Respite (3 of 3): Peter/Neal
Title: Respite (3 of 3)
Author: Esmeralda (laesmeralda)
Fandom: White Collar
Dramatis Personae: Neal Caffrey/Peter Burke (with Elizabeth and Peter cheering from the sidelines)
Warnings: Follow up to Tribulations
Rating: R to NC-17
Disclaimer: This is a work of impure fiction.
Feedback: Responses, including constructive criticism, are welcome.
Original Date: Written April 2012
*******
Respite: Part 1
****
Respite: Part 2
****
“Hard to believe this is the first time you’ve set foot in my place,” Neal said. He poured Pellegrino at the sink and handed Elizabeth the glass. His fingers brushed hers in the transfer more than absolutely necessary. He had a job to do, a mood to establish, a responsibility. After all, this had all been his idea. And he intended to enjoy it.
“It’s cute as can be,” she replied. “And that terrace, Wow.” City lights glittered in the growing dusk above the terrace wall.
“Almost the best thing about the place.” He saw her eyes flick over the couch and then to the bed, lingering there. “Elizabeth, the other night, I might have… overemphasized a point. Am I forgiven?”
She blushed faintly and shook her head. “I shouldn’t have flirted with you.”
The bloom on her was achingly lovely. His warm smile in return, while meant to put her at ease, nevertheless expressed a somewhat deeper response. He raised his glass to buy a moment. “We have the perfect excuse. Here’s to being under the influence of Peter.” They clinked glasses and laughter seemed to banish both Elizabeth’s embarrassment and Neal’s inevitable urge to press an advantage.
A knock interrupted. “Speak of the devil.” Neal went to the door to find a very nervous looking Peter. “Time to pay the piper,” Neal said low and soft and then, stepped to take a hat from the rack. “That’s my cue.” He went back, took away Elizabeth’s glass, and swung her into a dance step. “A comped luxury suite with room service is calling my name.”
“I thought we were all having drinks here,” Elizabeth pouted.
“A little white lie,” Peter said showing about an inch between finger and thumb. “For a good cause.”
Elizabeth cocked her head at him as Neal swayed with her and Peter mock flinched at the silent scolding.
“My place is yours for the night. Trust me,” Neal whispered into her ear, gratified that she shivered against him. And then he kissed her on the mouth, balancing conveyance of interest with just the right hint of propriety. He basked in the way she yielded, and then thrust her gently at Peter.
“Cab’s waiting,” Peter said, nodding to the packed overnight bag by the door. His eyes were warm with amusement as he pretended to rush Neal out.
“Thanks for that.” Neal winked at Elizabeth as he exited, snagging the bag on the way. He grinned all the way down the stairs and tipped the cabbie ridiculously to make haste.
*******
Elizabeth crossed her arms. “What gives? You two can get up to some frightening mischief.”
“You’ve no idea,” Peter replied. He took her elbow and gently turned her toward the kitchen table. “Let’s sit down.” He rummaged around and located a bottle of scotch, poured himself a drink. “Want any?” She declined. Once seated and fortified, he took a deep breath. “Whatever was going on for him, I think Neal never would have let me know. I started it, by coming here that day, trying to be there for him.” Peter set the glass aside. “I’m sorry this is so tough to talk about. Nobody trains you for it,” he jested.
Elizabeth touched his arm, smiled into his eyes, and didn’t say anything.
“Okay. So. That afternoon, he cried so hard and so long, it felt like he was breaking apart. But afterward, I didn’t let him go because holding him felt so good. He pushed away. Somehow he sensed that deep down, I wanted him. I didn’t even know it.”
Sighing, Elizabeth rested her face on her hand. “I did. Somewhere along the line he must have touched you, whether he meant to or not, in a particular way, and that was that, your nervous system just woke up to him. Maybe you didn’t realize when it happened. Or maybe you felt it at the time and couldn’t process it until later. It’s been months, Honey. At least.”
Peter suddenly took on his investigator look. “He told me what he did while you were dancing the other night.”
“Damn him. I was going to tell you.”
“I think he’s only mildly contrite.”
“So, what do you think… hypnotism, some kind of Caffrey signature?” she asked, only half-joking.
Peter shook his head. “He’s reading and responding. Other than that he’s uncanny at it, it isn’t a special power. Being Neal, he can’t help playing with any talent.”
“So have you asked him when? If he even knows…”
“When I just said to you that I didn’t know I wanted him, that’s the truth. But I had felt something before that day and dismissed it.” Peter smiled at her, the secret smile of the long-time lover. “That wonderful present you gave me, the fancy watch. It first happened the day I wore it.”
“That was an intense day.”
Peter nodded. “You know Neal’s like a magpie with nice things. He kept looking at it, couldn’t leave it alone. We were waiting at the coffee kiosk and he took my wrist and ran his thumb around the case and all along the band, touching me the whole time. Thankfully, he didn’t look at my face.”
“It sounds like the problem wasn’t your face,” Elizabeth teased.
“I was wearing a coat,” Peter said, dryly. “I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I figured it was the adrenaline doing funny things. That was a convenient explanation, so I wrote it off.” Peter took both his wife’s hands. “Until it happened again. This thing with Neal isn’t just sex, for me.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I’m glad that’s occurred to you.”
