I must be really angry because I am on fucking livejournal.
So I have been friends with this girl named Liz Gish for a while now. I met her in a sculpture class at the university, and I felt sorry for her because she was really quiet and antisocial, so I talked to her while we were in the wood shop working on our separate pieces, just shooting the shit, and she was asking me about the music on my ipod. The girl was basically clueless, she referred to herself as "PJ" (but I quickly quashed that shit), she listens to shit like the deftones, and I knew it was probably a bad idea, but we hung out a few times here and there anyway. When I lived downtown she would come over and hang out, and I would often drive to her apartment in the resort by the sea, and I would go with her to walk her dog, and go swimming and shit like that. When she moved out of resort by the sea and into the town oaks, she told me all about how awesome it was here. When Daniel and I were looking for apartments so we could move out of that shitty one bedroom hellhole on crackhead street, we looked around at a lot of places, but ended up moving into town oaks because they gave us a deal and worked with our bad credit. Of course, Liz was angry because I didn't reference her when we got the place, so she missed out on a free $100. I had to use the apartment finder lady because she talked to the lady here and got us in. No big deal, right? But I could tell she was holding that shit against me.
The thing is, we both nerd out on video games and that is awesome, but she is really competitive, opinionated, and thinks she knows EVERYTHING. It's annoying as fuck to have someone argue with nearly everything I say and sit there on her $300 phone looking shit up on Wikipedia to try and prove me wrong, which conjures up that episode of the Colbert Report where he got enough people on Wikipedia to approve false information about elephants. In other words, she is gullible, and reminds me of Faggy Eric in that annoying know-it-all way.
My general moans and groans about her, as Daniel knows since he hears them all the time, are that she is a fucking rude ass bitch. Always running her mouth about what I need to do, and what she thinks and blah blah blah. I was bitching about not having any money since I was working part time at the art museum for $10/hr whilst going to school full-time, you know, just complaining, looking for a supportive ear, and she sat there telling me how if I needed money I should "sell off some of those books you have, y'all don't read them anyway". Man that shit pissed me the fuck off. First of all, why would I sell books, those things that you can keep forever and reread, for a penny on the dollar at fucking half price books? Nonsense. And telling me how DANIEL and I don't read our books is just plain retarded, seeing as Daniel reads like three different books a day, and I read pretty much every night before I go to sleep. What a misinformed cunt. Obviously she thinks that we are some elitist assholes who are just pretending to be smart...? I mean, yeah, we are elitists, and yes, we are smart, but what do I have to feel ashamed of again??? Oh, she doesn't get it. It's like Bill Hicks was asked not what are you reading but, "Whatcha readin' for??" Hyuck!
Okay so the other annoying shit is how she is always talking about herself. "I'm going to start this diet." "I'm going to join a gym." "I'm looking for a house to buy so AJ (her boyfriend) and I can get that $8000 tax credit." "AJ's mom is giving us her house in Flour Bluff." "I'm getting a job for $17/hr working for AJ's mom." "I'm getting this and that..." and more blah blah blah. ALWAYS talking about herself, her plans, etc. She is fucking delusional. The bitch weighs over THREE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS. I don't think a little diet and light exercise is going to make much of a difference.
Once you're toast, you can never be bread again.
I know I am a fat pig and all, but at least you can't mistake me for an orca when I'm wearing a black and white swimsuit at the beach. Always going on and on about how she went to the gym, or cooked some ridiculous meal that sounds terrible, i. e. "cheeseburger cabbage stew" what the fuck is that? A. CHEESEBURGERS are not healthy, any way you look at it, and people who need health food to taste like CHEESEBURGERS should probably just kill themselves right now, and B. that is absolutely a vile and disgusting combination of flavors/ingredients/etc. So she lost like one inch from her rotund "waist". Guess what? I really couldn't tell at all, and I only said "oh, wow" because I try to be a kind and caring person up to a certain point. It's called "human decency" and "compassion". I clearly now don't give a fuck, but at the time, I was genuinely happy for her. God knows I don't have the willpower to diet and exercise. "why don't you come to the gym with me? Why don't you join?" Because I don't give a fuck, that's why.
