The Nature of Slaves
I must say, at the outset, that I am a feminist (to the degree that that term is understood at all). I am a very independent, strong, opinonated, oustspoken, confident and self-sufficient human being. I do not believe that women should automatically be subserviant to men, nor do I think that anatomy--vagina or penis--should determine anything at all about anyone's life.
But I am also a slave. I know that these two things are compatible--feminism, for me, is about the ability to control one's own life--you can't submit to someone if you have nothing to surrender.
Yet, since all of the drama with the Mistress leaving and us moving and everything, there has been a distance from my Master. He says that he can't collar me--he can't make that kind of commitment right now. But he says that I am his slave. I am, in everything. Yet he hasn't played with me much and we have settled into a much more girlfriend/boyfriend like dynamic. This makes me distinctly unhappy and uncomfortable.
I did not come out here to be his wife. I came out here to be their slave. I am content to be his slave--everything that drew me out here that had to do with him is still true. Lately there has been a bit of sex here and there--not vanilla but close--and a little bit of a M/s dynamic. But I have not felt like his slave. And it makes me upset. Why is it that I function better when he controls me? I feel incomplete and out of sorts--like all of the direction in my life is missing...I feel all backwards and confused. I need him to Master me. I need him to take me in hand and discipline me--give me standards, punish me and reward me. I need to be a slave and, in some ways, that is bothering me. I wish I could find the confident girl that I am and be ok with not being a slave right now. But I haven't managed to do that.
Am I crazy?
But I am also a slave. I know that these two things are compatible--feminism, for me, is about the ability to control one's own life--you can't submit to someone if you have nothing to surrender.
Yet, since all of the drama with the Mistress leaving and us moving and everything, there has been a distance from my Master. He says that he can't collar me--he can't make that kind of commitment right now. But he says that I am his slave. I am, in everything. Yet he hasn't played with me much and we have settled into a much more girlfriend/boyfriend like dynamic. This makes me distinctly unhappy and uncomfortable.
I did not come out here to be his wife. I came out here to be their slave. I am content to be his slave--everything that drew me out here that had to do with him is still true. Lately there has been a bit of sex here and there--not vanilla but close--and a little bit of a M/s dynamic. But I have not felt like his slave. And it makes me upset. Why is it that I function better when he controls me? I feel incomplete and out of sorts--like all of the direction in my life is missing...I feel all backwards and confused. I need him to Master me. I need him to take me in hand and discipline me--give me standards, punish me and reward me. I need to be a slave and, in some ways, that is bothering me. I wish I could find the confident girl that I am and be ok with not being a slave right now. But I haven't managed to do that.
Am I crazy?