a whisper to a scream...
When I was very young I was actually a very quiet little girl. I
taught myself not to cry when I got hurt, I taught myself not to
complain when the pain hurt so bad. Hell, one day I got skewered
on a fence and tore myself open and had a gaping would. I was
bleeding so bad and I tried to hide it from them by saying the stains
were chocolate. I know that isn't the best way to be, but I guess
we all have to start somewhere. I guess I just took to heart what
my mother told me when I cried "unecessarily" which was, "Quit crying
or I'll give you something to cry about." This is the first time
I've thought about this in years. No, I don't think I was abused
by my mother and father when I was young, but I do think that they
weren't that great when it came to parenting. I won't even go on
about me being Filipino/Chinese AND Catholic, because those are whole
different stories unto themselves.
Why am I thinking of this now? I guess I just am at a point in my life where I have come to realize how long I've come from being that scared little girl. I've still got a long way to go, but I think that the person I am is the best I've been in such a very long time. Yes, I'm still chubby. Yes, I'm still meek sometimes. Yes, I still try to hide pain. But I've come to love all of that and I want to move forward, keep on working on my self-evolution. I see too many people mired in petty things, I see too many people bogged down by what convention dictates, I see too many people hurt because people are shitty to each other. I don't want to be that person, I refuse to be that person. I have the right to be treated like a decent human being should. I think people should get back to that, to treating others as they would like to be treated, because let me tell you, right now we're starting to drown in other people's shite.
On to nicer things... Charles just bought me Yo La Tengo's "Prisoners of Love" which is kind of their best of collection. I love Yo La Tengo but I've gotten to the point where I can't afford to build my collection so I'm getting what I can. I am still aiming to get "A Twist of Shadows" by Xymox (Clan of Xymox shortened their name for this one album). I still want so much music it's ridiculous. I want to get the Cure's remasters and I hear The Glove might come out remastered. What a cruel world!!!!!!!!! *sigh* I swear, if I ever become rich I'd prolly just blow it on music... And that would be okay by me. heh. =P
Aloha til later. \m/
Why am I thinking of this now? I guess I just am at a point in my life where I have come to realize how long I've come from being that scared little girl. I've still got a long way to go, but I think that the person I am is the best I've been in such a very long time. Yes, I'm still chubby. Yes, I'm still meek sometimes. Yes, I still try to hide pain. But I've come to love all of that and I want to move forward, keep on working on my self-evolution. I see too many people mired in petty things, I see too many people bogged down by what convention dictates, I see too many people hurt because people are shitty to each other. I don't want to be that person, I refuse to be that person. I have the right to be treated like a decent human being should. I think people should get back to that, to treating others as they would like to be treated, because let me tell you, right now we're starting to drown in other people's shite.
On to nicer things... Charles just bought me Yo La Tengo's "Prisoners of Love" which is kind of their best of collection. I love Yo La Tengo but I've gotten to the point where I can't afford to build my collection so I'm getting what I can. I am still aiming to get "A Twist of Shadows" by Xymox (Clan of Xymox shortened their name for this one album). I still want so much music it's ridiculous. I want to get the Cure's remasters and I hear The Glove might come out remastered. What a cruel world!!!!!!!!! *sigh* I swear, if I ever become rich I'd prolly just blow it on music... And that would be okay by me. heh. =P
Aloha til later. \m/