tough love hurts
The Kinglet gets two (official) recess breaks during the school day, in which we play together, whatever he wants to play. Usually we play video games.
He's highly motivated by recess - I can use it for leverage to get him to finish tasks, or to hold on a few minutes longer for a lesson to be over.
Last week I decided to try using recess as leverage in nudging him to taking responsibility for his actions when he's angry. He rarely gets violent any more when he's mad, but he puts the blame on others (me) and says hateful things that hurt. So I warned him that if he did this kind of thing during the school day, he would lose my company for the next recess period.
I had to enforce it this morning. He forgot about the new rule over the weekend, lost his temper this morning, and spouted nastiness while I made him clean up his game in the family room.
I was sorely tempted to give him a pass - it's the first time. He was super nice all morning after the incident. Worst, he seemed so very sad when I sent him off to play video games by himself. It's heartbreaking.
But I'm sticking to my guns. The whole point is to hit home, to send a message strong enough that maybe he'll remember next time to make a better choice with his anger.
After all, in the real world, if you're mean to your friends, they're not likely to want to play with you.* Better he learn that now.
* Or, if they do, then they're setting themselves up for abusive relationships, and that's hardly the kind of person I want my child learning from.
He's highly motivated by recess - I can use it for leverage to get him to finish tasks, or to hold on a few minutes longer for a lesson to be over.
Last week I decided to try using recess as leverage in nudging him to taking responsibility for his actions when he's angry. He rarely gets violent any more when he's mad, but he puts the blame on others (me) and says hateful things that hurt. So I warned him that if he did this kind of thing during the school day, he would lose my company for the next recess period.
I had to enforce it this morning. He forgot about the new rule over the weekend, lost his temper this morning, and spouted nastiness while I made him clean up his game in the family room.
I was sorely tempted to give him a pass - it's the first time. He was super nice all morning after the incident. Worst, he seemed so very sad when I sent him off to play video games by himself. It's heartbreaking.
But I'm sticking to my guns. The whole point is to hit home, to send a message strong enough that maybe he'll remember next time to make a better choice with his anger.
After all, in the real world, if you're mean to your friends, they're not likely to want to play with you.* Better he learn that now.
* Or, if they do, then they're setting themselves up for abusive relationships, and that's hardly the kind of person I want my child learning from.