In a peacoat, not coated in peas.
We've been on a bit of a Hannibal kick lately, prompted by both the new season's starting and our discovering (on our anniversary, no less) that Silence of the Lambs is now on Netflix Instant. So we'd seen many things, but we hadn't yet seen ... Hannibal Rising.
Buckle in, kiddies.
[18:26:02] ladysisyphus: I made tuna helper!
[18:26:07] ladysisyphus: And now we're going to watch Hannibal Rising.
[18:26:09] ladysisyphus: Because why not.
[18:26:17] relvetica: yikes
[18:26:37] ladysisyphus: I apparently torrented the /unrated/ version.
[18:29:27] ladysisyphus: At least tiny_Hannibal is a beautiful boy.
[18:29:37] ladysisyphus: Oh, he reminds me of one of the tiny Winter is Coming children.
[18:29:41] relvetica: I would hardly expect less
[18:29:46] ladysisyphus: Bran Flakes
[18:29:48] ladysisyphus: Brad Pitt
[18:29:51] ladysisyphus: whatever his name is
[18:30:01] ladysisyphus: Sharon, Lois, and Bram
[18:30:15] relvetica: Jeff!
[18:30:29] ladysisyphus: That's it!
[18:35:22] ladysisyphus: I feel comfortable already saying that this is not a very good movie.
[18:35:43] ladysisyphus: Though a Nazi did just get blown up in a tank when a British plane crashed into it.
[18:35:51] relvetica: hmm
[18:37:02] ladysisyphus: Tiny children and HORRORS OF WAR
[18:37:13] relvetica: :9
[18:39:29] ladysisyphus: Now Nazis are being mean to other Nazis.
[18:39:36] beeblebabe: :(
[18:40:51] ladysisyphus: Now Nazis are being mean to tiny_Hannibal.
[18:41:47] ladysisyphus: Nazis are mean, guys!
[18:44:37] drmoonpants: they are burning family photo albums and eating birds in slow motion
[18:44:49] ladysisyphus: so mean!
[18:44:57] ladysisyphus: nazisaremean dot tumblr dot com
[18:44:59] drmoonpants: oh now they're going to eat children
[18:45:09] relvetica: :T
[18:45:22] drmoonpants: there was an 8 YEARS LATER title card so I guess Hannibal got eaten
[18:45:34] relvetica: I don't think TV's Hannibal can claim nazis for his backstory
[18:45:36] ladysisyphus: Abrupt end to a promising fiction series.
[18:45:42] drmoonpants: yeah, that's... trickier
[18:46:15] relvetica: everyone is shocked by how young he looks, forgets he eats people
[18:46:25] ladysisyphus: Little sister eaten by potheads in Amsterdam.
[18:46:36] drmoonpants: it started with a title card that said LECTER CASTLE - LITHUANIA and I just started cracking up so hard
[18:46:39] relvetica: it happens
[18:46:44] relvetica: oh god
[18:46:52] drmoonpants: there was no roll of thunder and lightning bolt, so disappointing
[18:47:51] drmoonpants: oh now teen Hannibal is in a Stalin orphanage
[18:48:08] drmoonpants: and wearing off the shoulder shirts
[18:48:13] drmoonpants: and hiding sickles on his person, somehow
[18:48:15] relvetica: !
[18:48:25] ladysisyphus: In his sickle sac!
[18:48:30] drmoonpants: :/
[18:48:37] ladysisyphus: Which people with sickle cell anemia do not have.
[18:48:48] ladysisyphus: He has a very pretty neck.
[18:48:51] relvetica: :\
[18:48:54] drmoonpants: he's in orphanage jail now with his sickle, does that make it a sickle cell
[18:48:59] ladysisyphus: yes
[18:49:01] drmoonpants: yeah, he's a very cute teen Hannibal
[18:49:28] drmoonpants: I'm glad my wife laughed at my terrible sickle cell joke
[18:50:05] drmoonpants: oh now he's gonna homoerotically murder the head boy with his sickle
[18:50:07] ladysisyphus: Grudgingly.
[18:50:11] drmoonpants: and a bear trap!
