What I did last night and this morning:
Or, why giving me dolls, a camera, lots of time, and a silly notion is a bad idea.
This is Ken Carson. He's lived with his girlfriend Barbie for almost 40 years.
This is Barbie Roberts (currently a fortune teller). She likes Ken well enough, but she's worried that he's just not good enough eye candy for an up and coming circus performer. So one day she called Ken into her office and said "I'm sorry Ken. It's just not working out. You're just not hip enough for the modern circus goer!"
"But Barbie," Ken cried, "we've been together for over 40 years (even though neither of us have aged)! You can't just put me out!"
"I can and I am," said Barbie. "Besides, I have a new, more attractive to my target audience beau!"
"His name is Blaine."
Blaine shuffled his feet and looks like he wanted to be anywhere but there. "Um. Hi."
Ken glared at Blaine and his perfect hair. "You can never replace me! I'm a key part of Barbie's image!"
"Oh no you're not!" said Barbie. "Out! Out! Blaine is my new image."
Ken left Barbie's palatial pink mansion and wandered around LA feeling sorry for himself. "What am I going to do without Barbie? I don't know who I am without her!" He stood along the side of the road, dejected.
Suddenly a woman he vaguely recognized from one of Barbie's parties drove by and pulled her corvette to the side of the road. "Hey sugar," she said, "need a ride?"
"I'd love one!" Ken grinned and got into the gorgeous supermodel's car. They drove to her palatial Italian villa and the model invited him in by the pool.
"I've always thought you were wasted on that poser Barbie," she said. "With abs like that you could be doing anything. Or anyone." She winked at him and opened her robe.
Ken was astonished! He'd never seen such a gorgeous woman before. He reached out and touched her breast. "You're so... silky," he said, amazed.
"I'm 100% silkstone, babe. You'll never meet someone better." She dragged Ken off to her open air bedroom and showed him things she could do with her tongue that Barbie definitely couldn't.
Later that afternoon she said "It's been fun honey, but I have to go to a shoot, and I expect you have other places to go. Go learn to be someone without Barbie, you're worth more than that bimbo."
Ken nodded wordlessly and watched as she walked naked to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. As he hunted for his clothes, he decided what he was going to do. He was going to travel the world and try and find himself.
First he went to India, because it seemed the place to go. There were gurus in India, right? But all he found was the Taj Mahal and a gorgeous stranger in a sari. He left her sleeping naked in a courtyard, and hopped a plane to Cambodia
He couldn't find himself in Cambodia either, though he did find some beautiful temples - not to mention the lovely dancer in the headdress. But he left her lying in a bed bathed with sunlight when he heard gunfire outside, and hopped a plane to Japan.
He didn't find much at all in Japan, other than a lot of people and some very strange television commercials. There was the geisha, but she refused to sleep with him. He had quite liked the tea, though. So, having hit the edge of Asia, he spun a globe, closed his eyes, and pointed. The next morning, he was on a plane to South Africa.
He couldn't find himself in South Africa, either. He did find a stunning local with some charming body jewelry who he courted for a bit, but eventually he wandered back to Johannesburg and sat in his hotel room looking out over the city. "I haven't found myself anywhere! Who am I? Am I anyone without Barbie?" He sighed and watched the sun set, and then walked into his bathroom where he fell through a magical portal.
"Hi, welcome to Fairytopia!" a blue woman with wings said cheerfully as Ken tried to get his bearings. "I'm Sparkle Fairy! I'm here to help people who are having an existential crisis!"
"Really? How do you do that?" Ken was intrigued - and not just by her sparkly naked chest.
"I know everything about you, Ken! I've been watching you since you were born. I know how badly Barbie's treated you over the years, and I'm going to tell you everything you've ever done on your own to be proud of! But first, the oral sex."
Ken blinked, and followed her into a large tree. "Okay!"
After the oral sex (and the spanking which followed it), Sparkle Fairy sat Ken down and showed him a slideshow of everything he'd ever done on his own to be proud of. It was depressingly short, but Ken said "Yes! I have done all of those things! I am Ken!"
"Yes!" Sparkle Fairy cheered and her wings fluttered. "You're Ken, and you will always be Ken! Now, go back to LA and be your own man. ...after the oral sex."
