Fic: This Charming Couple (V/O) 1/1
Title: This Charming Couple
Author: laeglass
Pairing: V/O
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit. This is fiction.
Warnings: Sex, swearing, the usual lot. ;) Also mention of toys.
A/N: Beta read by the great silvan_lady *huggles* Established couples can be cute too, you know?
Viggo was laughing softly, giggling almost in a sort of hysterical surprise, and after a short, speechless pause, Orlando joined in. After all, it was funny, if in an annoying, deranged and slightly absurd way. Orlando supposed that if he were any less tired, he'd appreciate the prank even more, but now, he was reduced to slightly disbelieving chuckles.
Of all the things he'd expected, this was definitely not one of them. He'd pinched himself to see if he was dreaming, but if he was, then he and Viggo were definitely having the same surreal dream.
Oh, he'd get the Hobbits for this, he'd get them both individually and collectively, but right now, there was nothing much else to do but to laugh about the whole thing.
“I suppose,” Viggo was saying, “that we were meant to get inspired.”
Orlando snorted with laughter. “The day hell freezes over, mate. Not before.”
Again Viggo giggled, and Orlando hiccuped a little, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand. Travelling all day to reach their somewhat secluded destination, only to be faced with a bed full of deranged looking stuff was a bit too much even for his liking, but he had to admit that their friends had exceeded themselves this time.
Oh yes, he'd get them all right.
* * *
It had all started quite innocuously just a couple of weeks earlier.
Elijah was staying over at Orlando and Viggo's. There was nothing special about that as he was a frequent visitor, and always more than welcome to come over and hang around for a couple of days. He got on well with both his former co-stars, but was slightly closer to Orlando who, consequently, was more often than not appointed the task of Lij sitting while Viggo puttered around, taking care of his business and the household, leaving the two younger men to play video games and take Sidi out for long walks, or go surfing or try out some other form of extreme sports.
That night, Viggo'd gone out for a couple of drinks with some friends of his (Orlando knew Dennis was one of them, and believed Ed was there as well), which left Elijah and Orlando house-sitting all by themselves. They were watching the telly; some old movie was on and they were half-heartedly following the story while eating popcorn and drinking light beer. Orlando lying along the couch with bent legs, while Elijah's feet were propped on the small living room table.
“Orli?”
Orlando mmphed his answer, lazily watching Katharine Hepburn chasing after a leopard on the tv screen, munching on a handful of popcorn and licking his fingers absently clean of butter and salt.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
Orlando raised an eyebrow. “You've been wearing my underwear for what? -- two days now, I think you can ask me anything you want.”
“Okay, so,” Elijah cleared his throat, “things are good with you and Viggo?”
“Mmm? Yeah, things are good,” Orlando said, still following the film.
“And you're still, um, having sex and all that?”
“Lij!” Orlando turned to look at his friend, grinning slightly but frowning too.
“No, I mean, have you two had sex once while I've been here?”
Orlando straightened a little, realising that he was blushing. “That's none of your business, Christ, I thought you'd ask if you could borrow Viggo's underwear next!” They sat in silence, and then Orlando spoke again. “Why you're asking? If this is one of your silly Hobbit pranks I swear to God --”
“Nothing like that, I just --- I was just wondering if things are good with you two. I mean, back in New Zealand you were kissing each other all over the place, pretty much inseparable, and now Viggo's going places all the time and you're just like housemates and --”
“Whoa, whoa,” Orlando said. “Slow down.”
He sat up straighter and grabbed the remote control, turning down the volume a bit since neither was watching the movie anymore.
“I'm just wondering if you're happy together, as a couple.” Elijah was almost wringing his hands, his face looking serious and almost concerned.
“Of course we're happy, I just told you things are fine,” Orlando said. “I mean, in New Zealand we'd just got together, of course we couldn't keep our hands off of each other! You know how it is, you're so in love and horny all the time, it's crazy. Of course it's not going to be like that forever, once you get used to being with the person and all that, but it's not like I love him any less just because I'm not jumping him all the time!”
He realised he was almost giving a speech, and stopped talking, glancing a bit crossly at Elijah who was looking no less worried.
“So, how many times?”
“How many times have we fucked since you came?” Orlando huffed in exasperation. “We haven't, okay? Too busy watching movies and visiting places and taking care of stuff. You know, the things that go with everyday life, especially when having a house guest.”
Elijah held up his hands. “No need to get on the defensive here, Orli. I was just asking. Although judging by your reaction one could think that there's some sexual frustration going on here.”
“Could we just drop this subject, please?” Orlando asked, and turned up the volume again, focusing on the movie once more with a pointed kind of deliberation; luckily, Elijah caught the hint, and let it go and soon they were laughing about Baby's escapades once more. Orlando determinedly opened another can of beer and offered it to Elijah as a means of apology, although not exactly admitting that there had been a quarrel in the first place.
However, that wasn't the last of it.
The following day, Orlando was doing the laundry while Elijah hovered by his shoulder, giving tips as how to not blend his darker colours with Viggo's fanboy shirts and scarves, ignoring Orlando's grunts and outright suggestions that he ought to get the hell out of the basement while he still had the chance.
“So, does Viggo ever buy you stuff? You know, something romantic, like flowers?”
Orlando started to laugh. “You wanker, when did he ever buy me flowers? Think again, Elwood, that's girl stuff.”
“Well okay, wine then, or some trinket that you like to wear?”
Orlando glared at him. “First off, they're not trinkets, they're pendants. And no, Viggo doesn't go around buying random stuff unlike some people like to think. He sometimes gives me a book he's read and thinks I might like, or some DVD I've been talking about, though. Why?” he added suspiciously.
“Well, it's a good thing if he's still giving you gifts,” Elijah said excitedly. “For the romance, I mean. Does he like, woo you?”
“Jesus Christ, Lij! I'm not some woman from the nineteenth century,” Orlando said, laughter bubbling beneath his annoyance. “Just what are you getting at? Still worried about whether we're happy together or not?”
“Well, you say that you are, but... don't you think that you're a bit too domesticated? You used to do stuff together, go on a hikes and so on, and now you're just... doing the house stuff while Viggo sees friends and all, it doesn't seem right. I was just thinking you need to get out more, both of you, together, do all the things that you used to, liven up the romance a little bit.”
“Dahling,” Orlando said patiently. “We've been together for about nine years. We go to the bathroom with the door open. We kiss each other with morning breath. I think the romancing bit went out of the window ages ago. Besides, who'd do the laundry if I didn't? Viggo's hopeless; he'd go around in pink socks unless I sorted the laundry for him.”
He added the washing powder and closed the lid, then reconsidered and added some more. There were Viggo's socks in there, after all, and his boxers.