[18:50:17] ladysisyphus: No, just the trap.
[18:50:20] ladysisyphus: No homoeroticism here.
[18:50:24] drmoonpants: oh he escaped from orphanage
[18:50:29] ladysisyphus: And ... was that the word SING written in the dirt?
[18:50:35] drmoonpants: yeah
[18:50:42] drmoonpants: the weirdest thing about it is he wrote it in English!
[18:51:18] ladysisyphus: I'm glad we're all polymaths here in our Stalin orphanage.
[18:51:19] drmoonpants: teen hannibal border run
[18:51:46] relvetica: are they speaking German or Russian
[18:51:59] drmoonpants: everyone is speaking ENGLISH, Arielle, OBVIOUSLY
[18:52:02] drmoonpants: this is a MOVIE
[18:52:13] relvetica: well, I think that answers your question
[18:52:26] ladysisyphus: Other signs earlier were written in Russian, though.
[18:52:43] drmoonpants: teen hannibal is a pretentious little fuck
[18:52:43] ladysisyphus: I mean, I'm not expecting consistancy, I'm just saying.
[18:52:45] drmoonpants: surprise of the year, I guess
[18:52:50] ladysisyphus: So sad, so peacoated.
[18:52:57] ladysisyphus: ...In a peacoat, not coated in peas.
[18:53:03] drmoonpants: lol, shit
[18:53:06] ladysisyphus: He hasn't reached that stage of psychosexual development yet.
[18:53:16] relvetica: Hannibal will fail to speak German, Russian, French, AND Japanese
[18:53:20] drmoonpants: well, those Russian vagabands DID want to eat him
[18:53:28] drmoonpants: I guess, you know, you want a side dish
[18:53:42] ladysisyphus: I like my Hannibal like I like mo coffee ..... covered in peas!
[18:54:02] relvetica: ewww
[18:54:16] drmoonpants: now Hannibal has a pretty Asian lady to feed him?
[18:54:22] drmoonpants: I'm not sure what happened there
[18:54:55] ladysisyphus: Oh, it's okay, she doesn't speak Japanese, she speaks mumblewhisper.
[18:55:16] drmoonpants: she is an asian woman in a movie so she has to speak in a whisssspeerrr
[18:56:03] drmoonpants: guys! this movie isn't good! it's SURPRISING
[18:56:33] ladysisyphus: I literally can't understand what she's saying over the noise of our fan, and I suspect it kind of improves the movie.
[18:56:58] relvetica: wow
[18:57:30] drmoonpants: he cut his thumb because he remembered his sister being eaten by Russian bums and now she's sewing it up while he stares at her chest
[18:57:34] drmoonpants: that seems realistic, I guess
[18:57:56] drmoonpants: I feel cheated, where was Teen Hannibal: Voice Changing
[18:58:02] drmoonpants: Teen Hannibal: Hair In Unexpected Places
[18:58:04] relvetica: I know from the wikipedia that she's somehow his aunt
[18:58:14] drmoonpants: huh
[18:58:33] drmoonpants: well, he's pretty into his aunt
[18:58:36] beeblebabe: He did mention that in the first episode of this season!
[18:58:38] beeblebabe: a japanese aunt
[18:58:43] relvetica: yeah, he's into her
[18:58:49] ladysisyphus: Oh, that's right, he did!
[18:59:03] beeblebabe: I'm behind on hannibals
[18:59:14] drmoonpants: ohhhh
[18:59:43] drmoonpants: oh, good, she has ancient scrolls of samurai decapitations
[18:59:47] drmoonpants: how else will a young man learn
[19:00:15] drmoonpants: now he's learning kendo because of course he is
[19:00:18] ladysisyphus: yeah, whack him with a stick
[19:00:38] relvetica: you can't be a real badass post-1990 unless you kill people with a katana
[19:00:49] drmoonpants: it's illegal!
[19:01:01] ladysisyphus: Like a dead person writing a letter.
[19:01:02] relvetica: Hannibal wants to be in compliance
[19:01:22] relvetica: maybe I will watch this Mikkelsen film on netflix about pedos
[19:01:38] drmoonpants: he has to get licensed somehow!
