Birthdays and Bad Days
So, it is my birthday and I am 17. To be frank, it sucks. Not being 17 but for a birthday today has been nothing short of heartbreaking. It began when my mother and I minced words first thing in the morning, and brightened briefly when kait sang happy b-day to me and holly left me a message telling me congrads on making it this far. It was cute, I almost cried I was so happy
that they cared enough to remember, and without that I don't think I would have been able to make it through the rest of the day without crying. It's silly I know, but i was hoping that some of the people I had been friends with for years would remember. I just hate knowing that unless I make a big spectacle of myself and my birthday no one notices, and worse yet, don't care when I finally get sick of sitting by myself at the end of a breakfast table and mention it only one person hears and they brush it off. It's silly to be emotional about a day, but it really really hurts me. I jsut barely made it through work without bawling and when I got home I just ran into my room and cried. If I hadn't done that my parents would have never thought to even put candles on the damn cake, not that I like cake anyway, but I suppose after years of birthdays they still don't remember. My grandmother remembers, which is why I'm glad to be seeing her this spring break, she seems like one of the only people who still really cares how I feel. Sure, people ask how I am and all that, but it doesn't matter what I say in the end because they don't care enough to do anything anyway. Also, once again I realize its material, and petty, but I was bothered that my parents hadn't gotten me anyhting. Gifts aren't anything, but with them its almsot the only way I know they still care at all. We haven't been on good terms lately so I suppose I understand why they didn't, but none-the-less I wish they could have gotten overit or something for just a day. I understand it's my fault for downplaying my b-day this year that no1 remembered, but I wish that they didn't need reminding. I'm so happy I have Kait and Holly though, they are really the best friends I could ever ask for. I don't have to constantly make a spectacle of myself for them to care, they respect me as a person and not something silly to poke fun at, and most importantly they really do love me even when I really don't deserve it. They don't care about my grades or how many community service hours I have, they don't just randomly let me down...I wish more people could be like that because they really make everything worth it in the end. Really should stop whining so much, but I'll be quieter soon.
that they cared enough to remember, and without that I don't think I would have been able to make it through the rest of the day without crying. It's silly I know, but i was hoping that some of the people I had been friends with for years would remember. I just hate knowing that unless I make a big spectacle of myself and my birthday no one notices, and worse yet, don't care when I finally get sick of sitting by myself at the end of a breakfast table and mention it only one person hears and they brush it off. It's silly to be emotional about a day, but it really really hurts me. I jsut barely made it through work without bawling and when I got home I just ran into my room and cried. If I hadn't done that my parents would have never thought to even put candles on the damn cake, not that I like cake anyway, but I suppose after years of birthdays they still don't remember. My grandmother remembers, which is why I'm glad to be seeing her this spring break, she seems like one of the only people who still really cares how I feel. Sure, people ask how I am and all that, but it doesn't matter what I say in the end because they don't care enough to do anything anyway. Also, once again I realize its material, and petty, but I was bothered that my parents hadn't gotten me anyhting. Gifts aren't anything, but with them its almsot the only way I know they still care at all. We haven't been on good terms lately so I suppose I understand why they didn't, but none-the-less I wish they could have gotten overit or something for just a day. I understand it's my fault for downplaying my b-day this year that no1 remembered, but I wish that they didn't need reminding. I'm so happy I have Kait and Holly though, they are really the best friends I could ever ask for. I don't have to constantly make a spectacle of myself for them to care, they respect me as a person and not something silly to poke fun at, and most importantly they really do love me even when I really don't deserve it. They don't care about my grades or how many community service hours I have, they don't just randomly let me down...I wish more people could be like that because they really make everything worth it in the end. Really should stop whining so much, but I'll be quieter soon.