“You go to the bathroom with the door open?” Elijah asked, his eyes as wide as they would go. “Oh my god, ewwww, Orli! That's got to be some man thing, my girlfriend would fucking dump me if I ever even tried that.”
“You've been together all of six months,” Orlando said drily. “Seriously, mate, lay off. It might not be all roses and stuff, but who cares? We fought really hard to get to where we are now. I'm not going to start complaining just because he has other things in mind besides me. Just waking up next to him is enough to make me happy. Okay?”
Elijah shrugged. “Okay. Didn't mean to upset you, I'm just thinking too much. And you both are my friends, of course I want you to be happy.”
“We are,” Orlando said pointedly and turned the washing machine on. “Now, do you fancy a cuppa or would you rather watch the laundry tumble?”
* * *
A couple of days passed without any further incident, but Orlando had started to make sure that he and Viggo kissed in plain view of Elijah, intending to prove that things were as good as they could be and they were a happy couple, even if they weren't quite as amorous as they'd used to be. Of course they weren't, they'd got together years ago and were an established couple now, happy and secure in their love without the need to constantly cling to one another . Sure, sometimes in his heart of hearts he missed those days of excited loving and the constant need of reassurance, and judging by the enthusiasm with which Viggo responded to his surprise kisses, so did he. But things were good as they were.
They arranged a barbecue the night before Elijah was to leave, asking friends to drop by and join the fun. Dennis and his wife came, as did Dom and his new girlfriend, and as it happened, David made a brief appearance too before heading down to Mexico to start working on a new film (which didn't include Viggo this time, to Orlando's great relief). Elijah was very drunk, but at least he'd stopped asking embarrassing questions, thank God. Frankly, it made Orlando feel like all his answers sounded defensive and somehow false to his own ears.
He was loading the tray in the kitchen with bottles and cans of beer, as well as some assorted wines, when he felt a breath on his neck and a pair of arms wind around his middle. He smiled just as Viggo's whiskers rubbed at his neck in friendly greeting, flailing a little at the scratch.
“Hey, you. How's the grill?”
“Burnt a couple of hamburgers, but the corn's good.” Viggo nosed his ear and hummed. “Do you happen to know why the Hobbits are asking me if I'm going to marry you?”
Orlando slammed down the tray, his eyes wide. “What? They are?” He groaned. “I'm going to kill them both. Jesus Christ, I know they're mates but that doesn't give them the right to meddle in our business.”
“Meddle?” Viggo released him. “Have they said anything to you?”
“Well, Elijah's been asking me all these questions, like if we're still romantic with each other and if we're still having sex,” Orlando said, a little uncomfortable. “I mean, what the hell? I'm going to have a word with them both, right now.”
Viggo's hand gently clasped his shoulder, halting him. “What did you tell him?” The stern line of his mouth softened a little with a humorous twitch. “I hope something along the lines of twice a day, against the wall if possible.”
Orlando started to laugh, imagining the look on Elijah's face if he'd actually said that. “Viggo! I told him it's none of his business, of course. Fuck, like I'm going to talk about our private stuff with people, however unromantic we might be.”
“Do you think I'm unromantic?” Viggo asked, his eyes on Orlando's face and his tone serious.
“Oh God, not you too,” Orlando groaned. “We've both been busy lately, yeah? And you've had your book project going on for the last six months or so, I can't very well expect you to dine and wine me all the time, never mind bring me gifts and --- whatever, I'm going to talk to those two.”
“You know I love you.” Viggo's voice was soft and quiet, but it was enough to stop Orlando in his tracks.
“Of course.” His reply almost sounded like a question; did Viggo need reassurance? “And I love you. And I'll be damned if I let those two village idiots make us feel bad about how we live.”
Talking to Dom didn't do much; he was almost as sloshed as Elijah, as well as feeling very affectionate.
“Orli, mate.” He tried to sloppily kiss Orlando and missed, catching his ear instead. “Orli, mate.” His attempt at throwing his arm around Orlando's shoulders was more successful, and he clung to the taller form of his friend who oomphed under his weight, his shoulder dipping toward the ground and his back twinging.
“Get off me, you wanker.” Orlando tried to shrug him off, perhaps fend him off to his girlfriend who was currently nowhere in sight, but Dom wasn't so easily budged. “What the fuck were you saying to Viggo about marrying me?”
Dom blinked, looking as though he was trying to remember, and then his face brightened. “You're getting married? Hey, people, Orli's going to --”
“Shut up,” Orlando hissed, and dragged him to the side of the porch, dumping him down on the lone chair. “I'm so fed up with Lij and you; seriously, stop pestering Viggo and me! We may not be perfect, but we're happy, and I love him with morning breath and all, and I couldn't care less if he never marries me, so long as he wants to wake up with me and keep house with me and share things with me. I don't care if I don't get flowers or chocolates or any of the girly stuff, or candlelit dinners and log fires in cabins in the mountains. I. Don't. Care. And you two get the fuck off my case or we're done!”
He stormed inside the house, past Viggo who was carrying the tray, leaving behind a very dishevelled looking Dom, who blinked owlishly, and rubbed at the back of his head.
“What did I say?”
* * *
“Orlando.”
“No.”
Viggo sighed. “Orli, please.”
“I said no. I'm quite done with him, thanks.”
Viggo sat down next to him, stroking his hand along Orlando's calf. “He's been your friend for a long time, mine too. He's going to be really upset if you're not at least going to say goodbye.”
“Tough.” Orlando stubbornly kept his eyes on his book, turning the page as if he was actually reading. “I'll call him in a couple of days, yeah? I just don't feel like talking to him right now. I've had it with meddling friends and all their questions. I'm hungover and cranky and the last thing I want is to start again with them intruding into my privacy, thanks.”
“Okay.” Viggo squeezed his ankle and got up, leaving Orlando to his book, and his thoughts.
Two days later a parcel was delivered to the door; it was a humongous box of chocolate with a beautiful red bow tied around it. Orlando eyed it, speculation and suspicion whirling inside his brain. Was it a surprise gift from Viggo? It had been a while since Viggo last gave him something out of the blue, but perhaps their recent discussions had pushed him in the right direction. There was no note attached so there was no telling, but Orlando's sixth sense suggested that it had a certain Ranger's fingerprints all over it.
Speculations aside, chocolate was chocolate, and this box happened to be of a very decent Swiss variety. Orlando popped one of the sweets into his mouth, moaning his pleasure as the treat melted on his tongue, his eyes almost rolling back in his head and toes curling inside his socks. Soon he'd delved deep into the box, his blood sugar soaring and endorphin levels on a pleasant rise; that was how Viggo found him on coming home from running errands all morning.
