Been a day or two.
So. Processing an annoyance.
There's a Dude. White boy, German and English maybe Scots of heritage. At least two generations deep in Arab, AL, raised by the kind of protestants you get down here. Kindof closeted to his family despite pushing 50 uphill and being all "I'M A ROOTDOCTOR Y'ALL! DEEP SERIOUS HOODOO STUFF!" When I met him five ish years ago, he was Heavy Serious Asatru stuff. When my husband met him better than 15 years back, he was Serious Golden Dawn Or Maybe Wiccan.
Okay, so who's your teacher? Because Hoodoo's the kind of thing that, to be the kind of Heavy and Legit that he's saying he is, gets taught face to face, one old person showing a younger person how to not accidentally fuck themselves up and/or insult their ancestors. It's not initiatory, but it is... personal? Oral. Familial. There is no book that teaches the bredth and depth of the practice the way a person will/does. There are two that begin to--one by Catherynne Yronwode which is essentially Cat making a profit off of the family traditions of a host of blackfolk that she neither knew nor paid, mostly hearsay and attempts to peddle things from her shop to wypeepo. And one by Orion Foxwood, which he's very careful to tell you reflects the practice HE was taught and isn't actually all there is to know. There's. There's stuff about being of use to your community and in regular communion with your ancestors and a handful of spirits in there. There's a fuckload of Christianity still baked in. There's a history of this being the art that slaves used to try and exert some control over their situation in the face of being property, so let's fuckin' unpack for a minute the fact that whitefolk have now discovered this hot new traditional magic system to colonise oh my good god damn.
Aaaaaand his teacher's a book. A couple of books, mostly written by whitefolk who learned their shit from Cat Yronwode, who black and POC practitioners have asked folk not to buy from because Laundry List Of Problematic Shit (how you going to practice a massively African-diaspora art AND let yourself continue to do racist shit unchecked?). And maybe he knows some blackfolk who practice? But surely to the gods he doesn't sit down all "Tell me your familial secret practices because I totally have a right to any knowledge I ask you for." Right?
Okay, whiteboy, you do you. I understand the allure really deeply, but I've made what I feel like is an ethical decision wrt to how deep I try to walk into that stream, and how Learned I present myself as being in it...and I am side-eyeing him for making a different one. Because I am more than a little judgmental, just as a human being. It's a failing when I use it like a club which is why I'm not unloading this shit on him right now. I'm trying to turn it into a strength by transmuting it into introspection and discernment. But I suspect I'm going to be that bitterfaced old bitch at the end of the hollow when I'm old. Oh well.
So we're shooting the breeze today and he comes it the knowledgeable about stuff I'm pretty sure he's only read about same as me... (that could be the problem: he reminds me enough of myself that I kneejerk to assuming he does the Talk Better Than I Am thing that I sometimes do and hate that I do. I'm--again--mad at myself and taking it out on him? Or, I'm legit mad about a legit ethical failure that I'm trying to rectify in myself and it sets my face on fire to see him NOT trying to rectify it and getting renown? I... I don't know.) I? am also starting to come it the knowledgeable, but I catch myself and pause and draw to a stop so maybe I can learn something in the conversation. Mary Ann pops in with actual knowledge, and I'm glad to've hushed...aaaaand there's our boy, all "WE SHOULD COMPARE NOTES! TELL ME YOUR FAMILY THING!" like. he's. got. a. right. to. it.
... At which point I had to mute notifications from that chatstream, because goddamn dude.
(I went back and peeked. Mary Ann at no point encouraged the note-comparing; she changed the subject with a quickness. I am learning so much How To Person from watching her go.)
............................
This is also the same guy who, in the process of a month, told us about his wife looking for a horseskull so she can set up a nithing pole in front of an old boss's house, THEN read us for filth for joking about hexing Trump because Casual Cursing Is Evil And We Are A Disappointment And Should Feel Ashamed, THEN! talked about lightheartedly jk-not-jk jabbing a doll with pins at work when his colleagues annoy him, bonus points if they see him doing it... like...
You Asshole. Do You Even Ethics?
Do you want to fit into a merry band or do you want something like authority? Do you know who you are and what's important to you?
... Well, okay, Jess, how about you? (If I'm going to say I'm an authority, I want to set a good example. If I can't set a good example, then I don't want to advertise my expertise.) (Otherwise, I'm still learning who I am and what's important. I know it in the bone, but I don't know it to say it until I run across stuff that makes me joyful, angry, or sad.)
..............................
Which is why I haven't excused myself from conversations that involve our boy, because as long as I'm flames-up-the-side-of-my-face at his shit, I'm learning things.
