Ragna Story Part 1: Let's Count The Cliches!
(Also found here)
So, to make the upload of pictures in the correct order en mass easier, I had to install a Java update to use the Bulk Uploader at Photobucket (which btw kept loading and loading forever, and once up is slow as FUCK). I hate Java with a passion... Mind you, a platform that works everywhere is a great idea... except on cellphones, where the processing power is already slow enough and anything running on Java will be slow as hell.
Still, the Bulk Uploader at least doesn't force me into copy pasting the code for each image manually just to make sure they are in the right order and not backwards, so there's that.
Eh... what was I supposed to do now? Oh right, Ragna's Story.
What an ominous nickname. Except Ragna has neither black clothes nor a scythe (outside of his 100 Heat Special).
We start with a dream of a tragedy long past.
Cliche counter: 1.
Our hero back then was useless to prevent the tragedy.
Cliche counter: 2.
Whiny emo bitch.
Cliche counter: 3.
The nuns mean that he lives in an christian orphanage or something. Hence, he has no parents. That's a very common trend in Japanese... anything, actually. What's their obsession with orphans? You'd think there would not be a single adult left in the world with how many orphans they have running around in most of the stuff they produce.
Cliche counter: 4.
Ragna refers to a younger "brother" and "sister." Obviously not blood related, since one is blonde and the other has purple hair or something stupid like that. Otherwise, that is one messed up gene pool.
Cliche counter: 5, for the sick/dead little sister. I'm gonna run out of numbers soon.
"I told Jin not to cook! He can't even boil rice without turning it into a forest fire!"
Cliche counter: 6, doomed hometown. Or, church/orphanage. Whatever, that thing is so up in flames i can barely see what it was supposed to be. Looks like a church for the cross shape it seems to make.
Ok, confirmation of a church. Not that it matters, since it's already destroyed and all.
The counter remains at 6, since I already accounted for this eventuality. If I didn't put all of the Saya nonsense in one bag, I'd probably reach triple digits soon.
... Oh sweet mother of God...
I won't pretend anyone here doesn't know who this is. The creepy smile is well known, and his manner of speaking is very unique. Well, as unique as a troll can be. If he were on the Internet, he'd just blend into the troll population and be lost forever.
Fuck Hazama.
Oh, irony.
That cheap toy was his arm, and as such, we have confirmation that Ragna considers himself cheap. Considering the soon to come references to him being a low class bum, he is not that off the mark.
Trollzama cut off Ragna's arm for the lulz or some shit. I can't picture why he'd do that, aside from, again, being a Troll.
Cliche count: 7, lost limb and eventual artificial limb.
The dialogue here, even when lacking voices in text format, makes it pretty clear who is talking. Mostly cause Hazama's trolling is evident, Ragna is abusing ellipses to show that he's in pain, and Jin has debuted his overuse of creepingly saying "Brother..." every two sentences.
Cliche count: 8, villain mocking while everyone... just... stands there...
I'm kinda wondering who the old hag is by now. Is she someone important? I mean, she must be, otherwise why would the Troll even get down here to the middle of nowhere to burn a church?
... Oh right, because he's a troll.
And so, Trollzama ups and leaves after his morning session of trolling, and takes... I assume the passed out Saya and the nut-job Jin along. Jin seems disturbingly undisturbed by these events. What a disturbing little prick.
Clicke count: 9, your princess is in another castle now. Guarded by a troll.
Ragna wakes up to see the church burnt to the ground, and if this was a more gorier game, he'd also be shown the charred corpses of the nuns and other kids that lived there. What, you are gonna tell me they only had those three kids?
Technically, the pain you are feeling is caused by a bunch of neural receptions reacting to your lost arm, so... you are not that off the illusion mark.
Wait, so out of an entire building filled with nuns and orphans, the only thing that wasn't reduced to dust is a shitty music box? Or is our hero just glossing over the gory details?
Cliche count: 10.