And so Ken went back to LA and bought a small condo by the beach. He got a few modeling jobs using the old connections he'd forged with Barbie, and was generally cheerful, if a bit lonely. One day, he ran into Midge in the grocery store.
"Midge! It's been ages. Pregnant again?"
"Ken, it's great to see you! And, yes," she giggled, "Alan and I just can't get enough of the little ones."
"Give Alan and the kids my love," Ken said. "How is everyone?"
"Oh, they're doing well," she paused. "Barbie misses you."
"She has Blaine," Ken scoffed. "She doesn't need me."
"She really does! She told me last Friday when we went out to lunch. You should go and see her, I think she'd really like it."
Ken frowned. "Do you really think so? I've got a whole new life built up, and I don't want to ruin it."
"Don't worry so much, Ken! It'll all be all right. And Alan and I miss you so much our Saturday dinners."
"Oh... all right."
And so Ken called Barbie and asked her if she'd like to get together for dinner, just for old times sake.
"I'm not sure if that would be right for my image, Ken. But sure! Why not. Why don't you come to dinner on Monday?"
Monday came, and Ken drove his motorbike over to Barbie's palatial pink mansion. "Wow, nothing here ever changes," he sighed. He walked in to the house and saw Barbie and Blaine standing in the living room and then suddenly everything he'd worked for over the past year was gone. He had to have Barbie back. He was nothing without her.
He fell to his knees. "Please Barbie, you have to take me back! I'll do anything!"
"Oh, Ken," Barbie (who was now a rock star) said, "I couldn't possibly! Blaine has been fantastic for my image as I've risen in the highly competitive music industry!"
"But Barbie! Everyone knows rock stars are never faithful to one man!" Ken was desperate, and he barely notice Blaine start and look anxious in the corner.
"Hmm," Barbie pondered. "You know, you may have a point. Blaine!"
"Yes, Barbie?" Blaine's voice was quiet, and he was obviously nervous.
"Out! Ken's coming back, it's time for a revisit to an old look! The fans will eat it up!"
Blaine sniffled and fell to the ground crying. Ken blinked at him. He was a very pretty man, and his hair was still perfect, so why was he so sad? He had to have known it couldn't last. Ken shrugged, and turned around to embrace Barbie. Everything was right again.
Weeks passed, and as Barbie worked Ken back into her image, he began to wonder why he'd ever wanted her back in the first place. She did nothing but bark orders at him, and set him up with people to change more things about him and mold him into the perfect arm candy.
He took this without complaint before, but he was a new man now. He was Ken. He wasn't Barbie's boyfriend anymore, he was Ken.
On day, as he took Kelly to the park (and where did Kelly come from anyway? Barbie claimed she was her sister, but he'd never met Barbie's parents. And what had ever happened to poor Skipper?), he pondered what to do. He liked his job. He loved Kelly and being her surrogate father, and he loved taking care of Barbie's stable of horses and fifteen dogs. But this just wasn't him anymore.
Sure, he was nostalgic for the old days, but the old days were gone. He pushed Kelly on the swing, as she came back down giggling "Kenny!", he made his decision.
He put Kelly to bed in her playhouse/bedroom, and went down to Barbie's office where she was busy planning out her next lifestyle change.
"I'm a flapper! It's really retro, and I'm going to start a trend! What do you think, Ken?"
"...it's very purple. I can't do this anymore, Barbie."
"Do what? Oh, do you think the fans won't like the purple?" She frowned.
"...no, the purple is fine. I can't be your arm candy anymore."
Barbie blinked at him. "...but that's all you're good at! You're good at being pretty and blending with my image!"
"I'm more than that, Barbie! I'm my own man, and I can't just stand behind you anymore!"
"But I've always supported you! I even kept you around when you looked like this!" She held up a picture.
Ken blinked. "It was the early 90s, Barbie. Everyone looked like that."
"Oh. Yeah." Barbie frowned. "But you're crucial to the new flapper campaign! I have your outfit all picked out!"
"No, Barbie! I'm gone. And you know what? You look horrid without your make-up on."
Barbie gasped. "I... I don't need you anyway! And I don't need this flapper campaign either!