Peter’s brows drew together again. “How can that not worry you at all? I’m missing my chance to offer you all sorts of heartfelt assurances.”
Elizabeth squeezed his hands. “What a smart dummy you are. From my perspective, you fell in love with him oh, at least two years ago.”
Peter looked stricken and she tried not to laugh.
“You just couldn’t realize it for what it was, which is completely understandable. He’s a man. And a criminal. But smart, and you like smart.” She tapped the table for emphasis. “He knew how to work your angles even though you caught him at it. He sent you mementos that you actually liked and kept even as you bitched about it. You couldn’t stop thinking about his next move even after you put him away. I had lots of time to be jealous and to try to hate him. But in the end, Neal isn’t hate-worthy. Loving him hasn’t made you love me less.”
He leaned over and kissed her long and soft. “I’m sorry for the times I’ve neglected you. For cases, for Neal, for any reason.”
“We both have passions that absorb us. But they don’t have to distance us.”
“You are beyond amazing.”
“Not really,” she deflected, “I’m just discovering a kinky preference for picturing my husband making out with another hot guy. Were you aware of the magazine thing, by the way?”
Peter colored up a little. He sighed. “I knew you knew. What can I say, I’ve always enjoyed looking at stylish guys. I didn’t think it meant anything else than comparative curiosity or aesthetic appreciation.” He squirmed a little. “Well, maybe it was a little more visceral than that. But it isn’t like I wanted to look at them with their pants off,” he said just a bit defensively.
“What would be wrong with it if you did?”
“Nothing. But I’d have admitted it to myself.”
“The hat photo?” She didn’t let him off the hook.
Peter shrugged. “I just kept going back to it. Probably the beginning of the end of unconscious repression.”
“I’m glad to know.”
“You already knew. You have instincts. Should have been an investigator.”
“One of those in the family… or one and a half or so counting the wannabe, is plenty. What I’m trying to get across is that I’m glad to hear you say it.” She fiddled with her glass. “I was on the phone one day, listening to a client rant, and I started flipping through the stack of magazines for visual distraction. When I ran across that photo, flattened-out-dog-ear and all, I got totally hot. I had to cut her off so I could pay attention and study it. The idea that you had been looking at it, as though it were him, over and over, and then tried to hide the marker. God.”
“I see,” Peter said, watching her face intently. “Okay, the tour isn’t over.” He lifted her hand and stood them up, walking her through the sitting area. “What do you see?”
“Good taste. Lots of books. He draws. There’s no television. I love that. Or is it hidden somewhere…”
“You wouldn’t know it to look at the man but he’s a hopeless nerd-there’s just not enough time in a day to learn everything in the world. No time to waste.” He paused to let her study the details and then ushered her toward the bed. “So continuing with that day… Neal seemed exhausted so I brought him over here. I literally tucked him in.” Peter touched a pillow. “He still doesn’t know that I watched him sleep for a bit. I sat here and stroked his hair.” He sounded sheepish and aroused at the same time. “I couldn’t leave him here alone, he seemed too fragile, so I decided to do some work.” He drew her over to the couch, nudged her to sit down, and then joined her. He took a deep breath. “This is where I fell asleep, had the most wonderful dream about you, and then woke up coming in Neal’s mouth.”
“Oh,” she said, setting down her water glass on the coffee table rather hard.
He didn’t avoid her eyes and her pupils were steadily widening, just like Neal had described, so he forged on. “He was kneeling there, taking all of me like he was starving for it, and it was all I could do not to grab him and hang on for dear life. But I didn’t. So afterward, he freaked out and ran. I lay here, heart thundering away, and tried to sort it out.”
Her eyes suddenly looked glazed over. “Go back… for a sec. To the part where he was taking all of you….” She shuddered.
“Thanks to Neal, I’ll do better than that,” Peter murmured. He went around and shut off the lights and then brought over Neal’s laptop and slipped in a flash drive. He had to type in a long code to unencrypt the image player.
Neal’s empty bed almost filled the screen, made up all in white and pale blue, comforter folded down. Warm light appeared to be in motion like flickering candlelight, but somehow, there was enough to show the little creases in Neal’s sheets.
Elizabeth audibly sucked in a breath. Peter touched her shoulder. “I’ll leave if you’d like. This… is just for you. We had to come here to see it-the file can’t leave the apartment.”
Elizabeth didn’t say anything but she reached out and grabbed his sleeve, forcing him back to the couch.
The curve of Neal’s bare ass came into view first as Peter backed him slowly toward the bed. They were both naked but for Neal’s hat which was slowly losing its perfect tilt during the kiss. Wherever the camera had been placed, at that moment, it caught them and an angle of their reflection in the standing mirror. The sound of their counterpoint breathing and traded kisses could clearly be heard. Neal slipped a hand between them and moaned softly.
Elizabeth’s fingers dug into Peter’s arm.
Peter broke away from Neal’s mouth. “I can guess what little bird told you about the hat,” he murmured, sliding his hand through Neal’s hair to trace the brim. “Naughty her.” And then, he tossed it across the bed so he could get both hands into Neal’s hair.
