishment won't be too harsh.
* * *
He nearly goes back down there twice that night, but both times he stops himself, telling himself it will likely only make things worse for Spock. He paces the apartment, chewing his nails down to the cuticle and wishing he could go back and fix things. How could he be so stupid?
When Uhura comes home he retreats to his room and paces there, not wanting her to pick up on his distress. The last thing he wants is to have to explain the whole thing to someone else.
He finally falls asleep sometime in the small hours. When he wakes up the sun is high in the sky, and his heart pounds at the thought that Spock hasn't contacted him to tell him things are okay.
He showers quickly, dresses, and heads downstairs. Bad idea or not, he's determined to get some answers.
Stonn opens the door, giving him a distinctly unfriendly look. "What do you want?" he asks.
"I want to see Spock," Jim replies, raising his chin in defiance.
"Unfortunately that will not be possible," Stonn replies.
"And why not?"
Stonn's eyes slide off him, settling on the far wall. "Spock left for Vulcan this morning."
For a moment Jim isn't sure he's heard him correctly. "He's gone?"
"It was determined that his behaviour was not conducive with the image of Vulcan we were sent here to embody, and so he has been called home in disgrace."
Jim takes a step back, feeling ill. He can't be gone. "What shuttle was he on?" he asks desperately.
"Why does it matter?" Stonn asks. "He will be long gone by now."
"Yes, but-"
Stonn interrupts him. "He was a model Vulcan before he met you, you know. You changed him, contaminated him with humanity."
Jim's heart pounds in his chest, so hard that he imagines Stonn must be able to hear it. "I didn't…" He blinks back tears as everything comes flooding out in a rush. "Yeah, it started as a stupid bet, but then I got to know him and he was so kind and smart and wonderful, and I… I fell in love with him. Can't you understand that? Haven't you ever been in love?"
He realises the stupidity of the question as soon as it leaves his lips; this is a Vulcan he's talking to, after all. But to his surprise, Stonn's expression softens slightly at his words.
"He has a six-hour stopover at Lunaport," Stonn says. "If you are quick you may be able to catch him there."
Jim's heart leaps. "Thank you," he says fervently, before rushing upstairs to pack. He has a shuttle to catch.
* * * * *
Spock sits on a hard plastic seat, staring blankly at a board that states that, due to unusually strong solar flares, all shuttles are delayed until tomorrow. Part of him is grateful for the brief reprieve, but the thought of sitting here reliving his mistakes over and over does not sound appealing.
Ever since he can remember, he has followed the Vulcan code scrupulously. He has fought his whole life to be perfectly logical and unemotional, to give his peers and teachers no reason to disapprove of him. To show them that his human blood is not a disadvantage, and does not make him different to any of them.
And now, with one act, he has proven every taunt they ever threw at him.
His memories of Jim are confusing, pleasure mixed with pain. He has gone against his training, and shamed his family, and the worst of it is that there is a small part of him that does not care. He has experienced more happiness and affection with Jim these past few weeks than in his past twenty-one years of life, and despite everything he cannot bring himself to regret that.
He glances at the chronometer. Logically, Jim will have discovered Spock's absence by now. Spock wonders how he will react, whether he will be sad that Spock is gone, or angry at Spock for not telling him he was leaving. Spock wanted to, but he did not have the opportunity. The others kept him under observation from the moment they walked in on him and Jim to the moment they put him on a shuttle. They did not allow him any time alone, much less the opportunity to contact what Sylat described as his 'human whore'.
Pushing the memory aside, Spock turns to his bag to extract his PADD. He doubts he will be able to get much reading done, but he might as well make the attempt. But before he can his gaze is caught by a blond man standing around fifty feet away, seemingly scanning the crowds. Judging from his clothing, he is human, and is attracting curious glances from the overwhelmingly Vulcan travellers.
Spock's heart speeds up even as he tells himself he is being illogical. But then the man turns, and their eyes lock. Spock is out of his seat before he even realises he is moving, as the other man - Jim - begins striding towards him. They meet in the middle and Spock takes Jim's hands in his, heedless of how they must look to those around them.
"Jim," he breathes.
"Spock," Jim replies, his eyes roaming all over Spock's face. "Stonn told me what happened." He glances around them nervously and adds, "Can we talk? Please?"
Spock looks round, the curious gazes of the other passengers finally registering. "Yes. There is a café a short distance from here. We can speak there."