Orlando was busy moaning around a mouthful of melting chocolate as strong arms grabbed him, and he was swirled around only to have his mouth ravished by an insistent tongue. Soon chocolate was forgotten in favour of bigger and firmer things, namely in the form of Viggo's cock hard and thick pressing into his palm; Orlando stroked him to further hardness while Viggo was intent on tasting the last vestiges of chocolate inside his mouth, his fingers seeking and finding the opening between Orlando's buttocks.
“We're going to fuck on this couch, aren't we?” Orlando asked, breathless and hard. “Oh Christ, yeah.”
“I'm going to fuck you wherever I can,” Viggo almost growled, busy pulling off Orlando's jeans and his chequered boxers, for once thankful for the baggy style that allowed the trousers to be removed without even bothering to undo the belt.
Orlando screamed against his fist as Viggo breached his body with the head of his cock, swollen and red and shiny from arousal, and he pressedhis head deeper into the cushions, his back arched. Christ, it hurt so good, Viggo was hard inside him, spearing him mercilessly until Orlando was sure he would tear around the huge pressure.
He didn't, of course; he was used to getting fucked, and after ten strokes or so he was panting softly, his toes curling and heels digging into Viggo's backside, eager for the small shocks from having his prostate stroked by Viggo's prick. He screamed again when Viggo's sweaty form forced him tighter against the couch, squashing his cock between their stomachs.
It was glorious, Viggo fucked him with an intensity he'd last experienced sometime during the Rings premieres, as if he was still uncertain if he'd ever get the chance to fuck Orlando again. So hard and rough that Orlando knew he would bleed a little afterwards, and that thought was so intensely arousing that he was helpless against his climax, coming with a little gurgling little scream that was drowned by the sound of Viggo's growl.
His muscles clenched and released around Viggo, milking him until he was pounding at Orlando and finally coming with quick staccato thrusts, his hands bruising Orlando's hips as he pressed and pulled at him at the same time, and then all but collapsed against Orlando.
“Oww, God,” Orlando panted, too wiped out to open his eyes. “I think you broke my bum.”
Viggo chuckled in agreement, kissing Orlando's slack mouth in gentle apology as he withdrew. “So, what's with the sweets?”
Orlando's eyes snapped open in surprise. “They weren't from you?”
“Me?” Viggo asked, laughing a little at Orlando's pout and looking both amused and slightly embarrassed. “Was there a note or something?”
“Well, no,” Orlando said, shaking his head. “Never mind, it's not important.” He groaned and twisted a little, feeling wet and sticky in places he didn't know he had. “Fuck, we really made a mess of the couch. Vig, you dog.”
“I don't remember you telling me to stop,” Viggo said and got up, holding out a hand to Orlando to help him up. He eyed the ruined cover that would demand dry cleaning services, and couldn't help a chuckle. “Was worth it, wasn't it, though?”
Orlando looked up from gathering his scattered clothes, grinning. “Hell, yeah.” He took a moment to admire Viggo as he pulled off his t-shirt, watching his sweaty abs gleam in the afternoon light. “By the way, what did you tell them?”
“Hmm?”
“Lij and Dom. When they asked when we're going to get married.”
Viggo got rid of his trousers and kicked them onto the pile of clothes that was going straight into the washing machine. “That we're married in all but name, and we don't need a piece of paper to prove that we're a couple and want to be together.” His voice softened a fraction. “But that if you wanted it, I'd marry you, if only to make you happy.”
* * *
“I still can't believe that we're actually talking about this.”
Orlando hid his face in his hands, laughing a little at himself just when Elijah giggled. He'd just confessed to being the secret chocolate donor, expecting another justified tirade for sticking his nose where it didn't belong; but since his intentions were sincere, Orlando couldn't be angry. It had resulted in some amazing sex. He was still aching somewhere deep inside from Viggo's thrusts, but it was a good ache.
“Hey, I knew you couldn't stay mad at me forever, besides, we've always talked about stuff. Like when filming the Rings, before you and Vig got together, you used to tell me about your flings and one-night stands. Fuck, those were good times. And hot shit.”
Orlando was still blushing. “Yeah, but it's different with Viggo, he's your friend too. Well, anyway, I just thought you'd like to know that we're not as boring as you seem to think; the other day we just jumped each other, and had some totally unscheduled sex on the couch. Hot stuff, Elwood.”
“Ah, so what did you do? Some kinky stuff?” Elijah sounded excited, and Orlando asked himself once again why exactly he was discussing his sex life.
“Well, we kissed and --- fucked,” he mumbled. “It was really good though, you couldn't believe how good.”
“So, you just fucked?” Elijah sounded almost disappointed. “And here I'm thinking that you two would at least be inventive in bed! You wouldn't believe how much people gossiped about you back in the day, everyone was sure you were role-playing all over the place; Aragorn giving the haughty Legolas something to be stiff about.”
Orlando cackled. “Christ, are you mad? I think Viggo'd be horrified if someone even suggested that Aragorn got his jollies off with someone other than Arwen; trust me, I asked. Begged, even.”
“Okay, so Viggo's the boring one,” Elijah concluded, ignoring Orlando's quick protest. “He still --- doesn't have any trouble in that area? I mean, he's quite a bit older after all, maybe twice a week is just enough for men that age.”
“Stop right there,” Orlando ordered. “One, he's not boring, two, yeah he gets it up, every time he needs to. And three, why the hell are we talking about this, anyway? I didn't actually call to talk about how we do it, you know. I just wanted to clear the air a bit after what happened at the party.”
“You know, Dom's still not quite sure what got you so pissed off,” Elijah said fondly. “Anyway, I'm sorry for my part, I'd never want to piss you guys off. We're just... I dunno, somehow it's just important to us that things are good with you two. I mean, New Zealand was really something special, and you two have carried on ever since, and I dunno, it's almost like you represent all the good things about that time. Like you remind me why it was so good, and how much fun we had, and how it changed all our lives.”
“So now it's your mission in life to ensure that as a symbol of our time in New Zealand, Viggo and I should be the perfect couple with the perfect sex life?” Orlando asked, an eyebrow raised. “That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and that's saying something since I spent a year and a half with you lot!”
He sighed. “We're not newlyweds, 'Lij. Of course we're not as hot for it as we used to be; we don't need to worry anymore about whether it's the last time, or how long it's going to be until we see each other again.”
“Don't you miss that?” Elijah asked.
“Of course I do, in a way,” Orlando said. “But on the whole? I prefer the safety of knowing that no-one's going to tear us apart, not my agent, not our work or our tight schedules.”
“As long as you're happy...” Elijah trailed off, clearly unsure whether he should push the matter, but finally decided to let it go. “So, where's the King?”
“Ah, he's taking the dogs to the vet to get their shots,” Orlando said. “I actually started cleaning the house but then I remembered that I had to call you, so I --- did.”