[19:01:58] drmoonpants: now he and his aunt murdered a creeper at the open-air market
[19:02:16] relvetica: it doesn't actually look very interesting but I would enjoy listening to him speak Danish
[19:02:17] drmoonpants: okay, I GUESS they just beat him up
[19:02:41] drmoonpants: it would be interesting to see him be human
[19:03:08] relvetica: he is a teacher unjustly accused of being pedo! so says the blurb
[19:03:22] ladysisyphus: I've watched that interview with him and Stellan Skaarsgard tons of times because he's so cute!
[19:03:43] beeblebabe: That gay danish movie he's in is cute.
[19:03:46] relvetica: Danish is weird to listen to
[19:04:23] relvetica: it sounds like the Sims
[19:04:36] drmoonpants: are you fucking kidding me, movie
[19:05:28] drmoonpants: http://cdn.wegotthiscovered.com/wp-content/uploads/HannibalRising-21.jpg COME ON
[19:05:41] relvetica: pfffft
[19:05:49] relvetica: well, Mads is a lovely schoolteacher
[19:05:55] drmoonpants: :3
[19:05:58] ladysisyphus: Now I can't understand anything teenibal says.
[19:06:08] relvetica: why is he wearing that
[19:06:14] ladysisyphus: He's turning Japanese.
[19:06:42] drmoonpants: he found it in his aunt's room
[19:06:45] relvetica: how many cultures can we appropriate with a single character
[19:07:15] drmoonpants: well, he is now cutting up the creeper with a katana at length and showing him a drawing of him with his head cut off before killing him
[19:07:23] drmoonpants: so... is that an answer? I don't know
[19:07:28] relvetica: I would dig it if they were speaking French, I would actually watch that
[19:07:31] drmoonpants: now he has a fish
[19:07:56] drmoonpants: of course I am trying to deliberately narrate this as surreally as possible but it really does not need it
[19:08:54] ladysisyphus: Oh no, and now there's fake French Sherlock Holmes played by the main cop from the Wire!
[19:09:11] ladysisyphus: He's gonna /detect/ some shit.
[19:09:18] relvetica: Mads is wearing glasses, you guys
[19:09:22] ladysisyphus: <3_<3
[19:09:28] drmoonpants: oh myyyyy
[19:09:40] ladysisyphus: I always forget that actor is one of those Surprise, Actually British actors.
[19:09:45] relvetica: and is being tacked by a MILLION CHILDREN
[19:09:48] ladysisyphus: :D
[19:09:51] drmoonpants: eeee
[19:09:59] ladysisyphus: Sounds like you made a better viewing choice.
[19:10:17] relvetica: he is very charming and Danish
[19:11:05] ladysisyphus: They might as well be speaking Danish here.
[19:11:15] drmoonpants: aww, teen hannibal gave the creeper head to Sexual Fetish And Cultural Appropriation Delivery Device Aunt
[19:11:16] ladysisyphus: mumble mumble mumble
[19:11:24] drmoonpants: and then polished his sword at her in a penis way
[19:11:25] beeblebabe: muraki???
[19:11:31] ladysisyphus: XD
[19:11:35] drmoonpants: oh, a little
[19:11:50] drmoonpants: I /was/ thinking earlier 'this is gonna be like that Penis comic I guess'
[19:12:06] drmoonpants: 'cause I had a traumatic childhood! : D
[19:12:12] relvetica: XD
[19:13:58] drmoonpants: I think teen Hannibal has a bigger nose than Anthony Hopkins does
[19:14:08] drmoonpants: fellas, I got to tell you, that is the opposite of how noses work over a lifetime
[19:14:27] drmoonpants: by the time men pass age 40 they are about 60% nose
[19:14:43] relvetica: hmm, yes
[19:15:46] drmoonpants: that head is getting a lot of travel
[19:15:59] drmoonpants: ASIAN FETISH AUNT HAS A MOTORCYCLE???
