xmas eve morning
i just had an awesome morning w/ my friends and im not messing up on my xmas songs as much as i usulaly do. yet all of a sudden i feel really sad. i think part of it is that kelsey doesnt like me. i really dont know why it bothers me but it really did. then i should be happy because i sent in all my applications except supplements so it wont be much left to do. but i always get yelled at bc i never hear my phone or get messages from my parrents before i leave places then i get home and they yell at me for having my phone off. and playing music tonight at mass is not fun. i love playing xmas music. its seriously one of my favorite things to just sit down at the piano and play songs. but since i HAVE to do some songs this year , and especially after lucy yelled at me for sounding bad and she did actually tell me that, its just not fun. im too worried ill screw up majorly and that itll sound really bad and since there will be three thousand people there they will all hear me. plus the good priest is at our mass so people will particularly come. its not normal nerves; i dont get nervous going on stage bc ive been doing it since i was 5. but its just a fear of disappointment and failure. AND i still need to wrap my xmas presents. i should go do that. like now. i think i also just feel lonely. which is stupid. bc i have great friends and all my family is home and im going to see more family and then go skiing on sun. but whatever. maybe ill feel better after mass when this stupid music thing is done w/