Both Sides Now - Part 2/2
Fandom: Star Trek TOS (AU)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock femslash, past Kirk/Janice Lester
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Turnabout Intruder" AU. Jane Kirk isn't looking forward to her reunion with ex-girlfriend Janice Lester, but she doesn't expect Janice to swap their bodies in an attempt to take her place as captain. Now her only hope is to convince her friends - and girlfriend - of her true identity, and stop Janice before it's too late.
Words: ~6400/13600
The trial is to take place in Briefing Room 1, but Jane isn't allowed to attend. She fought the decision, of course, demanded to stay with Spock, but even now Janice still holds most of the cards, and all Jane's arguments were in vain.
So instead she's locked up back in sickbay, trying to stay calm while her very future hangs in the balance. McCoy's tests were inconclusive - a fact that Janice informed her and Spock of rather smugly - which means that her only hope is Spock's testimony. She has faith in her crew, but without actual evidence - and, as much as they both might wish it, Spock's word isn't evidence - she doesn't know how much they can do.
She is pacing back and forth, trying, and mostly failing, to keep her mind from dwelling on worst case scenarios, when the door slides open. Turning to look, she sees a young Ensign - Lemli, her mind supplies - standing in the doorway.
"You're wanted in the courtroom," he says, not bothering to come closer.
Jane goes over to him, heart speeding up. "Why?" she asks. Surely they can't have come to a decision already?
Lemli gives her a suspicious look. "Commander Spock asked for you as a witness," he replies. "Come on."
Jane follows him, lips curving a little. Nice work, Spock. If she can face Janice in front of the others, she might be able to provoke her into revealing herself. It's a small hope, but right now she'll take it.
She isn't pleased to see Doctor Coleman fall into line with them as they leave sickbay. "You know, Janice," he murmurs, putting a barely-noticeable stress on the name, "this would be so much easier on you if you'd just accept it."
Jane gives him her best captainly glare and doesn't answer.
They reach the briefing room a few minutes later. Jane takes a second to centre herself as they approach the doors; no matter what happens, she's not going down without a fight.
Her eyes go to Spock as she enters the room, slipping into their usual non-verbal communication as easily as breathing. A look that asks if Spock's okay, a barely noticeable nod followed by a raised eyebrow returning the question.
Ask me in a few minutes, Jane thinks, and turns her attention to Janice.
But for once Janice's attention isn't on her. "Doctor Coleman, if you are required, we'll call you," she says. Jane glances back in time to catch his frown, clearly he wasn't expecting that. Good riddance, Jane thinks as she strides forward to take the stand. Janice might be crazy, but Coleman has no such excuse. When she's back to normal she's going to make sure he's locked up for a very long time.
Janice steps forward, smirking slightly. Jane makes a note not to smirk in future; it doesn't suit her face at all. She tilts her head up in defiance and meets Janice's gaze. "You wanted to see me?"
Janice nods. "We are all aware that you have been subjected to inordinate emotional stress," she begins, and the fake concern in her voice makes Jane want to throttle her. "I had hoped to avoid any further stress on you, but Commander Spock," -her gaze flicks to Spock with barely-hidden distaste- "disagreed. It is her opinion that your testimony is important in determining the merits of her case, and so, since we are solely interested in arriving at a just decision, I need to ask you a few questions." She pastes on a comforting smile and adds, "I'll try not to upset you."
Jane has to bite her tongue at that remark, but manages to keep her face expressionless.
"Now," Janice continues, "you claim that you are Captain Jane Kirk?"
But Jane isn't about to play into her mind games. "No," she says with a hint of asperity. "I am not Captain Kirk. That is very apparent." She takes a breath and continues, "I claim that whatever makes Jane Kirk a unique being - her spirit, her soul, whatever you want to call it -is being held here in this body."
Janice blinks and Jane feels a moment of satisfaction at temporarily wrong-footing her. But Janice quickly regroups. "And the corollary of your claim is that Doctor Janice Lester's "soul" is being held in this body." She gestures to herself with raised eyebrows.
Jane takes a breath, nodding. "That is correct."
Janice gives Jane a mocking smile. "And was this "switching of souls" arrived at by mutual agreement?"
Like you don't know, Jane thinks bitterly, but manages to stay calm. "No," she says. "It was brought about by a violent attack by Janice Lester, and the use of equipment she discovered on Camus II."
"Of course it was," Janice replies with mock-sweetness. "And can you tell me why Doctor Lester would agree to this ludicrous exchange?"
Jane straightens her back. "Yes. To get the power she craved. To attain a position she hasn't earned and doesn't merit. And as some sort of vengeance against Jane Kirk, a woman she once claimed to love." She glances around at the assembled crewmembers and adds, "If it were up to her, the real Captain Kirk would be dead right now."
Anger flashes in Janice's eyes and Jane's heart speeds up as she realises she's touched a nerve. That's right, she thinks, show them what you really are.
But Janice manages to rein herself in. "Do you have any witnesses to this story?" she asks, back to her former slightly-mocking tone.
"No," Jane replies. "Janice made sure of that."
Janice opens her mouth, but Spock cuts in before she can speak. "If I may, I believe there is only one issue here; is the story of life-entity transfer believable?" She glances around the room and makes brief eye-contact with Jane before continuing, "This crew has been to many places in the galaxy, and has been witness to many strange events. They know that what seems to be impossible often is possible, even if we cannot always explain it."
Janice turns her mocking gaze on Spock. "Mister Spock, have you ever heard of an event such as described by Doctor Lester?"
Spock stares at her coldly. "Not precisely," she replies. "However, I can cite precedent for such an occurrence. On Stardate 4768.3, the Enterprise came across a planet containing the thoughts and memories of three advanced beings. These beings were able to take over the bodies of other sentient beings and control them as though they were their own."
Jane nods. Of course, why hadn't she thought of that? Still, given what had nearly happened to Spock, it's hardly one of her best memories.
Janice seems wrong-footed for a second, but manages to recover. "But, as you state, those were highly advanced beings."
Spock accepts the comment, but Jane can see several of the crew exchanging glances and can't help a slight rush of hope.
Janice must notice it too, because she abruptly changes the subject. "In any case, if we assume for a moment that you are correct in your belief, do you expect Starfleet command to place this… person… in command of the Enterprise?"
Jane narrows her eyes. Right now I'd settle for getting you out of command. A shiver runs down her back as she contemplates just what kind of havoc Janice could wreak with the power of a starship on her side.
If Spock is having the same thoughts, she wisely doesn't voice them. "I expect only to reveal the truth," she replies.
"And if the truth reveals that I am not really the captain?" Janice glances at Jane, then raises her voice before continuing, "She would not be allowed to serve as captain, therefore you would be the captain! That is your plan!"
Jane notices a few eyebrows raise at Janice's outburst. Possibly she realises it, as her next words are delivered more calmly. "Spock, give it up," she says, almost pleading. "You must see how ridiculous this all is? Give up now and we can forget any of this ever happened."
Of course, Spock doesn't fall for it. "And what will become of Doctor Lester?" she asks, clearly unimpressed by Janice's theatrics.
Janice looks put-out, but quickly covers it with a smile. "You have my word that Doctor Lester will be well cared for. It is a debt I owe her from the past."
Jane doesn't miss the barely concealed dig in that sentence. I was a fool to think I owed you anything, she fumes.
Spock's gaze doesn't waver. "No," she says coolly. "I will not 'give up'. I intend to stand by the charges I have made. You are not Captain Kirk, you do not belong in charge of the Enterprise, and I shall do everything in my power to stop you."