Elijah giggled, “I knew you'd be the wife,” bursting into laughter at Orlando's indignant “Oi, wanker, you take that back!”.
“So... how's Pam? And the dogs?” Orlando suddenly remembered something. “Oh, and you're flying to Madrid soon with Dom and Meg, right?”
“Yeah, for a week maybe,” Elijah said and yawned. “Billy and his family might be joining us for a couple of days, we're not sure. You heard that they're having another baby, right? I wonder who they're going to ask to be the godparents.”
Ah, bless Billy and Ali; they were in all probability the sanest parents that Orlando personally knew of. Jack was a polite little tyke.
“Well, you know, I think Billy's had a thing for Vig ever since the kiss,” Orlando said, chuckling along with Elijah. “So, yeah, I don't know. I bet it's you and Dom though, you're still the same old gang even if it's been years.”
“We all are,” Elijah reminded him, and Orlando had to smile again.
“I know.”
* * *
It should have ended there; Orlando thought it had. But a week later proved otherwise.
“Um, did you book us a flight to Maui?” Orlando asked, looking at the envelope that had come in the mail. “And --- a hotel suite?”
Viggo answered something from upstairs, and then appeared at the top of the stairs.. “What?”
Orlando repeated his question, waving the tickets and some kind of a confirmation sheet that listed appropriate dates, indicating that they were to stay a week. “This here? Did you book it?”
“Not that I know of. I'm actually starting to think you've got an overzealous fan,” Viggo said, coming down the stairs. “Let me see.”
He took the envelope and peeked inside, retrieving another slip of paper that Orlando had missed.
“Seems we've won a lottery of some kind,” he said after reading the brief text on it. “Flights as well as accommodation for a week, all costs covered.”
Orlando's eyes widened. “That's got to be a joke.”
“So it says.”
They looked at one another, and all of a sudden Orlando pictured the island of valleys and mountains, not to mention the beaches and all the gorgeous waves, imagining a week off from all his responsibilities and domesticity. Perhaps they'd lucked out for once, even if he didn't quite remember entering a lottery of any kind; not that they couldn't afford it themselves, it just didn't occur to them very often to actually take any time off.
“Are we going?” he asked, even though he could clearly see that Viggo's mind had walked the exact same paths as his moments ago.
“It'd be a shame to waste it,” Viggo said thoughtfully, and Orlando grinned. Oh yeah. “Alright, we better get packing then, we're leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“And you're so doing the laundry!”
* * *
Which was how they came to be standing (after a seven hour flight) in a hotel suite in Kahului, giggling and snickering like a couple of school boys.
“I don't even want to guess which one of us is supposed to use this,” Orlando said, picking up a nine inch jelly dildo and squeezing the malleable shaft. “Christ, can you imagine Elwood marching up to the cashier and buying this?”
“Maybe it was Pam,” Viggo suggested, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He was still holding the greeting card that had awaited them in the suite.
Ranger and Elf,
Have a nice, NAUGHTY holiday.
Love, Lij & Dom
“I'm surprised they didn't leave us a video camera to tape them a little something,” Orlando said. He sat down on the bed, and almost squealed as something substantial rolled into the dip and hit him in the thigh. It was a black butt plug, the end flaring to an impressive width, and Orlando eyed it sceptically, picking it up for closer inspection. “Do you think it's physically possible to --?”
Viggo leered at him. “Wanna find out?”
Orlando dropped the plug as if he'd been burned. “Fuck, no! Unless it's your arse on the line, mate.”
“Calm down, I was kidding,” Viggo said. “What's that?”
“Um, I think it's a --- flogger?” Orlando poked at the item with the tip of his finger, unwilling to pick it up to avoid giving Viggo any ideas. Apart from the occasional rough tumble they were quite vanilla in bed, but you never knew with Viggo. “Look at these things! Do you think they actually use them themselves? How did they know what to get us?”
“I suppose they picked up the kinkiest shit they could find,” Viggo said, a grin still lingering on his lips. “Come on, ’fess up. What did you say to Elijah?”
Orlando turned to him quickly. “What do you mean? I didn't tell him anything.”
Viggo looked at him expectantly, fingering the flogger he'd reached to pick up. “You sure? You didn't, for example, hint perhaps that we've gotten a bit boring in bed?”
“We're not boring in bed!” Orlando protested. “Not everyone gets off on kink, you know. I happen to like real cocks, not fake ones. And yours in particular.”
Viggo swished the flogger, his grin growing at Orlando's look. “And I like to see you filled with my cock instead of some lifeless piece of rubber.”
“Could you please put that away? You're making my head spin.”
Orlando faced the bed again, and groaned to himself. Handcuffs, blindfolds and restraints; he didn't even know what some of these were for, for fuck's sake! He really had to be quite vanilla; he couldn't have picked up that flogger quite as easily, never mind swinging it around with a menacing look.
There were a variety of dildos as well; most of them of a size that made Orlando shudder, but then there was a smaller one, a slender pink dildo with a slightly bent tip; Orlando imagined it rubbing against his prostate and swallowed. Perhaps there was a thing or two that didn't have to end up in the garbage bin straight away.
“You sure you haven't been a bad boy?” Viggo asked throatily, rising from his sitting position.
Something about Orlando's look triggered something inside him, a need to show him that just because they were an old couple didn't mean they couldn't try anything new; or just because he'd been Orlando's lover for so long he couldn't surprise him anymore, perhaps show him things about himself he'd never even dreamed of.
Perhaps not tonight, he amended, as Orlando stepped back and shook his head.
“Oh, no,” he said. “We're not going to be pushed into anything silly by a pair of meddling Hobbits. I'd probably cry like a baby if you hit me with that, seriously. If you want to pack this shit up, fine, we'll take it home and try it out sometime. But not tonight, okay? I'm tired and cranky and I want a shower and a cuddle, in that order.”
“Come on then, Mr Crankypants,” Viggo said, and put away the flogger. “Let's get you into the shower, and I'll clean up while you're getting refreshed. I'll order us something to eat too.”
Orlando nodded and then smiled, winding his arms around Viggo's neck and pressing himself into a full body hug.
“Love you,” he said, remembering once again why they'd fought for their love as hard and as long as they had; because it was worth it. With Viggo, it was so very worth it. Besides, chocolate made you fat anyway.
“You too.”
They cuddled close, each man reluctant to let go. Orlando glanced up at Viggo, worrying his lip between his teeth, and then made up his mind.
“When you're putting those away... would you mind leaving out the small pink one?”
They exchanged a look, and one of Viggo's eyebrows rose slowly.
“Yeah?”
Orlando nodded. “Yeah. And now I'm taking that shower.”
He left the room, adding a deliberate sashay to his hips, and felt a warm thrill spread through him.