Oh thank GOD. Introducing, the Ragna Demoralizer 3000. Better known as Rachel.
Playboy Bunny? I mean, outside fact that she looks twelve, and probably has the most conservative dress in an anime stylized universe I've seen.
Well, I wasn't that far off.
Never change Rachel.
Nago is the black cat to Rachel's right, obscured by the text box. He sounds incredibly queer.
Gii is the little devil floating to her left, with that cross for a bellybutton.
Or I hope that is supposed to be a bellybutton...
You are not alone there Ragna. Rachel I love, but her familiars? God.
Though, I suppose it does make things better when you consider that she beats them up three times per scene or so.
Cliche count: 11, dominatrix master.
... I'm probably fueling Rule 34 now, aren't I?
Two hours of gameplay from now, Ragna will be eating his words. A vampire is far from the rarest thing we'll encounter here.
Lets just be grateful that she doesn't sparkle, doesn't stalk under pretenses of love, and above all, can kick several levels of ass.
Cliche count: 12. Vampirism is cool so long as the vampires the universe uses don't sparkle.
Establishing the fact that Ragna is wanted by the authorities... for some reason. Do they consider people who sleep outdoors in the middle of a pile of rubble criminals now?
Cliche count: 13.
Getting schooled by something you could probably crush under your foot. That's rough.
I'd say the revelation of Rachel's familiar being toys is surprising, but... she is seven hundred years old and looks about twelve, so...
Anyway, Ragna's proves everyone that he has a short fuse and is not above hitting little girls, so he challenges Rachel to a duel to the death.
... Smart Ragna. You are fighting someone who is already dead.
... No, that joke is below me.
Fancy.
I opened with a simple Hell's Fang and it's follow up, sending Rachel flying across the screen.
Promptly followed by me dashing towards her as fast as I could and performing a grab, effectively stabbing Rachel in the face with a humongous sword.
I really wasn't kidding when I said Ragna doesn't have issues hitting little girls.
This is one of the few stuff I know how to pull of, so I was just showing off. That, and Rachel jumped back while I was making the proper D-Pad motion for Dead Spike.
For all my trouble taking screenshots, I got greeted with the stuffed cat electrocuting me.
I like to finish my battles with a bang. Carnage Scissors also happens to be the only Distortion Drive I know how to pull with Ragna.
I don't complain. It looks pretty cool, with all the hitting the enemy with his sword as if it were a baseball bat and sending them flying all over the place.
Bwahahahahahaha, oh that's rich.
Ice burn.
Getting schooled by the stuffed cat now Ragna? Man, what a crappy day so far.
Enter Valkenhayn, who I'll probably refer from now on as Valk, since that name is a fucking pain to spell. He is also a werewolf, and Rachel's butler. Make of that what you will.
Cliche count: 14.
Seeing as he is probably older than Rachel, yes, old fart is quite the accurate description Ragna.
He still dresses better than you, though.
Dude came all the way out here to this dump just to tell his mistress that her breakfast was ready? Man, I know it's your job and all, but are whipped hard.
Then again, if I had teleportation, I'd use it any chance I get.
Yes, the game makes it very clear that Ragna is a filthy beast that no one should associate with. I mean, he was sleeping in that dump until Rachel woke him up.
Ragna the Shortfuse is not amused.
... That joke was terrible, I am so sorry.
Yeah, you tell the immortals who are more powerful than you to go to hell!
... Yeah, our hero is an idiot. Instead of even trying to befriend two creatures that could serve most people's asses in a platter to them, he tells them to piss off. Goes with the territory of being a brash hero with a short fuse.
Cliche count: 15.
I hate the text box here, completely screwing what would be a pretty cool shot.
Also, Ragna looks constipated at the mention of meeting with Rachel again.
And so, after picking up a fight with a perpetual pre-pubescent vampire girl, our idiotic hero Ragna reaches his destination, the city of Kagatsuchi. Where he'll probably pick a fight with just about everyone he crosses and raise the bounty on his head that he probably got from picking up fights all over the place.
