(no subject)
I started writing a journal entry at 4 am when I couldn't sleep, about what I've been up to lately and how I was sick last week and thus had time to really think about a lot of things. I scrapped it for being too long and rambly but it boils down to this: there are some things that really need to change.
These past few months have been a waiting game for me in many ways. Mostly about work - waiting to hear back on two positions at my hospital- but also in other areas. I have a choice to make. There are several situations in which there seems to be a dichotomy between what I'd like in an ideal world and what is actually possible. I can continue to bang my head against things that continue to frustrate me or I can come to terms with things as they are and deal with them and move on.
The layoff really did shake my world far more than I've let on here. Especially with some other things going south soonish after. I loved that job even when I didn't like it and there really doesn't seem to be an equivalent for me out there right now. Last week I think I finally came to terms with my grief over that and I also came to terms with the fact that I have been moping over some of what's happened this summer. In many ways, my life *was* more ideal back in June.
However, life is not always ideal. I'm done being upset over what I can't change. I can't make things go back to what they were. There are things that I just can't make better, which is not easy for me.
Screw this angsty bullshit. Now is the time on Sprockets where I go out and kick ass and take names. It does help that after the week of being sick and introspective I had a truly awesome weekend full of spending time with some of my favorite people in the world. I have better perspective now and a little more hope for the future. I know who I can count on both in good times and in bad times.
These past few months have been a waiting game for me in many ways. Mostly about work - waiting to hear back on two positions at my hospital- but also in other areas. I have a choice to make. There are several situations in which there seems to be a dichotomy between what I'd like in an ideal world and what is actually possible. I can continue to bang my head against things that continue to frustrate me or I can come to terms with things as they are and deal with them and move on.
The layoff really did shake my world far more than I've let on here. Especially with some other things going south soonish after. I loved that job even when I didn't like it and there really doesn't seem to be an equivalent for me out there right now. Last week I think I finally came to terms with my grief over that and I also came to terms with the fact that I have been moping over some of what's happened this summer. In many ways, my life *was* more ideal back in June.
However, life is not always ideal. I'm done being upset over what I can't change. I can't make things go back to what they were. There are things that I just can't make better, which is not easy for me.
Screw this angsty bullshit. Now is the time on Sprockets where I go out and kick ass and take names. It does help that after the week of being sick and introspective I had a truly awesome weekend full of spending time with some of my favorite people in the world. I have better perspective now and a little more hope for the future. I know who I can count on both in good times and in bad times.