Yeah, old couples could have a lot of fun, too.
Finis
Author: laeglass
Pairing: V/O
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit. This is fiction.
Warnings: Sex, swearing, the usual lot. ;) Also mention of toys.
A/N: Beta read by the great silvan_lady *huggles* Established couples can be cute too, you know?
Viggo was laughing softly, giggling almost in a sort of hysterical surprise, and after a short, speechless pause, Orlando joined in. After all, it was funny, if in an annoying, deranged and slightly absurd way. Orlando supposed that if he were any less tired, he'd appreciate the prank even more, but now, he was reduced to slightly disbelieving chuckles.
Of all the things he'd expected, this was definitely not one of them. He'd pinched himself to see if he was dreaming, but if he was, then he and Viggo were definitely having the same surreal dream.
Oh, he'd get the Hobbits for this, he'd get them both individually and collectively, but right now, there was nothing much else to do but to laugh about the whole thing.
“I suppose,” Viggo was saying, “that we were meant to get inspired.”
Orlando snorted with laughter. “The day hell freezes over, mate. Not before.”
Again Viggo giggled, and Orlando hiccuped a little, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand. Travelling all day to reach their somewhat secluded destination, only to be faced with a bed full of deranged looking stuff was a bit too much even for his liking, but he had to admit that their friends had exceeded themselves this time.
Oh yes, he'd get them all right.
* * *
It had all started quite innocuously just a couple of weeks earlier.
Elijah was staying over at Orlando and Viggo's. There was nothing special about that as he was a frequent visitor, and always more than welcome to come over and hang around for a couple of days. He got on well with both his former co-stars, but was slightly closer to Orlando who, consequently, was more often than not appointed the task of Lij sitting while Viggo puttered around, taking care of his business and the household, leaving the two younger men to play video games and take Sidi out for long walks, or go surfing or try out some other form of extreme sports.
That night, Viggo'd gone out for a couple of drinks with some friends of his (Orlando knew Dennis was one of them, and believed Ed was there as well), which left Elijah and Orlando house-sitting all by themselves. They were watching the telly; some old movie was on and they were half-heartedly following the story while eating popcorn and drinking light beer. Orlando lying along the couch with bent legs, while Elijah's feet were propped on the small living room table.
“Orli?”
Orlando mmphed his answer, lazily watching Katharine Hepburn chasing after a leopard on the tv screen, munching on a handful of popcorn and licking his fingers absently clean of butter and salt.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
Orlando raised an eyebrow. “You've been wearing my underwear for what? -- two days now, I think you can ask me anything you want.”
“Okay, so,” Elijah cleared his throat, “things are good with you and Viggo?”
“Mmm? Yeah, things are good,” Orlando said, still following the film.
“And you're still, um, having sex and all that?”
“Lij!” Orlando turned to look at his friend, grinning slightly but frowning too.
“No, I mean, have you two had sex once while I've been here?”
Orlando straightened a little, realising that he was blushing. “That's none of your business, Christ, I thought you'd ask if you could borrow Viggo's underwear next!” They sat in silence, and then Orlando spoke again. “Why you're asking? If this is one of your silly Hobbit pranks I swear to God --”
“Nothing like that, I just --- I was just wondering if things are good with you two. I mean, back in New Zealand you were kissing each other all over the place, pretty much inseparable, and now Viggo's going places all the time and you're just like housemates and --”
“Whoa, whoa,” Orlando said. “Slow down.”
He sat up straighter and grabbed the remote control, turning down the volume a bit since neither was watching the movie anymore.
“I'm just wondering if you're happy together, as a couple.” Elijah was almost wringing his hands, his face looking serious and almost concerned.
“Of course we're happy, I just told you things are fine,” Orlando said. “I mean, in New Zealand we'd just got together, of course we couldn't keep our hands off of each other! You know how it is, you're so in love and horny all the time, it's crazy. Of course it's not going to be like that forever, once you get used to being with the person and all that, but it's not like I love him any less just because I'm not jumping him all the time!”
He realised he was almost giving a speech, and stopped talking, glancing a bit crossly at Elijah who was looking no less worried.
“So, how many times?”
“How many times have we fucked since you came?” Orlando huffed in exasperation. “We haven't, okay? Too busy watching movies and visiting places and taking care of stuff. You know, the things that go with everyday life, especially when having a house guest.”
Elijah held up his hands. “No need to get on the defensive here, Orli. I was just asking. Although judging by your reaction one could think that there's some sexual frustration going on here.”
“Could we just drop this subject, please?” Orlando asked, and turned up the volume again, focusing on the movie once more with a pointed kind of deliberation; luckily, Elijah caught the hint, and let it go and soon they were laughing about Baby's escapades once more. Orlando determinedly opened another can of beer and offered it to Elijah as a means of apology, although not exactly admitting that there had been a quarrel in the first place.
However, that wasn't the last of it.
The following day, Orlando was doing the laundry while Elijah hovered by his shoulder, giving tips as how to not blend his darker colours with Viggo's fanboy shirts and scarves, ignoring Orlando's grunts and outright suggestions that he ought to get the hell out of the basement while he still had the chance.
“So, does Viggo ever buy you stuff? You know, something romantic, like flowers?”
Orlando started to laugh. “You wanker, when did he ever buy me flowers? Think again, Elwood, that's girl stuff.”
“Well okay, wine then, or some trinket that you like to wear?”
Orlando glared at him. “First off, they're not trinkets, they're pendants. And no, Viggo doesn't go around buying random stuff unlike some people like to think. He sometimes gives me a book he's read and thinks I might like, or some DVD I've been talking about, though. Why?” he added suspiciously.
“Well, it's a good thing if he's still giving you gifts,” Elijah said excitedly. “For the romance, I mean. Does he like, woo you?”
“Jesus Christ, Lij! I'm not some woman from the nineteenth century,” Orlando said, laughter bubbling beneath his annoyance. “Just what are you getting at? Still worried about whether we're happy together or not?”
“Well, you say that you are, but... don't you think that you're a bit too domesticated? You used to do stuff together, go on a hikes and so on, and now you're just... doing the house stuff while Viggo sees friends and all, it doesn't seem right. I was just thinking you need to get out more, both of you, together, do all the things that you used to, liven up the romance a little bit.”
“Dahling,” Orlando said patiently. “We've been together for about nine years. We go to the bathroom with the door open. We kiss each other with morning breath. I think the romancing bit went out of the window ages ago. Besides, who'd do the laundry if I didn't? Viggo's hopeless; he'd go around in pink socks unless I sorted the laundry for him.”
He added the washing powder and closed the lid, then reconsidered and added some more. There were Viggo's socks in there, after all, and his boxers.