After he has gathered his bags, they make their way to the café. Jim orders a coffee, and Spock a herbal tea. He considers adding sugar, but manages to refrain. (He's fairly certain the type they offer is artificial, in any case.)
Once they're seated with their drinks, Jim seems to clam up. He wraps his hands around his cup and chews on his lip, as if searching for words. After a few moments, Spock decides to speak first.
"I wanted to tell you," he says. "But I did not have the chance."
Jim manages to find his voice. "Yeah, the way Stonn described it things happened pretty fast." He glances up at Spock and adds, "I don't blame you."
"Why did you come here?" Spock asks, the words slipping out before he can stop them.
Jim fiddles with his cup, shrugging. "Because I needed to see you. I couldn't let you just leave without…." He trails off and takes a breath before starting again. "You were right, before. I've always seen sex as something fun and exciting, but that didn't really mean anything. But with you it's different." He takes another breath and blurts out, "I think… I love you. I'm in love with you. And that's why I came."
Something in Spock's chest aches, and he reaches out and covers Jim's hand with his own. Jim gives a small smile, eyes filled with pain. "When does your shuttle leave?" he asks.
Spock stares at him. "You did not check the boards? All shuttle flights are grounded until tomorrow due to solar flares."
"I was a little busy," Jim grumbles, before the rest of Spock's statement appears to sink in. "Wait, you mean we have the whole night?"
"Indeed," Spock says softly. His heart is beginning to pound again.
On the table, Jim turns his hand over so that he can clasp Spock's. "Then what do you say we make the most of it?"
* * * * *
Jim doesn't remember much about the process of checking into a hotel and getting up to the room. All he can focus on is the feeling of Spock next to him, the desperate affection they both feel. The door of their room has barely closed behind them before they are in each other's arms, kissing as if they never intend to stop.
At some point they make it to the bed, pulling off clothes and losing themselves in the sensation of skin on skin.
It isn't like any encounter Jim's ever had before. Spock is inexperienced and clearly nervous, though he tries to hide it under all his Vulcan stoicism. Jim finds himself having to be slow and careful in a way he never has before, letting Spock adjust to the intimacy of the situation.
It's completely different to his usual modus operandi, but he doesn't care one bit. Just getting to be here, touching Spock like this, is more than he could ever have hoped for. As awkward and imperfect as it is, it's still some of the best sex he's ever had.
Afterwards he wraps his arms around Spock as they lie together. The knowledge that their time together is limited weighs heavily on his mind, and he tightens his hold on Spock as if his grip can keep them being torn away from each other.
"What kind of culture punishes people for loving each other?" he asks.
"Relationships on Vulcan are not based on love," Spock replies. "They are based on logic, and ours has none."
There are a dozen arguments on Jim's tongue, but he chooses not to voice them. "Have you ever been attracted to guys before?" he asks instead.
Spock appears to consider the question, his gaze going distant. "I remember, once or twice, admiring the physique of a male classmate, but this desire to have, and touch, is new." His eyes meet Jim's. "I have never been attracted to anyone, male or female, the way I am to you."
Jim can't quite keep a silly grin from forming at that, but it soon fades. "Will your parents be angry?"
Spock sighs. "My father will not be pleased. He has always been disappointed in my attempts to act as a proper Vulcan, and my recent actions will only serve to prove to him that his reservations as to my character were true."
Jim's chest aches at the pain in Spock's voice. "What about your mom?" he asks quietly.
"She has chosen to follow the Vulcan way." Spock takes in a breath, pressing closer to Jim. "Did your parents react badly when they learned of your interest in males?"
Now it's Jim's turn to go distant. "My stepdad gave me a black eye when he found out, but I think he was just looking for an excuse. He never liked me."
"I am sorry," Spock replies, eyes filled with concern.
Jim shrugs. "Wasn't all bad. It gave my mom the push she needed to divorce his ass, so you know. Silver lining."
"How did your mother react?" Spock asks.
Jim manages a smile. "She didn't care. She sat me down after my stepdad left and told me that no matter who I was attracted to, she'd always love me." He shakes his head. "She gave me this whole lecture on STDs that nearly put me off sex for life, but she made it clear that as long as I was safe about it she didn't care what I got up to in bed. She just wanted me to be happy." He shakes his head slowly and adds, "She used to tell me about my dad, about how in love they were, and I think all she really wanted was for me to have that with someone."
