there but for the grace of god
I read a blog post yesterday that had gone viral - a mother of a boy who has been diagnosed with, among other things, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, a child with a mental health file the size of a Russian novel. In this blog, she describes what it is like to go through "an episode"; the steps she and her family have to take to ensure that he remains safe, that others remain safe. She gives a slice of life - a very challenging life that few can understand who don't live through it.
I get why she wrote this, why she shared it in the wake of the murders at Sandy Hook Elementary. People are very quick to judge each other. They want to assign blame. The parents of the sick young man who did this are obvious scapegoats, but, I'm telling you, it's not that simple. It is not productive to slam a door on the family and say it was them that failed.
Without commenting on what happened within that family - because I don't know - I can say there are many families touched by mental illness, behavior disorders, etc, that *do* for their children, that love them, that struggle. There is rarely an easy fix; indeed, help and support are often very hard to come by. Read my blog if you want examples. I have fought tooth and nail for adequate mental health care for my child.
I was touched by this woman's blog post. I saw myself in it. I have pinned my three year old to my chest while he screamed and sobbed about wanting to end his own life. I hope fervently that he will not become the young man I need to hide kitchen knives from, but I can extrapolate. I can see us there. If you have not been through this, just try, for a second, to imagine it. Try, for a second, to imagine you don't have "the answer".
It's come to my attention that the author of this blog post has since come under fire - her blog come under scrutiny, her personal life unearthed and picked apart, her words used against her. She has been accused of villianizing her son, making mountains out of molehills, as if what she described can't possibly be real. She's been criticized for verbalizing her frustration and despair, for even complaining, as if parents everywhere don't feel uncharitably towards their families on occasion. She has been shamed for sharing her story.
This makes me very, very angry.
I am a mother much like the woman who wrote this post. My son is not unlike the child she describes - charming, sweet, brilliant, and, sometimes, deeply troubled.
Like her, I blog about it - not to capitalize or sensationalize, but because this is my story, and it needs to be told. It needs to be told because it comforts me to talk about it. It needs to be told because it helps me strategize. It needs to be told because it gives a context, for myself as well as for anyone who wants to know where I'm coming from.
It needs to be told so, maybe, things can get better. If more people understand, maybe the stigma against mental illness (especially in children) can be challenged. If more people understand, maybe it will be a little bit easier for other families to find help, resources, information, support.
It pisses me off that people work so hard to discredit someone, like me, for trying to put her story out there. Not only is it missing the point, it's undermining a desperately important struggle. It makes it that much more unlikely that others will have the courage to speak up, to connect. It makes it that much more likely that people who suffer from mental illness - and their families - will be scapegoated, stigmatized, and shut off from the help they need.
Which seems to me the very opposite of what we should be taking away from this tragedy.
I get why she wrote this, why she shared it in the wake of the murders at Sandy Hook Elementary. People are very quick to judge each other. They want to assign blame. The parents of the sick young man who did this are obvious scapegoats, but, I'm telling you, it's not that simple. It is not productive to slam a door on the family and say it was them that failed.
Without commenting on what happened within that family - because I don't know - I can say there are many families touched by mental illness, behavior disorders, etc, that *do* for their children, that love them, that struggle. There is rarely an easy fix; indeed, help and support are often very hard to come by. Read my blog if you want examples. I have fought tooth and nail for adequate mental health care for my child.
I was touched by this woman's blog post. I saw myself in it. I have pinned my three year old to my chest while he screamed and sobbed about wanting to end his own life. I hope fervently that he will not become the young man I need to hide kitchen knives from, but I can extrapolate. I can see us there. If you have not been through this, just try, for a second, to imagine it. Try, for a second, to imagine you don't have "the answer".
It's come to my attention that the author of this blog post has since come under fire - her blog come under scrutiny, her personal life unearthed and picked apart, her words used against her. She has been accused of villianizing her son, making mountains out of molehills, as if what she described can't possibly be real. She's been criticized for verbalizing her frustration and despair, for even complaining, as if parents everywhere don't feel uncharitably towards their families on occasion. She has been shamed for sharing her story.
This makes me very, very angry.
I am a mother much like the woman who wrote this post. My son is not unlike the child she describes - charming, sweet, brilliant, and, sometimes, deeply troubled.
Like her, I blog about it - not to capitalize or sensationalize, but because this is my story, and it needs to be told. It needs to be told because it comforts me to talk about it. It needs to be told because it helps me strategize. It needs to be told because it gives a context, for myself as well as for anyone who wants to know where I'm coming from.
It needs to be told so, maybe, things can get better. If more people understand, maybe the stigma against mental illness (especially in children) can be challenged. If more people understand, maybe it will be a little bit easier for other families to find help, resources, information, support.
It pisses me off that people work so hard to discredit someone, like me, for trying to put her story out there. Not only is it missing the point, it's undermining a desperately important struggle. It makes it that much more unlikely that others will have the courage to speak up, to connect. It makes it that much more likely that people who suffer from mental illness - and their families - will be scapegoated, stigmatized, and shut off from the help they need.
Which seems to me the very opposite of what we should be taking away from this tragedy.