You said you wanted to know
Hmm, to say that my life has become strange is putting it mildly, I think. Since my uncle died, things have just been different in ways that, yes, I believe have a lot to do with him. But I don't think I can even go into that. *shrug* It's just that overwhelming feeling that certain things are being directed by something/someone other than myself...and a certainty that I know exactly what that something/someone is.
I called out of work yesterday because I really needed an extra day of rest. The drama going on in the office with Millie acting the tyrant has truly been wearing on me. And it's not so much her actions getting to me as it's been the need to keep my mouth shut. I know that she'll eventually push me so hard that I'll break on her again but, excuse me for being the one to want to avoid drama. *sigh* I think it's disgusting how some people, like her, seem to live for this shit. So, instead of going to work, I did a light bit of shopping with my cousin though I didn't get much accomplished other than scoring some new panties from Vicky's! As if I needed any more! I'll be the first to admit that I totally threw away $30 that could've been used elsewhere but, you know what, bite me. My money, my choice and no one can beat me up about said choices better than I can, believe me.
I may not have mentioned it but I'm completely hooked on the show Gossip Girl in a way I'm sure is unhealthy, moohaha. Thanks to me, so is Die! *evil* Scouse, Inka, Floof...you will love this show the way you loved Sex in the City. We're sure of it so we just have to figure out a way to get it to you. It displays so many of the things one can love about this city and it doesn't hurt that the soundtrack is killer.
On the way back from VNV Nation, I could've sworn I spotted Skinny in the Bedford Ave. train station. Long story short, turned out to really be him and we went on a date. Mita? Yeah, exactly. And it wasn't planned! We were just ms messaging each other back and forth when he asked me to hang out. Somehow that morphed into an actual date...the first one I've had in about a decade. I know, I know! It sounds ridiculous, right? Well, there's no one to really "date" around here and, even if there were, people don't really "date" anymore. At least, not in my sort of social group. Anyhoo, we went ice-skating and drinking and it was a lot of fun. Let me say here that Skinny is one of those guys who has a tendency to be someone unphotogenic but, when you meet him, is hella hot. *fans self* Kind of reminded me of Snack and Dan that way. So we keep in touch now even though he's back in Sweden and it's just fucking odd. We text. @_@ I wish I could explain why it's so strange to me but I can't. Suffice it to say that it seems cosmically wrong for someone like him to be communicating with someone like me. But he likes me so...meh. *shrug* I can just go with the flow on this one and try not to feel like I'm cheating, lol. :-P I even think that my sexual fantasies about him are there mostly to shield me from the emotional stress of everything else...
Die came up for the HIM concert last week. It was me, her, Tutti, and Alexa camped out from about 11am 'til they let us in at 7pm. Maddy and Tutti's mom, Nilsa, met up with us later. Talk about jumping in with both feet; it was Tutti and Alexa's first real concert and I don't think it'll be something they'll ever forget, lol. Chris was supposed to come but wound up getting sick and that's how Maddy was actually able to make it. The concert itself...I don't even know how to verbalise it. I could only sum it up in saying that it put me in a very wierd headspace. Of course it was good since the boys, and especially my Fatface, are on the ball again but it wasn't that. Speaking of that, though, let me say that it was the best HIM show I've ever seen and I couldn't have been more proud. I started getting this feeling that maybe I didn't feel for them anymore, that maybe they weren't as important to me as they'd been in the past. Now I'm starting to think that this numbness and distance was created out of fear I hadn't even realized was there until the show was over. You know, once the inflated xmas lawn decorations finished their homage to the relationship between "satan" and "santa" (god, I love Finns). We were grabbing a bite to eat at Mickey D's when it hit me and the feeling was so strong that I told Die I couldn't say what it was, but would have to text it instead. Never got around to doing that though. Next night comes and Die's already back in Florida and I figure I can tell her why I was so...stunned. I made the mistake in thinking I could speak of it without being a complete wuss and crying. Apparently, I was wrong, lol. The bottom line is that my brain was trying to protect me by pulling away from the music and, more specifically, from the attachment I have to Ville. Because I was terrified he was literally going to be the death of himself and I would've been destroyed. I don't say that lightly. I mean I would have been actually DESTROYED had he not made it into rehab in time. I couldn't have made it without him and yet there's no way in hell I can possibly help him, obviously. So, in a way, I was preparing myself for his death. Morbid? Quite. But a well-founded fear nonetheless. I was now assailed with the relief and disbelief that he and I could both be so lucky. And the utter sadness that he was still alone, that he seems so unable to find someone who can love him the way he deserves. I'm not saying that person is me, lol. I'm just saying that it feels like a travesty for someone as wonderful as he is, faults and all, to only get stuck with bloodsuckers, never able to grasp that elusive brass ring. Wtf? It's not fair...but I know life isn't. I threw a copy of The Gashlycrumb Tinies up onto the stage with a little note written on the inside; I hope he enjoys it.
Chicago is looming on the horizon. At first, there was only New Heart V. Then we found out about the Subterranean show. Then we found out about the afterparty for the Sub show. Then about the afterparty for New Heart. Now we come to find out that Greggers is dj-ing at Debonair the night we land and, you have to wonder, are they trying to kill us?! *grin* Not only is it Debonair and Greggers spinning but it's CSC. Omg, lol. I'm gonna try not to be too much of a hot mess...