"You speak of her in the past tense," Spock points out softly, and Jim nods.
"Yeah. She died a couple years back. Air-car malfunction." Even now, the memory hurts, and he takes a sharp breath, forcing back the pain of loss.
"I grieve with thee," Spock murmurs, and Jim squeezes him a little tighter in gratitude.
"That's kind of why I joined Starfleet," he says. "I was always afraid of dying in space like my dad, but it turned out Earth wasn't any safer."
There is silence for a moment, the two of them silently comforting each other. "Do you have any other family?" Spock asks eventually.
"Just my grandma," Jim replies. "My dad's mom. But she lives off planet, so I don't see her much." He doesn't bother to mention Sam. He hasn't seen his brother in years, doesn't even know if he's alive. In Jim's mind, he doesn't count as family.
"What about you?" he asks.
Spock frowns. "My extended family is quite substantial, but I do not have much contact with them. As far as I am concerned my parents are my only family." He takes a breath. "When I was young, there was my great grandfather - my father's grandfather. He was one of the few members of my father's family to be kind to me. But he died when I was twelve, and after that there was no one."
"He sounds like a good guy," Jim offers.
"Indeed," Spock replies. "He was part of the party that made first contact with Earth." One corner of his mouth turns upwards slightly. "He was quite… fascinated by humans."
Jim blinks at him. He knew Vulcans were long lived, but the idea that, for Spock, First Contact was only three generations ago still boggles his mind. "Wow. I kind of wish I could've met him."
Spock stares at him for a moment, as if considering something, then begins pulling away. "There is something I wish to show you."
Still naked, he pads over to his luggage and begins searching through one of the bags. Jim takes the opportunity to ogle his backside as he bends over, but raises his eyes quickly as Spock straightens up and comes back to the bed, holding something shiny in one hand.
He sits back down next to Jim and opens his hand, revealing a metal pendant in the shape of a circle with a triangle through it. "My great grandfather's IDIC medallion," he explains quietly. "He gave it to me just before he died."
He holds it out to Jim and Jim takes it, running his thumb over the metal. "It's beautiful," he says.
"It is one of my most treasured possessions," Spock tells him.
Jim nods, still staring at the medallion in his hand. "I understand," he says. "When I turned ten my mom gave me my dad's Starfleet pin, and I've barely let it out of my sight since."
He hands the medallion back carefully and watches as Spock places it on the nightstand. "Thank you for sharing it with me," he says.
"You are welcome," Spock replies, and his expression is so warm and open that Jim can't help but kiss him.
The kiss quickly becomes more heated, and before long they are moving again, letting their bodies say all the things that their words cannot.
"I love you," Jim gasps as pleasure overtakes them, and as he slips into sleep he swears he hears Spock say, "I love you too."
Next
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When a group of Vulcans on a cultural exchange move in downstairs, Jim's friends bet him he can't seduce one of them. The last thing Jim expects is to fall in love, but Vulcan culture is strict, and he and Spock will have to battle many trials before they can reach their happy ending. Based on the film Latter Days.
Words: ~4900/24000
Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, past minor character death, homophobia, parental disapproval, attempted suicide
Even with their inopportune soaking, Spock cannot bring himself to regret asking Jim to come with him to look at the ocean. It was a somewhat spur-of-the-moment decision, but the knowledge he gained from Jim, and of Jim, reassures him that it was the right one. Jim is utterly unlike anyone Spock has previously encountered, but he is learning that that is not necessarily a bad thing. Jim is clearly intelligent, if somewhat overzealous, and he treats Spock with an easy affection that has been lacking in his life up until now.
Spock still spends most of his time with his fellow Vulcans, exploring, learning, and generally interacting with humans, but he makes sure to carve out a small amount of time for Jim, even if it is as simple as asking how his day has gone. (He reasons that it is a useful opportunity to practice the human art of 'small talk', and says as much to Stonn when he comments on Spock's attention to the human.) Jim is always willing to talk, and more than once suggests another trip out, to show Spock some more of the city. His easy warmth is difficult to resist, and Spock cannot help but admit he has become quite attached. He suspects it will be difficult to leave Jim when it becomes time to return home.
But just as Spock is beginning to develop a genuine affection for Jim, events conspire to show him a different side of his human companion.
