Amazing Grace
I have always liked that song. I don't know why. I am not Christian--I am not even religious. There is something that calls to me in the words though. A sense of peace that comes with its notes.
So I changed it. I made a list of the lyrics as they pay in my head--the words to the song take on new meaning; new direction in my head.
I am beginning my lj posts with this because it reminds me--it makes me think of the nooks and crannies of my universe. It makes me tremble with wonder at the place my life has gone.
I hear the song, music in my background...as I stare at the bruises I was given; as each muscle strains, pain echoing in my limbs.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Owned, craved, used, needed, trembling, afraid, dark masochistic desires realized in a haven of sadistic glee; I once was blind, but now I see. My sight upon the life we have, the future we will make.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. To hear their voices their dominion in my ear, the whisper of a belt slipping from its loops; That saved a wretch like me. A girl-woman-slave, groveling at their feet. My status undone, working to please. I once was lost but now am found. Home with them, the joy and pain, grounded, anchored, physically tied at times, but bound by a connection stronger than any rope or restraint. Was blind, but now, I see. The need, the desire, the beauty service brings. T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear. The grace of a crop across my skin, her voice dancing in my ears; the grace of his hand across my cheek; trembling terror at my core. And Grace, my fears relieved; The safety of their arms, my tears allowed to flow. How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed. Never expecting, never dreaming, never in my wildest imaginings; but then it is. It just is. Through many dangers, toils and snares we have already come. The moment of truth-begging to yield, wanting them to push, the need driving everything. T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far and Grace will lead us home. I have been led, his hand yanking my collar, finding the only home I have ever known. Me, deep down, no façade allowed; my submission true, my dedication unmatched, my love beyond all words. The Lord has promised good to me. My Master will deliver; his promise of pain and joy and release the only things I need. My Mistress will bring completion, the world of three united, the trinity all that is required. His word my hope secures. The ecstasy of giving, the rapture of being taken, it is my place, and now they are my God. He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. Protectors, tormentors, Master and Mistress, my body I give, my soul I surrender, my life they own. When we've been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. No matter what comes, no one knows what the future holds-never in another ten thousand will I dream of anything better. Better than this does not exist. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun. I will sing, praise my God-the kiss of the whip, the tremble of fear; Need, pain, longing, control, I will sing from my place at their feet. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. The slap, chains interlocking, the silence behind a gag. That saved a wretch like me. My slut, my whore, my slave…the wretch becomes the one, they are the Two. I once was lost but now am found. Direction. Perfection. Bliss. Home. Was blind, but now, I see. My sight upon the life we have, the future we will make.
So I changed it. I made a list of the lyrics as they pay in my head--the words to the song take on new meaning; new direction in my head.
I am beginning my lj posts with this because it reminds me--it makes me think of the nooks and crannies of my universe. It makes me tremble with wonder at the place my life has gone.
I hear the song, music in my background...as I stare at the bruises I was given; as each muscle strains, pain echoing in my limbs.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Owned, craved, used, needed, trembling, afraid, dark masochistic desires realized in a haven of sadistic glee; I once was blind, but now I see. My sight upon the life we have, the future we will make.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. To hear their voices their dominion in my ear, the whisper of a belt slipping from its loops; That saved a wretch like me. A girl-woman-slave, groveling at their feet. My status undone, working to please. I once was lost but now am found. Home with them, the joy and pain, grounded, anchored, physically tied at times, but bound by a connection stronger than any rope or restraint. Was blind, but now, I see. The need, the desire, the beauty service brings. T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear. The grace of a crop across my skin, her voice dancing in my ears; the grace of his hand across my cheek; trembling terror at my core. And Grace, my fears relieved; The safety of their arms, my tears allowed to flow. How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed. Never expecting, never dreaming, never in my wildest imaginings; but then it is. It just is. Through many dangers, toils and snares we have already come. The moment of truth-begging to yield, wanting them to push, the need driving everything. T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far and Grace will lead us home. I have been led, his hand yanking my collar, finding the only home I have ever known. Me, deep down, no façade allowed; my submission true, my dedication unmatched, my love beyond all words. The Lord has promised good to me. My Master will deliver; his promise of pain and joy and release the only things I need. My Mistress will bring completion, the world of three united, the trinity all that is required. His word my hope secures. The ecstasy of giving, the rapture of being taken, it is my place, and now they are my God. He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. Protectors, tormentors, Master and Mistress, my body I give, my soul I surrender, my life they own. When we've been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. No matter what comes, no one knows what the future holds-never in another ten thousand will I dream of anything better. Better than this does not exist. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun. I will sing, praise my God-the kiss of the whip, the tremble of fear; Need, pain, longing, control, I will sing from my place at their feet. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. The slap, chains interlocking, the silence behind a gag. That saved a wretch like me. My slut, my whore, my slave…the wretch becomes the one, they are the Two. I once was lost but now am found. Direction. Perfection. Bliss. Home. Was blind, but now, I see. My sight upon the life we have, the future we will make.