She never shuts the fuck up about her stupid meathead boyfriend, AJ. He's like 20 years old, drinks like a fish because he is also quite CETACEAN (thank you Christopher Moore, and yes, I read), his breath smells like a dirty diaper, he's like a quarter Italian and talks about it nonstop, he is full of opinions about bad death metal that he thinks is the shit, people of any color other that white which he thinks are shitty, bad parenting and fatherhood in general though he doesn't have any children, because his father is in jail or something, and he is constantly talking down to Liz, who just takes it all in without protest. He's a condescending prick and Daniel and I can't fucking stand him. He talks to Liz like she is an invalid or something. The first night I met him, when Liz fell down in some dude's hallway at a party, I told him about it because I thought he might want to know that his girlfriend was fall-down drunk, he told me "well you need to watch out for her!" I was like excuse me? I need to watch out for your fucking girlfriend? That shit pissed me off. I knew he was a cocksucker from that moment on.
Every time Liz would talk to me about him it was all about how "picky" he was about women, and that he dated around but finally "chose" her, and how he is really "sensitive". Suuuure. More like the fat fuck was grateful to have a warm, moist hole to stick his penis in on a regular basis, and said hole was so fat and lonely that she would take all the shit he dishes out and never leave him. And on that subject, how do they do bang? Fucking CARJACKS??
She is always talking about how she is going to become an art teacher, and how great it will be to have her own classroom. About how she is going to take all these university classes at the same time in a semester... Every semester she drops like two remedial classes. She has like 30 hours of basics, which is practically nothing, and the bitch hasn't even finished her ART HISTORY SURVEY I AND II, which are fucking prerequisites to even becoming a declared art major, and she is going to take fucking Art Activities II next semester? Bitch doesn't have a clue, and she is going to be so fucking far behind because she is lacking fundamental art history and design knowledge that is fucking vital to lesson planning. MORON. She dropped drawing II like three times in a row, which is an incredibly easy class.
When she was working part time last semester as a paraprofessional for $70/day for CCISD, she acted like her shit didn't stink because she was "in a classroom". She acted like she was some seasoned pro, and that she knew what was best for a group of adaptive education students (students with disabilities, either mental or physical), when she had never had any experience with them prior to that... She was constantly ARGUING with other, experienced paras and complaining about fucking CERTIFIED SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHERS (these people know their shit), and actually got herself BOOTED OUT of one school for INSUBORDINATION! How do you even do that?
It's still hard to imagine her waddling around taking care of a bunch of kids... She huffs and puffs from simply standing, walking, etc. She is not a good candidate for an art teacher. In the art classroom, you are constantly moving around to monitor and assist, bending over to clean shit in the sink or to help kids with stuff at their tables, and lift heavy boxes and equipment, not to mention you have to have refined public speaking and interpersonal communication skills, which I can tell you right now she is lacking. I can just imagine her trying to get a job someday, provided that she actually sticks with it and doesn't change her mind like she does so often ("I wanna take some psychology courses." Well, you're a fucking psychoanalyst now). Her potential employer is going to take one look at her and think "Is this bitch fucking joking?"
Fat discrimination happens, dude. There is a fine line between overweight or obese, and then MORBIDLY OBESE. On every job application for a teaching position that I have filled out so far, it specifically asks: Are you able to perform the tasks associated with this position? This question implies that you have to be able to do some moving around and heavy lifting for 7 to 8 hours a day, five days a week. I just don't see it happening for her.