Janice actually looks shocked for a second, and Jane almost snorts. You honestly thought Spock would choose you over me?
She watches as Janice visibly gathers her control before turning to the lieutenant currently in charge of recording the trial and ordering, "Lieutenant Lysa, play back the last sentence of Commander Spock's tirade."
Lysa does so, and Spock's voice rings out. "You are not Captain Kirk, you do not belong in charge of the Enterprise, and I shall do everything in my power to stop you."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Janice says, before turning back to Spock. "Do you understand the nature of your statement?"
"Yes, I do," Spock replies calmly. "And I stand by it."
Colour rises in Janice's cheeks as her temper finally runs out. "It is mutiny!" she cries, banging her hand on the table. "You all heard it! Mutiny, and encouragement to mutiny! On the basis of these statements, I call for an immediate vote, by the powers granted to me as captain of the Enterprise. A recess is declared, to be followed by a vote."
* * *
Unfortunately the recess doesn't mean a break from Janice. She spends the recess at the computer with Lieutenant Lysa - doing what, Jane can only speculate - pausing only to threaten Jane with a phaser-stun when she tries to go to Spock. Jane drops back into her seat and tries to console herself with trading sympathetic glances with Spock when Janice isn't looking.
It helps a little, but she can't keep her mind from dwelling on the possibility of living out the rest of her life in this body. The very thought makes her want to vomit, and she crosses her arms across her chest tightly. It won't happen, she reassures herself. I know my crew, and they can't possibly believe Janice over me. Not with the way she's been acting.
She tries to hold on to that thought when the other crewmembers begin to file back in. Scotty and McCoy are the last to return, and it's at that point that Jane finds out what Janice has been doing for the past ten minutes.
The two men have barely sat down before Janice orders, "Play the tapes of the conversation in the corridor."
Jane's hands clench into fists. Spying now, Janice? I suppose when you lie, cheat, and steal so easily you assume everyone else does as well.
Lysa obeys the order and Scotty and McCoy's voices ring out. "Then's the time we move against her. We’ll have to take over the ship." "We're talking about mutiny, Scotty." "Aye. Are you ready for the vote?"
"That's enough," McCoy says. "We know what was said."
Jane's chest swells with pride at her crew. I knew they wouldn't believe her! She makes a mental note to give all of them commendations once this is all over.
Janice seems less impressed. "Enough to convict you of conspiracy with mutineers," she says, her expression belying the lightness in her tone. "And you're so charged." She pauses a moment, as if for effect. "The sentence, death."
Jane moves to protest, but Chekov gets there before her. "Starfleet expressly forbids the death penalty," he says, sounding as if he can't quite believe what he's hearing.
Janice turns on him in anger. "Are all my senior officers turning against me?"
As if to answer her, Sulu speaks up. "General Order Seven is the only exception, and it doesn't apply here."
Beside him, Chekov nods. "The penalty for mutiny is court-martial."
Janice raises her voice. "Thank you, gentlemen, but I am responsible. The execution will be immediate, and I will have no more arguments. Go to your posts."
Chekov and Sulu glance at each other and then slowly rise from their chairs and leave the room. Jane watches them go. She's almost certain by now that they're no longer under Janice's influence, she just hopes they'll buy her enough time to fix this. She has no desire to see her friends and officers killed by, in the most literal sense, her own hand.
Once Chekov and Sulu are out of sight, Janice turns to one of the guards. "Mister Lemli, take them to the brig and prepare for execution." Lemli briefly hesitates. "Go!" Janice orders, with a touch of anger, and he apparently decides it's easier not to argue.
Jane finds herself once again being escorted around her own ship by armed guards, and notes wryly that it's becoming a habit. At least this time she isn't alone. She glances over at Spock and manages to take a little comfort in that.
* * *
Once they are locked up in the brig and the guard has left, Jane turns to Scotty and McCoy with a tired smile. "Don't worry," she says. "We'll find a way out of this." She leans against the wall and adds, "I'm grateful for your support."
McCoy tilts his head as if seeing her for the first time. "Jane?"
Jane manages a small grin. "Hi, Bones."
He shakes his head. "I feel like I'm dreaming."
"I wish this was a dream," Jane mutters darkly.
She feels Spock's fingers brush against hers and relaxes slightly, turning to give her partner a grateful smile. "I said I would fix it," Spock says quietly, "and I intend to do so."
"I know," Jane replies, giving Spock's hand a quick squeeze. "I'm glad you're here." She turns to Scotty and McCoy and adds, "All of you." She glances at the guard standing outside the brig, then leans forward and lowers her voice. "Now, how about we start thinking of a way out of here?"
She's watching Spock and Scotty attempt to remove a wall panel when a wave of dizziness hits her, followed by an almost unbearable pain. The brig seems to waver in front of her eyes, and suddenly she's on the bridge, in the captain's chair. She can see Chekov and Sulu looking at her strangely, but before she can do more than stare blankly at them the image wavers and she's back in the brig, with Spock and McCoy supporting her.
"Are you all right?" Spock asks softly.
Jane nods weakly. The pain and dizziness are gone, but the experience has left her drained and she leans heavily on Spock as she rubs at her temples. "Yes, I just…" She looks up to see the Vulcan observing her with concern. "For a moment I thought I was up on the bridge," she admits. Almost like I was seeing through her eyes.
From the look on the others' faces, they've made the same connection. "Perhaps you were," Spock says thoughtfully.
McCoy's eyes light up. "Then it's possible the transference can be broken," he breathes.
Jane straightens, trying to damp down the hope rising in her chest. "Well, if it happens again I'll fight to stay there."
"The bridge is where you belong," Scotty puts in, and Jane smiles at him. I always knew I had the best crew in Starfleet.
Spock steps forward, folding her arms behind her back. "We must be ready to seize any opportunity to break out of here," she reminds them. "I suggest we plan."
* * *
Janice shows up with Coleman while the four of them are still discussing their options. "In an attempt to avoid further… conspiracy, I am removing you to separate cells," Janice says. "If you resist, you will be sedated until you learn co-operation. Doctor Lester will be first."
Jane glances at Spock, who gives a barely perceptible nod. Guess it's now or never, Jane thinks, and steps forward, trying to look meek and submissive.
"Follow Doctor Coleman," Janice orders, and Jane obediently steps out into the corridor, muscles tensing as she prepares to make her move.
But Coleman strikes first, unveiling a hypospray and grabbing at her in an attempt to inject her. She elbows him in the stomach and spins round, taking several long steps back in anticipation of another attack. She doesn't know what's in the hypospray, but whatever it is it can't be good.
Coleman lunges at her again and she dodges, desperately drawing on training meant for a body both shorter and stronger than this one.
"Kill her!" Janice yells, as Jane once more manages to dodge Coleman's attacks. "Kill her! "
Out of the corner of her eye, Jane sees Janice go rigid a second before the pain and dizziness hit her. For one horribly disorienting moment she feels like she's seeing things from two perspectives at once, but then everything comes back into focus and she's suddenly across the corridor from where she was, staring as Janice - Janice - starts to sob. Hastily Jane looks down and nearly sags with relief as she sees the familiar black-and-gold uniform.
She feels a hand on her arm and looks up into Spock's questioning gaze. She manages a nod and a small smile. "It's over." She slumps back against the wall, letting it sink in. It's over, it's over, it'soverit'soverit'sover-
Several metres away, Janice thumps the wall and dissolves into tears. "I've lost," she sobs. "I'll never get to be captain now, and it's all your fault!" She glares viciously through her tears, and screams, "I want you dead! I want you dead! "
Jane feels Spock take a protective step towards her, but she doubts Janice could make good on her threats, and a quick look round shows McCoy carefully destroying Coleman's hypospray. She lays a hand on Spock's wrist and watches as Coleman approaches Janice and pulls her into his arms. "I still love you," he murmurs.