"I'll be a hippie instead! And Kayla will help my image and we'll practice our secret spells together!"
Ken sat down and grinned. "Barbie, you've done secret spells already, and I know how much you hate repeating yourself without at least five years since the last time."
"But, but... get out! And don't come back!
Ken got halfway to the door when he ran into Kelly. "What are you doing out of bed, sweetie?"
"I want to go with you, Kenny! You like me best, and you don't force me into new clothes every day!" Kelly clung to his legs.
"Kel, I don't think Barbie will like that. She's your sister!" Ken picked her up and swung her around a bit.
"Barbie won't notice. I'm just a doll to her!" Kelly sniffled.
Ken frowned, turned his head, and called back to Barbie's office. "Barbie! I'm taking Kelly!"
"Yeah, sure, whatever! Kayla, find me something to protest!" Ken heard echoing down the hallway.
"Right," he smiled. "Would you like to go see the boat?'
"Yay! I love you Kenny."
Ken pulled into the marina lot just before sunrise and parked by his slot. He picked up Kelly and wandered down to the boat where, to his shock, Blaine was sitting.
"Blaine! What are you doing here? This is my boat!"
"I... I... Barbie gave me a key and I didn't have anywhere else to go! Please don't make me leave?"
Ken blinked. "You've been living on my little sailboat for two months? Don't you have anywhere to go or anyone to stay with?"
Blaine hung his head. "I can't remember anything before Barbie. It was like I was born just to be her boyfriend. I can't even remember my mother!" Blaine sniffled.
Ken put his hand on Blaine's shoulder. "It's like that for all of us, Blaine. Skipper once told me her theory that Barbie grew us in vats in the basement of the mansion. She said she had proof and was going to show it to me the next day, but then Skipper suddenly disappeared."
Blaine's mouth fell open. "You... you think she made us?"
"It would explain why none of us can remember our childhoods. And why poor Kelly here has been five for over ten years. And none of us know what happened to Skipper or Stacie, Barbie's other 'sisters'. Not to mention Tutti and Todd. They just all... disappeared, one day. We try not to think about it."
Blaine opened his mouth, closed it, and picked up Kelly and held her tightly.
"Anyway! That's enough of that, Blaine. I was planning on taking Kelly out for a trip on the water today. Why don't you join us? We can try and find you a more permanent place to stay this evening," Ken smiled.
"Really? Thank you!" Blaine bounced up and down and reached out to shake Ken's hand.
They motored out to sea and watched the sun rise, and sat down to have a little breakfast.
"This is really good, Kenny!" Kelly ran about the boat, eating her bacon.
"It really is," Blaine said shyly, smiling at Ken.
"Thank you," Ken smiled back. "Kelly! Stop running around! You'll fall off!"
Kelly stopped. "But I like running!"
"If you keep running, I won't let you go swimming later," Ken warned. Kelly sat down and pouted at him.
"Ken?"
"Yes, Blaine?"
"I... I really like you. A lot. You've been so nice to me. No one's ever been nice to me before. And you have such pretty hair." Blaine ducked his head down and seemed embarrassed.
"I like you too, Blaine. It's great to actually have another male around for a change," Ken grinned, stopped, and turned to look at Blaine speculatively. "Have you ever been with anyone other than Barbie?"
"B-been with?" Blaine opened his eyes wide and shook his head. "No, there's been no one other than Barbie."
Ken grinned. "Kelly! How would you like to go spend the rest of the morning with Dancing Fire?"
"Ooh, can I? Please, please, please?" Kelly jumped up and clapped her hands.
"You definitely can!" Ken dug a lighter out from underneath the seat, lit it, and said a few words. Within moments, Dancing Fire appeared.
"Ken! Good to see you again. What do you need?" Dancing Fire asked cheerfully.
"I was just wondering if you could do a little baby-sitting for me. I promise I'll pay you back."
Dancing Fire looked and Ken and then over at Blaine and winked at him. "Sure. I'm always willing to play with Kelly for a few hours. When you do want her back?"
"After lunch would be great, DF. I owe you one."
"Anytime, hon." Dancing Fire picked up a giggling Kelly and they winked out of sight.