“You go to the bathroom with the door open?” Elijah asked, his eyes as wide as they would go. “Oh my god, ewwww, Orli! That's got to be some man thing, my girlfriend would fucking dump me if I ever even tried that.”
“You've been together all of six months,” Orlando said drily. “Seriously, mate, lay off. It might not be all roses and stuff, but who cares? We fought really hard to get to where we are now. I'm not going to start complaining just because he has other things in mind besides me. Just waking up next to him is enough to make me happy. Okay?”
Elijah shrugged. “Okay. Didn't mean to upset you, I'm just thinking too much. And you both are my friends, of course I want you to be happy.”
“We are,” Orlando said pointedly and turned the washing machine on. “Now, do you fancy a cuppa or would you rather watch the laundry tumble?”
* * *
A couple of days passed without any further incident, but Orlando had started to make sure that he and Viggo kissed in plain view of Elijah, intending to prove that things were as good as they could be and they were a happy couple, even if they weren't quite as amorous as they'd used to be. Of course they weren't, they'd got together years ago and were an established couple now, happy and secure in their love without the need to constantly cling to one another . Sure, sometimes in his heart of hearts he missed those days of excited loving and the constant need of reassurance, and judging by the enthusiasm with which Viggo responded to his surprise kisses, so did he. But things were good as they were.
They arranged a barbecue the night before Elijah was to leave, asking friends to drop by and join the fun. Dennis and his wife came, as did Dom and his new girlfriend, and as it happened, David made a brief appearance too before heading down to Mexico to start working on a new film (which didn't include Viggo this time, to Orlando's great relief). Elijah was very drunk, but at least he'd stopped asking embarrassing questions, thank God. Frankly, it made Orlando feel like all his answers sounded defensive and somehow false to his own ears.
He was loading the tray in the kitchen with bottles and cans of beer, as well as some assorted wines, when he felt a breath on his neck and a pair of arms wind around his middle. He smiled just as Viggo's whiskers rubbed at his neck in friendly greeting, flailing a little at the scratch.
“Hey, you. How's the grill?”
“Burnt a couple of hamburgers, but the corn's good.” Viggo nosed his ear and hummed. “Do you happen to know why the Hobbits are asking me if I'm going to marry you?”
Orlando slammed down the tray, his eyes wide. “What? They are?” He groaned. “I'm going to kill them both. Jesus Christ, I know they're mates but that doesn't give them the right to meddle in our business.”
“Meddle?” Viggo released him. “Have they said anything to you?”
“Well, Elijah's been asking me all these questions, like if we're still romantic with each other and if we're still having sex,” Orlando said, a little uncomfortable. “I mean, what the hell? I'm going to have a word with them both, right now.”
Viggo's hand gently clasped his shoulder, halting him. “What did you tell him?” The stern line of his mouth softened a little with a humorous twitch. “I hope something along the lines of twice a day, against the wall if possible.”
Orlando started to laugh, imagining the look on Elijah's face if he'd actually said that. “Viggo! I told him it's none of his business, of course. Fuck, like I'm going to talk about our private stuff with people, however unromantic we might be.”
“Do you think I'm unromantic?” Viggo asked, his eyes on Orlando's face and his tone serious.
“Oh God, not you too,” Orlando groaned. “We've both been busy lately, yeah? And you've had your book project going on for the last six months or so, I can't very well expect you to dine and wine me all the time, never mind bring me gifts and --- whatever, I'm going to talk to those two.”
“You know I love you.” Viggo's voice was soft and quiet, but it was enough to stop Orlando in his tracks.
“Of course.” His reply almost sounded like a question; did Viggo need reassurance? “And I love you. And I'll be damned if I let those two village idiots make us feel bad about how we live.”
Talking to Dom didn't do much; he was almost as sloshed as Elijah, as well as feeling very affectionate.
“Orli, mate.” He tried to sloppily kiss Orlando and missed, catching his ear instead. “Orli, mate.” His attempt at throwing his arm around Orlando's shoulders was more successful, and he clung to the taller form of his friend who oomphed under his weight, his shoulder dipping toward the ground and his back twinging.
“Get off me, you wanker.” Orlando tried to shrug him off, perhaps fend him off to his girlfriend who was currently nowhere in sight, but Dom wasn't so easily budged. “What the fuck were you saying to Viggo about marrying me?”
Dom blinked, looking as though he was trying to remember, and then his face brightened. “You're getting married? Hey, people, Orli's going to --”
“Shut up,” Orlando hissed, and dragged him to the side of the porch, dumping him down on the lone chair. “I'm so fed up with Lij and you; seriously, stop pestering Viggo and me! We may not be perfect, but we're happy, and I love him with morning breath and all, and I couldn't care less if he never marries me, so long as he wants to wake up with me and keep house with me and share things with me. I don't care if I don't get flowers or chocolates or any of the girly stuff, or candlelit dinners and log fires in cabins in the mountains. I. Don't. Care. And you two get the fuck off my case or we're done!”
He stormed inside the house, past Viggo who was carrying the tray, leaving behind a very dishevelled looking Dom, who blinked owlishly, and rubbed at the back of his head.
“What did I say?”
* * *
“Orlando.”
“No.”
Viggo sighed. “Orli, please.”
“I said no. I'm quite done with him, thanks.”
Viggo sat down next to him, stroking his hand along Orlando's calf. “He's been your friend for a long time, mine too. He's going to be really upset if you're not at least going to say goodbye.”
“Tough.” Orlando stubbornly kept his eyes on his book, turning the page as if he was actually reading. “I'll call him in a couple of days, yeah? I just don't feel like talking to him right now. I've had it with meddling friends and all their questions. I'm hungover and cranky and the last thing I want is to start again with them intruding into my privacy, thanks.”
“Okay.” Viggo squeezed his ankle and got up, leaving Orlando to his book, and his thoughts.
Two days later a parcel was delivered to the door; it was a humongous box of chocolate with a beautiful red bow tied around it. Orlando eyed it, speculation and suspicion whirling inside his brain. Was it a surprise gift from Viggo? It had been a while since Viggo last gave him something out of the blue, but perhaps their recent discussions had pushed him in the right direction. There was no note attached so there was no telling, but Orlando's sixth sense suggested that it had a certain Ranger's fingerprints all over it.
Speculations aside, chocolate was chocolate, and this box happened to be of a very decent Swiss variety. Orlando popped one of the sweets into his mouth, moaning his pleasure as the treat melted on his tongue, his eyes almost rolling back in his head and toes curling inside his socks. Soon he'd delved deep into the box, his blood sugar soaring and endorphin levels on a pleasant rise; that was how Viggo found him on coming home from running errands all morning.
