Oh Annie
So I found this in a saved PM to Jose on gaia. A year before we even dating
God created the universe, right? He made it perfect. He places Earth in the optimal position for us to see how amazing and perfect it is. It's my belief that if God can make the universe, and perfect at that, then He can 'script,' for lack of better word, my life, including my relationships, perfectly and more amazing than anything I could imagine on my own. I've tried finding love on my own and I've been let down time after time. I'm not going after another guy until I feel God telling me he is the one. I believe God made someone just for me. There is also the possibility that God's will for me is to be alone. I'm going to have to take that, even though right now, the thought of not having a family makes me cry. I believe God knows what is best for my life and for my part in the salvation of others. Everyday, it is a struggle to die to myself. I'm talking laying aside all my wants and desires to take on the wants and desires of God. I pray frequently to the Lord to cast away my dreams and plans for the future. I pray that He would fill me with His will and His spirit.
And every time I pray this, I cry. I am selfish. Man is selfish. It is in my nature to want what I want and do what I think is best for myself. But I know in my heart that what God wants is so much greater than anything I could want for me. God loves me more than anyone else could ever love me. God will always come first, even before my husband. And I pray that whomever I marry will place God before me. I'm trying to breakthrough Satan's grip on me and my nature and place God first right now, before things get harder for me and there is someone else I want to place first.
I hate that I explained all of this to Jose, he said he understood, and then I proceeded to place him before God, even for such a short time.
I used to pray this prayer ever night. I haven't said it in a long time. Perhaps that's why I stumbled. I must always remember this prayer.
God created the universe, right? He made it perfect. He places Earth in the optimal position for us to see how amazing and perfect it is. It's my belief that if God can make the universe, and perfect at that, then He can 'script,' for lack of better word, my life, including my relationships, perfectly and more amazing than anything I could imagine on my own. I've tried finding love on my own and I've been let down time after time. I'm not going after another guy until I feel God telling me he is the one. I believe God made someone just for me. There is also the possibility that God's will for me is to be alone. I'm going to have to take that, even though right now, the thought of not having a family makes me cry. I believe God knows what is best for my life and for my part in the salvation of others. Everyday, it is a struggle to die to myself. I'm talking laying aside all my wants and desires to take on the wants and desires of God. I pray frequently to the Lord to cast away my dreams and plans for the future. I pray that He would fill me with His will and His spirit.
And every time I pray this, I cry. I am selfish. Man is selfish. It is in my nature to want what I want and do what I think is best for myself. But I know in my heart that what God wants is so much greater than anything I could want for me. God loves me more than anyone else could ever love me. God will always come first, even before my husband. And I pray that whomever I marry will place God before me. I'm trying to breakthrough Satan's grip on me and my nature and place God first right now, before things get harder for me and there is someone else I want to place first.
I hate that I explained all of this to Jose, he said he understood, and then I proceeded to place him before God, even for such a short time.
I used to pray this prayer ever night. I haven't said it in a long time. Perhaps that's why I stumbled. I must always remember this prayer.