There's a Dude. White boy, German and English maybe Scots of heritage. At least two generations deep in Arab, AL, raised by the kind of protestants you get down here. Kindof closeted to his family despite pushing 50 uphill and being all "I'M A ROOTDOCTOR Y'ALL! DEEP SERIOUS HOODOO STUFF!" When I met him five ish years ago, he was Heavy Serious Asatru stuff. When my husband met him better than 15 years back, he was Serious Golden Dawn Or Maybe Wiccan.
Okay, so who's your teacher? Because Hoodoo's the kind of thing that, to be the kind of Heavy and Legit that he's saying he is, gets taught face to face, one old person showing a younger person how to not accidentally fuck themselves up and/or insult their ancestors. It's not initiatory, but it is... personal? Oral. Familial. There is no book that teaches the bredth and depth of the practice the way a person will/does. There are two that begin to--one by Catherynne Yronwode which is essentially Cat making a profit off of the family traditions of a host of blackfolk that she neither knew nor paid, mostly hearsay and attempts to peddle things from her shop to wypeepo. And one by Orion Foxwood, which he's very careful to tell you reflects the practice HE was taught and isn't actually all there is to know. There's. There's stuff about being of use to your community and in regular communion with your ancestors and a handful of spirits in there. There's a fuckload of Christianity still baked in. There's a history of this being the art that slaves used to try and exert some control over their situation in the face of being property, so let's fuckin' unpack for a minute the fact that whitefolk have now discovered this hot new traditional magic system to colonise oh my good god damn.
Aaaaaand his teacher's a book. A couple of books, mostly written by whitefolk who learned their shit from Cat Yronwode, who black and POC practitioners have asked folk not to buy from because Laundry List Of Problematic Shit (how you going to practice a massively African-diaspora art AND let yourself continue to do racist shit unchecked?). And maybe he knows some blackfolk who practice? But surely to the gods he doesn't sit down all "Tell me your familial secret practices because I totally have a right to any knowledge I ask you for." Right?
Okay, whiteboy, you do you. I understand the allure really deeply, but I've made what I feel like is an ethical decision wrt to how deep I try to walk into that stream, and how Learned I present myself as being in it...and I am side-eyeing him for making a different one. Because I am more than a little judgmental, just as a human being. It's a failing when I use it like a club which is why I'm not unloading this shit on him right now. I'm trying to turn it into a strength by transmuting it into introspection and discernment. But I suspect I'm going to be that bitterfaced old bitch at the end of the hollow when I'm old. Oh well.
So we're shooting the breeze today and he comes it the knowledgeable about stuff I'm pretty sure he's only read about same as me... (that could be the problem: he reminds me enough of myself that I kneejerk to assuming he does the Talk Better Than I Am thing that I sometimes do and hate that I do. I'm--again--mad at myself and taking it out on him? Or, I'm legit mad about a legit ethical failure that I'm trying to rectify in myself and it sets my face on fire to see him NOT trying to rectify it and getting renown? I... I don't know.) I? am also starting to come it the knowledgeable, but I catch myself and pause and draw to a stop so maybe I can learn something in the conversation. Mary Ann pops in with actual knowledge, and I'm glad to've hushed...aaaaand there's our boy, all "WE SHOULD COMPARE NOTES! TELL ME YOUR FAMILY THING!" like. he's. got. a. right. to. it.
... At which point I had to mute notifications from that chatstream, because goddamn dude.
(I went back and peeked. Mary Ann at no point encouraged the note-comparing; she changed the subject with a quickness. I am learning so much How To Person from watching her go.)
............................
This is also the same guy who, in the process of a month, told us about his wife looking for a horseskull so she can set up a nithing pole in front of an old boss's house, THEN read us for filth for joking about hexing Trump because Casual Cursing Is Evil And We Are A Disappointment And Should Feel Ashamed, THEN! talked about lightheartedly jk-not-jk jabbing a doll with pins at work when his colleagues annoy him, bonus points if they see him doing it... like...
You Asshole. Do You Even Ethics?
Do you want to fit into a merry band or do you want something like authority? Do you know who you are and what's important to you?
... Well, okay, Jess, how about you? (If I'm going to say I'm an authority, I want to set a good example. If I can't set a good example, then I don't want to advertise my expertise.) (Otherwise, I'm still learning who I am and what's important. I know it in the bone, but I don't know it to say it until I run across stuff that makes me joyful, angry, or sad.)
..............................
Which is why I haven't excused myself from conversations that involve our boy, because as long as I'm flames-up-the-side-of-my-face at his shit, I'm learning things.