[19:16:01] drmoonpants: COME ON
[19:16:17] relvetica: wowww
[19:16:24] relvetica: this is some good fanfiction
[19:16:51] drmoonpants: it totally has no idea what time period it should be pulling clothes from, too
[19:16:52] ladysisyphus: It's some fanfiction, definitely.
[19:17:00] ladysisyphus: Not going to call the 'good' part.
[19:17:05] relvetica: I hope the motorcycle is canon in the TV show, too
[19:17:21] drmoonpants: like :-S ??? thingy hat blouse sweater idk
[19:17:35] drmoonpants: oh, now teen Hannibal is a doctor
[19:17:36] relvetica: VESTS, DAMN YOU
[19:17:38] ladysisyphus: Wait, is Hannibal narrating now?
[19:17:45] ladysisyphus: Open-shirted and narrating.
[19:18:02] relvetica: this just sounds like a long, weird dream
[19:18:07] drmoonpants: I do not know how he got there from being questioned by the police
[19:18:17] ladysisyphus: Because of the head!
[19:18:21] ladysisyphus: The traveling Nazi head.
[19:18:25] drmoonpants: heads make you a doctor?
[19:18:29] drmoonpants: what do tails do
[19:18:36] ladysisyphus: Oh, they're good in a stew.
[19:18:45] drmoonpants: oh, now the costumers are like PUT SOME FUR ON HER I GUESS
[19:18:58] relvetica: has he eaten anyone yet??
[19:18:59] drmoonpants: MAKE SURE THE BOY'S CLOTHES ARE TOO BAGGY
[19:19:03] ladysisyphus: NO
[19:19:06] relvetica: UGH
[19:19:10] ladysisyphus: I am so disappointed.
[19:19:20] drmoonpants: at least Asian fetish aunt is going away
[19:19:24] drmoonpants: I guess
[19:19:40] drmoonpants: that was like a two-second scene 'I want to stay here with you!' 'No you must mumbblbjslfsfmbumble.'
[19:19:41] relvetica: this is a lot to absorb
[19:20:39] ladysisyphus: Oh, just plant some heroin on the kid and be done with it, McNulty
[19:20:40] drmoonpants: now he might be stealing executed Nazi war criminals' bodies for medical school??
[19:21:01] relvetica: EAT THEM
[19:21:14] drmoonpants: I hope so1
[19:21:18] ladysisyphus: Now the criminal is confessing! ... though I don't think a completely mumbled confession is admissable in court.
[19:21:23] relvetica: WHAT FRANCHISE DO YOU THINK THIS IS
[19:21:55] drmoonpants: he put a crucifix homoerotically in the guy's mouth before he went to be executed
[19:22:05] drmoonpants: what does THAT do to the meat
[19:22:27] drmoonpants: there was some sort of explanation for that but it was mubmbmlblemumble and I don't care
[19:22:38] drmoonpants: oh he has a shrine to his eaten sister
[19:22:42] ladysisyphus: Then they chopped his head off.
[19:22:46] relvetica: sure
[19:22:47] ladysisyphus: Wait, he's going to roofie ... himself?
[19:22:52] relvetica: sure
[19:23:05] drmoonpants: he also has a futon and a bamboo wall scroll
[19:23:09] drmoonpants: fuck you, kid
[19:23:18] ladysisyphus: At least his shirt is open.
[19:23:21] drmoonpants: well, at least he opened his --
[19:23:33] ladysisyphus: That chest don't mumble.
[19:23:41] relvetica: http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/the-hunt-mads-mikkelsen-thomas-bo-larsen.jpg
[19:23:45] drmoonpants: hips don't lie, chests don't mumble
[19:23:58] beeblebabe: oh, I want to hug megane mads
[19:24:00] drmoonpants: ahhhh, that's better
[19:24:02] ladysisyphus: awwwwwwwwwwwww
[19:24:11] ladysisyphus: I want to hug him too!
[19:24:12] relvetica: I am actually not getting into this movie at all, I just want to present a counterpoint
[19:24:34] relvetica: I can see where it's going
[19:24:48] ladysisyphus: It's much better to look at than these strange blue-tinted flashbacks.