Orlando was busy moaning around a mouthful of melting chocolate as strong arms grabbed him, and he was swirled around only to have his mouth ravished by an insistent tongue. Soon chocolate was forgotten in favour of bigger and firmer things, namely in the form of Viggo's cock hard and thick pressing into his palm; Orlando stroked him to further hardness while Viggo was intent on tasting the last vestiges of chocolate inside his mouth, his fingers seeking and finding the opening between Orlando's buttocks.
“We're going to fuck on this couch, aren't we?” Orlando asked, breathless and hard. “Oh Christ, yeah.”
“I'm going to fuck you wherever I can,” Viggo almost growled, busy pulling off Orlando's jeans and his chequered boxers, for once thankful for the baggy style that allowed the trousers to be removed without even bothering to undo the belt.
Orlando screamed against his fist as Viggo breached his body with the head of his cock, swollen and red and shiny from arousal, and he pressedhis head deeper into the cushions, his back arched. Christ, it hurt so good, Viggo was hard inside him, spearing him mercilessly until Orlando was sure he would tear around the huge pressure.
He didn't, of course; he was used to getting fucked, and after ten strokes or so he was panting softly, his toes curling and heels digging into Viggo's backside, eager for the small shocks from having his prostate stroked by Viggo's prick. He screamed again when Viggo's sweaty form forced him tighter against the couch, squashing his cock between their stomachs.
It was glorious, Viggo fucked him with an intensity he'd last experienced sometime during the Rings premieres, as if he was still uncertain if he'd ever get the chance to fuck Orlando again. So hard and rough that Orlando knew he would bleed a little afterwards, and that thought was so intensely arousing that he was helpless against his climax, coming with a little gurgling little scream that was drowned by the sound of Viggo's growl.
His muscles clenched and released around Viggo, milking him until he was pounding at Orlando and finally coming with quick staccato thrusts, his hands bruising Orlando's hips as he pressed and pulled at him at the same time, and then all but collapsed against Orlando.
“Oww, God,” Orlando panted, too wiped out to open his eyes. “I think you broke my bum.”
Viggo chuckled in agreement, kissing Orlando's slack mouth in gentle apology as he withdrew. “So, what's with the sweets?”
Orlando's eyes snapped open in surprise. “They weren't from you?”
“Me?” Viggo asked, laughing a little at Orlando's pout and looking both amused and slightly embarrassed. “Was there a note or something?”
“Well, no,” Orlando said, shaking his head. “Never mind, it's not important.” He groaned and twisted a little, feeling wet and sticky in places he didn't know he had. “Fuck, we really made a mess of the couch. Vig, you dog.”
“I don't remember you telling me to stop,” Viggo said and got up, holding out a hand to Orlando to help him up. He eyed the ruined cover that would demand dry cleaning services, and couldn't help a chuckle. “Was worth it, wasn't it, though?”
Orlando looked up from gathering his scattered clothes, grinning. “Hell, yeah.” He took a moment to admire Viggo as he pulled off his t-shirt, watching his sweaty abs gleam in the afternoon light. “By the way, what did you tell them?”
“Hmm?”
“Lij and Dom. When they asked when we're going to get married.”
Viggo got rid of his trousers and kicked them onto the pile of clothes that was going straight into the washing machine. “That we're married in all but name, and we don't need a piece of paper to prove that we're a couple and want to be together.” His voice softened a fraction. “But that if you wanted it, I'd marry you, if only to make you happy.”
* * *
“I still can't believe that we're actually talking about this.”
Orlando hid his face in his hands, laughing a little at himself just when Elijah giggled. He'd just confessed to being the secret chocolate donor, expecting another justified tirade for sticking his nose where it didn't belong; but since his intentions were sincere, Orlando couldn't be angry. It had resulted in some amazing sex. He was still aching somewhere deep inside from Viggo's thrusts, but it was a good ache.
“Hey, I knew you couldn't stay mad at me forever, besides, we've always talked about stuff. Like when filming the Rings, before you and Vig got together, you used to tell me about your flings and one-night stands. Fuck, those were good times. And hot shit.”
Orlando was still blushing. “Yeah, but it's different with Viggo, he's your friend too. Well, anyway, I just thought you'd like to know that we're not as boring as you seem to think; the other day we just jumped each other, and had some totally unscheduled sex on the couch. Hot stuff, Elwood.”
“Ah, so what did you do? Some kinky stuff?” Elijah sounded excited, and Orlando asked himself once again why exactly he was discussing his sex life.
“Well, we kissed and --- fucked,” he mumbled. “It was really good though, you couldn't believe how good.”
“So, you just fucked?” Elijah sounded almost disappointed. “And here I'm thinking that you two would at least be inventive in bed! You wouldn't believe how much people gossiped about you back in the day, everyone was sure you were role-playing all over the place; Aragorn giving the haughty Legolas something to be stiff about.”
Orlando cackled. “Christ, are you mad? I think Viggo'd be horrified if someone even suggested that Aragorn got his jollies off with someone other than Arwen; trust me, I asked. Begged, even.”
“Okay, so Viggo's the boring one,” Elijah concluded, ignoring Orlando's quick protest. “He still --- doesn't have any trouble in that area? I mean, he's quite a bit older after all, maybe twice a week is just enough for men that age.”
“Stop right there,” Orlando ordered. “One, he's not boring, two, yeah he gets it up, every time he needs to. And three, why the hell are we talking about this, anyway? I didn't actually call to talk about how we do it, you know. I just wanted to clear the air a bit after what happened at the party.”
“You know, Dom's still not quite sure what got you so pissed off,” Elijah said fondly. “Anyway, I'm sorry for my part, I'd never want to piss you guys off. We're just... I dunno, somehow it's just important to us that things are good with you two. I mean, New Zealand was really something special, and you two have carried on ever since, and I dunno, it's almost like you represent all the good things about that time. Like you remind me why it was so good, and how much fun we had, and how it changed all our lives.”
“So now it's your mission in life to ensure that as a symbol of our time in New Zealand, Viggo and I should be the perfect couple with the perfect sex life?” Orlando asked, an eyebrow raised. “That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and that's saying something since I spent a year and a half with you lot!”
He sighed. “We're not newlyweds, 'Lij. Of course we're not as hot for it as we used to be; we don't need to worry anymore about whether it's the last time, or how long it's going to be until we see each other again.”
“Don't you miss that?” Elijah asked.
“Of course I do, in a way,” Orlando said. “But on the whole? I prefer the safety of knowing that no-one's going to tear us apart, not my agent, not our work or our tight schedules.”
“As long as you're happy...” Elijah trailed off, clearly unsure whether he should push the matter, but finally decided to let it go. “So, where's the King?”
“Ah, he's taking the dogs to the vet to get their shots,” Orlando said. “I actually started cleaning the house but then I remembered that I had to call you, so I --- did.”