* * * * *
Jim has always enjoyed tinkering with things. When he was six he took apart his child's PADD to see how it worked. Unfortunately he hadn't quite mastered putting it back together, and his mother was not happy. The part he remembers best, though, is after she calmed down, when she sat with him and helped him to fix it. It's still one of his happiest memories.
Right now he's in a garage behind their apartment building, working on restoring an old hoverbike he bought from a guy in one of his classes. It's in semi-decent condition, but it needs a good cleaning and several of the parts are worn out and need to be replaced. Jim's been working on it for a few weeks now, in his free time, and he's making good progress.
He's adjusting the power cell when his screwdriver slips and tears through his jeans and into his leg. Jim stares blankly at the wound for a moment, watching blood begin to pour out, before the pain hits him and he swears and bursts into action.
He tears off his overshirt and turns it inside out before pressing it to the wound on his thigh. He has medical supplies in his apartment - the amount of scrapes he gets into it's just easier to fix himself up most of the time - but first he's going to have to get there.
Keeping the shirt pressed to his leg like a compress, dressed only in jeans and an undershirt, he stands and makes his way out of the garage towards the apartment block.
He is about twenty feet from the doorway when the door opens and Spock steps out. "Jim," he greets, before his gaze falls to Jim's leg and he frowns. "You are injured."
"Yeah," Jim agrees. "Caught myself with a screwdriver."
Spock raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment. Jim is oddly grateful for that. Bones would be calling him an idiot by now. "Are you in need of medical assistance?"
Jim shakes his head. "I'll be fine. It's not that deep." A sudden swell of pain makes him gasp. "But do you think maybe you could help me up to my apartment?"
Spock nods, then takes his arm and begins leading him inside. Jim manages to keep his surprise from showing on his face, but the significance of the action isn't lost on him. Spock doesn't like to touch, and usually avoids any contact with Jim. He's certainly never initiated it.
Maybe I'm just that pathetic right now, he muses wryly. Still, he isn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. If this is what it takes for Spock to touch him, he's prepared to go with it.
Spock accompanies him up to his apartment, and then inside. "Is your roommate home?" he asks, as Jim lowers himself into a chair in the kitchen.
"Nah," Jim replies, shaking his head. "She's off on some track meet for the Academy running team." He braces himself, then pulls the shirt away from his leg to inspect the damage. Fresh blood flows from the wound, adding to the hand-sized patch on his pants. "Dammit," he says. "I liked these jeans."
"Are you certain you do not need medical attention?" Spock asks, a definite note of concern in his voice.
"Yeah," Jim replies. "Trust me; it looks worse than it is." He waves a hand vaguely behind him. "There's a regenerator in the bathroom. Could you get it?"
Spock doesn't look convinced, but obediently goes to fetch the regenerator. Jim takes the opportunity to - carefully - slide his jeans down enough to get a proper look at his leg. The gash is bleeding steadily, but he stands by his original assertion that it's not that deep. Good thing, too, because he hates hospitals.
Spock reappears with the device and places it on the table within Jim's reach. Even with the situation the way it is Jim doesn't miss the way Spock's gaze falls on his bare thighs and then flickers away as if in embarrassment. Fascinating.
Still, right now he has other things to think about. With a practiced hand, he runs the regenerator over the wound, once to sterilise and then again to seal. It takes three passes of the sealer for the injury to fully disappear, but Jim's learned not to worry unless he goes past five.
"There, see?" he says, glancing up at Spock. "Told you I could handle it." He looks down at his leg and wrinkles his nose. "I'm just going to take a shower and wash all this blood off. Thanks for your help."
He stands up to pull up his jeans, and has to grab the table as a wave of dizziness washes over him. "Whoa."
He feels Spock's hand on his elbow, steadying him. "Perhaps you should lie down," he suggests.
"Yeah," Jim agrees, not even bothering to argue. "Help me into the bedroom?"
By the time he's settled horizontal on the bed, he's feeling a lot better. He realises his jeans are still at half-mast and blushes as he pulls them up.
"Are you feeling better?" Spock asks.
Jim nods. "Yeah. Thanks."
Spock hovers by the side of the bed, looking vaguely awkward. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Jim looks up into his face, filled with barely visible concern, and finds himself blurting out, "Would you just sit with me for a while?"
Spock raises an eyebrow, then nods slowly. "That would be acceptable."
"You don't have anywhere else to be?" Jim asks.
"Nothing of importance." Spock looks around, probably for a chair, and gives Jim a dubious look when he shifts over and pats the bed beside him. Jim gives him his best 'puppy-dog eyes' and Spock relents.