[19:25:06] drmoonpants: did he take roofies to have flashbacks?
[19:25:10] ladysisyphus: He did!
[19:25:18] drmoonpants: I guess the Russian bums blew up before they could eat his sister
[19:25:19] ladysisyphus: It was sodium pentathol, or however you spell it.
[19:25:38] ladysisyphus: I only know I spell it wrong because the crossword a few months ago required me to spell it right, and woo, that didn't happen.
[19:25:42] relvetica: I don't... think... that's how it works??
[19:25:49] ladysisyphus: HE IS A DOCTOR
[19:25:56] relvetica: I don't think that's how it works
[19:26:24] drmoonpants: I don't know why he's on a train now
[19:26:36] drmoonpants: wait he's going to Russia
[19:26:36] ladysisyphus: never thought he'd be on a train
[19:26:47] drmoonpants: you don't need to go to Russia, dude, nobody ate your sister
[19:26:53] drmoonpants: like my grandfather always told me
[19:27:06] ladysisyphus: Ah, that old chestnut.
[19:27:52] drmoonpants: wait, NOW is someone speaking German?
[19:27:57] drmoonpants: now that we're in Russia?
[19:28:14] relvetica: one of the books somewhere says he found her baby teeth in a latrine, which I remember because it bothers me
[19:28:23] relvetica: why would they eat her teeth
[19:28:26] ladysisyphus: Yeah, never forgot that bit.
[19:28:33] drmoonpants: teeth aren't even GOOD
[19:28:43] ladysisyphus: Maybe she just ... molted.
[19:28:52] ladysisyphus: And is living happily somewhere in the Ukraine.
[19:29:05] drmoonpants: maybe that dude just really likes swallowinig baby teeth
[19:29:08] drmoonpants: people have fetishes
[19:29:16] ladysisyphus: PIG IN THE COTTAGE
[19:29:19] ladysisyphus: THIS IS NOT A DRILL
[19:29:40] ladysisyphus: Yes, let's go to a part of the world with no electricity and examine a creepy cottage in the middle of the night.
[19:29:48] ladysisyphus: Did I mention this man is supposed to be a genius?
[19:29:57] relvetica: pig-in-a-cottage uses full size hot dogs
[19:30:17] beeblebabe: : D
[19:30:22] ladysisyphus: And a whole roll of biscuit dough.
[19:30:29] ladysisyphus: (the hot dogs are people)
[19:30:33] ladysisyphus: (the biscuits are people too)
[19:30:47] relvetica: ._.
[19:30:48] drmoonpants: man now I want a pig in a cottage
[19:32:38] relvetica: I don't
[19:32:41] relvetica: /anymore/
[19:32:51] drmoonpants: oh, he found one of the bums! is he gonna eat the bum
[19:32:59] drmoonpants: ...did he just put mayonnaise on the rope around the bum
[19:33:06] drmoonpants: that doesn't... that won't help
[19:33:37] drmoonpants: maybe they didn't blow up? I don't know what happened
[19:33:43] relvetica: Hannibal does /not/ eat mayonnaise
[19:34:32] drmoonpants: he just commented on the bum's sandwich having mayonnaise and then i think rubbed the sandwich on the rope?
[19:34:48] drmoonpants: did they even have mayonnaise in Russia in the 60s?
[19:34:54] drmoonpants: maybe he didn't say mayonnaise
[19:35:03] relvetica: cool whip
[19:35:07] drmoonpants: I'm not drunk but I feel like I am
[19:35:19] relvetica: roofies, man
[19:35:48] drmoonpants: now he's angrily singing while he strangles a bum
[19:36:02] drmoonpants: like you do
[19:36:14] drmoonpants: lick the blood off your glvoe LICK IT LICK IT YESSSDSSSS
[19:36:27] drmoonpants: THERRRRE IT IS
[19:36:44] relvetica: :3
[19:37:28] drmoonpants: he stole the dude's cheeks and left a screw in the fire
[19:37:33] drmoonpants: oh wait it was a mushroom
[19:37:44] drmoonpants: I know because the policeman explained what dish he must have made with mushrooms and cheeks
[19:37:48] ladysisyphus: And from that the Russian cop concluded that the dead guy was good eats!