"What... what did you do that for?"
"I have some things I'd like to show you, Blaine. Do you want to play?" Ken stood up and held out his hand.
Blaine took it. "I... okay." He smiled shyly.
Ken quickly dropped the anchor, without letting go of Blaine's hand, and led him down into the cabin. He pushed Blaine against the wall and kissed him. Blaine blushed and wrapped his arms around Ken. "Have you ever done this before?" he asked.
"Oh, yes. There was this wonderful guy named Joe that I met in the 60s right before he shipped off to Vietnam. That was a wonderful week," Ken smiled in remembrance. "Not to mention that I spent a period in the early 90s wearing a cock ring around my neck and Barbie never even noticed."
"...really? Wow, that's amazing." Blaine brushed his fingers across Ken's cheek. "Can I... can I take off your shirt?"
"Of course you can. Are you going to let me return the favour?"
Blaine blushed and nodded.
(Then, there was much griping about Blaine's shirt. "Who makes shirts that you can only take off by pulling your arms out and then pulling them down over your feet anyway?"
"Barbie gave it to me," Blaine said as he struggled with his top.
"Of course she did," Ken sighed. "I hate her fashion designers.")
Ken nuzzled Blaine's naked chest. "You smell so good, Blaine. Like fresh plastic." Ken licked Blaine's chest (because Blaine had no nipples) and Blaine gasped.
Ken kneeled down and began to pull down Blaine's shorts. "You're going to love this, Blaine. This gorgeous supermodel taught me a few tricks last year and I'm going to pass that knowledge on to you." Ken grasped Blaine's InvisiCock in his hands and wrapped his lips around it. It was thick and meaty (and invisible), and it smelled just like the same fresh plastic that was the rest of Blaine.
Blaine shouted and thrust his hands into Ken's hair. "Oh... oh my God. Ruth H. Baker! That's... That's... oh God, don't stop."
Ken pulled his lips off Blaine's glistening InvisiCock (there was just a faint outline of wetness), and said "I'm going to have to, but don't worry, you'll like this next part even better." Ken pulled off his shorts. "You're going to fuck me."
"I... I am?" Blaine gasped, and the glistening outline of saliva near his groin seemed to jump higher.
"You bet you are," Ken grinned at him. "Did Barbie ever let you fuck her up the ass? She likes that."
"Just... just once," Blaine flushed, staring at Ken's groin.
"Then you even already know what to do. Come on - there's lube in the bedroom." Ken pulled Blaine back to the v-berth, and knelt on the bed. "The lube is on the shelf."
Blaine fumbled for the tube and slicked his fingers and his cock, making it shine even more. "Do you... do you need preparation?"
"Nah. No three finger salute for me. Just fuck me, Blaine." Blaine thrust his InvisiCock into Ken's ass, making Ken gasp. "Oh yes, that's it. Do it harder, Blaine! Melt my ass!"
"You're... you're so plastically rigid," Blaine sighed in bliss. "I... I want to see your face!"
Blaine pulled out and Ken rolled over, throwing his legs around Blaine's shoulders. "Fuck me, Blaine. Fuck me hard. I haven't had an InvisiCock is so long!"
Blaine thrust back in, and within moments, he came. He reached his hand down to jerk off Ken's Invisicock, and watching it shoot out of seemingly nothing, covering them both. Blaine pulled out, and rolled over.
"I... I love you, Ken," Blaine sighed.
Ken reached over and brushed his hair, saying nothing, and then leaned over to kiss him. "Shh. Let's leave the declarations for another day. Time to sleep."
Then they slept for a long time, and then they woke up and Blaine quick gave Ken a blowjob before Dancing Fire brought Kelly back.
The end.
Next time: Ken, Blaine, and Kelly go to the mountains! While Kelly is at ski school, Ken and Blaine enjoy the hot tub at their chalet. Then, they fight Barbie in a massive legal battle for custody of Kelly, and the author tries to talk her mother into sending her her old Kevin doll so that Ken and Blaine can have a threesome.
...disturbingly, at over 3000 words, this is the longest "fic" I've ever written (...and is also the first time I've attempted anything close to graphic sex, which probably shows). This is possibly a bad sign.