Janice buries her face in his shoulder and continues to sob.
"Put Doctor Coleman in the brig, then take her to sickbay and have her locked up," Jane orders, finding it hard to even say Janice's name.
Coleman looks up from comforting his murderous paramour. "I'd like to stay with her," he says. "To take care of her."
Jane considers it for a moment, then nods. They'll still be locked up. "Have at least two guards on their room at all times," she tells McCoy.
"Of course," he replies, then turns to Coleman. "Come with me."
Jane watches them go, feeling suddenly tired. "We were happy once," she murmurs, shaking her head. "How did it come to this?"
"I do not believe we will ever know the answer to that," Spock replies, and Jane is forced to agree.
Shaking her head, she gives Spock a wan smile. "I guess we'd better get up to the bridge before the whole crew mutinies." She sets off and feels her smile become more genuine as Spock falls into step next to her. "Oh, and Mister Spock?" she adds, glancing up to meet the other's eyes. "Thank you."
Spock's expression softens, lips curving gently upwards. "Of course, Captain."
* * *
Jane spends the rest of the day visiting every part of the ship, trying to reassure her crew that she's back to normal. They're back on course, heading for Starbase Two at warp six, and according to Chekov and Sulu they'll only be around twelve hours late for their rendezvous with the Potemkin.
McCoy has been making noise about dragging her into sickbay for an examination, but it's only once she's sure that Janice's little stunt hasn't totally ruined her reputation that Jane finally heads down there. What she really wants to do is to spend time with Spock, but the Vulcan will be on duty for at least another two hours, and even sickbay is better than being alone with her thoughts.
She tenses up involuntarily as she enters, looking around for any sign of Janice. She doesn't realise how wound up the situation has left her until McCoy appears at her side and she jumps.
"Easy, Jane," he says, raising his hands. "It's just me."
Jane manages a weak smile. "Hi, Bones." She glances round again and lowers her voice. "Where is she?"
"Locked up in a private room with guards on the door," McCoy reassures her. "Coleman too."
Jane nods. "Good." She shakes herself a little, trying to relieve some of her tension, then straightens into her best captain's pose. "You wanted to see me?"
McCoy nods. "I'm surprised you showed up," he teases, but Jane isn't in the mood for jokes.
"Yes, well, I'm here now." She takes a breath and tries not to fidget. "Let's just get this over with."
McCoy must recognise something in her tone, because the next time he speaks, he's all business. "Right. Lie down on the table, and we'll begin."
The tests are all ones she's done before, many times, and she sails through them all with flying colours. But then so did Janice, Jane thinks, a little bitterly.
"Well, I can't find anything wrong," McCoy concludes. "Anything to report on your end?"
Jane shakes her head. "I'm all right." Absently her eyes stray towards the back of sickbay, where the private rooms are kept. When she looks back at McCoy, his expression is far too sympathetic for her liking.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.
Jane considers it for a moment, then shakes her head. "I just want to forget about it," she says. Against her will, she starts to shake. "When I think of how close she came...."
McCoy lays a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine. It's over now, and you're fine. She didn't do anything."
Jane nods, taking slow, even breaths until she starts to feel calmer. "I know. I know. I just can't stop thinking about it." She glances towards the back of sickbay again and frowns. "Maybe if I could talk to her, I could at least try to understand-"
"I don't think that's such a good idea," McCoy interrupts.
"No, probably not," Jane agrees. "But I have to do something."
McCoy studies her for a long moment. "There's no way to change your mind?" he says with resignation.
Jane shakes her head.
"Then I'm coming with you." When Jane looks at him sharply, he adds, "I'm not leaving you alone with her. Not again."
"Fine," Jane says. "Come on."
She pushes herself off the table and heads over to the private rooms at the back of sickbay. It's immediately evident which one Janice and Coleman are in, as there are two guards armed with phasers standing right outside.
Jane strides up to them, McCoy in tow. "I'm here to see the prisoner." The guards exchange looks. "That was an order, gentlemen."
The guards stand aside, and McCoy enters the code to open the door. One of the guards enters, keeping his phaser trained on the two prisoners within. Jane and McCoy follow him in, and Jane gestures to the other guards to stay outside before turning to deal with Janice.
The other woman is sitting on a bed on the far side of the room, but when she sees Jane she leaps up and charges towards her, rage etched into every line of her face. "YOU!" she yells. "HOW DARE YOU!"
Coleman catches her round the middle and drags her back just as the guard is preparing to fire. Janice struggles against his hold, but finally slumps against him, still glaring at Jane like she's trying to incinerate her with her eyes.
Jane swallows. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "I was hoping we could talk," she says, taking an uneasy step forward. "I'd like to know more about what happened on the colony." She has her suspicions about the 'radiation sickness' that claimed the rest of their research team.
It's clear that she's not going to get any answers from Janice, however. "Talk? After you took away the only thing I've ever wanted?" Jane opens her mouth to point out the flaws in that argument, but Janice hasn't finished. "You and your Vulcan pet," she spits, before her expression turns calculating. "She thought I was you, you know," she says. "Not for long, of course, but long enough."
Jane clenches her hands into fists. "What did you do to her?"
Janice leans back against Coleman, smirking. "Nothing she didn't want."
Jane feels sick. She wouldn't have, she thinks, unsure whether she means Janice or Spock. "You were right," she mutters, turning to McCoy. "This was a mistake."
She leaves the room without a backward glance, barely able to keep from trembling. Once they're back in the corridor, with the door safely locked, McCoy lays a hand on her arm. "Jane, she's lying. Spock wouldn't do that."
"She might if she thought it was me." Jane shakes the hand off roughly, and adds, "And I could have done without our relationship being broadcast to all and sundry." It's an open secret at this point, but she'd like to at least have the illusion of privacy.
McCoy raises his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying maybe you should talk to Spock first. For all you know you're getting worked up over nothing."
Jane sighs, shoulders slumping. "Maybe you're right." She starts to pace back and forth, needing to be active, to move. Every part of her feels wound tight as a spring, ready to explode at any moment. "But she's on duty. I can't drag her away just because I'm feeling neglected." The very idea is abhorrent; they agreed when they became lovers that they wouldn't let their relationship interfere with their duty. The good of the ship must come first, always.
"It isn't a weakness to ask for help," McCoy tells her, and Jane rounds on him.
"It is when it affects the running of this ship," she retorts. "I told you, I'm fine. I'll be fine."
McCoy studies her for a long moment with an expression that says he wants to say more but knows it would be pointless. Finally he just shrugs. "All right, but I'm keeping you off duty until tomorrow at the earliest. We still don't know what kind of unknown side effects the transfer may have had on you."
Jane considers the merits of arguing and decides it isn't worth it. "Fine," she says, giving him an annoyed look. "If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym." Might as well try and burn off some of her excess adrenaline.
McCoy nods. The sympathetic look is back, but Jane pretends not to see it. "Try not to overdo it," he cautions. "And come back if you feel anything at all strange. Nausea, dizziness, headaches…. If you so much as sneeze, I want to know about it."
Jane holds back a sigh. "I'll keep that in mind." McCoy opens his mouth to continue, and she adds hurriedly, "Thanks, Bones. I'll see you later," before making a quick exit.
In the back of her mind she notes that she'll probably end up paying for that later, but right now she's just happy to be away from sickbay, and that ever-present look of sympathy in McCoy's eyes. She's never wanted anyone's sympathy, and she doesn't want it now.