Speaking of hot messes, I need to jump in the shower and get ready to head over to Chris' house. The original plan was to go to Porky's but, I have to say, I prefer not having to go far. :-P
Also, I applied for school. Let's see how this works out. *worried*
All typos are purely intentional. Not. But I'm too lazy to fix them, lol.
I called out of work yesterday because I really needed an extra day of rest. The drama going on in the office with Millie acting the tyrant has truly been wearing on me. And it's not so much her actions getting to me as it's been the need to keep my mouth shut. I know that she'll eventually push me so hard that I'll break on her again but, excuse me for being the one to want to avoid drama. *sigh* I think it's disgusting how some people, like her, seem to live for this shit. So, instead of going to work, I did a light bit of shopping with my cousin though I didn't get much accomplished other than scoring some new panties from Vicky's! As if I needed any more! I'll be the first to admit that I totally threw away $30 that could've been used elsewhere but, you know what, bite me. My money, my choice and no one can beat me up about said choices better than I can, believe me.
I may not have mentioned it but I'm completely hooked on the show Gossip Girl in a way I'm sure is unhealthy, moohaha. Thanks to me, so is Die! *evil* Scouse, Inka, Floof...you will love this show the way you loved Sex in the City. We're sure of it so we just have to figure out a way to get it to you. It displays so many of the things one can love about this city and it doesn't hurt that the soundtrack is killer.
On the way back from VNV Nation, I could've sworn I spotted Skinny in the Bedford Ave. train station. Long story short, turned out to really be him and we went on a date. Mita? Yeah, exactly. And it wasn't planned! We were just ms messaging each other back and forth when he asked me to hang out. Somehow that morphed into an actual date...the first one I've had in about a decade. I know, I know! It sounds ridiculous, right? Well, there's no one to really "date" around here and, even if there were, people don't really "date" anymore. At least, not in my sort of social group. Anyhoo, we went ice-skating and drinking and it was a lot of fun. Let me say here that Skinny is one of those guys who has a tendency to be someone unphotogenic but, when you meet him, is hella hot. *fans self* Kind of reminded me of Snack and Dan that way. So we keep in touch now even though he's back in Sweden and it's just fucking odd. We text. @_@ I wish I could explain why it's so strange to me but I can't. Suffice it to say that it seems cosmically wrong for someone like him to be communicating with someone like me. But he likes me so...meh. *shrug* I can just go with the flow on this one and try not to feel like I'm cheating, lol. :-P I even think that my sexual fantasies about him are there mostly to shield me from the emotional stress of everything else...
Die came up for the HIM concert last week. It was me, her, Tutti, and Alexa camped out from about 11am 'til they let us in at 7pm. Maddy and Tutti's mom, Nilsa, met up with us later. Talk about jumping in with both feet; it was Tutti and Alexa's first real concert and I don't think it'll be something they'll ever forget, lol. Chris was supposed to come but wound up getting sick and that's how Maddy was actually able to make it. The concert itself...I don't even know how to verbalise it. I could only sum it up in saying that it put me in a very wierd headspace. Of course it was good since the boys, and especially my Fatface, are on the ball again but it wasn't that. Speaking of that, though, let me say that it was the best HIM show I've ever seen and I couldn't have been more proud. I started getting this feeling that maybe I didn't feel for them anymore, that maybe they weren't as important to me as they'd been in the past. Now I'm starting to think that this numbness and distance was created out of fear I hadn't even realized was there until the show was over. You know, once the inflated xmas lawn decorations finished their homage to the relationship between "satan" and "santa" (god, I love Finns). We were grabbing a bite to eat at Mickey D's when it hit me and the feeling was so strong that I told Die I couldn't say what it was, but would have to text it instead. Never got around to doing that though. Next night comes and Die's already back in Florida and I figure I can tell her why I was so...stunned. I made the mistake in thinking I could speak of it without being a complete wuss and crying. Apparently, I was wrong, lol. The bottom line is that my brain was trying to protect me by pulling away from the music and, more specifically, from the attachment I have to Ville. Because I was terrified he was literally going to be the death of himself and I would've been destroyed. I don't say that lightly. I mean I would have been actually DESTROYED had he not made it into rehab in time. I couldn't have made it without him and yet there's no way in hell I can possibly help him, obviously. So, in a way, I was preparing myself for his death. Morbid? Quite. But a well-founded fear nonetheless. I was now assailed with the relief and disbelief that he and I could both be so lucky. And the utter sadness that he was still alone, that he seems so unable to find someone who can love him the way he deserves. I'm not saying that person is me, lol. I'm just saying that it feels like a travesty for someone as wonderful as he is, faults and all, to only get stuck with bloodsuckers, never able to grasp that elusive brass ring. Wtf? It's not fair...but I know life isn't. I threw a copy of The Gashlycrumb Tinies up onto the stage with a little note written on the inside; I hope he enjoys it.
Chicago is looming on the horizon. At first, there was only New Heart V. Then we found out about the Subterranean show. Then we found out about the afterparty for the Sub show. Then about the afterparty for New Heart. Now we come to find out that Greggers is dj-ing at Debonair the night we land and, you have to wonder, are they trying to kill us?! *grin* Not only is it Debonair and Greggers spinning but it's CSC. Omg, lol. I'm gonna try not to be too much of a hot mess...
Speaking of hot messes, I need to jump in the shower and get ready to head over to Chris' house. The original plan was to go to Porky's but, I have to say, I prefer not having to go far. :-P
Also, I applied for school. Let's see how this works out. *worried*
All typos are purely intentional. Not. But I'm too lazy to fix them, lol.