She and her idiot boyfriend are always complaining about their electricity bill. They keep their AC on like 85, and it's hotter than a crotch in their apartment at all times. They have a lot of electronic devices going, which just adds to the heat. I don't understand what the problem is. You would think that two fat people wouldn't want to swelter in their own home, but I guess they are just really cheap. And AJ has a job working for his mommy, where he makes like $15 an hour just sitting on his ass behind a computer all day, and Liz has a trust fund. That's another thing. Liz's trust fund, which she is always talking about, is apparently running out, since she keeps spending all her money on $800 classes that she drops over and over again. She was complaining about how she is now going to have to apply for financial assistance from the government, but guess what? She got denied for financial aid BECAUSE SHE HAS A FUCKING TRUST FUND! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So here is my latest beef:
The other day I was all excited because I finally scanned in a bunch of papers and could now start filling out more job applications online, and I told her about it, and she said and I quote "Sounds boring." What an unsupportive twat. Sounds to me like someone is jealous. I listen to her talk about shit that she is proud of or excited about, and she just shat right on my head. When I invited her to my fucking graduation party, she swore she would be there, but she didn't answer my calls or texts all night long until about 3 AM, and she lives about a two minute walk from my apartment. She finally crawled out of her bed to come have about 6 beers that she slammed down as fast as she could before she told me she had to go. What the fuck ever. The last time we really hung out, she drank about a half a gallon of my bourbon by herself, and when I was clearly hinting that she should stop, she kept begging me for another drink, so I started to really water them down. How can I help it if it takes a gallon of booze to get her buzzed? She has a lot of body and blood to circulate the alcohol around, and that is not my problem. How rude! And every time she and AJ have come over in the past, they ALWAYS overstay their welcome, and we practically have to kick them out because it's 4 am and I am dead on my feet at that point, blatantly yawning and closing my eyes. They have absolutely no people skills, courtesy, or common sense. Socially retarded I believe is the next phrase.
This morning I told her I would go with her somewhere, but then I got diarrhea. My asshole hurts and is all raw and I feel terrible and have stomach cramps, and when I told her I was just going to stay home she was like "Really?" and "Sure." What a bitch. So I tried to let it go but then she really started to piss me off so I told her some shit about how I don't want to have to kiss her ass anymore to try and maintain a failing friendship. It's not fucking worth it. And then she started laying into me about THE WAY I TREAT MY HUSBAND. Oh yes, she did.
She went on and on about how I treat Daniel "like dirt" and that he "bends over backward" for me, and that I am "a selfish bitch, acting like everyone owes me something". She told me I "have ADD" and that I "have no patience to listen to anyone but whatever thoughts are in your own head". Then she had the nerve to ask me if I think that my treatment of Daniel is "fair or right at all". When I told her she didn't have a clue as to what went on in my marriage, she told me that she knew because she had "been in a relationship like that before". I told her that just because she had some teenybopper fling however many years ago, doesn't mean that all relationships are the same, and that Daniel and I have been together for nearly 7 years now and we have a rapport. Granted, I really don't have to explain my marriage or justify my behavior to this bitch, but I was pretty pissed off so I continued.
I told her that if she wanted to talk about selfishness, then she should hear a year's worth of audio playback of all the crap she tells me about her diets, exercise, house hunting, appliance purchasing, pet care, etc. I told her she was the most self-centered person I know other than Chode. Her reply? "I'm just trying to better myself." Good luck with that. It's fucked up that she implied that I wasn't making any attempt to improve the conditions of my life. Uh hey, stupid, I just graduated from college, WITH HONORS. I have a piece of paper that says I did something with my life, and I have another one that says I am legally qualified to teach studio arts to students from early childhood all the way through the senior year of high school. What the fuck do you have? Oh, a 2.3 GPA and an annoying boyfriend. Lates, bitch!
I mean shit, it's none of her fucking business anyway. The funny thing is, I clearly have a lot of really mean and spiteful things I could say to her, and all I did was tell her she was being judgmental, and that I thought the whole point of having a friend was so that you had someone to talk to when there was a complaint about a significant other or whatever, but she just kept telling me how terribly I treat Daniel and Maddie, like I am the worst person in the world. She has about two friends, Mara and Ashley, and all she does is complain about them and talk about their personal lives, their relationships, and their myriad personality flaws... all up in their business. I guess if I saw that type of behavior I should have been expecting it to be happening when I wasn't around. Liz has expressed to me many times that she and AJ "don't believe in marriage", and they they will never do it because everything is just so perfect the way it is! Yet, she feels the need to be concerned about my marriage... Hmmm.
Every time I complain about her to Daniel he just tells me to stop talking to her... That she is a bitch and all she does is make me angry. That she and AJ are both irritating, socially retarded, immature morons who aren't living in the real world. They are just fat hogs with a lot of opinions trying to play house. I am smarter than her, cooler, better looking, and more experienced in every way. She is always saying how we are "so intellectually compatible" and I think to myself, uhmmm no. She's a fucking antisocial homebody, and only leaves the nest to feed herself or go do something that she can brag about to me later, like how "wasted" she got at a party or what have you. She smokes about a half-ounce of rank dirt-weed every day, even more foul-smelling than skunk, it's the kind that gives you a headache as soon as the smell hits you. She is so high school, and I am a fucking big kid, and I don't have to take her bullshit anymore.