It's… nice, in a way, being close like this. Jim can't even remember the last time he shared a bed with someone he wasn't having sex with. Although, he thinks, there's still time…
He glances at Spock just in time to see his gaze slide down his body. Spock's eyes meet his and Jim can see a faint green flush cross his cheeks as he looks away.
Jim's heart speeds up. Even as he convinced himself Spock was interested in him, part of him thought he was just reading into things. But there's no reading into this.
Carefully, holding his breath, he reaches out and covers Spock's hand with his own.
Spock's breath hitches at the contact, but he doesn't pull away.
"I like you, you know," Jim says softly. "A lot."
"I know," Spock replies, barely audible. "And I…." He trails off, the greenness in his cheeks deepening.
"You like me too," Jim finishes.
Spock's eyes flick to him, and then away. "Yes." He looks down at the floor, a troubled expression on his face. "But… I cannot…."
"It's okay," Jim tells him. "It's just us here." He places his other hand on Spock's knee, rubbing it gently. "I can make you feel good," he promises. "You don't have to do anything, just lie back and let me take care of you."
He can see Spock begin to weaken. "Vulcans do not- It is forbidden-"
"Shh," Jim interrupts him. "Don't think about that. It's just sex, okay? Two people making each other feel good. It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."
He knows immediately that it's the wrong thing to say. Far from relaxing further, Spock stiffens, turning to him with an expression of sheer disbelief.
"Is that truly what you believe?" he asks sharply. "That sexual activity is meaningless?"
It's Jim's turn to stammer. "Not- not meaningless, just-"
"Just a temporary diversion," Spock finishes for him. "Of no more importance than any other pastime." He shakes his head, pulling away from Jim and standing up. "I cannot believe that I thought-" He cuts himself off, shaking his head again. Jim's chest aches.
"Spock, don't-"
Spock continues as if he hasn't spoken. "On Vulcan, sexual activity is the very opposite of meaningless. It is an intimacy shared only between those who are fully committed to one another, who have joined their very souls. And to think I considered engaging in such acts with someone like you, who does not even seem to know the meaning of commitment."
Jim feels like he's been slapped in the face. "Now wait a minute-"
Spock cuts him off again. "I must go." And without so much as a look back at Jim, he leaves.
Jim thinks about going after him, but in the end just punches his pillow before flopping back on his bed. He has no idea how he's going to make this right.
* * *
He and Spock still exchange greetings, but they're much quicker and shallower. Jim is still kind of smarting from the things Spock said to him, but he can't deny there's a grain of truth to it. If he'd known how important sex was to Vulcans, and especially to Spock, he never would have made that stupid bet, and he certainly wouldn't have come on so strongly.
It disturbs him a little that he misses Spock's company a lot more than he misses the potential sex and credits from his friends. Somehow Spock has wormed his way into Jim's heart and made him feel things he's never felt before. If this is what falling in love feels like, in Jim's opinion, it sucks.
He's still mulling things over, trying to figure out what to say and do to get Spock to trust him again, when, once again, fate throws him a curve ball.
He's coming home after a late class, thinking of nothing more than a shower and a beer or three, when his attention is caught by a figure approaching from the other direction. When he gets closer he realises it's Spock, head down and moving swiftly. He is alone, and Jim is hit by the sudden sense that something is very wrong.
He speeds up and manages to catch Spock a few feet from the entrance. "Jim," Spock greets, as if nothing is amiss. "You are out late."
"So are you," Jim points out, disturbed by the blankness in Spock's eyes. He steps closer and adds, "Spock, what is it? What's wrong?"
Spock looks away, tension showing in every line of his body. "Stonn was struck by a vehicle."
Jim takes a sharp breath, feeling like he's been kicked in the stomach. "Is… is he okay?"
To his relief, Spock nods. "But he is currently in the hospital. I do not…"
"Hey," Jim interrupts him. "Breathe. It'll be okay."
Spock takes a deep breath and nods slowly. Jim lays a hand on his arm gently, relieved when Spock doesn't pull away. "Why don't we go inside?" he asks.
Spock nods again, leading him into the building, and then into his apartment. It's laid out the same as Jim and Uhura's, but that's where the similarities end. The Vulcans' apartment is extremely neat, with few personal items and minimal clutter. 'A place for everything and everything in its place', as Jim's mom would've said.
