Rantage
Yeah, so, I figured I might as well take advantage of this thing, seeing as how I've had an account for close to a year. That, and I just feel the need to rant. Besides, only two people know I have this damned thing, so it's not like anyone will care. This isn't going to be a common occurance.
So, yeah. Sometimes I think life is good, and sometimes I think it really sucks. This is one of the suckier times. First of all, I am plagued by lack of money and no job. (And let me just take this moment to say goddamn all credit cards.) I have literally been living off of pocket change I accidentally got from my mother and what one of my friends sees fit to pay for. (God bless crazy roomies, who see movie tickets and Shakespeare Tavern as necessities of life.) I had a Gameboy that I'm pretty sure got stolen because I had to leave it unattended in the green room of the theatre I was volunteering at. And I hadn't played the game all the way through, hell, I hadn't even gotten to the first boss. School is also not going so well. I don't have time to do the shit I actually want to do, the screwing about with friends and such. I also suspect I'm dangerously close to burnout. I'm starting to wonder why the hell I'm here; the only reason I can think of is the increased money I will in theory earn as a college graduate. I mean, my major has nothing to do with what I'm probably going to end up doing. I failed a couple of classes last year (in my major), so there's a very real possibility I'm not going to be able to graduate at all next semester. It's not that I really mind going to school more than four years, it's that I can't bloody well afford it. Not that I'm eager to enter the real world, mind you. And once I do graduate, or not, depending on the grades, I have to move back home to live with my parents for a couple of years. I'm not looking forward to this. I love my family, I really do. I just lose all sorts of independence at home, ironically enough because I have so many people dependent on me, generally speaking. I like being out on my own. Plus, no matter where I am, I've got friends that I've left behind somewhere else. Right now, I have friends at home (though I will admit I've been shamefully lax about keeping up with them), friends in Atlanta and here, friends in Chattanooga (when they're not in Savannah)... I can't hang out with them all, and it saddens me greatly. (I keep wondering exactly what I'd have to do to get a bunch of my friends together and buy a big house, so that I could hang out with them all the time. Then I wonder if the people I like would like each other, or what.)
Rereading this, I realize that I'm swinging back into one of my depressions. I don't remember if I brought my medication with me or not; generally I don't need it. I also don't know if it would do any good. I suppose I could go to the counseling center, but really, all that would be is talking about what bothers me, and I don't know how much that would help. Besides, I can do the same damn thing from my computer, as evidenced by the preceding rant.
I wish I knew what to do.
So, yeah. Sometimes I think life is good, and sometimes I think it really sucks. This is one of the suckier times. First of all, I am plagued by lack of money and no job. (And let me just take this moment to say goddamn all credit cards.) I have literally been living off of pocket change I accidentally got from my mother and what one of my friends sees fit to pay for. (God bless crazy roomies, who see movie tickets and Shakespeare Tavern as necessities of life.) I had a Gameboy that I'm pretty sure got stolen because I had to leave it unattended in the green room of the theatre I was volunteering at. And I hadn't played the game all the way through, hell, I hadn't even gotten to the first boss. School is also not going so well. I don't have time to do the shit I actually want to do, the screwing about with friends and such. I also suspect I'm dangerously close to burnout. I'm starting to wonder why the hell I'm here; the only reason I can think of is the increased money I will in theory earn as a college graduate. I mean, my major has nothing to do with what I'm probably going to end up doing. I failed a couple of classes last year (in my major), so there's a very real possibility I'm not going to be able to graduate at all next semester. It's not that I really mind going to school more than four years, it's that I can't bloody well afford it. Not that I'm eager to enter the real world, mind you. And once I do graduate, or not, depending on the grades, I have to move back home to live with my parents for a couple of years. I'm not looking forward to this. I love my family, I really do. I just lose all sorts of independence at home, ironically enough because I have so many people dependent on me, generally speaking. I like being out on my own. Plus, no matter where I am, I've got friends that I've left behind somewhere else. Right now, I have friends at home (though I will admit I've been shamefully lax about keeping up with them), friends in Atlanta and here, friends in Chattanooga (when they're not in Savannah)... I can't hang out with them all, and it saddens me greatly. (I keep wondering exactly what I'd have to do to get a bunch of my friends together and buy a big house, so that I could hang out with them all the time. Then I wonder if the people I like would like each other, or what.)
Rereading this, I realize that I'm swinging back into one of my depressions. I don't remember if I brought my medication with me or not; generally I don't need it. I also don't know if it would do any good. I suppose I could go to the counseling center, but really, all that would be is talking about what bothers me, and I don't know how much that would help. Besides, I can do the same damn thing from my computer, as evidenced by the preceding rant.
I wish I knew what to do.