are you done writing yet? how 'bout now?... now?
Having the boy home with me for two weeks was a good reminder that I need to get my shit together. You kind of forget that the school year doesn't last forever. While I've been hemming and hawing and woe-is-meing, my span of me-time is growing ever shorter.
Summer is going to present a challenge. The Kinglet is, by nature, the type of person who prefers company - unlike his mother, who likes social intercourse in measured doses, in between huge periods of time spent inside my own head. While he's definitely more manageable now than when he was little (and unmedicated), Mommy's writing time is hard on him. If I take, say, an hour, he will be at my side half-a-dozen times, at least, needing help or solace or just complaining about how lonely he is. And I rarely take only an hour, so multiply that by an afternoon of constant interruption and maternal guilt.
It's heart-breaking... and incredibly unhelpful to the writing process.
He's been telling people lately how sad he gets when Mommy writes. I think, you don't go around saying how miserable you are when Daddy goes to work. This is really no different - this is my job. It's not fair. But, then, I'm Mommy. Mommies don't get to be one thing or the other.
He's resilient, though, and in spite of all my whining to the contrary, so am I. I managed to accomplish a great deal while still putting in time for dodge ball or scavenger hunts, and so on.
Chain-smoking helped. Not the best thing to model for my kid, I know, but you have to pick your battles. Smoke myself sick, and write, or lose myself in a pit of frustrated despair. I'mma quit soon. Honest. As soon as I find my writing zen.
I"m working on it.
Anyway, with him finally back in school, I'll be trying to figure out my course. I have a little over two months before he's home again for summer break... that gives me two months to get myself on a writing routine that can carry us through to September. How much do I need to do in a day, a week, to feel I've accomplished enough, and how do I train myself to walk away so he gets the time with me that he needs, too?
We managed it when we homeschooled. Kind of. We'll manage it again.
This time, I'll be ready for it.
*gulp*
Summer is going to present a challenge. The Kinglet is, by nature, the type of person who prefers company - unlike his mother, who likes social intercourse in measured doses, in between huge periods of time spent inside my own head. While he's definitely more manageable now than when he was little (and unmedicated), Mommy's writing time is hard on him. If I take, say, an hour, he will be at my side half-a-dozen times, at least, needing help or solace or just complaining about how lonely he is. And I rarely take only an hour, so multiply that by an afternoon of constant interruption and maternal guilt.
It's heart-breaking... and incredibly unhelpful to the writing process.
He's been telling people lately how sad he gets when Mommy writes. I think, you don't go around saying how miserable you are when Daddy goes to work. This is really no different - this is my job. It's not fair. But, then, I'm Mommy. Mommies don't get to be one thing or the other.
He's resilient, though, and in spite of all my whining to the contrary, so am I. I managed to accomplish a great deal while still putting in time for dodge ball or scavenger hunts, and so on.
Chain-smoking helped. Not the best thing to model for my kid, I know, but you have to pick your battles. Smoke myself sick, and write, or lose myself in a pit of frustrated despair. I'mma quit soon. Honest. As soon as I find my writing zen.
I"m working on it.
Anyway, with him finally back in school, I'll be trying to figure out my course. I have a little over two months before he's home again for summer break... that gives me two months to get myself on a writing routine that can carry us through to September. How much do I need to do in a day, a week, to feel I've accomplished enough, and how do I train myself to walk away so he gets the time with me that he needs, too?
We managed it when we homeschooled. Kind of. We'll manage it again.
This time, I'll be ready for it.
*gulp*