[19:37:57] drmoonpants: I cannot stop laughing
[19:38:31] ladysisyphus: Oh, now Asian Fetish Aunt wants smoochies.
[19:38:44] ladysisyphus: Or to take his jewelry, I'm not sure.
[19:38:56] drmoonpants: Asian Fetish Aunt, maybe if you didn't whisper everything into your nephew's ear so much he wouldn't want to bang you
[19:39:04] drmoonpants: like you haven't heard THAT from a librarian before
[19:39:24] drmoonpants: I guess we're back in France now
[19:39:25] ladysisyphus: Oh, he's off to the great city of mumble-les-mumbles.
[19:39:37] drmoonpants: where else would they have a cafe with birds
[19:40:19] ladysisyphus: You know, I thought teenibal was much more attractive before he started talking.
[19:41:11] drmoonpants: yeah, he was cuter before he started singing creepily to little girls
[19:42:17] ladysisyphus: Oh, I didn't recognize Head Nazi Bum Other Lead Actor From Rome.
[19:42:23] ladysisyphus: Until he was de-bummed.
[19:42:38] drmoonpants: I think now there are arms dealers
[19:42:46] ladysisyphus: I mean, he still has his butt, but there's no guarantees in this movie.
[19:42:48] drmoonpants: ...as in weapons, not the kind Hannibal would like
[19:42:56] ladysisyphus: I bet you can make some great dishes with butt.
[19:43:04] drmoonpants: this ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
[19:43:11] relvetica: >:T
[19:43:18] ladysisyphus: arms on the floor, floppin' around toward the finish line
[19:43:18] relvetica: settle down over there
[19:43:45] drmoonpants: one of the Russian bums looks like a tall Peter Dinklage and it's wigging me out
[19:44:29] drmoonpants: oh I guess they're slavers too
[19:44:40] ladysisyphus: Dealing in arms and other attached parts.
[19:44:56] drmoonpants: and I guess they know teenibal is after them now
[19:45:21] drmoonpants: YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE SPY CAMERA PICTURES OF HIM, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
[19:45:25] drmoonpants: WHY IS THERE A VICAR
[19:45:30] beeblebabe: I'm loving this, guys
[19:45:33] ladysisyphus: There wasn't even a lawn!
[19:45:45] relvetica: this is the best way to watch this movie
[19:46:09] ladysisyphus: 'Have you ever seen this man?' [blurry picture of Andy Warhol]
[19:46:15] ladysisyphus: Oh, wait, no, that's a severed head.
[19:46:18] drmoonpants: WHY CAN'T ASIAN FETISH AUNT EVER PUT ON SOMETHING THAT'S NOT A ROBE
[19:46:21] ladysisyphus: It looked like Andy Warhol, okay?
[19:46:26] ladysisyphus: She put on her motorcycling gear!
[19:46:32] ladysisyphus: DON'T TOUCH THE SWORD, MCNULTY
[19:46:33] beeblebabe: well, you know, if you had the option in life to just wear a robe
[19:46:34] drmoonpants: she probably had a robe on under it
[19:46:48] drmoonpants: takes off the helmet, shakes out her hair, a robe falls down
[19:47:56] drmoonpants: or is she just always wearing a robe and whispering toward people's mouths
[19:48:05] ladysisyphus: No, she made him put away the sword.
[19:48:10] drmoonpants: well, good
[19:48:12] drmoonpants: that's not his
[19:48:15] ladysisyphus: MAP OF CANADA, said the map of Canada
[19:48:32] relvetica: where he can continue to not speak French
[19:48:32] drmoonpants: I don't know why that made me laugh really hard and clap my hands
[19:49:06] drmoonpants: 'That's a nice house,' I thought, but it was medical school
[19:49:22] drmoonpants: even teenibal's DOCTOR COAT is too big for him!!
[19:49:27] drmoonpants: who would do this
[19:49:31] ladysisyphus: It's pretty cute, I have to say.