Neal’s free hand wrapped behind Peter’s neck and pulled him into a more aggressive kiss. Peter’s stance shifted, his legs bracing as Neal’s hand working between them compromised his balance.
Then, Neal started to give ground, easing back onto the bed, but Peter stopped him, palm firm on his backside, and began to kiss his way down Neal’s neck and collarbones. Neal’s head tilted back and he tangled his hands in Peter’s hair, less and less quietly expressing his enthusiasm. Peter kept going, zigzagging downward over chest, and belly until finally, he was on his knees, a hand on each of Neal’s hips. He paused, drawing Neal’s attention downward so their eyes locked. Peter’s right hand disappeared inward and Neal bit his lip. After a long moment, Peter shifted a nudge to the left, exposing to the camera what he was doing-applying long, slow strokes. “I don’t think I’ve had the courage to say yet that I love touching you,” Peter said, leaning in to rub a clean-shaven cheek along his length as well, eliciting a groan. And then he looked up at Neal’s face. “I suppose I’d still like it if it weren’t so pretty or so thick, because doing this makes you look like that.”
Neal visibly stifled another sound. “Ease up,” he husked, “or this is going to be over way faster than we planned.”
Peter took him into his mouth and Neal’s head went back again, his throat bared. “Not helping,” he groaned. Despite his words, his hips slid forward and back, just a little, following Peter’s rhythm until Peter’s began to make soft, hungry sounds. Neal froze. “Stop. Please,” he gasped.
Peter let him go, slowly, and sat back on his heels, watching with fascination the rush of Neal’s blood.
“Come here,” Neal said at length, climbing onto the bed and kneeling there. It wasn’t the sort of tone to ignore. He drew Peter into another kiss, slow and agonizing, hands brushing down his back, over his ass. When Peter wasn’t looking, he reached down without breaking the kiss and rotated the tracker to a more comfortable position.
”Damn it,” Peter whispered. “He hid that from me.”
Elizabeth moved to lean back against him. “He doesn’t want it to feature in your sex life. At all. Now shush.”
“Indulge me for a minute,” Neal said. “Lie on your stomach.”
Peter stretched out, no questions asked, his head turned to watch Neal. Neal reached under a pillow, and came up with a petite bottle of lotion. He waggled it. “I lifted this from Elizabeth’s evening bag,” he said, popping it open and squeezing some onto his fingers. “I think this is part of what made her smell so delicious this evening. Pumpkin pie of all things.” He gave an exaggerated shudder. He paused. “Of course, the rest of it was the pure excitement rising off her.”
“Clearly, you enjoy turning my wife on,” Peter replied. “Can I hope that it’s just so you can bask in the scent of home cooking?”
Neal chuckled and very much didn’t answer. He touched the lotion to Peter’s tailbone and hesitated, looking for a moment as though he didn’t know what to say. And then, “Remember, we made a pact, so you’ve nothing to fear from this.” His fingers slid down between Peter’s buttocks, his right hand on the small of Peter’s back. Peter instinctively froze, and then slowly relaxed back down as Neal circled and stroked. “Just want to see if this does anything for you. Not everyone likes it.”
“Do you?” Peter gasped, fists tight on the sheets by his face.
“Some other time you can find out.” He changed to long, steady strokes, balls to tailbone and back, until Peter’s glutes were clutching at his hand.
Neal shifted to straddle Peter’s hips, replacing his hand with something decidedly smoother. Leaning both hands against the small of Peter’s back, he ground himself against Peter. Peter broke his silence and groaned loudly into the sheets.
Slowly, fucking against Peter the whole time, Neal slid his hands upward on either side of Peter’s spine, across his shoulders, and down his arms to interlace his hands with Peter’s. He lay fully against him, still working against his ass. Nuzzling into Peter’s neck, Neal said, “It’s so tempting… But only if the other person is totally into it.”
The sound that came out of Peter could only be described as a permissive whimper.
Neal let the sound resonate and then rolled off to lie on his back. “Your turn to top,” he said, cheekily. He gripped himself to offer further incentive.
Peter launched at him, entangling their legs and feet, bracing his arms, leaving enough room for Neal’s arm to maneuver. Neal shifted from holding himself to stroking Peter.
“Whoa,” Neal said, pulling his hand free and displaying a web of spider-silky threads that oozed slowly down to pool on his chest. “I guess you liked it.”
“You really don’t know when to shut up,” Peter growled, and he closed the gap between their bodies, burying his face in Neal’s neck. There wasn’t any more coherent speaking as they moved together, Neal writhing in encouragement as Peter mouthed at his neck and throat.
“Oh,” Neal said suddenly and bucked up, hard.
“Me too,” Peter choked out against Neal’s skin.
“Oh-god-yes,” Elizabeth exclaimed in a rush.
Sprawled out on the 400 thread-counts, receiver in his ear, Neal heard what he had hoped for, what had him biting his lip so hard to wait for, Elizabeth crying out in simultaneity with the ghosts of him and Peter. He brought himself off with her, not needing to quiet himself for anyone’s sake.