He wishes he could have seen it under better circumstances.
Spock pauses in the centre of the room and turns to him slowly, his eyes lost. "I cannot seem to…" He trails off, looking around helplessly. "We have known each other since we were children."
"It's okay," Jim tells him. "It'll be okay." He stares into Spock's eyes, willing him to believe it.
Spock stares back, and Jim is suddenly very aware of how close they're standing. He doesn't know which one of them moves forwards first, but they meet in the middle, arms wrapping around each other as their lips meet.
It isn't anything like Jim expected, but it's incredible all the same. Spock isn't a particularly experienced kisser, but he's a fast learner, and in Jim's estimation the kiss definitely ranks up there with some of the best he's ever had.
At least, that is, until they are interrupted by a sound from the doorway.
They spring apart, turning towards the noise, and Jim's stomach sinks as he takes in Stonn, one arm in a cast, staring at them as if he cannot believe his eyes. Behind him are the other two Vulcans, whose expressions are more of one who can believe his eyes and does not like what he sees.
Jim turns to Spock to see that all expression has left his face. He waits a second for someone to speak, then blurts out, "Uh, I can explain."
"That should prove interesting," Stonn replies, raising an eyebrow.
Spock does speak, then. "Jim," he says. "You should leave."
"But," Jim begins to protest, but stops when he sees the look on Spock's face.
"Please, Jim," Spock says, and Jim can't bring himself to cause Spock any more pain.
Feeling vaguely like a coward, he turns and, with a last look at the Vulcans, heads out of Spock's apartment towards his own. He can only hope that whatever rules Spock has broken with their 'liaison', the punishment won't be too harsh.
* * *
He nearly goes back down there twice that night, but both times he stops himself, telling himself it will likely only make things worse for Spock. He paces the apartment, chewing his nails down to the cuticle and wishing he could go back and fix things. How could he be so stupid?
When Uhura comes home he retreats to his room and paces there, not wanting her to pick up on his distress. The last thing he wants is to have to explain the whole thing to someone else.
He finally falls asleep sometime in the small hours. When he wakes up the sun is high in the sky, and his heart pounds at the thought that Spock hasn't contacted him to tell him things are okay.
He showers quickly, dresses, and heads downstairs. Bad idea or not, he's determined to get some answers.
Stonn opens the door, giving him a distinctly unfriendly look. "What do you want?" he asks.
"I want to see Spock," Jim replies, raising his chin in defiance.
"Unfortunately that will not be possible," Stonn replies.
"And why not?"
Stonn's eyes slide off him, settling on the far wall. "Spock left for Vulcan this morning."
For a moment Jim isn't sure he's heard him correctly. "He's gone?"
"It was determined that his behaviour was not conducive with the image of Vulcan we were sent here to embody, and so he has been called home in disgrace."
Jim takes a step back, feeling ill. He can't be gone. "What shuttle was he on?" he asks desperately.
"Why does it matter?" Stonn asks. "He will be long gone by now."
"Yes, but-"
Stonn interrupts him. "He was a model Vulcan before he met you, you know. You changed him, contaminated him with humanity."
Jim's heart pounds in his chest, so hard that he imagines Stonn must be able to hear it. "I didn't…" He blinks back tears as everything comes flooding out in a rush. "Yeah, it started as a stupid bet, but then I got to know him and he was so kind and smart and wonderful, and I… I fell in love with him. Can't you understand that? Haven't you ever been in love?"
He realises the stupidity of the question as soon as it leaves his lips; this is a Vulcan he's talking to, after all. But to his surprise, Stonn's expression softens slightly at his words.
"He has a six-hour stopover at Lunaport," Stonn says. "If you are quick you may be able to catch him there."
Jim's heart leaps. "Thank you," he says fervently, before rushing upstairs to pack. He has a shuttle to catch.
* * * * *
Spock sits on a hard plastic seat, staring blankly at a board that states that, due to unusually strong solar flares, all shuttles are delayed until tomorrow. Part of him is grateful for the brief reprieve, but the thought of sitting here reliving his mistakes over and over does not sound appealing.
Ever since he can remember, he has followed the Vulcan code scrupulously. He has fought his whole life to be perfectly logical and unemotional, to give his peers and teachers no reason to disapprove of him. To show them that his human blood is not a disadvantage, and does not make him different to any of them.
And now, with one act, he has proven every taunt they ever threw at him.