[19:49:42] drmoonpants: just playing dress-up, the whole movie
[19:49:45] ladysisyphus: Little of the Doogie Howser, Professional Cannibal look.
[19:50:06] ladysisyphus: He has only eaten like one person thus far.
[19:50:14] ladysisyphus: And not all or even most of a person.
[19:50:47] drmoonpants: just cheeks!!!!
[19:51:31] relvetica: well, cheeks are probably good eats
[19:51:39] ladysisyphus: They are, but that's hardly the point.
[19:51:46] relvetica: easy, too
[19:51:51] relvetica: gateway... food
[19:52:03] ladysisyphus: This kid needs a murder suit.
[19:52:05] relvetica: plenty of people have eaten cheeks on PCP
[19:52:09] ladysisyphus: mmm
[19:52:11] drmoonpants: did he put the bum in the formaldehyde? that is NOT good eats
[19:52:27] ladysisyphus: Yeah, I'm not understanding this culinary decision.
[19:52:30] relvetica: I wouldn't want to eat a bum anyway
[19:52:39] ladysisyphus: Well, he's an ex-bum; now he's an arms dealer.
[19:52:49] beeblebabe: oh no, I liked that guy in metal gear
[19:52:54] ladysisyphus: This is tall P.Dinks
[19:53:24] ladysisyphus: And now he's confessing to cannibalism, because I guess Big Hollywood won't let you show teeth-laden poop.
[19:53:35] drmoonpants: I guess this is just one long revenge fantasy where no one is possible to understand
[19:54:39] beeblebabe: wait
[19:54:59] beeblebabe: why would you eat teeth
[19:55:18] ladysisyphus: They're a delicacy in Russian bum culture.
[19:55:19] drmoonpants: because you're Russian
[19:55:48] ladysisyphus: 'Cannibalism' sounds kind of cute when said with a French accent.
[19:55:53] relvetica: that's what I said!!!
[19:55:59] relvetica: wy would anyone eat teeth
[19:56:15] drmoonpants: I want Hannibal Rising!: The Musical
[19:56:16] ladysisyphus: Maybe the Russian bums thought they were popcorn.
[19:56:23] drmoonpants: with the song Why Would Anyone Eat Teeth
[19:57:28] relvetica: they just took bites out of her head like it was an apple, I guess
[19:57:44] relvetica: in my head, that was funny
[19:57:50] relvetica: it's less funny typed out
[19:57:51] ladysisyphus: awwwww,
[19:58:04] drmoonpants: eh, when they're little, why bother carving them!
[19:58:07] ladysisyphus: A tiny, tuburculotic apple.
[19:58:11] drmoonpants: just eat the whole thing
[19:58:14] drmoonpants: I saw a horse do it once
[19:58:26] relvetica: eat a little sister
[19:58:32] ladysisyphus: HANNIBAL'S ENTIRE MOTIVATION: REVEALED
[19:58:48] ladysisyphus: eat a dude everyday, because of that horse
[19:58:54] beeblebabe: A+ horse callback, ashlea
[19:58:58] drmoonpants: thank you. thank you
[19:59:09] drmoonpants: ...we should go to the CVS
[19:59:18] ladysisyphus: I think it's almost over.
[19:59:26] drmoonpants: surely not. it will never be over
[19:59:46] ladysisyphus: Oh no, it's got like forty minutes left.
[19:59:51] drmoonpants: god help me
[19:59:55] relvetica: wow
[20:00:02] drmoonpants: NO MAN, LET'S GO, I NEED A BREAK
[20:00:16] ladysisyphus: But he's about to bone Asian Fetish Aunt in the two-tap tub!
[20:00:29] drmoonpants: oh, yeah, she's now actively macking
[20:00:38] ladysisyphus: I ... guess she finds getting acquitted of murder sexy.
[20:00:46] drmoonpants: DID YOU SEE A HORSE FUCK ITS AUNT ONCE, HANNIBAL??
[20:00:50] drmoonpants: eh, probably
[20:00:59] ladysisyphus: It /was/ Lithuania.