I want to walk over there and talk some mad shit to her but I know she'll try to sit on me or some shit. So I am just letting it go. I told her I was done doing this dance, and that she could go fuck herself, in so many words. I'm fucking free.
I had some other dark poetry to say, but I lost it.
The thing is, we both nerd out on video games and that is awesome, but she is really competitive, opinionated, and thinks she knows EVERYTHING. It's annoying as fuck to have someone argue with nearly everything I say and sit there on her $300 phone looking shit up on Wikipedia to try and prove me wrong, which conjures up that episode of the Colbert Report where he got enough people on Wikipedia to approve false information about elephants. In other words, she is gullible, and reminds me of Faggy Eric in that annoying know-it-all way.
My general moans and groans about her, as Daniel knows since he hears them all the time, are that she is a fucking rude ass bitch. Always running her mouth about what I need to do, and what she thinks and blah blah blah. I was bitching about not having any money since I was working part time at the art museum for $10/hr whilst going to school full-time, you know, just complaining, looking for a supportive ear, and she sat there telling me how if I needed money I should "sell off some of those books you have, y'all don't read them anyway". Man that shit pissed me the fuck off. First of all, why would I sell books, those things that you can keep forever and reread, for a penny on the dollar at fucking half price books? Nonsense. And telling me how DANIEL and I don't read our books is just plain retarded, seeing as Daniel reads like three different books a day, and I read pretty much every night before I go to sleep. What a misinformed cunt. Obviously she thinks that we are some elitist assholes who are just pretending to be smart...? I mean, yeah, we are elitists, and yes, we are smart, but what do I have to feel ashamed of again??? Oh, she doesn't get it. It's like Bill Hicks was asked not what are you reading but, "Whatcha readin' for??" Hyuck!
Okay so the other annoying shit is how she is always talking about herself. "I'm going to start this diet." "I'm going to join a gym." "I'm looking for a house to buy so AJ (her boyfriend) and I can get that $8000 tax credit." "AJ's mom is giving us her house in Flour Bluff." "I'm getting a job for $17/hr working for AJ's mom." "I'm getting this and that..." and more blah blah blah. ALWAYS talking about herself, her plans, etc. She is fucking delusional. The bitch weighs over THREE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS. I don't think a little diet and light exercise is going to make much of a difference.
Once you're toast, you can never be bread again.
I know I am a fat pig and all, but at least you can't mistake me for an orca when I'm wearing a black and white swimsuit at the beach. Always going on and on about how she went to the gym, or cooked some ridiculous meal that sounds terrible, i. e. "cheeseburger cabbage stew" what the fuck is that? A. CHEESEBURGERS are not healthy, any way you look at it, and people who need health food to taste like CHEESEBURGERS should probably just kill themselves right now, and B. that is absolutely a vile and disgusting combination of flavors/ingredients/etc. So she lost like one inch from her rotund "waist". Guess what? I really couldn't tell at all, and I only said "oh, wow" because I try to be a kind and caring person up to a certain point. It's called "human decency" and "compassion". I clearly now don't give a fuck, but at the time, I was genuinely happy for her. God knows I don't have the willpower to diet and exercise. "why don't you come to the gym with me? Why don't you join?" Because I don't give a fuck, that's why.
She never shuts the fuck up about her stupid meathead boyfriend, AJ. He's like 20 years old, drinks like a fish because he is also quite CETACEAN (thank you Christopher Moore, and yes, I read), his breath smells like a dirty diaper, he's like a quarter Italian and talks about it nonstop, he is full of opinions about bad death metal that he thinks is the shit, people of any color other that white which he thinks are shitty, bad parenting and fatherhood in general though he doesn't have any children, because his father is in jail or something, and he is constantly talking down to Liz, who just takes it all in without protest. He's a condescending prick and Daniel and I can't fucking stand him. He talks to Liz like she is an invalid or something. The first night I met him, when Liz fell down in some dude's hallway at a party, I told him about it because I thought he might want to know that his girlfriend was fall-down drunk, he told me "well you need to watch out for her!" I was like excuse me? I need to watch out for your fucking girlfriend? That shit pissed me off. I knew he was a cocksucker from that moment on.
