Bed time stories
It's been a long, annoying last couple of weeks. And it's not over. But I've given myself a break for today, and I feel a bit better. But I can't keep putting some of this stuff (hi, insurance company) off.
Losing the El Camino hurts in alot of ways. Most of all is the fact that I held onto the car because I know it's something my dad really cared about, something he really loved. I didn't want to just sell the El Camino, and now I don't even have that option. But on some level, it was really something I wanted to do for my dad - hold onto this car and appreciate it like he did. I don't suppose he'll really understand that. I know he thinks I've been lazy. But the truth is that it's not laziness. It's fear and anxiety, and, well... I need him to be supportive of the difficulty I've had with all this.
I suppose I should just tell him these things.
Regardless, as is my custom, I'm writing this entry because I feel like writing something interesting, not some emo babble.
With the way my room looks now (pictures, for those curious, pending me managing to organize alot of the crap that I have still in here), I get alot of comments. Most of them are about the colour, but another reasonable chunk are about the bed. Now, personally, I can sleep on pretty much anything, so long as I have something covering myself (and preferably sufficient space to actually lay flat). My friends from Houston will recall that during my stay two summers ago, I slept in my sister's room on a pile of blankets. My bed presently is the same - I can't really afford to buy a bed at the moment, and I don't want to sleep on the house's lame little matresses.
I think there's something distinctly American about the necessity for a cushy mattress and pillows. Isn't the proper judge of a well-spent day supposed to be your ability to lay down to sleep and just... sleep? Doesn't the need for a gently soothing foam mattress developed by the rocket scientists at the national aeronautics and space administration imply a certain level of restlessness that you're trying to cover up? If you can't sleep at night, can't sleep comfortably, what does it really matter whether you've got a pea under your mattress or no mattress at all? There's something simple and honest about the slightly discheveled pile of blankets on my floor right now. If I can't sleep on this, I guess I just haven't earned my sleep today.
A person's bedroom, when the design is really theirs, can tell you alot about them. My room isn't quite whole yet. But the idea is there. I like how it's turned out. It's got a soft, dark, romantic feel. The walls have character - the color isn't flat, but honestly, I wouldn't want it to be flat, then it would be too plain. Best of all, I honestly believe this is a place Anne could enjoy spending time, and that's what I really wanted. Because I know she doesn't like her place at school right now, I'd like this to be a real home away from home for her. Looking around, listening to my music, I'm happy. And that's... nice. I'm still tired of the random crap life's been throwing at me. But this room makes me feel a little bit better, just as I was hoping it would.
Losing the El Camino hurts in alot of ways. Most of all is the fact that I held onto the car because I know it's something my dad really cared about, something he really loved. I didn't want to just sell the El Camino, and now I don't even have that option. But on some level, it was really something I wanted to do for my dad - hold onto this car and appreciate it like he did. I don't suppose he'll really understand that. I know he thinks I've been lazy. But the truth is that it's not laziness. It's fear and anxiety, and, well... I need him to be supportive of the difficulty I've had with all this.
I suppose I should just tell him these things.
Regardless, as is my custom, I'm writing this entry because I feel like writing something interesting, not some emo babble.
With the way my room looks now (pictures, for those curious, pending me managing to organize alot of the crap that I have still in here), I get alot of comments. Most of them are about the colour, but another reasonable chunk are about the bed. Now, personally, I can sleep on pretty much anything, so long as I have something covering myself (and preferably sufficient space to actually lay flat). My friends from Houston will recall that during my stay two summers ago, I slept in my sister's room on a pile of blankets. My bed presently is the same - I can't really afford to buy a bed at the moment, and I don't want to sleep on the house's lame little matresses.
I think there's something distinctly American about the necessity for a cushy mattress and pillows. Isn't the proper judge of a well-spent day supposed to be your ability to lay down to sleep and just... sleep? Doesn't the need for a gently soothing foam mattress developed by the rocket scientists at the national aeronautics and space administration imply a certain level of restlessness that you're trying to cover up? If you can't sleep at night, can't sleep comfortably, what does it really matter whether you've got a pea under your mattress or no mattress at all? There's something simple and honest about the slightly discheveled pile of blankets on my floor right now. If I can't sleep on this, I guess I just haven't earned my sleep today.
A person's bedroom, when the design is really theirs, can tell you alot about them. My room isn't quite whole yet. But the idea is there. I like how it's turned out. It's got a soft, dark, romantic feel. The walls have character - the color isn't flat, but honestly, I wouldn't want it to be flat, then it would be too plain. Best of all, I honestly believe this is a place Anne could enjoy spending time, and that's what I really wanted. Because I know she doesn't like her place at school right now, I'd like this to be a real home away from home for her. Looking around, listening to my music, I'm happy. And that's... nice. I'm still tired of the random crap life's been throwing at me. But this room makes me feel a little bit better, just as I was hoping it would.