His memories of Jim are confusing, pleasure mixed with pain. He has gone against his training, and shamed his family, and the worst of it is that there is a small part of him that does not care. He has experienced more happiness and affection with Jim these past few weeks than in his past twenty-one years of life, and despite everything he cannot bring himself to regret that.
He glances at the chronometer. Logically, Jim will have discovered Spock's absence by now. Spock wonders how he will react, whether he will be sad that Spock is gone, or angry at Spock for not telling him he was leaving. Spock wanted to, but he did not have the opportunity. The others kept him under observation from the moment they walked in on him and Jim to the moment they put him on a shuttle. They did not allow him any time alone, much less the opportunity to contact what Sylat described as his 'human whore'.
Pushing the memory aside, Spock turns to his bag to extract his PADD. He doubts he will be able to get much reading done, but he might as well make the attempt. But before he can his gaze is caught by a blond man standing around fifty feet away, seemingly scanning the crowds. Judging from his clothing, he is human, and is attracting curious glances from the overwhelmingly Vulcan travellers.
Spock's heart speeds up even as he tells himself he is being illogical. But then the man turns, and their eyes lock. Spock is out of his seat before he even realises he is moving, as the other man - Jim - begins striding towards him. They meet in the middle and Spock takes Jim's hands in his, heedless of how they must look to those around them.
"Jim," he breathes.
"Spock," Jim replies, his eyes roaming all over Spock's face. "Stonn told me what happened." He glances around them nervously and adds, "Can we talk? Please?"
Spock looks round, the curious gazes of the other passengers finally registering. "Yes. There is a café a short distance from here. We can speak there."
After he has gathered his bags, they make their way to the café. Jim orders a coffee, and Spock a herbal tea. He considers adding sugar, but manages to refrain. (He's fairly certain the type they offer is artificial, in any case.)
Once they're seated with their drinks, Jim seems to clam up. He wraps his hands around his cup and chews on his lip, as if searching for words. After a few moments, Spock decides to speak first.
"I wanted to tell you," he says. "But I did not have the chance."
Jim manages to find his voice. "Yeah, the way Stonn described it things happened pretty fast." He glances up at Spock and adds, "I don't blame you."
"Why did you come here?" Spock asks, the words slipping out before he can stop them.
Jim fiddles with his cup, shrugging. "Because I needed to see you. I couldn't let you just leave without…." He trails off and takes a breath before starting again. "You were right, before. I've always seen sex as something fun and exciting, but that didn't really mean anything. But with you it's different." He takes another breath and blurts out, "I think… I love you. I'm in love with you. And that's why I came."
Something in Spock's chest aches, and he reaches out and covers Jim's hand with his own. Jim gives a small smile, eyes filled with pain. "When does your shuttle leave?" he asks.
Spock stares at him. "You did not check the boards? All shuttle flights are grounded until tomorrow due to solar flares."
"I was a little busy," Jim grumbles, before the rest of Spock's statement appears to sink in. "Wait, you mean we have the whole night?"
"Indeed," Spock says softly. His heart is beginning to pound again.
On the table, Jim turns his hand over so that he can clasp Spock's. "Then what do you say we make the most of it?"
* * * * *
Jim doesn't remember much about the process of checking into a hotel and getting up to the room. All he can focus on is the feeling of Spock next to him, the desperate affection they both feel. The door of their room has barely closed behind them before they are in each other's arms, kissing as if they never intend to stop.
At some point they make it to the bed, pulling off clothes and losing themselves in the sensation of skin on skin.
It isn't like any encounter Jim's ever had before. Spock is inexperienced and clearly nervous, though he tries to hide it under all his Vulcan stoicism. Jim finds himself having to be slow and careful in a way he never has before, letting Spock adjust to the intimacy of the situation.
It's completely different to his usual modus operandi, but he doesn't care one bit. Just getting to be here, touching Spock like this, is more than he could ever have hoped for. As awkward and imperfect as it is, it's still some of the best sex he's ever had.
Afterwards he wraps his arms around Spock as they lie together. The knowledge that their time together is limited weighs heavily on his mind, and he tightens his hold on Spock as if his grip can keep them being torn away from each other.
"What kind of culture punishes people for loving each other?" he asks.
"Relationships on Vulcan are not based on love," Spock replies. "They are based on logic, and ours has none."