Every time Liz would talk to me about him it was all about how "picky" he was about women, and that he dated around but finally "chose" her, and how he is really "sensitive". Suuuure. More like the fat fuck was grateful to have a warm, moist hole to stick his penis in on a regular basis, and said hole was so fat and lonely that she would take all the shit he dishes out and never leave him. And on that subject, how do they do bang? Fucking CARJACKS??
She is always talking about how she is going to become an art teacher, and how great it will be to have her own classroom. About how she is going to take all these university classes at the same time in a semester... Every semester she drops like two remedial classes. She has like 30 hours of basics, which is practically nothing, and the bitch hasn't even finished her ART HISTORY SURVEY I AND II, which are fucking prerequisites to even becoming a declared art major, and she is going to take fucking Art Activities II next semester? Bitch doesn't have a clue, and she is going to be so fucking far behind because she is lacking fundamental art history and design knowledge that is fucking vital to lesson planning. MORON. She dropped drawing II like three times in a row, which is an incredibly easy class.
When she was working part time last semester as a paraprofessional for $70/day for CCISD, she acted like her shit didn't stink because she was "in a classroom". She acted like she was some seasoned pro, and that she knew what was best for a group of adaptive education students (students with disabilities, either mental or physical), when she had never had any experience with them prior to that... She was constantly ARGUING with other, experienced paras and complaining about fucking CERTIFIED SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHERS (these people know their shit), and actually got herself BOOTED OUT of one school for INSUBORDINATION! How do you even do that?
It's still hard to imagine her waddling around taking care of a bunch of kids... She huffs and puffs from simply standing, walking, etc. She is not a good candidate for an art teacher. In the art classroom, you are constantly moving around to monitor and assist, bending over to clean shit in the sink or to help kids with stuff at their tables, and lift heavy boxes and equipment, not to mention you have to have refined public speaking and interpersonal communication skills, which I can tell you right now she is lacking. I can just imagine her trying to get a job someday, provided that she actually sticks with it and doesn't change her mind like she does so often ("I wanna take some psychology courses." Well, you're a fucking psychoanalyst now). Her potential employer is going to take one look at her and think "Is this bitch fucking joking?"
Fat discrimination happens, dude. There is a fine line between overweight or obese, and then MORBIDLY OBESE. On every job application for a teaching position that I have filled out so far, it specifically asks: Are you able to perform the tasks associated with this position? This question implies that you have to be able to do some moving around and heavy lifting for 7 to 8 hours a day, five days a week. I just don't see it happening for her.
She and her idiot boyfriend are always complaining about their electricity bill. They keep their AC on like 85, and it's hotter than a crotch in their apartment at all times. They have a lot of electronic devices going, which just adds to the heat. I don't understand what the problem is. You would think that two fat people wouldn't want to swelter in their own home, but I guess they are just really cheap. And AJ has a job working for his mommy, where he makes like $15 an hour just sitting on his ass behind a computer all day, and Liz has a trust fund. That's another thing. Liz's trust fund, which she is always talking about, is apparently running out, since she keeps spending all her money on $800 classes that she drops over and over again. She was complaining about how she is now going to have to apply for financial assistance from the government, but guess what? She got denied for financial aid BECAUSE SHE HAS A FUCKING TRUST FUND! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So here is my latest beef:
The other day I was all excited because I finally scanned in a bunch of papers and could now start filling out more job applications online, and I told her about it, and she said and I quote "Sounds boring." What an unsupportive twat. Sounds to me like someone is jealous. I listen to her talk about shit that she is proud of or excited about, and she just shat right on my head. When I invited her to my fucking graduation party, she swore she would be there, but she didn't answer my calls or texts all night long until about 3 AM, and she lives about a two minute walk from my apartment. She finally crawled out of her bed to come have about 6 beers that she slammed down as fast as she could before she told me she had to go. What the fuck ever. The last time we really hung out, she drank about a half a gallon of my bourbon by herself, and when I was clearly hinting that she should stop, she kept begging me for another drink, so I started to really water them down. How can I help it if it takes a gallon of booze to get her buzzed? She has a lot of body and blood to circulate the alcohol around, and that is not my problem. How rude! And every time she and AJ have come over in the past, they ALWAYS overstay their welcome, and we practically have to kick them out because it's 4 am and I am dead on my feet at that point, blatantly yawning and closing my eyes. They have absolutely no people skills, courtesy, or common sense. Socially retarded I believe is the next phrase.