What she does want is Spock, but she stands by her decision. It isn't right to drag Spock away from her duty, no matter how bad Jane might be feeling. She does allow herself a brief moment of weakness, looking inward and finding the link that binds her to Spock, but once she's satisfied that it's there, strong and healthy as before, she pulls back. It's only a few more hours, she tells herself firmly. Besides, the sooner we make it to Starbase Two, the sooner we can get rid of Janice for good.
With that in mind, she heads down to the gym.
* * * * *
Spock frowns as she stands to look through the scanner. They're on their way to rendezvous with the Potemkin, Doctor Lester is under guard in sickbay, and Jane is safe. Logically, she knows that all of this is true, but she cannot keep the thoughts from circulating in her mind. If she had been slower to realise something was wrong, if Coleman had been quicker with the hypospray, if there had not been a way to reverse the swap…. Jane is safe, but she could so easily not have been.
The part that concerns her the most is that she did not immediately notice the swap. Jane said that Spock knew her better than anyone else in the universe, but if that is true, should she not have known that the person talking to her, smiling at her, touching her, was not Jane? As much as she tries to put it out of her mind, the thought that if Janice had been just slightly more adept at impersonation she might not have noticed at all keeps gnawing at her.
She aches to go to Jane, especially since, with Jane back in her original body, their link is no longer blocked, and Jane's restlessness and agitation is coming through quite clearly. If it were up to her she would be there in a heartbeat to comfort her partner, but her duty right now is to the ship, to the mission, and for Spock to ignore that would be the last thing Jane would want.
Despite this, she keeps absently reaching for the link as she works. The familiar presence is soothing, and Spock finds herself wondering, not for the first time, what it would be like if she and Jane were to bond fully. She did not realise how comfortable she had become with Jane's presence in her mind until Janice's actions brought it into sharp focus. Their period of mental separation, brief though it was, was distinctly unpleasant, and not something that Spock would like to repeat.
She muses that a full bond might even have been strong enough to withstand Janice's life transference technology, and allowed her to catch on to Janice's plan a great deal earlier; possibly even early enough to prevent the whole situation. After all, hadn't she felt that something was wrong, even from the beginning?
Spock shakes her head a little, to clear it, and refocuses on the readings coming through her console. There is no logic in dwelling on things that cannot be changed. All she can do now is try and deal with the consequences.
* * * * *
Jane spends an hour or so venting her anger and frustration on a variety of innocent gym equipment, then heads back to her cabin for a shower. Her spirits have lifted slightly, but they dip again as she strips off her uniform and shoves it firmly into the disposal, drawing comfort from the idea of it being burnt to ashes in the incinerator. Intellectually, she knows that there's no difference between that uniform and any of the ones in her closet, but she doesn't care. It has Janice's touch all over it, and no amount of cleaning will take that away.
That done, she turns her attention to other matters. The next obvious task on the agenda is to record the day's events in her Captain's log, but just the idea of having to talk about it again, even to a computer, makes her feel sick. She puts the task aside and begins with a much less demanding one - reading and signing the backlog of reports currently stored on her computer. It's dull, tedious busywork, but it occupies her thoughts, and right now that's all she needs.
She's so firmly ensconced that the sound of the door opening actually startles her. She looks up and feels a rush of pleasureaffectionrelief at the sight of Spock.
"Is it 1600 already?" she asks, abandoning her reports and standing to greet her partner.
"1612," Spock corrects, taking a step towards her. "How are you feeling?"
Jane gives a huff of laughter. "Honestly? I don't know. Bones checked me out and there's nothing physically wrong, but other than that I don't know how I am. How do you even deal with something like this?"
"With help from those who care for you," Spock replies, reaching out to take Jane's hand in hers. "If there is anything I can do for you, you have only to ask."
Jane smiles, but her mind flashes back to Janice's words. You and your Vulcan pet. Swallowing, she pulls her hand out of Spock's grip and steps away.
Spock frowns. "Jane, what's wrong?"
Jane chews on her lip. "Did you and Janice...." She trails off, unable to finish the question.
Spock looks puzzled for a moment, then understanding dawns. "No!" she blurts. "Jane, t'hy'la, no. I would never do that." She moves forward and once again takes Jane's hands in hers.
Jane looks at their joined hands, wanting so badly to believe her. "But you thought she was me," she protests.
There is a pause, as if Spock is considering how to respond. Finally she says, "She attempted to… seduce me, but the person she turned you into was not one I would choose to be intimate with."
Jane gives a surprised laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."
When she looks up she sees an answering amusement in Spock's eyes. "It was intended as such."
With a sigh, Jane steps forward and wraps her arms around Spock. After a second she feels Spock return the embrace, and lets herself relax into it, enjoying the warmth and closeness. For the first time since Camus II she feels truly herself again.
"I wish I could just hate her," she mumbles into Spock's shoulder. "It'd be easier."
"You are a better person than she is," Spock replies.
Jane manages a half-smile. "That's the thing, though. She wasn't always like this. I mean, I knew she was jealous of me, but the Janice I knew would never have hurt people like this. I don't understand." She shakes her head. "I don't suppose I ever will." She pauses for a long moment, then says abruptly, "I tried talking to her. When I was in sickbay. It... didn't go well."
Understanding shows in Spock's eyes. "That is why you asked if she and I had been intimate?"
Jane nods, giving a huff of laughter. "She said... well, it doesn't matter. And I know I shouldn't have believed her, but she just rattled me."
"That is understandable," Spock replies. "I trust you do not desire further contact?"
Jane physically shudders. "No. At this point I'd be happy never to see her again. The sooner she's off this ship, the better." She takes a deep breath and makes an effort to focus on Spock's arms around her; the warmth of her touch. "Let's not talk about it any more," she says. "I can think of much more interesting things we could be doing."
She pulls away slightly, out of Spock's grip, and reaches up to pull her into a kiss. It starts off slow and soft, a gesture of comfort and caring, but rapidly becomes more heated. Jane presses herself closer, feeling Spock's arms go back round her, and slides her own hands up into Spock's hair. Running her fingers through that soft dark cap and messing up its perfect lines has always been one of her favourite things to do, and Spock has always been more than happy to let her.
Breathless, they break apart, and Jane smiles. "I've wanted to do that since you melded with me in sickbay," she admits. "If the guard hadn't been there I would have."
"I experienced the same urge," Spock replies, lips curving. She reaches up to stroke Jane's face, and Jane leans into the touch, rubbing her cheek against Spock's hand before covering it with her own.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," she says. "And I don't want to find out." She takes a breath and blurts out, "I want you to bond us."
Spock's eyes go wide and she starts to pull her hand away. "That is not a decision to be made lightly," she says.
"And I'm not making it lightly," Jane replies. "I mean, yes, it'd be nice to have one good thing come out of this mess, but that's not the reason I said it. I love you, and I want to spend my life with you. We can have the big ceremony on Vulcan, I'll even get down on one knee if you want, but today showed me how it feels to be cut off from you, and I know I don't ever want to feel like that again." She takes both of Spock's hands in hers and puts on her most charming smile, the one that Spock can never resist. "Marry me?"
Spock is silent for a long moment, before her expression softens into one of open affection. "We will have the ceremony on Vulcan," she replies. "You do not have to get down on one knee, but you will have to accompany me when I inform my parents. And I am leaving it to you to inform Starfleet. If all that is acceptable, then I would be… happy to be your wife."
"Deal," Jane agrees with a smile. She steps forward and wraps her arms around Spock, holding her tightly. "I love you."
She feels, more than sees, Spock's answering smile. "And I you, t'hy'la."