So, to make the upload of pictures in the correct order en mass easier, I had to install a Java update to use the Bulk Uploader at Photobucket (which btw kept loading and loading forever, and once up is slow as FUCK). I hate Java with a passion... Mind you, a platform that works everywhere is a great idea... except on cellphones, where the processing power is already slow enough and anything running on Java will be slow as hell.
Still, the Bulk Uploader at least doesn't force me into copy pasting the code for each image manually just to make sure they are in the right order and not backwards, so there's that.
Eh... what was I supposed to do now? Oh right, Ragna's Story.
What an ominous nickname. Except Ragna has neither black clothes nor a scythe (outside of his 100 Heat Special).
We start with a dream of a tragedy long past.
Cliche counter: 1.
Our hero back then was useless to prevent the tragedy.
Cliche counter: 2.
Whiny emo bitch.
Cliche counter: 3.
The nuns mean that he lives in an christian orphanage or something. Hence, he has no parents. That's a very common trend in Japanese... anything, actually. What's their obsession with orphans? You'd think there would not be a single adult left in the world with how many orphans they have running around in most of the stuff they produce.
Cliche counter: 4.
Ragna refers to a younger "brother" and "sister." Obviously not blood related, since one is blonde and the other has purple hair or something stupid like that. Otherwise, that is one messed up gene pool.
Cliche counter: 5, for the sick/dead little sister. I'm gonna run out of numbers soon.
"I told Jin not to cook! He can't even boil rice without turning it into a forest fire!"
Cliche counter: 6, doomed hometown. Or, church/orphanage. Whatever, that thing is so up in flames i can barely see what it was supposed to be. Looks like a church for the cross shape it seems to make.
Ok, confirmation of a church. Not that it matters, since it's already destroyed and all.
The counter remains at 6, since I already accounted for this eventuality. If I didn't put all of the Saya nonsense in one bag, I'd probably reach triple digits soon.
... Oh sweet mother of God...
I won't pretend anyone here doesn't know who this is. The creepy smile is well known, and his manner of speaking is very unique. Well, as unique as a troll can be. If he were on the Internet, he'd just blend into the troll population and be lost forever.
Fuck Hazama.
Oh, irony.
That cheap toy was his arm, and as such, we have confirmation that Ragna considers himself cheap. Considering the soon to come references to him being a low class bum, he is not that off the mark.
Trollzama cut off Ragna's arm for the lulz or some shit. I can't picture why he'd do that, aside from, again, being a Troll.
Cliche count: 7, lost limb and eventual artificial limb.
The dialogue here, even when lacking voices in text format, makes it pretty clear who is talking. Mostly cause Hazama's trolling is evident, Ragna is abusing ellipses to show that he's in pain, and Jin has debuted his overuse of creepingly saying "Brother..." every two sentences.
Cliche count: 8, villain mocking while everyone... just... stands there...
I'm kinda wondering who the old hag is by now. Is she someone important? I mean, she must be, otherwise why would the Troll even get down here to the middle of nowhere to burn a church?
... Oh right, because he's a troll.
And so, Trollzama ups and leaves after his morning session of trolling, and takes... I assume the passed out Saya and the nut-job Jin along. Jin seems disturbingly undisturbed by these events. What a disturbing little prick.
Clicke count: 9, your princess is in another castle now. Guarded by a troll.
Ragna wakes up to see the church burnt to the ground, and if this was a more gorier game, he'd also be shown the charred corpses of the nuns and other kids that lived there. What, you are gonna tell me they only had those three kids?
Technically, the pain you are feeling is caused by a bunch of neural receptions reacting to your lost arm, so... you are not that off the illusion mark.
Wait, so out of an entire building filled with nuns and orphans, the only thing that wasn't reduced to dust is a shitty music box? Or is our hero just glossing over the gory details?
Cliche count: 10.
Oh thank GOD. Introducing, the Ragna Demoralizer 3000. Better known as Rachel.
