Duo's Musical Montage - Part 5
Title: The Internet Is For Porn
Pairings: Heero/Duo
Spoilers: I'd be very scared if there were any.
WARNINGS: Do not enter if Duo's singing and dancing scares you.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fic. All characters and song lyrics will be returned to their original owners. Though I wouldn't hold my breath on them being returned as found.
Summary: Duo and co are sitting around on their laptops talking abouit what they use it for. Heero feels betrayed by one of them.
The Internet is for Porn
It was on a rare day that everyone had the day off that they decided to pay a visit to Heero and Duo to see how Duo was after all of his spontaneous singing outbursts and how much Heero was coping with it all.
It was just after lunch when they knocked on the door to their flat. Duo opened the door, his eyes were almost closed. As soon as he saw who was at the door he immediately chirped up and squeezed all three of them into a huge hug.
“I am so glad you are here.” He whispered as he continued to hug them. “They are driving me to death. It’s so boring and I’m having to behave. It’s killing me.” Wufei managed to squeeze out of the death-tight embrace Duo was keeping them in.
“Who’s here?” He asked.
“You’ll never believe it.” Duo replied and stopped hugging them, but kept the broad smile plastered to his face. “Come on in.” He said and held the door open for them to come into the flat. Wufei entered, ready for any danger that could present itself in the small apartment. Trowa and Quartre gave each other a wary side-long glance before entering the apartment and stopped dead in their tracks.
Duo had been right. They would never have guessed who the visitor was. They looked at each other and turned around, ready to leave. This was one visit they wished they’d stayed home for. As they turned they saw Duo’s wide smile stare at them. Their exit blocked, they could do nothing else but take off their coats and sat down on the sofa with soft sighs. This was not going to be pretty. Wufei was still standing in the same spot, staring at the guest. Duo stood in front of him.
“I know exactly how you feel. I answered the door to him.” He patted Wufei on the shoulder and led him to chair and pushed him gently onto the seat. Wufei blinked, the blinked again, tried to say something but shook his head.
“When did they become friends?” Trowa asked as Duo sat down beside him on the sofa.
“Beats me. Heero said that they’re work colleagues.” All four sat staring at Heero’s guest.
“This new computer is brilliant.” Heero was saying to his guest. “It has a much faster connection than the last one. Plus, with the child protection Duo can’t get onto any of his sites and slow the connection speed down.” The visitor nodded his head politely.
“What is wrong with my sites?” Duo asked, slightly offended.
“They are nothing but porn.” Heero replied, before turning back to his guest and starting talking about the computer. “Plus, now I can find new sites to look at and explore without having to wonder whether the connection is going to break, and I can browse all day and night.”
“For porn!” Duo chimed in. Heero cast him a sideways look and ignored him.
“It’s like I’m surfing at the speed of light. Thank you so very much for recommending this to me.” Heero told his guest. His guest smiled every so slightly that if you blinked at that moment you would have missed it.
“For porn!” Duo said again.
“Duo!” Heero yelled at him.
“What? The internet IS for porn Heero.” Duo told him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Heero asked Duo sternly. Talking to him like he was scolding a child.
“Why do you think the net was born, if not for porn?” Duo asked him, ignoring the tone in Heero’s voice.
“DUO!” Heero warned.
“Hello Heero!” Duo said cheerfully, smiling as broadly as he could.
“You are ruining my conversation!”
“Sorry Heero.” Duo smiled apologetically at Heero’s guest.
“Well, if you wouldn’t mind please shutting up for a minute so I can finish?” Heero asked politely, with a warning tone to the edge.
“Me no talkie.” Duo replied and put an imaginary zip across his mouth. During all of this the other three had gone completely unnoticed by Heero and had tried reasonably well to make themselves apart of the furniture.
“Good.” Heero turned back to his visitor. “I’m glad we have all this new technology-”
“For porn!” Duo interrupted and quietened down as soon as he saw the glare in Heero’s eyes.