This morning I told her I would go with her somewhere, but then I got diarrhea. My asshole hurts and is all raw and I feel terrible and have stomach cramps, and when I told her I was just going to stay home she was like "Really?" and "Sure." What a bitch. So I tried to let it go but then she really started to piss me off so I told her some shit about how I don't want to have to kiss her ass anymore to try and maintain a failing friendship. It's not fucking worth it. And then she started laying into me about THE WAY I TREAT MY HUSBAND. Oh yes, she did.
She went on and on about how I treat Daniel "like dirt" and that he "bends over backward" for me, and that I am "a selfish bitch, acting like everyone owes me something". She told me I "have ADD" and that I "have no patience to listen to anyone but whatever thoughts are in your own head". Then she had the nerve to ask me if I think that my treatment of Daniel is "fair or right at all". When I told her she didn't have a clue as to what went on in my marriage, she told me that she knew because she had "been in a relationship like that before". I told her that just because she had some teenybopper fling however many years ago, doesn't mean that all relationships are the same, and that Daniel and I have been together for nearly 7 years now and we have a rapport. Granted, I really don't have to explain my marriage or justify my behavior to this bitch, but I was pretty pissed off so I continued.
I told her that if she wanted to talk about selfishness, then she should hear a year's worth of audio playback of all the crap she tells me about her diets, exercise, house hunting, appliance purchasing, pet care, etc. I told her she was the most self-centered person I know other than Chode. Her reply? "I'm just trying to better myself." Good luck with that. It's fucked up that she implied that I wasn't making any attempt to improve the conditions of my life. Uh hey, stupid, I just graduated from college, WITH HONORS. I have a piece of paper that says I did something with my life, and I have another one that says I am legally qualified to teach studio arts to students from early childhood all the way through the senior year of high school. What the fuck do you have? Oh, a 2.3 GPA and an annoying boyfriend. Lates, bitch!
I mean shit, it's none of her fucking business anyway. The funny thing is, I clearly have a lot of really mean and spiteful things I could say to her, and all I did was tell her she was being judgmental, and that I thought the whole point of having a friend was so that you had someone to talk to when there was a complaint about a significant other or whatever, but she just kept telling me how terribly I treat Daniel and Maddie, like I am the worst person in the world. She has about two friends, Mara and Ashley, and all she does is complain about them and talk about their personal lives, their relationships, and their myriad personality flaws... all up in their business. I guess if I saw that type of behavior I should have been expecting it to be happening when I wasn't around. Liz has expressed to me many times that she and AJ "don't believe in marriage", and they they will never do it because everything is just so perfect the way it is! Yet, she feels the need to be concerned about my marriage... Hmmm.
Every time I complain about her to Daniel he just tells me to stop talking to her... That she is a bitch and all she does is make me angry. That she and AJ are both irritating, socially retarded, immature morons who aren't living in the real world. They are just fat hogs with a lot of opinions trying to play house. I am smarter than her, cooler, better looking, and more experienced in every way. She is always saying how we are "so intellectually compatible" and I think to myself, uhmmm no. She's a fucking antisocial homebody, and only leaves the nest to feed herself or go do something that she can brag about to me later, like how "wasted" she got at a party or what have you. She smokes about a half-ounce of rank dirt-weed every day, even more foul-smelling than skunk, it's the kind that gives you a headache as soon as the smell hits you. She is so high school, and I am a fucking big kid, and I don't have to take her bullshit anymore.
I want to walk over there and talk some mad shit to her but I know she'll try to sit on me or some shit. So I am just letting it go. I told her I was done doing this dance, and that she could go fuck herself, in so many words. I'm fucking free.
I had some other dark poetry to say, but I lost it.