(no subject)
well, i guess the time has come to decide...and i want to stay at ups. the pac rim program would be unbelievable. i mean, i get to meet the fucking dahli lama. and see eight countries. how many people get to do that? it won't be until my senior year, yeah, but it will be worth it if i go. i know it.
i don't think james really wants me to stay, uh, i guess he's planning to break up with me soon. the other thing is, ups starts when burning man starts and if i want to go to ups, that means missing the first week of school. i can e-mail my teachers and tell them i have mono, but my parents wouldn't be too pleased. i'm a bit worried to make this decision final. see, i have a feeling i might get really lonely here like i was before. i haven't found any best friends, james is my closest friend here but i feel like it's just a matter of time before it's over.
i'll be sharing a room with doina, this cute romanian chick, but she's no naomi to me. i know i would be having more fun at evergreen but the education is not as good. the teachers here have all been incredible so far, and i suppose if i am here to learn, that should be the most important thing. but shouldn't i be happy too? ok, i am happy RIGHT NOW...actually, two nights ago i went to a huge party out in the desert. james spun, i danced around the fire and tanned topless on the top of a huge hill when the sun came out. i felt like i was on top of the world. and when i woke up yesterday, sasha and oddie got us stoned, took us out for chipotle and paid for it. it's a charmed life, but i dunno, what happens when james leaves...would i be cut off from all this? i don't like to be dependent on someone who tells me they can't be depended on. i almost want to go to evergreen just so i don't get hurt. but that's a fucking stupid thing to base any decision on.
i don't think james really wants me to stay, uh, i guess he's planning to break up with me soon. the other thing is, ups starts when burning man starts and if i want to go to ups, that means missing the first week of school. i can e-mail my teachers and tell them i have mono, but my parents wouldn't be too pleased. i'm a bit worried to make this decision final. see, i have a feeling i might get really lonely here like i was before. i haven't found any best friends, james is my closest friend here but i feel like it's just a matter of time before it's over.
i'll be sharing a room with doina, this cute romanian chick, but she's no naomi to me. i know i would be having more fun at evergreen but the education is not as good. the teachers here have all been incredible so far, and i suppose if i am here to learn, that should be the most important thing. but shouldn't i be happy too? ok, i am happy RIGHT NOW...actually, two nights ago i went to a huge party out in the desert. james spun, i danced around the fire and tanned topless on the top of a huge hill when the sun came out. i felt like i was on top of the world. and when i woke up yesterday, sasha and oddie got us stoned, took us out for chipotle and paid for it. it's a charmed life, but i dunno, what happens when james leaves...would i be cut off from all this? i don't like to be dependent on someone who tells me they can't be depended on. i almost want to go to evergreen just so i don't get hurt. but that's a fucking stupid thing to base any decision on.