Poetry - Before my upcoming hysterectomy in December (insomnia-inspired/midnight thoughts)
Be
Before my surgery, I want you to know
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If I should die before I wake…
Please know that I lived a full and happy life.
I have loved and been loved
Most especially by my dearest beloved.
I ask that you remember me fondly
Remember those times I made you laugh
When I comforted you
When I encouraged you to be yourself
And reminded you that you ARE worthy
But don’t collapse me into this tiny picture
Of sainthood
Remember, too, all the times I have fallen down
The mistakes I have made
The times I hurt your feelings
The times we argued
The times we cried
Be kind to my loved ones
Especially my spouse & son
And my mother, my siblings, & my nieces & nephew
Don’t offer false platitudes
Just be there for them
When they need to be heard
Or when they need to sit in silence
If you offer them anything
Let it be a memory
Hopefully one that makes you smile or laugh
When remembering me
If I should die before I wake…
Please refrain from trying to malign my person
Please do not call me by my old name
Please do not pray for me to “convert” after death to your religion
Let me assure you that I am quite happy with the one I follow
Do not paint me with a different brush
Trying to erase my unique & colorful nature
If you must paint me
Use all the colors in the box
Paint flowers and birds and butterflies and foxes
Paint swirls of colors
In fact, I want you to color outside the lines
Because that would be a true painting of my life
If you would honor me
Please do this
Learn to love yourself
Love those around you
And remember how much you are loved
I know you will mourn
Do not let anyone tell you how long that will should be
But know that someday
Because you love me
You will let me go
So that we can both move forward
(Whatever that may mean for each of us)
I leave you with this, dearones
I love you
I will always love you
No matter where I am
No matter where you are
I love you
~ Teal