Elizabeth heaved her first full breath since Neal had swung on top of Peter. Peter’s fingers remained inside, and she was still after-shocking around them. “Holy heart failure, Batman,” she tried to joke, elbowing herself to a more seated position against his chest as he withdrew his hand. And then she hushed herself, because the screen was still in motion.
Peter shifted off, leaving Neal’s belly and chest smeared with their fluids, and collapsed next to him.
“I was playing,” Neal said, soberly. “I hope I didn’t-”
Peter interrupted him, “It’s just surprising that I could change my mind like that.”
“Actually, that’s how people end up doing stupid things all the time. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea in the moment.”
“Are you saying… it would be a bad idea?”
For a long few moments, Neal studied Peter’s face. “I’m saying that impulse and reality are often very different. All this is about expressing how good you make me feel. I’d like to keep it that way.”
Peter heaved a sigh that might have been relief or something else entirely. Open to interpretation. Then he chuckled. “I forgot about the camera.”
Neal grinned. “Nice compliment.” He yawned and didn’t cover it. “Being a guy, I’m about thirty seconds from snoring.” He got up and moved off camera. Lights started dimming.
“I haven’t heard you snore,” Peter said, rearranging pillows.
“You slept here once for like two hours.” Now there was just a pool of light around the near bedside.
“Wrong. Slept in your bed for two hours. I’ve slept ten feet from you plenty of times to assess decibels.”
“Oh. I guess you don’t snore either, now that you mention it. Thank God.” Neal stood by the bed facing Peter and toweled off his chest and belly, perhaps showing off his ass for the audience, perhaps not.
“I might after heavy drinking,” Peter qualified. “Fair warning if you ever get me drunk.”
Neal slid under the sheets, propped on his elbows, and for the first time looked straight into the camera. “I hope, darling woman, that you find this to be all good and no bad. If not, make sure you tell me. Adjustments can always be made. And thank you, for this. All of it.”
“Night, Honey,” Peter said with a sleepy smile. “Love you.” Neal groped at the bedside table for a remote. The screen went grey.
“That was…” Elizabeth trailed off. She looked into Peter’s eyes. “Thank you for sharing that.”
“Everything okay?”
“I’m overwhelmed. In a good way.”
Peter surreptitiously rearranged his trousers.
“Wait… what about you? Didn’t mean to leave you stuck on the edge there.”
“That spectacular orgasm you had was the very next best thing. Savoring it without distraction is going to hold me until tomorrow.” He squinted at his watch. “Which, conveniently, is less than an hour from now.” He sighed and stretched. “Did you see it? How damn beautiful he is…”
“I saw how beautiful you are together.”
Peter snorted. “You don’t have to baby my ego.”
“I mean it. Yes, Peter, he’s gorgeous. I have eyes. And I can glimpse what you see when he’s too gone to cover it. But what turns me on is how you two interact.” A slow, hint of mischief emerged. “Speaking of turn-ons, since you told me you’d admitted to Neal that you couldn’t imagine fucking or being fucked, I nearly squealed out loud when you almost begged him. That particular scenario has crossed my mind more than once.”
“I did not almost beg.” Then Peter looked taken aback. “It has? Top or bottom?”
“Silly. Why must men always categorize?”
“Hmm.”
“Maybe you two should keep supplies handy, just in case,” she said, slyly. “Then at least it wouldn’t be, as he said, stupid.”
Peter looked at her, dumbfounded. And then abruptly shifted the subject. “Watching… that was really amazing. I had to get over being self-conscious. But this way, I could see his whole response. I should have done that with you years ago.”
“I’ve decided that I much prefer watching sex without the bad music and porno super-close-ups. I could develop a thing for it after all.” She touched the flash drive. “Too bad we have to leave this here. But of course, we do.”
“You want to stay here tonight?” Peter got up and offered her a hand.
She straightened her skirt as she stood, looked at the neatly made bed, considered, appeared tempted. “This space is for you two. I appreciate being brought in this far, visiting the fantasy. And I hope I’ll be asked again sometime. But tonight, I’d like to sleep in my own bed with you. Is that okay?”
Peter stroked her hair tenderly. “Anything you want. Let’s go then.” He pulled the flash drive from the computer. “I have to stash this. There’s no telling when Moz will let himself in. And while I don’t particularly care what he knows…”
Elizabeth put up a hand. “Couldn’t agree more.” She turned away while Peter put the drive wherever Neal expected to find it. “Neal is so dear, even with all his troubled complexity,” she said, musing. “This is a precious time.” She turned back to Peter as his footsteps came closer. She had tears in her eyes. “Will you be alright when he leaves? It’s going to be really hard for me. I can only imagine… will it break your heart?”
Peter pulled her close. “As inevitable as that particular bridge seems to be, let’s cross it when we come to it.”
They went home.
He lay tangled in the sheets and felt a twinge of guilt for having eavesdropped. Even though it was his home. And he had only listened, not watched-he could easily have done both. He had shared with them his very most intimate moments, the truest self he could offer, and a little reciprocity seemed only fair. Still, it felt wrong. He had heard things he wasn’t meant to.
After a moment more, he smiled and the constriction in his chest eased. Some little wrongs are worth it. He couldn’t afford to become too good.