Pairing: Kirk/Spock femslash, past Kirk/Janice Lester
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Turnabout Intruder" AU. Jane Kirk isn't looking forward to her reunion with ex-girlfriend Janice Lester, but she doesn't expect Janice to swap their bodies in an attempt to take her place as captain. Now her only hope is to convince her friends - and girlfriend - of her true identity, and stop Janice before it's too late.
Words: ~6400/13600
The trial is to take place in Briefing Room 1, but Jane isn't allowed to attend. She fought the decision, of course, demanded to stay with Spock, but even now Janice still holds most of the cards, and all Jane's arguments were in vain.
So instead she's locked up back in sickbay, trying to stay calm while her very future hangs in the balance. McCoy's tests were inconclusive - a fact that Janice informed her and Spock of rather smugly - which means that her only hope is Spock's testimony. She has faith in her crew, but without actual evidence - and, as much as they both might wish it, Spock's word isn't evidence - she doesn't know how much they can do.
She is pacing back and forth, trying, and mostly failing, to keep her mind from dwelling on worst case scenarios, when the door slides open. Turning to look, she sees a young Ensign - Lemli, her mind supplies - standing in the doorway.
"You're wanted in the courtroom," he says, not bothering to come closer.
Jane goes over to him, heart speeding up. "Why?" she asks. Surely they can't have come to a decision already?
Lemli gives her a suspicious look. "Commander Spock asked for you as a witness," he replies. "Come on."
Jane follows him, lips curving a little. Nice work, Spock. If she can face Janice in front of the others, she might be able to provoke her into revealing herself. It's a small hope, but right now she'll take it.
She isn't pleased to see Doctor Coleman fall into line with them as they leave sickbay. "You know, Janice," he murmurs, putting a barely-noticeable stress on the name, "this would be so much easier on you if you'd just accept it."
Jane gives him her best captainly glare and doesn't answer.
They reach the briefing room a few minutes later. Jane takes a second to centre herself as they approach the doors; no matter what happens, she's not going down without a fight.
Her eyes go to Spock as she enters the room, slipping into their usual non-verbal communication as easily as breathing. A look that asks if Spock's okay, a barely noticeable nod followed by a raised eyebrow returning the question.
Ask me in a few minutes, Jane thinks, and turns her attention to Janice.
But for once Janice's attention isn't on her. "Doctor Coleman, if you are required, we'll call you," she says. Jane glances back in time to catch his frown, clearly he wasn't expecting that. Good riddance, Jane thinks as she strides forward to take the stand. Janice might be crazy, but Coleman has no such excuse. When she's back to normal she's going to make sure he's locked up for a very long time.
Janice steps forward, smirking slightly. Jane makes a note not to smirk in future; it doesn't suit her face at all. She tilts her head up in defiance and meets Janice's gaze. "You wanted to see me?"
Janice nods. "We are all aware that you have been subjected to inordinate emotional stress," she begins, and the fake concern in her voice makes Jane want to throttle her. "I had hoped to avoid any further stress on you, but Commander Spock," -her gaze flicks to Spock with barely-hidden distaste- "disagreed. It is her opinion that your testimony is important in determining the merits of her case, and so, since we are solely interested in arriving at a just decision, I need to ask you a few questions." She pastes on a comforting smile and adds, "I'll try not to upset you."
Jane has to bite her tongue at that remark, but manages to keep her face expressionless.
"Now," Janice continues, "you claim that you are Captain Jane Kirk?"
But Jane isn't about to play into her mind games. "No," she says with a hint of asperity. "I am not Captain Kirk. That is very apparent." She takes a breath and continues, "I claim that whatever makes Jane Kirk a unique being - her spirit, her soul, whatever you want to call it -is being held here in this body."
Janice blinks and Jane feels a moment of satisfaction at temporarily wrong-footing her. But Janice quickly regroups. "And the corollary of your claim is that Doctor Janice Lester's "soul" is being held in this body." She gestures to herself with raised eyebrows.
Jane takes a breath, nodding. "That is correct."
Janice gives Jane a mocking smile. "And was this "switching of souls" arrived at by mutual agreement?"
Like you don't know, Jane thinks bitterly, but manages to stay calm. "No," she says. "It was brought about by a violent attack by Janice Lester, and the use of equipment she discovered on Camus II."
"Of course it was," Janice replies with mock-sweetness. "And can you tell me why Doctor Lester would agree to this ludicrous exchange?"
Jane straightens her back. "Yes. To get the power she craved. To attain a position she hasn't earned and doesn't merit. And as some sort of vengeance against Jane Kirk, a woman she once claimed to love." She glances around at the assembled crewmembers and adds, "If it were up to her, the real Captain Kirk would be dead right now."
Anger flashes in Janice's eyes and Jane's heart speeds up as she realises she's touched a nerve. That's right, she thinks, show them what you really are.
But Janice manages to rein herself in. "Do you have any witnesses to this story?" she asks, back to her former slightly-mocking tone.
"No," Jane replies. "Janice made sure of that."
Janice opens her mouth, but Spock cuts in before she can speak. "If I may, I believe there is only one issue here; is the story of life-entity transfer believable?" She glances around the room and makes brief eye-contact with Jane before continuing, "This crew has been to many places in the galaxy, and has been witness to many strange events. They know that what seems to be impossible often is possible, even if we cannot always explain it."
Janice turns her mocking gaze on Spock. "Mister Spock, have you ever heard of an event such as described by Doctor Lester?"
Spock stares at her coldly. "Not precisely," she replies. "However, I can cite precedent for such an occurrence. On Stardate 4768.3, the Enterprise came across a planet containing the thoughts and memories of three advanced beings. These beings were able to take over the bodies of other sentient beings and control them as though they were their own."
Jane nods. Of course, why hadn't she thought of that? Still, given what had nearly happened to Spock, it's hardly one of her best memories.
Janice seems wrong-footed for a second, but manages to recover. "But, as you state, those were highly advanced beings."
Spock accepts the comment, but Jane can see several of the crew exchanging glances and can't help a slight rush of hope.
Janice must notice it too, because she abruptly changes the subject. "In any case, if we assume for a moment that you are correct in your belief, do you expect Starfleet command to place this… person… in command of the Enterprise?"
Jane narrows her eyes. Right now I'd settle for getting you out of command. A shiver runs down her back as she contemplates just what kind of havoc Janice could wreak with the power of a starship on her side.
If Spock is having the same thoughts, she wisely doesn't voice them. "I expect only to reveal the truth," she replies.
"And if the truth reveals that I am not really the captain?" Janice glances at Jane, then raises her voice before continuing, "She would not be allowed to serve as captain, therefore you would be the captain! That is your plan!"
Jane notices a few eyebrows raise at Janice's outburst. Possibly she realises it, as her next words are delivered more calmly. "Spock, give it up," she says, almost pleading. "You must see how ridiculous this all is? Give up now and we can forget any of this ever happened."
Of course, Spock doesn't fall for it. "And what will become of Doctor Lester?" she asks, clearly unimpressed by Janice's theatrics.
Janice looks put-out, but quickly covers it with a smile. "You have my word that Doctor Lester will be well cared for. It is a debt I owe her from the past."
Jane doesn't miss the barely concealed dig in that sentence. I was a fool to think I owed you anything, she fumes.
Spock's gaze doesn't waver. "No," she says coolly. "I will not 'give up'. I intend to stand by the charges I have made. You are not Captain Kirk, you do not belong in charge of the Enterprise, and I shall do everything in my power to stop you."
Janice actually looks shocked for a second, and Jane almost snorts. You honestly thought Spock would choose you over me?
