Kinglet's Quest Updates
So the Kinglet was approved for Autism services at our December IEP meeting. I thought at the time he was being transferred officially to the state program, but learned later it was only on a "consultant basis". Meaning he was being treated as a program kid but still technically under the umbrella of General ED. Or he was "both and neither", depending on how you looked at it. His IEP team was huge, with people from the program and people from the elementary school/district. Neither group had full responsibility or authority over his case. Everyone was amicable about it, but you could tell there was a lot of uncertainty. For us it was scary because it seemed like at any time either side could abdicate... Like he could be stripped of services or get suspended/expelled if it was convenient.
The sticking point was that the Kinglet is very different from the other kids in the Program. While his behavioral problems are severe, his academic functioning is very high. I had no idea this was SO unusual, but it is. No one had a clear idea of how his immersion would work - how can he receive the services he needs while also being challenged at an appropriate academic level? So they started him off on a trial basis.
After observing him for a couple of months, though, the team recommended that he be fully absorbed in the program. The level of services he needs is significant, beyond what they can give as "consultants". So I signed papers at the Program's home offices last week and all his files are being transferred to their jurisdiction. Now he's a full-on, legit, kool-aide drinking member of the Program. He still goes to the same school, but only because the Program has satellite classes there right now. The Program staff is fully in charge of his IEP, and they are pretty much the only ones we communicate with now.
We’re pretty happy with his situation, for the most part. He has a new Program homeroom, with four or five other boys who also have Autism. This is where he starts and ends his day, and also where he goes if he needs to be removed for discipline problems/meltdowns.
The main Program teacher is fantastic, amazing. I’m absolutely in love with her. She’s very knowledgeable, patient, passionate about what she does. She reached out to communicate with me in his very first couple of days, and I’ve continued to talk with her on the phone or in person at least once a week. She’s fully accepted him into her group and is trying very hard to develop strategies to help him adapt.
The group also has one Para who follows them throughout their day. Most of the kids, Kinglet included, transition to a regular second grade class for their academics, specials, lunch and recess. He gets to interact with Gen Ed kids that he already knows and considers his friends. The Program boys are, by all accounts, very much accepted there. One of the General Ed kids is even the Kinglet’s professed “nemesis” from last year, a little girl who used to pick on him and make him feel bad. Now she is kind to him, helpful, always says hello. It’s very special, really.
The Kinglet receives special services throughout the week, including Social Skills group, Psychological counseling, and Occupational Therapy. He gets motion breaks to help him burn off excess energy during the day, plus he earns reward points for good behavior that he can “cash in” for computer games or play breaks. So he’s in and out of the Gen Ed stuff a lot. It can be a little disruptive (like he didn’t get to hear the story the class is working on, or see part of a movie), but since his behavioral problems are still pretty severe, the Team is focusing intensively on addressing those. The idea is that his academics will catch up once he’s better able to self-manage.
By “pretty severe”, I mean we’re still seeing the same kind of disruptive and aggressive behaviors he’s had all along. The Gen Ed teacher reports that the Para is pretty much tied to the Kinglet - if he has a meltdown, she goes with him, leaving the other four boys unsupervised in her classroom. And the meltdowns happen a lot, particularly lately. The Kinglet is also, apparently, using the poor Para as his personal punching bag. He tends to fly off the handle if the Gen Ed teacher or the Para says something he doesn’t like, and in his anger he goes right to physical aggression. They’ve been working on a lot of strategies to defuse or redirect him, but lately he is unable (or unwilling) to utilize those strategies in the heat of the moment.
In fact, his behavior has escalated to the point that, over the last couple of weeks, his teachers have had to put him in physical restraints (what they call a “Bear Hug”), to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or other people. Whenever this happens, they have to call me to let me know, so I’m back to cringing when the phone rings - it’s been happening several times a week. But on the bright side, it’s not a call to say, Mrs. Tairngire, please come pick up your son - he’s been suspended for three more days. Now it’s just to keep me informed.
The first time it happened, the main Program teacher (I’ll have to come up with a nickname - for now let’s call her My Favorite Person) sounded rather traumatized about it. Up ‘til then, they’d seen some problem behaviors but mostly the charming doll baby side of my son. Now they were seeing his full glory - I’m surprised, really, that they weren’t expecting it, since that’s what brought him to the Program in the first place. In any case, the Godking and I certainly weren’t surprised - in fact, we’re glad at least they’ve had a chance to understand this part of him. More importantly, we’re glad he’s finally able to have these episodes in a safe place.
As I told My Favorite Person, he’s been resorting to violence and disruption for years now. It’s always been his default and it always, always gave him an out - whether it was getting out of class to take a walk, getting suspended, or getting pulled by me to homeschool. This is the first time he can have a fit and still have things go back to the way they were. Maybe now he’ll finally start learning some other strategies. So fuck yes, put him in a Bear Hug if the situation calls for it. Better that than sending him home. I wish they’d been doing this all along.