******
Author: Esmeralda (laesmeralda)
Fandom: White Collar
Dramatis Personae: Neal Caffrey/Peter Burke (with Elizabeth and Peter cheering from the sidelines)
Warnings: Follow up to Tribulations
Rating: R to NC-17
Disclaimer: This is a work of impure fiction.
Feedback: Responses, including constructive criticism, are welcome.
Original Date: Written April 2012
*******
Respite: Part 1
****
Respite: Part 2
****
“Hard to believe this is the first time you’ve set foot in my place,” Neal said. He poured Pellegrino at the sink and handed Elizabeth the glass. His fingers brushed hers in the transfer more than absolutely necessary. He had a job to do, a mood to establish, a responsibility. After all, this had all been his idea. And he intended to enjoy it.
“It’s cute as can be,” she replied. “And that terrace, Wow.” City lights glittered in the growing dusk above the terrace wall.
“Almost the best thing about the place.” He saw her eyes flick over the couch and then to the bed, lingering there. “Elizabeth, the other night, I might have… overemphasized a point. Am I forgiven?”
She blushed faintly and shook her head. “I shouldn’t have flirted with you.”
The bloom on her was achingly lovely. His warm smile in return, while meant to put her at ease, nevertheless expressed a somewhat deeper response. He raised his glass to buy a moment. “We have the perfect excuse. Here’s to being under the influence of Peter.” They clinked glasses and laughter seemed to banish both Elizabeth’s embarrassment and Neal’s inevitable urge to press an advantage.
A knock interrupted. “Speak of the devil.” Neal went to the door to find a very nervous looking Peter. “Time to pay the piper,” Neal said low and soft and then, stepped to take a hat from the rack. “That’s my cue.” He went back, took away Elizabeth’s glass, and swung her into a dance step. “A comped luxury suite with room service is calling my name.”
“I thought we were all having drinks here,” Elizabeth pouted.
“A little white lie,” Peter said showing about an inch between finger and thumb. “For a good cause.”
Elizabeth cocked her head at him as Neal swayed with her and Peter mock flinched at the silent scolding.
“My place is yours for the night. Trust me,” Neal whispered into her ear, gratified that she shivered against him. And then he kissed her on the mouth, balancing conveyance of interest with just the right hint of propriety. He basked in the way she yielded, and then thrust her gently at Peter.
“Cab’s waiting,” Peter said, nodding to the packed overnight bag by the door. His eyes were warm with amusement as he pretended to rush Neal out.
“Thanks for that.” Neal winked at Elizabeth as he exited, snagging the bag on the way. He grinned all the way down the stairs and tipped the cabbie ridiculously to make haste.
*******
Elizabeth crossed her arms. “What gives? You two can get up to some frightening mischief.”
“You’ve no idea,” Peter replied. He took her elbow and gently turned her toward the kitchen table. “Let’s sit down.” He rummaged around and located a bottle of scotch, poured himself a drink. “Want any?” She declined. Once seated and fortified, he took a deep breath. “Whatever was going on for him, I think Neal never would have let me know. I started it, by coming here that day, trying to be there for him.” Peter set the glass aside. “I’m sorry this is so tough to talk about. Nobody trains you for it,” he jested.
Elizabeth touched his arm, smiled into his eyes, and didn’t say anything.
“Okay. So. That afternoon, he cried so hard and so long, it felt like he was breaking apart. But afterward, I didn’t let him go because holding him felt so good. He pushed away. Somehow he sensed that deep down, I wanted him. I didn’t even know it.”
Sighing, Elizabeth rested her face on her hand. “I did. Somewhere along the line he must have touched you, whether he meant to or not, in a particular way, and that was that, your nervous system just woke up to him. Maybe you didn’t realize when it happened. Or maybe you felt it at the time and couldn’t process it until later. It’s been months, Honey. At least.”
Peter suddenly took on his investigator look. “He told me what he did while you were dancing the other night.”
“Damn him. I was going to tell you.”
“I think he’s only mildly contrite.”
“So, what do you think… hypnotism, some kind of Caffrey signature?” she asked, only half-joking.
Peter shook his head. “He’s reading and responding. Other than that he’s uncanny at it, it isn’t a special power. Being Neal, he can’t help playing with any talent.”
“So have you asked him when? If he even knows…”
“When I just said to you that I didn’t know I wanted him, that’s the truth. But I had felt something before that day and dismissed it.” Peter smiled at her, the secret smile of the long-time lover. “That wonderful present you gave me, the fancy watch. It first happened the day I wore it.”
“That was an intense day.”
Peter nodded. “You know Neal’s like a magpie with nice things. He kept looking at it, couldn’t leave it alone. We were waiting at the coffee kiosk and he took my wrist and ran his thumb around the case and all along the band, touching me the whole time. Thankfully, he didn’t look at my face.”
“It sounds like the problem wasn’t your face,” Elizabeth teased.
“I was wearing a coat,” Peter said, dryly. “I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I figured it was the adrenaline doing funny things. That was a convenient explanation, so I wrote it off.” Peter took both his wife’s hands. “Until it happened again. This thing with Neal isn’t just sex, for me.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I’m glad that’s occurred to you.”