Elijah giggled, “I knew you'd be the wife,” bursting into laughter at Orlando's indignant “Oi, wanker, you take that back!”.
“So... how's Pam? And the dogs?” Orlando suddenly remembered something. “Oh, and you're flying to Madrid soon with Dom and Meg, right?”
“Yeah, for a week maybe,” Elijah said and yawned. “Billy and his family might be joining us for a couple of days, we're not sure. You heard that they're having another baby, right? I wonder who they're going to ask to be the godparents.”
Ah, bless Billy and Ali; they were in all probability the sanest parents that Orlando personally knew of. Jack was a polite little tyke.
“Well, you know, I think Billy's had a thing for Vig ever since the kiss,” Orlando said, chuckling along with Elijah. “So, yeah, I don't know. I bet it's you and Dom though, you're still the same old gang even if it's been years.”
“We all are,” Elijah reminded him, and Orlando had to smile again.
“I know.”
* * *
It should have ended there; Orlando thought it had. But a week later proved otherwise.
“Um, did you book us a flight to Maui?” Orlando asked, looking at the envelope that had come in the mail. “And --- a hotel suite?”
Viggo answered something from upstairs, and then appeared at the top of the stairs.. “What?”
Orlando repeated his question, waving the tickets and some kind of a confirmation sheet that listed appropriate dates, indicating that they were to stay a week. “This here? Did you book it?”
“Not that I know of. I'm actually starting to think you've got an overzealous fan,” Viggo said, coming down the stairs. “Let me see.”
He took the envelope and peeked inside, retrieving another slip of paper that Orlando had missed.
“Seems we've won a lottery of some kind,” he said after reading the brief text on it. “Flights as well as accommodation for a week, all costs covered.”
Orlando's eyes widened. “That's got to be a joke.”
“So it says.”
They looked at one another, and all of a sudden Orlando pictured the island of valleys and mountains, not to mention the beaches and all the gorgeous waves, imagining a week off from all his responsibilities and domesticity. Perhaps they'd lucked out for once, even if he didn't quite remember entering a lottery of any kind; not that they couldn't afford it themselves, it just didn't occur to them very often to actually take any time off.
“Are we going?” he asked, even though he could clearly see that Viggo's mind had walked the exact same paths as his moments ago.
“It'd be a shame to waste it,” Viggo said thoughtfully, and Orlando grinned. Oh yeah. “Alright, we better get packing then, we're leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“And you're so doing the laundry!”
* * *
Which was how they came to be standing (after a seven hour flight) in a hotel suite in Kahului, giggling and snickering like a couple of school boys.
“I don't even want to guess which one of us is supposed to use this,” Orlando said, picking up a nine inch jelly dildo and squeezing the malleable shaft. “Christ, can you imagine Elwood marching up to the cashier and buying this?”
“Maybe it was Pam,” Viggo suggested, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He was still holding the greeting card that had awaited them in the suite.
Ranger and Elf,
Have a nice, NAUGHTY holiday.
Love, Lij & Dom
“I'm surprised they didn't leave us a video camera to tape them a little something,” Orlando said. He sat down on the bed, and almost squealed as something substantial rolled into the dip and hit him in the thigh. It was a black butt plug, the end flaring to an impressive width, and Orlando eyed it sceptically, picking it up for closer inspection. “Do you think it's physically possible to --?”
Viggo leered at him. “Wanna find out?”
Orlando dropped the plug as if he'd been burned. “Fuck, no! Unless it's your arse on the line, mate.”
“Calm down, I was kidding,” Viggo said. “What's that?”
“Um, I think it's a --- flogger?” Orlando poked at the item with the tip of his finger, unwilling to pick it up to avoid giving Viggo any ideas. Apart from the occasional rough tumble they were quite vanilla in bed, but you never knew with Viggo. “Look at these things! Do you think they actually use them themselves? How did they know what to get us?”
“I suppose they picked up the kinkiest shit they could find,” Viggo said, a grin still lingering on his lips. “Come on, ’fess up. What did you say to Elijah?”
Orlando turned to him quickly. “What do you mean? I didn't tell him anything.”
Viggo looked at him expectantly, fingering the flogger he'd reached to pick up. “You sure? You didn't, for example, hint perhaps that we've gotten a bit boring in bed?”
“We're not boring in bed!” Orlando protested. “Not everyone gets off on kink, you know. I happen to like real cocks, not fake ones. And yours in particular.”
Viggo swished the flogger, his grin growing at Orlando's look. “And I like to see you filled with my cock instead of some lifeless piece of rubber.”
“Could you please put that away? You're making my head spin.”
Orlando faced the bed again, and groaned to himself. Handcuffs, blindfolds and restraints; he didn't even know what some of these were for, for fuck's sake! He really had to be quite vanilla; he couldn't have picked up that flogger quite as easily, never mind swinging it around with a menacing look.
There were a variety of dildos as well; most of them of a size that made Orlando shudder, but then there was a smaller one, a slender pink dildo with a slightly bent tip; Orlando imagined it rubbing against his prostate and swallowed. Perhaps there was a thing or two that didn't have to end up in the garbage bin straight away.
“You sure you haven't been a bad boy?” Viggo asked throatily, rising from his sitting position.
Something about Orlando's look triggered something inside him, a need to show him that just because they were an old couple didn't mean they couldn't try anything new; or just because he'd been Orlando's lover for so long he couldn't surprise him anymore, perhaps show him things about himself he'd never even dreamed of.
Perhaps not tonight, he amended, as Orlando stepped back and shook his head.
“Oh, no,” he said. “We're not going to be pushed into anything silly by a pair of meddling Hobbits. I'd probably cry like a baby if you hit me with that, seriously. If you want to pack this shit up, fine, we'll take it home and try it out sometime. But not tonight, okay? I'm tired and cranky and I want a shower and a cuddle, in that order.”
“Come on then, Mr Crankypants,” Viggo said, and put away the flogger. “Let's get you into the shower, and I'll clean up while you're getting refreshed. I'll order us something to eat too.”
Orlando nodded and then smiled, winding his arms around Viggo's neck and pressing himself into a full body hug.
“Love you,” he said, remembering once again why they'd fought for their love as hard and as long as they had; because it was worth it. With Viggo, it was so very worth it. Besides, chocolate made you fat anyway.
“You too.”
They cuddled close, each man reluctant to let go. Orlando glanced up at Viggo, worrying his lip between his teeth, and then made up his mind.
“When you're putting those away... would you mind leaving out the small pink one?”
They exchanged a look, and one of Viggo's eyebrows rose slowly.
“Yeah?”
Orlando nodded. “Yeah. And now I'm taking that shower.”
He left the room, adding a deliberate sashay to his hips, and felt a warm thrill spread through him.
Yeah, old couples could have a lot of fun, too.
Finis