“Which gives us untold opportunity-”
“For porn!” Heero glared at Duo with all he had and Duo retreated into the sofa. It was at this time that Heero noticed that they had other visitors now, and he smiled slightly at each of them, wondering why he was the one getting odd looks off them.
"Right from your own desktop.” Heero told his guests.
“For---” Trowa clapped one of his hands over Duo’s mouth before he could finish and smiled politely at Heero as if nothing had happened. As Heero turned back to his conversation Trowa gave Duo a warning look before taking his hand off Duo’s mouth.
“You can research, browse, and shop until you’ve had enough and you’re ready to stop.”
“FOR PORN!” Duo shouted, unable to contain himself any longer.
“Duo!” Heero warned.
“The internet is for porn.”
“Duo!”
“The internet is for porn.”
“No. It isn’t!” Heero shouted, beginning to lose his cool over the matter.
“The internet is for porn.”
“Duo!”
“Me up all night, honking me horn, to porn, porn, porn!”
“That is just gross. You’re a pervert.” Heero told him, completely disgusted with him and embarrassed that his guest had to hear this.
“Sticks and stones, Heero. Beside, you should know better than the others.” With that Heero turned beetroot to his roots and hung his head in complete embarrassment. After a few moments Heero looked up and stared at Duo who was smiling and bouncing on the sofa. Trowa and Quatre looked nervously between the bouncing Duo and the glaring Heero.
“No. You really are a pervert. Normal people don’t sit at home and look at porn on the internet.”
“Oh really?” Duo replied.
“What?” Heero asked.
“You have no idea. Guys, tell him.” Trowa and Quatre looked sympathetically towards Heero and Wufei, finally over the shock of who the guest was, nodded his head.
“The internet is for porn!” They all said together.
“Sorry Heero, but they are right.” The guest spoke. Heero looked striken that his visitor felt the same way as his ‘so-called’ friends.
“The internet is for porn!”
“I masturbate!” The guest spoke again.
“All these guys unzip their flies for porn, porn, porn!” They all sang together.
“The internet is NOT for porn!!” Heero objected thoroughly.
“PORN! PORN! P---”
“HOLD ON A SECOND!” Heero yelled over their chorus. “Now I know for a fact that you, Quatre, check your portfolio and trade stocks online.”
“That’s correct.” Quatre replied, smiling.
“And Wufei, you buy things on Amazon.com.” Heero told him.
“Sure.” Wufei replied.
“And Trowa, you keep selling your possessions on Ebay.” Heero turned to Trowa.
“Yes I do!” Trowa replied. Quatre cast him a look.
“And Zechs, you sent me that sweet online birthday card.” Heero said turning to his guest.
“True!” He replied.
“Oh, but Heero, what do you think we do after? Hmm?” Duo asked him. Heero turned to Zechs again.
“Yeah.” He replied.
“EEEWWWWW!” Heero replied.
“The internet is for porn!” They all said together.
“Gross!”
“The internet is for porn!”
“I hate porn!” Heero said again, and hung his head in denial.
“Grab your dick and double click.”
“I hate you guys!” Heero said and banged his head against the table.
“For porn! Porn! Porn!”
“I’m just going to leave.” Heero said starting to get up.
“Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn.”
“I hate the internet.”
“Porn, porn, porn, porn!”
“The internet is for-” Duo began on his own.
“The internet is for PORN!” They all ended together.
Heero got up and walked out of the apartment. The others all turned to look at Zechs, who, without Heero close by, was starting to shift uncomfortably under their gazes.
"Well, it’s been an interesting afternoon. I have to be going now.” He said and walked out. Duo instantly cheered up and jumped up and down.
“I don’t know why Heero said he hated porn. He keeps his under the bed.” Duo told them as Heero came back into the room.
“DUO!” Heero yelled and started to chase Duo around the apartment trying to kill him.