Peter’s brows drew together again. “How can that not worry you at all? I’m missing my chance to offer you all sorts of heartfelt assurances.”
Elizabeth squeezed his hands. “What a smart dummy you are. From my perspective, you fell in love with him oh, at least two years ago.”
Peter looked stricken and she tried not to laugh.
“You just couldn’t realize it for what it was, which is completely understandable. He’s a man. And a criminal. But smart, and you like smart.” She tapped the table for emphasis. “He knew how to work your angles even though you caught him at it. He sent you mementos that you actually liked and kept even as you bitched about it. You couldn’t stop thinking about his next move even after you put him away. I had lots of time to be jealous and to try to hate him. But in the end, Neal isn’t hate-worthy. Loving him hasn’t made you love me less.”
He leaned over and kissed her long and soft. “I’m sorry for the times I’ve neglected you. For cases, for Neal, for any reason.”
“We both have passions that absorb us. But they don’t have to distance us.”
“You are beyond amazing.”
“Not really,” she deflected, “I’m just discovering a kinky preference for picturing my husband making out with another hot guy. Were you aware of the magazine thing, by the way?”
Peter colored up a little. He sighed. “I knew you knew. What can I say, I’ve always enjoyed looking at stylish guys. I didn’t think it meant anything else than comparative curiosity or aesthetic appreciation.” He squirmed a little. “Well, maybe it was a little more visceral than that. But it isn’t like I wanted to look at them with their pants off,” he said just a bit defensively.
“What would be wrong with it if you did?”
“Nothing. But I’d have admitted it to myself.”
“The hat photo?” She didn’t let him off the hook.
Peter shrugged. “I just kept going back to it. Probably the beginning of the end of unconscious repression.”
“I’m glad to know.”
“You already knew. You have instincts. Should have been an investigator.”
“One of those in the family… or one and a half or so counting the wannabe, is plenty. What I’m trying to get across is that I’m glad to hear you say it.” She fiddled with her glass. “I was on the phone one day, listening to a client rant, and I started flipping through the stack of magazines for visual distraction. When I ran across that photo, flattened-out-dog-ear and all, I got totally hot. I had to cut her off so I could pay attention and study it. The idea that you had been looking at it, as though it were him, over and over, and then tried to hide the marker. God.”
“I see,” Peter said, watching her face intently. “Okay, the tour isn’t over.” He lifted her hand and stood them up, walking her through the sitting area. “What do you see?”
“Good taste. Lots of books. He draws. There’s no television. I love that. Or is it hidden somewhere…”
“You wouldn’t know it to look at the man but he’s a hopeless nerd-there’s just not enough time in a day to learn everything in the world. No time to waste.” He paused to let her study the details and then ushered her toward the bed. “So continuing with that day… Neal seemed exhausted so I brought him over here. I literally tucked him in.” Peter touched a pillow. “He still doesn’t know that I watched him sleep for a bit. I sat here and stroked his hair.” He sounded sheepish and aroused at the same time. “I couldn’t leave him here alone, he seemed too fragile, so I decided to do some work.” He drew her over to the couch, nudged her to sit down, and then joined her. He took a deep breath. “This is where I fell asleep, had the most wonderful dream about you, and then woke up coming in Neal’s mouth.”
“Oh,” she said, setting down her water glass on the coffee table rather hard.
He didn’t avoid her eyes and her pupils were steadily widening, just like Neal had described, so he forged on. “He was kneeling there, taking all of me like he was starving for it, and it was all I could do not to grab him and hang on for dear life. But I didn’t. So afterward, he freaked out and ran. I lay here, heart thundering away, and tried to sort it out.”
Her eyes suddenly looked glazed over. “Go back… for a sec. To the part where he was taking all of you….” She shuddered.
“Thanks to Neal, I’ll do better than that,” Peter murmured. He went around and shut off the lights and then brought over Neal’s laptop and slipped in a flash drive. He had to type in a long code to unencrypt the image player.
Neal’s empty bed almost filled the screen, made up all in white and pale blue, comforter folded down. Warm light appeared to be in motion like flickering candlelight, but somehow, there was enough to show the little creases in Neal’s sheets.
Elizabeth audibly sucked in a breath. Peter touched her shoulder. “I’ll leave if you’d like. This… is just for you. We had to come here to see it-the file can’t leave the apartment.”
Elizabeth didn’t say anything but she reached out and grabbed his sleeve, forcing him back to the couch.
The curve of Neal’s bare ass came into view first as Peter backed him slowly toward the bed. They were both naked but for Neal’s hat which was slowly losing its perfect tilt during the kiss. Wherever the camera had been placed, at that moment, it caught them and an angle of their reflection in the standing mirror. The sound of their counterpoint breathing and traded kisses could clearly be heard. Neal slipped a hand between them and moaned softly.
Elizabeth’s fingers dug into Peter’s arm.
Peter broke away from Neal’s mouth. “I can guess what little bird told you about the hat,” he murmured, sliding his hand through Neal’s hair to trace the brim. “Naughty her.” And then, he tossed it across the bed so he could get both hands into Neal’s hair.