She watches as Janice visibly gathers her control before turning to the lieutenant currently in charge of recording the trial and ordering, "Lieutenant Lysa, play back the last sentence of Commander Spock's tirade."
Lysa does so, and Spock's voice rings out. "You are not Captain Kirk, you do not belong in charge of the Enterprise, and I shall do everything in my power to stop you."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Janice says, before turning back to Spock. "Do you understand the nature of your statement?"
"Yes, I do," Spock replies calmly. "And I stand by it."
Colour rises in Janice's cheeks as her temper finally runs out. "It is mutiny!" she cries, banging her hand on the table. "You all heard it! Mutiny, and encouragement to mutiny! On the basis of these statements, I call for an immediate vote, by the powers granted to me as captain of the Enterprise. A recess is declared, to be followed by a vote."
* * *
Unfortunately the recess doesn't mean a break from Janice. She spends the recess at the computer with Lieutenant Lysa - doing what, Jane can only speculate - pausing only to threaten Jane with a phaser-stun when she tries to go to Spock. Jane drops back into her seat and tries to console herself with trading sympathetic glances with Spock when Janice isn't looking.
It helps a little, but she can't keep her mind from dwelling on the possibility of living out the rest of her life in this body. The very thought makes her want to vomit, and she crosses her arms across her chest tightly. It won't happen, she reassures herself. I know my crew, and they can't possibly believe Janice over me. Not with the way she's been acting.
She tries to hold on to that thought when the other crewmembers begin to file back in. Scotty and McCoy are the last to return, and it's at that point that Jane finds out what Janice has been doing for the past ten minutes.
The two men have barely sat down before Janice orders, "Play the tapes of the conversation in the corridor."
Jane's hands clench into fists. Spying now, Janice? I suppose when you lie, cheat, and steal so easily you assume everyone else does as well.
Lysa obeys the order and Scotty and McCoy's voices ring out. "Then's the time we move against her. We’ll have to take over the ship." "We're talking about mutiny, Scotty." "Aye. Are you ready for the vote?"
"That's enough," McCoy says. "We know what was said."
Jane's chest swells with pride at her crew. I knew they wouldn't believe her! She makes a mental note to give all of them commendations once this is all over.
Janice seems less impressed. "Enough to convict you of conspiracy with mutineers," she says, her expression belying the lightness in her tone. "And you're so charged." She pauses a moment, as if for effect. "The sentence, death."
Jane moves to protest, but Chekov gets there before her. "Starfleet expressly forbids the death penalty," he says, sounding as if he can't quite believe what he's hearing.
Janice turns on him in anger. "Are all my senior officers turning against me?"
As if to answer her, Sulu speaks up. "General Order Seven is the only exception, and it doesn't apply here."
Beside him, Chekov nods. "The penalty for mutiny is court-martial."
Janice raises her voice. "Thank you, gentlemen, but I am responsible. The execution will be immediate, and I will have no more arguments. Go to your posts."
Chekov and Sulu glance at each other and then slowly rise from their chairs and leave the room. Jane watches them go. She's almost certain by now that they're no longer under Janice's influence, she just hopes they'll buy her enough time to fix this. She has no desire to see her friends and officers killed by, in the most literal sense, her own hand.
Once Chekov and Sulu are out of sight, Janice turns to one of the guards. "Mister Lemli, take them to the brig and prepare for execution." Lemli briefly hesitates. "Go!" Janice orders, with a touch of anger, and he apparently decides it's easier not to argue.
Jane finds herself once again being escorted around her own ship by armed guards, and notes wryly that it's becoming a habit. At least this time she isn't alone. She glances over at Spock and manages to take a little comfort in that.
* * *
Once they are locked up in the brig and the guard has left, Jane turns to Scotty and McCoy with a tired smile. "Don't worry," she says. "We'll find a way out of this." She leans against the wall and adds, "I'm grateful for your support."
McCoy tilts his head as if seeing her for the first time. "Jane?"
Jane manages a small grin. "Hi, Bones."
He shakes his head. "I feel like I'm dreaming."
"I wish this was a dream," Jane mutters darkly.
She feels Spock's fingers brush against hers and relaxes slightly, turning to give her partner a grateful smile. "I said I would fix it," Spock says quietly, "and I intend to do so."
"I know," Jane replies, giving Spock's hand a quick squeeze. "I'm glad you're here." She turns to Scotty and McCoy and adds, "All of you." She glances at the guard standing outside the brig, then leans forward and lowers her voice. "Now, how about we start thinking of a way out of here?"
She's watching Spock and Scotty attempt to remove a wall panel when a wave of dizziness hits her, followed by an almost unbearable pain. The brig seems to waver in front of her eyes, and suddenly she's on the bridge, in the captain's chair. She can see Chekov and Sulu looking at her strangely, but before she can do more than stare blankly at them the image wavers and she's back in the brig, with Spock and McCoy supporting her.
"Are you all right?" Spock asks softly.
Jane nods weakly. The pain and dizziness are gone, but the experience has left her drained and she leans heavily on Spock as she rubs at her temples. "Yes, I just…" She looks up to see the Vulcan observing her with concern. "For a moment I thought I was up on the bridge," she admits. Almost like I was seeing through her eyes.
From the look on the others' faces, they've made the same connection. "Perhaps you were," Spock says thoughtfully.
McCoy's eyes light up. "Then it's possible the transference can be broken," he breathes.
Jane straightens, trying to damp down the hope rising in her chest. "Well, if it happens again I'll fight to stay there."
"The bridge is where you belong," Scotty puts in, and Jane smiles at him. I always knew I had the best crew in Starfleet.
Spock steps forward, folding her arms behind her back. "We must be ready to seize any opportunity to break out of here," she reminds them. "I suggest we plan."
* * *
Janice shows up with Coleman while the four of them are still discussing their options. "In an attempt to avoid further… conspiracy, I am removing you to separate cells," Janice says. "If you resist, you will be sedated until you learn co-operation. Doctor Lester will be first."
Jane glances at Spock, who gives a barely perceptible nod. Guess it's now or never, Jane thinks, and steps forward, trying to look meek and submissive.
"Follow Doctor Coleman," Janice orders, and Jane obediently steps out into the corridor, muscles tensing as she prepares to make her move.
But Coleman strikes first, unveiling a hypospray and grabbing at her in an attempt to inject her. She elbows him in the stomach and spins round, taking several long steps back in anticipation of another attack. She doesn't know what's in the hypospray, but whatever it is it can't be good.
Coleman lunges at her again and she dodges, desperately drawing on training meant for a body both shorter and stronger than this one.
"Kill her!" Janice yells, as Jane once more manages to dodge Coleman's attacks. "Kill her! "
Out of the corner of her eye, Jane sees Janice go rigid a second before the pain and dizziness hit her. For one horribly disorienting moment she feels like she's seeing things from two perspectives at once, but then everything comes back into focus and she's suddenly across the corridor from where she was, staring as Janice - Janice - starts to sob. Hastily Jane looks down and nearly sags with relief as she sees the familiar black-and-gold uniform.
She feels a hand on her arm and looks up into Spock's questioning gaze. She manages a nod and a small smile. "It's over." She slumps back against the wall, letting it sink in. It's over, it's over, it'soverit'soverit'sover-
Several metres away, Janice thumps the wall and dissolves into tears. "I've lost," she sobs. "I'll never get to be captain now, and it's all your fault!" She glares viciously through her tears, and screams, "I want you dead! I want you dead! "
Jane feels Spock take a protective step towards her, but she doubts Janice could make good on her threats, and a quick look round shows McCoy carefully destroying Coleman's hypospray. She lays a hand on Spock's wrist and watches as Coleman approaches Janice and pulls her into his arms. "I still love you," he murmurs.
