(no subject)
It's been a weird couple of days to say the least. It feels like there has been just this general mood around here. We're trying to fight it, but I don't know, the blue-ness of it just seems to want to settle hardcore on us.
Friday night I did something I haven't done in such a long time. I cried. I cried hard. And for what particular reason I'm still not sure. It didn't help that I have this cough. So I was coughing for a good half-hour or so. It made Rachael want to bang on the wall (which would have just exasberated this situation) and Twin come in and check on me. The most I could get out was that I really didn't know what was going on with me. And, honestly, by the time I'd been crying for that long I really didn't remember why I was still crying, and yet, when I tried to stop I couldn't. I eventually fell asleep. I think I'm letting myself become overwhelmed by everything. I was sick last week which didn't help. It's just with graduation so close and just everything. I'm scared of leaving, scared of getting older, scared of the unknown. There's so much that will change when I graduate. Where will I go, what will I do, will I have friends, who will they be, how will I pay for things. It's a lot. It's scary. There were other things, but I really don't want to talk about it right now.
Saturday and Sunday were kind of blah days. We didn't really do a lot, and the time just kind of passed. Saturday night we went out to dinner with to celebrate Emily and Sara's birthdays. It was good. I got to laugh at the sick girl. Sunday we made an oh-so-traditional meal. I had mashed potatoes, doritos, and peas for my dinner. Good, I know.
Gabby and I talked tonight about post graduation. It's good to have someone who's experiencing a lot of the same things. We talk about this a lot. We're both just kind of at a weird place. There is no next semester for us, no classes, no meal plan. There's just a lot of the stuff that I talked about earlier. We're both dealing though. Talking helps, and yet makes me more anxious too. I know that's weird. I mean, I have camp to get through first, but then after that I have nothing. I wish there was some kind of well laid plan for this next stage. There isn't. It'll all come together. I know. Just takes time and patience. We all know how I excel at having patience.
Friday night I did something I haven't done in such a long time. I cried. I cried hard. And for what particular reason I'm still not sure. It didn't help that I have this cough. So I was coughing for a good half-hour or so. It made Rachael want to bang on the wall (which would have just exasberated this situation) and Twin come in and check on me. The most I could get out was that I really didn't know what was going on with me. And, honestly, by the time I'd been crying for that long I really didn't remember why I was still crying, and yet, when I tried to stop I couldn't. I eventually fell asleep. I think I'm letting myself become overwhelmed by everything. I was sick last week which didn't help. It's just with graduation so close and just everything. I'm scared of leaving, scared of getting older, scared of the unknown. There's so much that will change when I graduate. Where will I go, what will I do, will I have friends, who will they be, how will I pay for things. It's a lot. It's scary. There were other things, but I really don't want to talk about it right now.
Saturday and Sunday were kind of blah days. We didn't really do a lot, and the time just kind of passed. Saturday night we went out to dinner with to celebrate Emily and Sara's birthdays. It was good. I got to laugh at the sick girl. Sunday we made an oh-so-traditional meal. I had mashed potatoes, doritos, and peas for my dinner. Good, I know.
Gabby and I talked tonight about post graduation. It's good to have someone who's experiencing a lot of the same things. We talk about this a lot. We're both just kind of at a weird place. There is no next semester for us, no classes, no meal plan. There's just a lot of the stuff that I talked about earlier. We're both dealing though. Talking helps, and yet makes me more anxious too. I know that's weird. I mean, I have camp to get through first, but then after that I have nothing. I wish there was some kind of well laid plan for this next stage. There isn't. It'll all come together. I know. Just takes time and patience. We all know how I excel at having patience.