Neal’s free hand wrapped behind Peter’s neck and pulled him into a more aggressive kiss. Peter’s stance shifted, his legs bracing as Neal’s hand working between them compromised his balance.
Then, Neal started to give ground, easing back onto the bed, but Peter stopped him, palm firm on his backside, and began to kiss his way down Neal’s neck and collarbones. Neal’s head tilted back and he tangled his hands in Peter’s hair, less and less quietly expressing his enthusiasm. Peter kept going, zigzagging downward over chest, and belly until finally, he was on his knees, a hand on each of Neal’s hips. He paused, drawing Neal’s attention downward so their eyes locked. Peter’s right hand disappeared inward and Neal bit his lip. After a long moment, Peter shifted a nudge to the left, exposing to the camera what he was doing-applying long, slow strokes. “I don’t think I’ve had the courage to say yet that I love touching you,” Peter said, leaning in to rub a clean-shaven cheek along his length as well, eliciting a groan. And then he looked up at Neal’s face. “I suppose I’d still like it if it weren’t so pretty or so thick, because doing this makes you look like that.”
Neal visibly stifled another sound. “Ease up,” he husked, “or this is going to be over way faster than we planned.”
Peter took him into his mouth and Neal’s head went back again, his throat bared. “Not helping,” he groaned. Despite his words, his hips slid forward and back, just a little, following Peter’s rhythm until Peter’s began to make soft, hungry sounds. Neal froze. “Stop. Please,” he gasped.
Peter let him go, slowly, and sat back on his heels, watching with fascination the rush of Neal’s blood.
“Come here,” Neal said at length, climbing onto the bed and kneeling there. It wasn’t the sort of tone to ignore. He drew Peter into another kiss, slow and agonizing, hands brushing down his back, over his ass. When Peter wasn’t looking, he reached down without breaking the kiss and rotated the tracker to a more comfortable position.
”Damn it,” Peter whispered. “He hid that from me.”
Elizabeth moved to lean back against him. “He doesn’t want it to feature in your sex life. At all. Now shush.”
“Indulge me for a minute,” Neal said. “Lie on your stomach.”
Peter stretched out, no questions asked, his head turned to watch Neal. Neal reached under a pillow, and came up with a petite bottle of lotion. He waggled it. “I lifted this from Elizabeth’s evening bag,” he said, popping it open and squeezing some onto his fingers. “I think this is part of what made her smell so delicious this evening. Pumpkin pie of all things.” He gave an exaggerated shudder. He paused. “Of course, the rest of it was the pure excitement rising off her.”
“Clearly, you enjoy turning my wife on,” Peter replied. “Can I hope that it’s just so you can bask in the scent of home cooking?”
Neal chuckled and very much didn’t answer. He touched the lotion to Peter’s tailbone and hesitated, looking for a moment as though he didn’t know what to say. And then, “Remember, we made a pact, so you’ve nothing to fear from this.” His fingers slid down between Peter’s buttocks, his right hand on the small of Peter’s back. Peter instinctively froze, and then slowly relaxed back down as Neal circled and stroked. “Just want to see if this does anything for you. Not everyone likes it.”
“Do you?” Peter gasped, fists tight on the sheets by his face.
“Some other time you can find out.” He changed to long, steady strokes, balls to tailbone and back, until Peter’s glutes were clutching at his hand.
Neal shifted to straddle Peter’s hips, replacing his hand with something decidedly smoother. Leaning both hands against the small of Peter’s back, he ground himself against Peter. Peter broke his silence and groaned loudly into the sheets.
Slowly, fucking against Peter the whole time, Neal slid his hands upward on either side of Peter’s spine, across his shoulders, and down his arms to interlace his hands with Peter’s. He lay fully against him, still working against his ass. Nuzzling into Peter’s neck, Neal said, “It’s so tempting… But only if the other person is totally into it.”
The sound that came out of Peter could only be described as a permissive whimper.
Neal let the sound resonate and then rolled off to lie on his back. “Your turn to top,” he said, cheekily. He gripped himself to offer further incentive.
Peter launched at him, entangling their legs and feet, bracing his arms, leaving enough room for Neal’s arm to maneuver. Neal shifted from holding himself to stroking Peter.
“Whoa,” Neal said, pulling his hand free and displaying a web of spider-silky threads that oozed slowly down to pool on his chest. “I guess you liked it.”
“You really don’t know when to shut up,” Peter growled, and he closed the gap between their bodies, burying his face in Neal’s neck. There wasn’t any more coherent speaking as they moved together, Neal writhing in encouragement as Peter mouthed at his neck and throat.
“Oh,” Neal said suddenly and bucked up, hard.
“Me too,” Peter choked out against Neal’s skin.
“Oh-god-yes,” Elizabeth exclaimed in a rush.
Sprawled out on the 400 thread-counts, receiver in his ear, Neal heard what he had hoped for, what had him biting his lip so hard to wait for, Elizabeth crying out in simultaneity with the ghosts of him and Peter. He brought himself off with her, not needing to quiet himself for anyone’s sake.