There are a dozen arguments on Jim's tongue, but he chooses not to voice them. "Have you ever been attracted to guys before?" he asks instead.
Spock appears to consider the question, his gaze going distant. "I remember, once or twice, admiring the physique of a male classmate, but this desire to have, and touch, is new." His eyes meet Jim's. "I have never been attracted to anyone, male or female, the way I am to you."
Jim can't quite keep a silly grin from forming at that, but it soon fades. "Will your parents be angry?"
Spock sighs. "My father will not be pleased. He has always been disappointed in my attempts to act as a proper Vulcan, and my recent actions will only serve to prove to him that his reservations as to my character were true."
Jim's chest aches at the pain in Spock's voice. "What about your mom?" he asks quietly.
"She has chosen to follow the Vulcan way." Spock takes in a breath, pressing closer to Jim. "Did your parents react badly when they learned of your interest in males?"
Now it's Jim's turn to go distant. "My stepdad gave me a black eye when he found out, but I think he was just looking for an excuse. He never liked me."
"I am sorry," Spock replies, eyes filled with concern.
Jim shrugs. "Wasn't all bad. It gave my mom the push she needed to divorce his ass, so you know. Silver lining."
"How did your mother react?" Spock asks.
Jim manages a smile. "She didn't care. She sat me down after my stepdad left and told me that no matter who I was attracted to, she'd always love me." He shakes his head. "She gave me this whole lecture on STDs that nearly put me off sex for life, but she made it clear that as long as I was safe about it she didn't care what I got up to in bed. She just wanted me to be happy." He shakes his head slowly and adds, "She used to tell me about my dad, about how in love they were, and I think all she really wanted was for me to have that with someone."
"You speak of her in the past tense," Spock points out softly, and Jim nods.
"Yeah. She died a couple years back. Air-car malfunction." Even now, the memory hurts, and he takes a sharp breath, forcing back the pain of loss.
"I grieve with thee," Spock murmurs, and Jim squeezes him a little tighter in gratitude.
"That's kind of why I joined Starfleet," he says. "I was always afraid of dying in space like my dad, but it turned out Earth wasn't any safer."
There is silence for a moment, the two of them silently comforting each other. "Do you have any other family?" Spock asks eventually.
"Just my grandma," Jim replies. "My dad's mom. But she lives off planet, so I don't see her much." He doesn't bother to mention Sam. He hasn't seen his brother in years, doesn't even know if he's alive. In Jim's mind, he doesn't count as family.
"What about you?" he asks.
Spock frowns. "My extended family is quite substantial, but I do not have much contact with them. As far as I am concerned my parents are my only family." He takes a breath. "When I was young, there was my great grandfather - my father's grandfather. He was one of the few members of my father's family to be kind to me. But he died when I was twelve, and after that there was no one."
"He sounds like a good guy," Jim offers.
"Indeed," Spock replies. "He was part of the party that made first contact with Earth." One corner of his mouth turns upwards slightly. "He was quite… fascinated by humans."
Jim blinks at him. He knew Vulcans were long lived, but the idea that, for Spock, First Contact was only three generations ago still boggles his mind. "Wow. I kind of wish I could've met him."
Spock stares at him for a moment, as if considering something, then begins pulling away. "There is something I wish to show you."
Still naked, he pads over to his luggage and begins searching through one of the bags. Jim takes the opportunity to ogle his backside as he bends over, but raises his eyes quickly as Spock straightens up and comes back to the bed, holding something shiny in one hand.
He sits back down next to Jim and opens his hand, revealing a metal pendant in the shape of a circle with a triangle through it. "My great grandfather's IDIC medallion," he explains quietly. "He gave it to me just before he died."
He holds it out to Jim and Jim takes it, running his thumb over the metal. "It's beautiful," he says.
"It is one of my most treasured possessions," Spock tells him.
Jim nods, still staring at the medallion in his hand. "I understand," he says. "When I turned ten my mom gave me my dad's Starfleet pin, and I've barely let it out of my sight since."
He hands the medallion back carefully and watches as Spock places it on the nightstand. "Thank you for sharing it with me," he says.
"You are welcome," Spock replies, and his expression is so warm and open that Jim can't help but kiss him.
The kiss quickly becomes more heated, and before long they are moving again, letting their bodies say all the things that their words cannot.
"I love you," Jim gasps as pleasure overtakes them, and as he slips into sleep he swears he hears Spock say, "I love you too."
Next