The only thing we’re not really thrilled with is his new General Ed teacher. She’s nothing compared to the second grade teacher he had for the first half of the year. The first one really made an effort with him, academically, even though she was obviously over-extended and couldn’t do much to help him behaviorally. The new one, quite obviously, couldn’t care less. We get the impression that she doesn’t really consider the Program kids to be her kids. She made no effort to communicate with me, and actually was rather dodgy when I tried to reach out to her.
I had to complain a little bit to get her to sit in our mid-year parent-teacher conference. Her reasoning was that she only meets with parents at the mid-year mark if the child is struggling with something, which in and of itself bothers me. I don’t just want to know if things are going bad - I want to know what my kid is learning. What units are coming up? What are your impressions? What can we be doing with him at home? Maybe we’re just weird, to be that involved. But, in any case, this is the first chance we’ve had to meet formally with this teacher. Doesn’t that justify a sit down? And, besides THAT, doesn’t his behavioral situation constitute something he’s “struggling with”??
And that’s the other thing. The new Gen Ed teacher is still responsible for his grades, even if she’s not responsible for working with him. On his report card this trimester, the Kinglet received all “Meets Proficiency” and even “Nearing Proficiency”, whereas last trimester (under the other teacher) he was mostly MP or even “Exceeds Proficiency”. Her explanation was that even though he seems to understand the concepts when she talks to him, he tends to score poorly on tests. He makes sloppy mistakes, misses answers, or fails to complete the test entirely - sometimes because he’s rushing, sometimes because he’s not emotionally able to complete the work.
This bothers us. If he demonstrates knowledge of the subject but can’t translate it onto paper, doesn’t that jump out as a problem to you? Particularly when it’s due to behavioral problems that are quite obviously part of his disability - for which he has only just started to receive services? Is it really fair to wipe your hands of him and give him low grades? Isn’t there some accommodation that could be put into play here?
Right now, the GodKing and I are choosing not to make a big deal out of it. We only have to deal with this particular teacher (Let’s call her Mrs. Laissez-faire) for three more months. We’re okay with letting his team focus on the behavioral components. We’re working with him at home to at least reinvest him in math, if nothing else. There’s more we could be doing, but that’s the subject for another rant. In any case, we’ll revisit the situation next year. Hopefully, he’ll have a better third grade teacher than this limp-handshake of a woman.
In the meantime, we have a new school to familiarize ourselves with, and a whole new culture. Obviously, parents in the state Autism program are involved with their kids' education in a different kind of way, and i want to be a part of that. We've met some of the other families, even went to a birthday party recently. I kind of want to help out in the classroom, get to know the kids. We have some decisions to make about summer school (which, with his diagnosis, he can now participate in). We have some decisions to make at home, too, to try and navigate/ dovetail with what the Kinglet is facing at school. Lots on our plate. Not easy. But, all in all, a way better place than we've been in, well. Ever.
The sticking point was that the Kinglet is very different from the other kids in the Program. While his behavioral problems are severe, his academic functioning is very high. I had no idea this was SO unusual, but it is. No one had a clear idea of how his immersion would work - how can he receive the services he needs while also being challenged at an appropriate academic level? So they started him off on a trial basis.
After observing him for a couple of months, though, the team recommended that he be fully absorbed in the program. The level of services he needs is significant, beyond what they can give as "consultants". So I signed papers at the Program's home offices last week and all his files are being transferred to their jurisdiction. Now he's a full-on, legit, kool-aide drinking member of the Program. He still goes to the same school, but only because the Program has satellite classes there right now. The Program staff is fully in charge of his IEP, and they are pretty much the only ones we communicate with now.
We’re pretty happy with his situation, for the most part. He has a new Program homeroom, with four or five other boys who also have Autism. This is where he starts and ends his day, and also where he goes if he needs to be removed for discipline problems/meltdowns.
The main Program teacher is fantastic, amazing. I’m absolutely in love with her. She’s very knowledgeable, patient, passionate about what she does. She reached out to communicate with me in his very first couple of days, and I’ve continued to talk with her on the phone or in person at least once a week. She’s fully accepted him into her group and is trying very hard to develop strategies to help him adapt.
The group also has one Para who follows them throughout their day. Most of the kids, Kinglet included, transition to a regular second grade class for their academics, specials, lunch and recess. He gets to interact with Gen Ed kids that he already knows and considers his friends. The Program boys are, by all accounts, very much accepted there. One of the General Ed kids is even the Kinglet’s professed “nemesis” from last year, a little girl who used to pick on him and make him feel bad. Now she is kind to him, helpful, always says hello. It’s very special, really.
The Kinglet receives special services throughout the week, including Social Skills group, Psychological counseling, and Occupational Therapy. He gets motion breaks to help him burn off excess energy during the day, plus he earns reward points for good behavior that he can “cash in” for computer games or play breaks. So he’s in and out of the Gen Ed stuff a lot. It can be a little disruptive (like he didn’t get to hear the story the class is working on, or see part of a movie), but since his behavioral problems are still pretty severe, the Team is focusing intensively on addressing those. The idea is that his academics will catch up once he’s better able to self-manage.
