Why stories are like babies and prom dresses, and when it's ok to ask someone to cut them to pieces
An author friend of mine recently posted (in private, so I won't say who) about a random internet stranger who asked her for writing advice and then got emo when she didn't like the critique she received.
Having just spent THREE DAYS critiquing stories for the people in my writing group, I feel compelled to say what the fuck.
Put more eloquently:
To ask a stranger for a writing critique is pretty ballsy, and I don't mean that in a good way. Really you are asking this person to sacrifice their time, time that could be spent taking care of their kids, having coffee with friends, dusting their knicknacks or, I don't know, working on their own creative projects, maybe? Basically, if you don't know someone well enough to ask them to come shopping with you for a prom dress, don't ask for writing help. It's incredibly presumptuous.
There are legit ways to get honest feedback of your work. Look for writing forums online. I used to run one here on livejournal, I'm sure there are some still functioning. If not, just googling "writer's forums" will give you some likely links. These are places where writers hang out to chat, compare notes, and even share work. If you don't like the idea of sharing your work with a buffet table of random internets people, just contribute to the various discussions and look for people you feel you can connect with. Build common ground and trust that way, and then approach the idea of a critique partnership. Offer to give some of what you're asking for.* Some of my best friendships came about this way.
If you really don't like the online thing, troll around your community for active writing groups. I'll bet you there are some. Check in schools, libraries, art centers, grocery store boards, etc. If there isn't a group, start one! Like, seriously, be proactive!
In any event, when you do find a legit partnership (or, if you're incredibly lucky and that successful person you approached over the internet is NICE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY TRY TO HELP YOU), then shut the fuck up and listen to what these people have to say.
You have to realize that critiquing is intensely personal. It's like taking someone's newborn child and itemizing their flaws. It hurts like hell, even when couched in the most constructive way possible (which, by the way, is really hard to do. How do you nicely and constructively tell someone that they suck? Hmm?) Don't ask someone to rip your babies to shreds unless you a) trust that their shredding is ultimately for the good and, more importantly, b) are prepared to have your baby eviscerated and dropped back into your lap.
As I always say, CUT THE BABIES. By this I mean, be prepared for carnage. No one is born a good writer. We work our bloody fingers off, damn it.
*On a related note, don't be the jerk that offers to read someone's work and then doesn't, or does it half-assed. If I put my baby in someone's hands, I damn well expect them to treat it with respect. If you're in a group, read your assignments and show up. If you're in a partnership, give more than you take. Even if you're just trying to be nice to your writer friend who's asking for support, don't say you will if you can't/won't. That's lame. Lame, lame, lame.
I might be a little bitter on this point, but it's ok, I'm done.
Having just spent THREE DAYS critiquing stories for the people in my writing group, I feel compelled to say what the fuck.
Put more eloquently:
To ask a stranger for a writing critique is pretty ballsy, and I don't mean that in a good way. Really you are asking this person to sacrifice their time, time that could be spent taking care of their kids, having coffee with friends, dusting their knicknacks or, I don't know, working on their own creative projects, maybe? Basically, if you don't know someone well enough to ask them to come shopping with you for a prom dress, don't ask for writing help. It's incredibly presumptuous.
There are legit ways to get honest feedback of your work. Look for writing forums online. I used to run one here on livejournal, I'm sure there are some still functioning. If not, just googling "writer's forums" will give you some likely links. These are places where writers hang out to chat, compare notes, and even share work. If you don't like the idea of sharing your work with a buffet table of random internets people, just contribute to the various discussions and look for people you feel you can connect with. Build common ground and trust that way, and then approach the idea of a critique partnership. Offer to give some of what you're asking for.* Some of my best friendships came about this way.
If you really don't like the online thing, troll around your community for active writing groups. I'll bet you there are some. Check in schools, libraries, art centers, grocery store boards, etc. If there isn't a group, start one! Like, seriously, be proactive!
In any event, when you do find a legit partnership (or, if you're incredibly lucky and that successful person you approached over the internet is NICE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY TRY TO HELP YOU), then shut the fuck up and listen to what these people have to say.
You have to realize that critiquing is intensely personal. It's like taking someone's newborn child and itemizing their flaws. It hurts like hell, even when couched in the most constructive way possible (which, by the way, is really hard to do. How do you nicely and constructively tell someone that they suck? Hmm?) Don't ask someone to rip your babies to shreds unless you a) trust that their shredding is ultimately for the good and, more importantly, b) are prepared to have your baby eviscerated and dropped back into your lap.
As I always say, CUT THE BABIES. By this I mean, be prepared for carnage. No one is born a good writer. We work our bloody fingers off, damn it.
*On a related note, don't be the jerk that offers to read someone's work and then doesn't, or does it half-assed. If I put my baby in someone's hands, I damn well expect them to treat it with respect. If you're in a group, read your assignments and show up. If you're in a partnership, give more than you take. Even if you're just trying to be nice to your writer friend who's asking for support, don't say you will if you can't/won't. That's lame. Lame, lame, lame.
I might be a little bitter on this point, but it's ok, I'm done.