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Yes I am well aware that by updating my journal I am simply giving people a reason to say more shit to me and to continue making me feel like shit but I guess there isnt much more that I can do about that. Actually one thing that I will do is yet again apologize. But this time not only to Afton but to EVERYONE. Even the little crazy fuck who keeps leaving me 9 page comments bitchin me out for something that is really no one elses business. I'm sorry that I did something that no one else approved of...I'm sorry for liking someone that no one else approved of...I'm sorry for hurting my best friend the way I did...For that matter, I'm sorry for hurting 2 of my best friends like I did. Seriously what more do you want from me? All I want is for all this high school drama to be over. I understand that you care. I know everybody does but there are just to many people who are so hell bent on acting like they know whats best for me and its making me angry/annoyed/depressed. Yeah kinda mixed emotions. I also realized last night that half of the people who are trying to tell me how to live my life right now arent even going to remember me the day after graduation or much less care about who I married and how many kids I have. I'm not going to marry Buddy, and people are acting like we're going to elope tomorrow. I mean c'mon we're juniors in high school. Our lives have JUST begun. Half of the things Buddy DID (yes, DID...go ahead and comment on that PLEASE!) I would NEVER do and if you people knew me as much as you act like you do you should KNOW without a question in your mind that I'm not going to do anything like that. I wrote an essay for English the other day about taking things for grandet. This would be a good example of that I would say. Well kind-of. I wrote about Krystal and how things can be taken away from you so quick and at any time. You never know what you got til its gone. I'll admit that I take tons of things for grandet! For example...the friendships I HAD...I thought I would have them forever. No matter what I chose to do, well besides breaking the whole straight edge thing. shit bells ringing....ill update more later. Til Next Time -Alyson