Janice buries her face in his shoulder and continues to sob.
"Put Doctor Coleman in the brig, then take her to sickbay and have her locked up," Jane orders, finding it hard to even say Janice's name.
Coleman looks up from comforting his murderous paramour. "I'd like to stay with her," he says. "To take care of her."
Jane considers it for a moment, then nods. They'll still be locked up. "Have at least two guards on their room at all times," she tells McCoy.
"Of course," he replies, then turns to Coleman. "Come with me."
Jane watches them go, feeling suddenly tired. "We were happy once," she murmurs, shaking her head. "How did it come to this?"
"I do not believe we will ever know the answer to that," Spock replies, and Jane is forced to agree.
Shaking her head, she gives Spock a wan smile. "I guess we'd better get up to the bridge before the whole crew mutinies." She sets off and feels her smile become more genuine as Spock falls into step next to her. "Oh, and Mister Spock?" she adds, glancing up to meet the other's eyes. "Thank you."
Spock's expression softens, lips curving gently upwards. "Of course, Captain."
* * *
Jane spends the rest of the day visiting every part of the ship, trying to reassure her crew that she's back to normal. They're back on course, heading for Starbase Two at warp six, and according to Chekov and Sulu they'll only be around twelve hours late for their rendezvous with the Potemkin.
McCoy has been making noise about dragging her into sickbay for an examination, but it's only once she's sure that Janice's little stunt hasn't totally ruined her reputation that Jane finally heads down there. What she really wants to do is to spend time with Spock, but the Vulcan will be on duty for at least another two hours, and even sickbay is better than being alone with her thoughts.
She tenses up involuntarily as she enters, looking around for any sign of Janice. She doesn't realise how wound up the situation has left her until McCoy appears at her side and she jumps.
"Easy, Jane," he says, raising his hands. "It's just me."
Jane manages a weak smile. "Hi, Bones." She glances round again and lowers her voice. "Where is she?"
"Locked up in a private room with guards on the door," McCoy reassures her. "Coleman too."
Jane nods. "Good." She shakes herself a little, trying to relieve some of her tension, then straightens into her best captain's pose. "You wanted to see me?"
McCoy nods. "I'm surprised you showed up," he teases, but Jane isn't in the mood for jokes.
"Yes, well, I'm here now." She takes a breath and tries not to fidget. "Let's just get this over with."
McCoy must recognise something in her tone, because the next time he speaks, he's all business. "Right. Lie down on the table, and we'll begin."
The tests are all ones she's done before, many times, and she sails through them all with flying colours. But then so did Janice, Jane thinks, a little bitterly.
"Well, I can't find anything wrong," McCoy concludes. "Anything to report on your end?"
Jane shakes her head. "I'm all right." Absently her eyes stray towards the back of sickbay, where the private rooms are kept. When she looks back at McCoy, his expression is far too sympathetic for her liking.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.
Jane considers it for a moment, then shakes her head. "I just want to forget about it," she says. Against her will, she starts to shake. "When I think of how close she came...."
McCoy lays a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine. It's over now, and you're fine. She didn't do anything."
Jane nods, taking slow, even breaths until she starts to feel calmer. "I know. I know. I just can't stop thinking about it." She glances towards the back of sickbay again and frowns. "Maybe if I could talk to her, I could at least try to understand-"
"I don't think that's such a good idea," McCoy interrupts.
"No, probably not," Jane agrees. "But I have to do something."
McCoy studies her for a long moment. "There's no way to change your mind?" he says with resignation.
Jane shakes her head.
"Then I'm coming with you." When Jane looks at him sharply, he adds, "I'm not leaving you alone with her. Not again."
"Fine," Jane says. "Come on."
She pushes herself off the table and heads over to the private rooms at the back of sickbay. It's immediately evident which one Janice and Coleman are in, as there are two guards armed with phasers standing right outside.
Jane strides up to them, McCoy in tow. "I'm here to see the prisoner." The guards exchange looks. "That was an order, gentlemen."
The guards stand aside, and McCoy enters the code to open the door. One of the guards enters, keeping his phaser trained on the two prisoners within. Jane and McCoy follow him in, and Jane gestures to the other guards to stay outside before turning to deal with Janice.
The other woman is sitting on a bed on the far side of the room, but when she sees Jane she leaps up and charges towards her, rage etched into every line of her face. "YOU!" she yells. "HOW DARE YOU!"
Coleman catches her round the middle and drags her back just as the guard is preparing to fire. Janice struggles against his hold, but finally slumps against him, still glaring at Jane like she's trying to incinerate her with her eyes.
Jane swallows. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "I was hoping we could talk," she says, taking an uneasy step forward. "I'd like to know more about what happened on the colony." She has her suspicions about the 'radiation sickness' that claimed the rest of their research team.
It's clear that she's not going to get any answers from Janice, however. "Talk? After you took away the only thing I've ever wanted?" Jane opens her mouth to point out the flaws in that argument, but Janice hasn't finished. "You and your Vulcan pet," she spits, before her expression turns calculating. "She thought I was you, you know," she says. "Not for long, of course, but long enough."
Jane clenches her hands into fists. "What did you do to her?"
Janice leans back against Coleman, smirking. "Nothing she didn't want."
Jane feels sick. She wouldn't have, she thinks, unsure whether she means Janice or Spock. "You were right," she mutters, turning to McCoy. "This was a mistake."
She leaves the room without a backward glance, barely able to keep from trembling. Once they're back in the corridor, with the door safely locked, McCoy lays a hand on her arm. "Jane, she's lying. Spock wouldn't do that."
"She might if she thought it was me." Jane shakes the hand off roughly, and adds, "And I could have done without our relationship being broadcast to all and sundry." It's an open secret at this point, but she'd like to at least have the illusion of privacy.
McCoy raises his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying maybe you should talk to Spock first. For all you know you're getting worked up over nothing."
Jane sighs, shoulders slumping. "Maybe you're right." She starts to pace back and forth, needing to be active, to move. Every part of her feels wound tight as a spring, ready to explode at any moment. "But she's on duty. I can't drag her away just because I'm feeling neglected." The very idea is abhorrent; they agreed when they became lovers that they wouldn't let their relationship interfere with their duty. The good of the ship must come first, always.
"It isn't a weakness to ask for help," McCoy tells her, and Jane rounds on him.
"It is when it affects the running of this ship," she retorts. "I told you, I'm fine. I'll be fine."
McCoy studies her for a long moment with an expression that says he wants to say more but knows it would be pointless. Finally he just shrugs. "All right, but I'm keeping you off duty until tomorrow at the earliest. We still don't know what kind of unknown side effects the transfer may have had on you."
Jane considers the merits of arguing and decides it isn't worth it. "Fine," she says, giving him an annoyed look. "If anyone needs me I'll be in the gym." Might as well try and burn off some of her excess adrenaline.
McCoy nods. The sympathetic look is back, but Jane pretends not to see it. "Try not to overdo it," he cautions. "And come back if you feel anything at all strange. Nausea, dizziness, headaches…. If you so much as sneeze, I want to know about it."
Jane holds back a sigh. "I'll keep that in mind." McCoy opens his mouth to continue, and she adds hurriedly, "Thanks, Bones. I'll see you later," before making a quick exit.
In the back of her mind she notes that she'll probably end up paying for that later, but right now she's just happy to be away from sickbay, and that ever-present look of sympathy in McCoy's eyes. She's never wanted anyone's sympathy, and she doesn't want it now.