By “pretty severe”, I mean we’re still seeing the same kind of disruptive and aggressive behaviors he’s had all along. The Gen Ed teacher reports that the Para is pretty much tied to the Kinglet - if he has a meltdown, she goes with him, leaving the other four boys unsupervised in her classroom. And the meltdowns happen a lot, particularly lately. The Kinglet is also, apparently, using the poor Para as his personal punching bag. He tends to fly off the handle if the Gen Ed teacher or the Para says something he doesn’t like, and in his anger he goes right to physical aggression. They’ve been working on a lot of strategies to defuse or redirect him, but lately he is unable (or unwilling) to utilize those strategies in the heat of the moment.
In fact, his behavior has escalated to the point that, over the last couple of weeks, his teachers have had to put him in physical restraints (what they call a “Bear Hug”), to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or other people. Whenever this happens, they have to call me to let me know, so I’m back to cringing when the phone rings - it’s been happening several times a week. But on the bright side, it’s not a call to say, Mrs. Tairngire, please come pick up your son - he’s been suspended for three more days. Now it’s just to keep me informed.
The first time it happened, the main Program teacher (I’ll have to come up with a nickname - for now let’s call her My Favorite Person) sounded rather traumatized about it. Up ‘til then, they’d seen some problem behaviors but mostly the charming doll baby side of my son. Now they were seeing his full glory - I’m surprised, really, that they weren’t expecting it, since that’s what brought him to the Program in the first place. In any case, the Godking and I certainly weren’t surprised - in fact, we’re glad at least they’ve had a chance to understand this part of him. More importantly, we’re glad he’s finally able to have these episodes in a safe place.
As I told My Favorite Person, he’s been resorting to violence and disruption for years now. It’s always been his default and it always, always gave him an out - whether it was getting out of class to take a walk, getting suspended, or getting pulled by me to homeschool. This is the first time he can have a fit and still have things go back to the way they were. Maybe now he’ll finally start learning some other strategies. So fuck yes, put him in a Bear Hug if the situation calls for it. Better that than sending him home. I wish they’d been doing this all along.
The only thing we’re not really thrilled with is his new General Ed teacher. She’s nothing compared to the second grade teacher he had for the first half of the year. The first one really made an effort with him, academically, even though she was obviously over-extended and couldn’t do much to help him behaviorally. The new one, quite obviously, couldn’t care less. We get the impression that she doesn’t really consider the Program kids to be her kids. She made no effort to communicate with me, and actually was rather dodgy when I tried to reach out to her.
I had to complain a little bit to get her to sit in our mid-year parent-teacher conference. Her reasoning was that she only meets with parents at the mid-year mark if the child is struggling with something, which in and of itself bothers me. I don’t just want to know if things are going bad - I want to know what my kid is learning. What units are coming up? What are your impressions? What can we be doing with him at home? Maybe we’re just weird, to be that involved. But, in any case, this is the first chance we’ve had to meet formally with this teacher. Doesn’t that justify a sit down? And, besides THAT, doesn’t his behavioral situation constitute something he’s “struggling with”??
And that’s the other thing. The new Gen Ed teacher is still responsible for his grades, even if she’s not responsible for working with him. On his report card this trimester, the Kinglet received all “Meets Proficiency” and even “Nearing Proficiency”, whereas last trimester (under the other teacher) he was mostly MP or even “Exceeds Proficiency”. Her explanation was that even though he seems to understand the concepts when she talks to him, he tends to score poorly on tests. He makes sloppy mistakes, misses answers, or fails to complete the test entirely - sometimes because he’s rushing, sometimes because he’s not emotionally able to complete the work.
This bothers us. If he demonstrates knowledge of the subject but can’t translate it onto paper, doesn’t that jump out as a problem to you? Particularly when it’s due to behavioral problems that are quite obviously part of his disability - for which he has only just started to receive services? Is it really fair to wipe your hands of him and give him low grades? Isn’t there some accommodation that could be put into play here?
Right now, the GodKing and I are choosing not to make a big deal out of it. We only have to deal with this particular teacher (Let’s call her Mrs. Laissez-faire) for three more months. We’re okay with letting his team focus on the behavioral components. We’re working with him at home to at least reinvest him in math, if nothing else. There’s more we could be doing, but that’s the subject for another rant. In any case, we’ll revisit the situation next year. Hopefully, he’ll have a better third grade teacher than this limp-handshake of a woman.
In the meantime, we have a new school to familiarize ourselves with, and a whole new culture. Obviously, parents in the state Autism program are involved with their kids' education in a different kind of way, and i want to be a part of that. We've met some of the other families, even went to a birthday party recently. I kind of want to help out in the classroom, get to know the kids. We have some decisions to make about summer school (which, with his diagnosis, he can now participate in). We have some decisions to make at home, too, to try and navigate/ dovetail with what the Kinglet is facing at school. Lots on our plate. Not easy. But, all in all, a way better place than we've been in, well. Ever.