Playboy Bunny? I mean, outside fact that she looks twelve, and probably has the most conservative dress in an anime stylized universe I've seen.
Well, I wasn't that far off.
Never change Rachel.
Nago is the black cat to Rachel's right, obscured by the text box. He sounds incredibly queer.
Gii is the little devil floating to her left, with that cross for a bellybutton.
Or I hope that is supposed to be a bellybutton...
You are not alone there Ragna. Rachel I love, but her familiars? God.
Though, I suppose it does make things better when you consider that she beats them up three times per scene or so.
Cliche count: 11, dominatrix master.
... I'm probably fueling Rule 34 now, aren't I?
Two hours of gameplay from now, Ragna will be eating his words. A vampire is far from the rarest thing we'll encounter here.
Lets just be grateful that she doesn't sparkle, doesn't stalk under pretenses of love, and above all, can kick several levels of ass.
Cliche count: 12. Vampirism is cool so long as the vampires the universe uses don't sparkle.
Establishing the fact that Ragna is wanted by the authorities... for some reason. Do they consider people who sleep outdoors in the middle of a pile of rubble criminals now?
Cliche count: 13.
Getting schooled by something you could probably crush under your foot. That's rough.
I'd say the revelation of Rachel's familiar being toys is surprising, but... she is seven hundred years old and looks about twelve, so...
Anyway, Ragna's proves everyone that he has a short fuse and is not above hitting little girls, so he challenges Rachel to a duel to the death.
... Smart Ragna. You are fighting someone who is already dead.
... No, that joke is below me.
Fancy.
I opened with a simple Hell's Fang and it's follow up, sending Rachel flying across the screen.
Promptly followed by me dashing towards her as fast as I could and performing a grab, effectively stabbing Rachel in the face with a humongous sword.
I really wasn't kidding when I said Ragna doesn't have issues hitting little girls.
This is one of the few stuff I know how to pull of, so I was just showing off. That, and Rachel jumped back while I was making the proper D-Pad motion for Dead Spike.
For all my trouble taking screenshots, I got greeted with the stuffed cat electrocuting me.
I like to finish my battles with a bang. Carnage Scissors also happens to be the only Distortion Drive I know how to pull with Ragna.
I don't complain. It looks pretty cool, with all the hitting the enemy with his sword as if it were a baseball bat and sending them flying all over the place.
Bwahahahahahaha, oh that's rich.
Ice burn.
Getting schooled by the stuffed cat now Ragna? Man, what a crappy day so far.
Enter Valkenhayn, who I'll probably refer from now on as Valk, since that name is a fucking pain to spell. He is also a werewolf, and Rachel's butler. Make of that what you will.
Cliche count: 14.
Seeing as he is probably older than Rachel, yes, old fart is quite the accurate description Ragna.
He still dresses better than you, though.
Dude came all the way out here to this dump just to tell his mistress that her breakfast was ready? Man, I know it's your job and all, but are whipped hard.
Then again, if I had teleportation, I'd use it any chance I get.
Yes, the game makes it very clear that Ragna is a filthy beast that no one should associate with. I mean, he was sleeping in that dump until Rachel woke him up.
Ragna the Shortfuse is not amused.
... That joke was terrible, I am so sorry.
Yeah, you tell the immortals who are more powerful than you to go to hell!
... Yeah, our hero is an idiot. Instead of even trying to befriend two creatures that could serve most people's asses in a platter to them, he tells them to piss off. Goes with the territory of being a brash hero with a short fuse.
Cliche count: 15.
I hate the text box here, completely screwing what would be a pretty cool shot.
Also, Ragna looks constipated at the mention of meeting with Rachel again.
And so, after picking up a fight with a perpetual pre-pubescent vampire girl, our idiotic hero Ragna reaches his destination, the city of Kagatsuchi. Where he'll probably pick a fight with just about everyone he crosses and raise the bounty on his head that he probably got from picking up fights all over the place.