On parting and finally moving on...
To you who have been a part of me for so long,
Hello. Isn't it weird that after everything that we have been through together, I still can't seem to find a better opening to my letter than an inane "hello"? I would ask you how you were doing, but I know that you're not going to reply anyway, so I won't bother. I do miss you... but I don't think that's something you'd want to know. And given what I know now, I don't think it would be appropriate.
Ne, do you remember when we were much younger? We were best friends... With all the innocence and wholesomeness that that relationship entailed for children. We would stick our heads together and whisper nonsensical things to each other, giggling over trifles, sharing donuts and secrets with each other. And all those years, we never thought that things would change between us.
We were childhood friends and it never once crossed my mind that our relationship could ever be complicated by romantic undertones. I mean, whenever people teased us about that, we actually thought that it was incest , remember? We'd make faces and stick our tongues out and declare that being together like that was gross. Now that I look back on it, we were pretty immature for high schoolers, weren't we? But then the years passed... I changed. You changed. We each turned into adults when the other wasn't looking...
I was 20 when you told me you loved me and swore that you would never let go of me... At that time, I thought that perhaps, I found my own 'happily ever after'.
I confess, I was really hesitant to accept what you were offering. After all, I just got out of a really bad relationship and you were the shoulder I've always cried on. Isn't that a bit weird? Besides, what if it didn't work out between us? Not only would I find myself without a boyfriend, I'd find myself without a best friend too. That would just SUCK! But you assured me that we would be best friends no matter what. I didn't buy it, but you've always been good at cajoling me and getting me to see your way... and so from best friends, we became something more. We've had our up's and down's, ne? Things haven't always been smooth sailing and we've had a lot of close calls when we thought that it was over. But somehow, we managed to stay together... for six years, at least.
We talked of marriage. We talked of building a family together. We talked of eternities without end together. You asked me to marry you. You went through the proper channels and asked for my hand in marriage from my parents. My dad was especially ecstatic at the thought that I'm marrying my best friend - do you remember that? You'd think HE was the one getting married.
So we made plans... laid out our blue prints... but you never were any good at following them, were you? In the end, we'd look at each other and find ourselves worlds apart from where we've planned to be. And then I had to leave for Canada. To work... To hope that maybe, by the time I've accomplished what I've set out to accomplish here, you would have finished your share of our agreement and we could finally realize our dreams of getting married...
But you decided to walk a different path. And I thought we were to go down another path. In the end, we just grew apart, things fell apart (my heart among them) and we decided to really part ways. But you swore to me that you would never love another as you do me. You swore that someday, you would be the kind of man you ought to be and that you would come back yet again to claim me. And though I wanted so much to let go, to move on, I couldn't. Because those words haunted me. Those promises made me think that there's still something there worth saving.
And then you stopped writing. Stopped communicating. Stopped existing, for all intents and purposes.
And then I find out today that you're getting married. I find out from a common friend.
I don't know how to feel about that.
On the one hand, I'm genuinely happy for you. You are a wonderful person and I cannot wish anything else for you but your happiness -- even if it did not lie with me.
On the other hand, I think I would have appreciated this news better if I heard it from my best friend. Or perhaps I'm the only one who still thinks that we are that: best friends.
Well, I think I can finally move on now. You are no longer a loose end. I can finally stop hoping and dismiss those promises for what they are - just pretty words.
For you, whom I have loved in many different ways, I wish you all the happiness you can hold. I wish you the greatest joy and love. I wish you to find with her all the things that you weren't able to find with me. And I wish that you know that I will always love you. Perhaps not in the way you would want me to, but I do love you anyway.
As for me, if God is listening, I have but one prayer: Please, never again. Do not let me fall in love like that again. Never, ever again.
Hey... Thanks for having been a part of my life for the better part of 18 years.
Semper Fidelis,
Rei
Hello. Isn't it weird that after everything that we have been through together, I still can't seem to find a better opening to my letter than an inane "hello"? I would ask you how you were doing, but I know that you're not going to reply anyway, so I won't bother. I do miss you... but I don't think that's something you'd want to know. And given what I know now, I don't think it would be appropriate.
Ne, do you remember when we were much younger? We were best friends... With all the innocence and wholesomeness that that relationship entailed for children. We would stick our heads together and whisper nonsensical things to each other, giggling over trifles, sharing donuts and secrets with each other. And all those years, we never thought that things would change between us.
We were childhood friends and it never once crossed my mind that our relationship could ever be complicated by romantic undertones. I mean, whenever people teased us about that, we actually thought that it was incest , remember? We'd make faces and stick our tongues out and declare that being together like that was gross. Now that I look back on it, we were pretty immature for high schoolers, weren't we? But then the years passed... I changed. You changed. We each turned into adults when the other wasn't looking...
I was 20 when you told me you loved me and swore that you would never let go of me... At that time, I thought that perhaps, I found my own 'happily ever after'.
I confess, I was really hesitant to accept what you were offering. After all, I just got out of a really bad relationship and you were the shoulder I've always cried on. Isn't that a bit weird? Besides, what if it didn't work out between us? Not only would I find myself without a boyfriend, I'd find myself without a best friend too. That would just SUCK! But you assured me that we would be best friends no matter what. I didn't buy it, but you've always been good at cajoling me and getting me to see your way... and so from best friends, we became something more. We've had our up's and down's, ne? Things haven't always been smooth sailing and we've had a lot of close calls when we thought that it was over. But somehow, we managed to stay together... for six years, at least.
We talked of marriage. We talked of building a family together. We talked of eternities without end together. You asked me to marry you. You went through the proper channels and asked for my hand in marriage from my parents. My dad was especially ecstatic at the thought that I'm marrying my best friend - do you remember that? You'd think HE was the one getting married.
So we made plans... laid out our blue prints... but you never were any good at following them, were you? In the end, we'd look at each other and find ourselves worlds apart from where we've planned to be. And then I had to leave for Canada. To work... To hope that maybe, by the time I've accomplished what I've set out to accomplish here, you would have finished your share of our agreement and we could finally realize our dreams of getting married...
But you decided to walk a different path. And I thought we were to go down another path. In the end, we just grew apart, things fell apart (my heart among them) and we decided to really part ways. But you swore to me that you would never love another as you do me. You swore that someday, you would be the kind of man you ought to be and that you would come back yet again to claim me. And though I wanted so much to let go, to move on, I couldn't. Because those words haunted me. Those promises made me think that there's still something there worth saving.
And then you stopped writing. Stopped communicating. Stopped existing, for all intents and purposes.
And then I find out today that you're getting married. I find out from a common friend.
I don't know how to feel about that.
On the one hand, I'm genuinely happy for you. You are a wonderful person and I cannot wish anything else for you but your happiness -- even if it did not lie with me.
On the other hand, I think I would have appreciated this news better if I heard it from my best friend. Or perhaps I'm the only one who still thinks that we are that: best friends.
Well, I think I can finally move on now. You are no longer a loose end. I can finally stop hoping and dismiss those promises for what they are - just pretty words.
For you, whom I have loved in many different ways, I wish you all the happiness you can hold. I wish you the greatest joy and love. I wish you to find with her all the things that you weren't able to find with me. And I wish that you know that I will always love you. Perhaps not in the way you would want me to, but I do love you anyway.
As for me, if God is listening, I have but one prayer: Please, never again. Do not let me fall in love like that again. Never, ever again.
Hey... Thanks for having been a part of my life for the better part of 18 years.
Semper Fidelis,
Rei