What she does want is Spock, but she stands by her decision. It isn't right to drag Spock away from her duty, no matter how bad Jane might be feeling. She does allow herself a brief moment of weakness, looking inward and finding the link that binds her to Spock, but once she's satisfied that it's there, strong and healthy as before, she pulls back. It's only a few more hours, she tells herself firmly. Besides, the sooner we make it to Starbase Two, the sooner we can get rid of Janice for good.
With that in mind, she heads down to the gym.
* * * * *
Spock frowns as she stands to look through the scanner. They're on their way to rendezvous with the Potemkin, Doctor Lester is under guard in sickbay, and Jane is safe. Logically, she knows that all of this is true, but she cannot keep the thoughts from circulating in her mind. If she had been slower to realise something was wrong, if Coleman had been quicker with the hypospray, if there had not been a way to reverse the swap…. Jane is safe, but she could so easily not have been.
The part that concerns her the most is that she did not immediately notice the swap. Jane said that Spock knew her better than anyone else in the universe, but if that is true, should she not have known that the person talking to her, smiling at her, touching her, was not Jane? As much as she tries to put it out of her mind, the thought that if Janice had been just slightly more adept at impersonation she might not have noticed at all keeps gnawing at her.
She aches to go to Jane, especially since, with Jane back in her original body, their link is no longer blocked, and Jane's restlessness and agitation is coming through quite clearly. If it were up to her she would be there in a heartbeat to comfort her partner, but her duty right now is to the ship, to the mission, and for Spock to ignore that would be the last thing Jane would want.
Despite this, she keeps absently reaching for the link as she works. The familiar presence is soothing, and Spock finds herself wondering, not for the first time, what it would be like if she and Jane were to bond fully. She did not realise how comfortable she had become with Jane's presence in her mind until Janice's actions brought it into sharp focus. Their period of mental separation, brief though it was, was distinctly unpleasant, and not something that Spock would like to repeat.
She muses that a full bond might even have been strong enough to withstand Janice's life transference technology, and allowed her to catch on to Janice's plan a great deal earlier; possibly even early enough to prevent the whole situation. After all, hadn't she felt that something was wrong, even from the beginning?
Spock shakes her head a little, to clear it, and refocuses on the readings coming through her console. There is no logic in dwelling on things that cannot be changed. All she can do now is try and deal with the consequences.
* * * * *
Jane spends an hour or so venting her anger and frustration on a variety of innocent gym equipment, then heads back to her cabin for a shower. Her spirits have lifted slightly, but they dip again as she strips off her uniform and shoves it firmly into the disposal, drawing comfort from the idea of it being burnt to ashes in the incinerator. Intellectually, she knows that there's no difference between that uniform and any of the ones in her closet, but she doesn't care. It has Janice's touch all over it, and no amount of cleaning will take that away.
That done, she turns her attention to other matters. The next obvious task on the agenda is to record the day's events in her Captain's log, but just the idea of having to talk about it again, even to a computer, makes her feel sick. She puts the task aside and begins with a much less demanding one - reading and signing the backlog of reports currently stored on her computer. It's dull, tedious busywork, but it occupies her thoughts, and right now that's all she needs.
She's so firmly ensconced that the sound of the door opening actually startles her. She looks up and feels a rush of pleasureaffectionrelief at the sight of Spock.
"Is it 1600 already?" she asks, abandoning her reports and standing to greet her partner.
"1612," Spock corrects, taking a step towards her. "How are you feeling?"
Jane gives a huff of laughter. "Honestly? I don't know. Bones checked me out and there's nothing physically wrong, but other than that I don't know how I am. How do you even deal with something like this?"
"With help from those who care for you," Spock replies, reaching out to take Jane's hand in hers. "If there is anything I can do for you, you have only to ask."
Jane smiles, but her mind flashes back to Janice's words. You and your Vulcan pet. Swallowing, she pulls her hand out of Spock's grip and steps away.
Spock frowns. "Jane, what's wrong?"
Jane chews on her lip. "Did you and Janice...." She trails off, unable to finish the question.
Spock looks puzzled for a moment, then understanding dawns. "No!" she blurts. "Jane, t'hy'la, no. I would never do that." She moves forward and once again takes Jane's hands in hers.
Jane looks at their joined hands, wanting so badly to believe her. "But you thought she was me," she protests.
There is a pause, as if Spock is considering how to respond. Finally she says, "She attempted to… seduce me, but the person she turned you into was not one I would choose to be intimate with."
Jane gives a surprised laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."
When she looks up she sees an answering amusement in Spock's eyes. "It was intended as such."
With a sigh, Jane steps forward and wraps her arms around Spock. After a second she feels Spock return the embrace, and lets herself relax into it, enjoying the warmth and closeness. For the first time since Camus II she feels truly herself again.
"I wish I could just hate her," she mumbles into Spock's shoulder. "It'd be easier."
"You are a better person than she is," Spock replies.
Jane manages a half-smile. "That's the thing, though. She wasn't always like this. I mean, I knew she was jealous of me, but the Janice I knew would never have hurt people like this. I don't understand." She shakes her head. "I don't suppose I ever will." She pauses for a long moment, then says abruptly, "I tried talking to her. When I was in sickbay. It... didn't go well."
Understanding shows in Spock's eyes. "That is why you asked if she and I had been intimate?"
Jane nods, giving a huff of laughter. "She said... well, it doesn't matter. And I know I shouldn't have believed her, but she just rattled me."
"That is understandable," Spock replies. "I trust you do not desire further contact?"
Jane physically shudders. "No. At this point I'd be happy never to see her again. The sooner she's off this ship, the better." She takes a deep breath and makes an effort to focus on Spock's arms around her; the warmth of her touch. "Let's not talk about it any more," she says. "I can think of much more interesting things we could be doing."
She pulls away slightly, out of Spock's grip, and reaches up to pull her into a kiss. It starts off slow and soft, a gesture of comfort and caring, but rapidly becomes more heated. Jane presses herself closer, feeling Spock's arms go back round her, and slides her own hands up into Spock's hair. Running her fingers through that soft dark cap and messing up its perfect lines has always been one of her favourite things to do, and Spock has always been more than happy to let her.
Breathless, they break apart, and Jane smiles. "I've wanted to do that since you melded with me in sickbay," she admits. "If the guard hadn't been there I would have."
"I experienced the same urge," Spock replies, lips curving. She reaches up to stroke Jane's face, and Jane leans into the touch, rubbing her cheek against Spock's hand before covering it with her own.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," she says. "And I don't want to find out." She takes a breath and blurts out, "I want you to bond us."
Spock's eyes go wide and she starts to pull her hand away. "That is not a decision to be made lightly," she says.
"And I'm not making it lightly," Jane replies. "I mean, yes, it'd be nice to have one good thing come out of this mess, but that's not the reason I said it. I love you, and I want to spend my life with you. We can have the big ceremony on Vulcan, I'll even get down on one knee if you want, but today showed me how it feels to be cut off from you, and I know I don't ever want to feel like that again." She takes both of Spock's hands in hers and puts on her most charming smile, the one that Spock can never resist. "Marry me?"
Spock is silent for a long moment, before her expression softens into one of open affection. "We will have the ceremony on Vulcan," she replies. "You do not have to get down on one knee, but you will have to accompany me when I inform my parents. And I am leaving it to you to inform Starfleet. If all that is acceptable, then I would be… happy to be your wife."
"Deal," Jane agrees with a smile. She steps forward and wraps her arms around Spock, holding her tightly. "I love you."
She feels, more than sees, Spock's answering smile. "And I you, t'hy'la."