picture me - day eightteen - insecure me
Gas leak. Airplanes falling from the sky and landing on the roof. A ferry boat sinks.
I avoid the news. These things get stuck in my head, and come back to me at night. They steal my sleep.
Car accident. Young nurse killed on her way to the hospital. Young girl on a California highway somewhere - I used to tease her for feigning gloom. My car crushed like an accordion around me, lights and smoke and gasoline. I cannot look at a vehicle coming up in the rearview without a lurch in my heart.
But "natural" causes are worse. Stroke. Aneurysm. Deep vein thrombosis. The body is a traitor. A young mother goes to sleep with a headache and never wakes up. A friend realizes there's something odd about her broken leg, and if she hadn't been pushy enough to make a phone call... My brother went to work with what he thought was a stomach ache, but his heart was torn and they missed it. They missed it.
I don't know if you can rightly call it an insecurity. It's not a fear of death, per se, nor a phobia nor hypochondria. It is... an acute awareness of the fragility of life, paired with a desperate need to finish what I started.
The weird blips of pain in my legs, the headaches, the sudden blurry vision or aching\racing of my heart - the only thing that calms me is that this has been going on for several years now. If any one of these were a herald for sudden death, I would be dead by now.
That's what I tell myself, anyway.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.