Elizabeth heaved her first full breath since Neal had swung on top of Peter. Peter’s fingers remained inside, and she was still after-shocking around them. “Holy heart failure, Batman,” she tried to joke, elbowing herself to a more seated position against his chest as he withdrew his hand. And then she hushed herself, because the screen was still in motion.
Peter shifted off, leaving Neal’s belly and chest smeared with their fluids, and collapsed next to him.
“I was playing,” Neal said, soberly. “I hope I didn’t-”
Peter interrupted him, “It’s just surprising that I could change my mind like that.”
“Actually, that’s how people end up doing stupid things all the time. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea in the moment.”
“Are you saying… it would be a bad idea?”
For a long few moments, Neal studied Peter’s face. “I’m saying that impulse and reality are often very different. All this is about expressing how good you make me feel. I’d like to keep it that way.”
Peter heaved a sigh that might have been relief or something else entirely. Open to interpretation. Then he chuckled. “I forgot about the camera.”
Neal grinned. “Nice compliment.” He yawned and didn’t cover it. “Being a guy, I’m about thirty seconds from snoring.” He got up and moved off camera. Lights started dimming.
“I haven’t heard you snore,” Peter said, rearranging pillows.
“You slept here once for like two hours.” Now there was just a pool of light around the near bedside.
“Wrong. Slept in your bed for two hours. I’ve slept ten feet from you plenty of times to assess decibels.”
“Oh. I guess you don’t snore either, now that you mention it. Thank God.” Neal stood by the bed facing Peter and toweled off his chest and belly, perhaps showing off his ass for the audience, perhaps not.
“I might after heavy drinking,” Peter qualified. “Fair warning if you ever get me drunk.”
Neal slid under the sheets, propped on his elbows, and for the first time looked straight into the camera. “I hope, darling woman, that you find this to be all good and no bad. If not, make sure you tell me. Adjustments can always be made. And thank you, for this. All of it.”
“Night, Honey,” Peter said with a sleepy smile. “Love you.” Neal groped at the bedside table for a remote. The screen went grey.
“That was…” Elizabeth trailed off. She looked into Peter’s eyes. “Thank you for sharing that.”
“Everything okay?”
“I’m overwhelmed. In a good way.”
Peter surreptitiously rearranged his trousers.
“Wait… what about you? Didn’t mean to leave you stuck on the edge there.”
“That spectacular orgasm you had was the very next best thing. Savoring it without distraction is going to hold me until tomorrow.” He squinted at his watch. “Which, conveniently, is less than an hour from now.” He sighed and stretched. “Did you see it? How damn beautiful he is…”
“I saw how beautiful you are together.”
Peter snorted. “You don’t have to baby my ego.”
“I mean it. Yes, Peter, he’s gorgeous. I have eyes. And I can glimpse what you see when he’s too gone to cover it. But what turns me on is how you two interact.” A slow, hint of mischief emerged. “Speaking of turn-ons, since you told me you’d admitted to Neal that you couldn’t imagine fucking or being fucked, I nearly squealed out loud when you almost begged him. That particular scenario has crossed my mind more than once.”
“I did not almost beg.” Then Peter looked taken aback. “It has? Top or bottom?”
“Silly. Why must men always categorize?”
“Hmm.”
“Maybe you two should keep supplies handy, just in case,” she said, slyly. “Then at least it wouldn’t be, as he said, stupid.”
Peter looked at her, dumbfounded. And then abruptly shifted the subject. “Watching… that was really amazing. I had to get over being self-conscious. But this way, I could see his whole response. I should have done that with you years ago.”
“I’ve decided that I much prefer watching sex without the bad music and porno super-close-ups. I could develop a thing for it after all.” She touched the flash drive. “Too bad we have to leave this here. But of course, we do.”
“You want to stay here tonight?” Peter got up and offered her a hand.
She straightened her skirt as she stood, looked at the neatly made bed, considered, appeared tempted. “This space is for you two. I appreciate being brought in this far, visiting the fantasy. And I hope I’ll be asked again sometime. But tonight, I’d like to sleep in my own bed with you. Is that okay?”
Peter stroked her hair tenderly. “Anything you want. Let’s go then.” He pulled the flash drive from the computer. “I have to stash this. There’s no telling when Moz will let himself in. And while I don’t particularly care what he knows…”
Elizabeth put up a hand. “Couldn’t agree more.” She turned away while Peter put the drive wherever Neal expected to find it. “Neal is so dear, even with all his troubled complexity,” she said, musing. “This is a precious time.” She turned back to Peter as his footsteps came closer. She had tears in her eyes. “Will you be alright when he leaves? It’s going to be really hard for me. I can only imagine… will it break your heart?”
Peter pulled her close. “As inevitable as that particular bridge seems to be, let’s cross it when we come to it.”
They went home.
He lay tangled in the sheets and felt a twinge of guilt for having eavesdropped. Even though it was his home. And he had only listened, not watched-he could easily have done both. He had shared with them his very most intimate moments, the truest self he could offer, and a little reciprocity seemed only fair. Still, it felt wrong. He had heard things he wasn’t meant to.
After a moment more, he smiled and the constriction in his chest eased. Some little wrongs are worth it. He couldn’t afford to become too good.
******