Long time coming but here I am
It's been a long time since I blogged, and a lot has happened since my last post. My mother died August 20th, 2011 and my Uncle died April 4th, 2012. Mom had liver cancer which explained why she had been hurting for so long. By the time I finally convinced her to go to the ER, it was too late as she was in the final stage of it. Uncle Vick had kidney cancer that spread into his chest and lungs where his lungs were compromised anyway from his smoking habit.
2011 has been the worst year for me, and the first half of 2012 hasn't been much better. I always wanted to be independent but not at the expense of losing family. I'd always hoped even when I did move out on my own I'd be able to call them on the phone to say hey, or ask how to do something. It's like living a nightmare I can't wake up from.
I'm -still- looking for a job if you can believe it. The economy hasn't seemed to get any better for me, and I'm praying I can get something even if its just a stepping stool to something better later. And I've made some bad choices lately, not thinking things through and as a result wonder when my mental state is gonna crack open and I end up in a loony bin.
I got another dog besides Mirabelle and my cat Misty. BIG MISTAKE. I thought it through; but there was too much that I didn't consider because I had no clue it was a factor. So, now I have to find a new home for her; and the whole idea of getting the dog made my Aunt Julie so mad I thought she was gonna disown me, seriously. I feel like everyday I've been reduced to tears and I feel like I am in hell on earth paying for something I don't even know I did. I thought I could handle her but this dog is so big really it needs to be in a one animal household because it needs a lot of attention and training which I did not realize when taking her in. She didn't even look that big when I went to get her. I was sorely mistaken.
I have to work harder on my house and I didn't even realize how bad I was doing at that. Aunt Julie put that in perspective very acutely the day she found out I'd gotten Pebbles. I just feel utterly stupid. I suck at living and its getting worse; things I think I'm doing right.. end up being catastrophic mistakes. I did get to clean up my old bedroom some in time for the garbage man today, which is good. I got out an old playpen, folded up cages and debris that we'd stored in there a long time ago. The floor is cleared mostly of debris, except for a corner that I'd swept stuff into and boxes of things I still need to go through. I dread my grandma's old room because that became a storage room as well and I have nooo clue whats good and garbage and hate to throw away good things. But there's no other place to put stuff so I may have to just bite the bullet.
I'll be here hit or miss sometimes, because I really need to vent and have no one or where else to do it anymore. So, if you're reading this know what you're in for.
2011 has been the worst year for me, and the first half of 2012 hasn't been much better. I always wanted to be independent but not at the expense of losing family. I'd always hoped even when I did move out on my own I'd be able to call them on the phone to say hey, or ask how to do something. It's like living a nightmare I can't wake up from.
I'm -still- looking for a job if you can believe it. The economy hasn't seemed to get any better for me, and I'm praying I can get something even if its just a stepping stool to something better later. And I've made some bad choices lately, not thinking things through and as a result wonder when my mental state is gonna crack open and I end up in a loony bin.
I got another dog besides Mirabelle and my cat Misty. BIG MISTAKE. I thought it through; but there was too much that I didn't consider because I had no clue it was a factor. So, now I have to find a new home for her; and the whole idea of getting the dog made my Aunt Julie so mad I thought she was gonna disown me, seriously. I feel like everyday I've been reduced to tears and I feel like I am in hell on earth paying for something I don't even know I did. I thought I could handle her but this dog is so big really it needs to be in a one animal household because it needs a lot of attention and training which I did not realize when taking her in. She didn't even look that big when I went to get her. I was sorely mistaken.
I have to work harder on my house and I didn't even realize how bad I was doing at that. Aunt Julie put that in perspective very acutely the day she found out I'd gotten Pebbles. I just feel utterly stupid. I suck at living and its getting worse; things I think I'm doing right.. end up being catastrophic mistakes. I did get to clean up my old bedroom some in time for the garbage man today, which is good. I got out an old playpen, folded up cages and debris that we'd stored in there a long time ago. The floor is cleared mostly of debris, except for a corner that I'd swept stuff into and boxes of things I still need to go through. I dread my grandma's old room because that became a storage room as well and I have nooo clue whats good and garbage and hate to throw away good things. But there's no other place to put stuff so I may have to just bite the bullet.
I'll be here hit or miss sometimes, because I really need to vent and have no one or where else to do it anymore. So, if you're reading this know what you're in for.