[20:01:00] drmoonpants: horses don't care
[20:01:11] ladysisyphus: Oh no! Mack rejected!
[20:01:41] drmoonpants: maybe she thought she could be like, hey, stop killing and eating and/or formaldehyding dudes and I'll bone you
[20:01:43] ladysisyphus: He Has To Walk This Lonely Road Alone, I guess, I couldn't understand.
[20:01:47] drmoonpants: I mean, normally that would probably work
[20:01:56] drmoonpants: did he eat more cheeks
[20:02:01] ladysisyphus: cheeky!
[20:02:05] drmoonpants: dude, those were covered in formaldehyde!
[20:02:39] drmoonpants: well now he has a picture of a piano and some binoculars, so I guess we'll never know
[20:02:48] ladysisyphus: It was clip art of a piano.
[20:03:18] ladysisyphus: Dude, you are driving around a big truck that I'm pretty sure says CITY MORGUE in French on the side.
[20:03:25] ladysisyphus: If you're trying to be sneaky, this is not the way.
[20:03:30] drmoonpants: WOOOOOO
[20:03:34] drmoonpants: SPRING BREEAAAAAK
[20:03:36] ladysisyphus: JACK IT
[20:04:44] ladysisyphus: Oh, I thought Asian Fetish Aunt was shaving Hannibal's chest, but Hannibal is hairless as a dolphin boy, so it was just some trafficked girl and a Nazi bum.
[20:04:58] drmoonpants: I don't think they manscaped in 60s Europe either
[20:05:03] drmoonpants: like, really specifically not
[20:05:34] ladysisyphus: ...It's one thing to come out of a mist dramatically, and quite another when that mist was made by a sauna.
[20:05:37] drmoonpants: Hannibal was in the sauna with a gun. I don't know how he got in the sauna
[20:06:12] ladysisyphus: And then HE went splashy splashy.
[20:06:28] drmoonpants: the trafficked girl told him to kill the Russian bum but he just wanted to play splashy splashy
[20:06:39] drmoonpants: well, that's how they get the drop on you, kid
[20:06:54] ladysisyphus: That bum put a towel around his junk real fast.
[20:07:18] ladysisyphus: Why ... did the bathtub ... catch on fire?
[20:07:27] drmoonpants: he made a bomb out of a rubber glove
[20:07:30] drmoonpants: OBVIOUSLY
[20:07:41] ladysisyphus: Okay, let's go to the CVS.
[20:07:47] drmoonpants: yes
(we do)
[20:23:15] peripheralsight: Ashlea, I always love it when you summarize things
[20:43:54] ladysisyphus: Okay, we're back!
[20:43:58] ladysisyphus: Let's finish this thing.
[20:44:07] relvetica: \o/
[20:44:23] ladysisyphus: Now the bad guy is wearing fur!
[20:44:27] ladysisyphus: And a fedora!
[20:44:37] ladysisyphus: Oh no, he has Asian Fetish Aunt as a prisoner.
[20:44:45] ladysisyphus: 'Speak to your little fuckboy' is quite an order.
[20:44:46] relvetica: noooo
[20:45:45] drmoonpants: why is everyone in this movie obsessed with cheeks
[20:45:53] drmoonpants: anyway I'm glad my madness is being enjoyed
[20:48:23] drmoonpants: a Russian bum is just sort of licking Asian Fetish Aunt's head like a salty hardboiled egg
[20:48:32] ladysisyphus: Is he pretending to be Dracula now?
[20:48:40] ladysisyphus: Trenchcoat Dracula?
[20:48:52] drmoonpants: the slicked hair is NOT a good look
[20:48:59] ladysisyphus: No, it's a poor choice.
[20:48:59] drmoonpants: then again neither are a lot of things
[20:49:14] ladysisyphus: It's understandable when he's old and balding and you can't get a good barber in prison.
[20:49:50] ladysisyphus: Why is he tormenting the guy from Rome?
[20:49:51] relvetica: eat it like an apple
[20:50:51] ladysisyphus: Oh, I looked away and I look back and now he has a bloodbeard.
[20:52:48] drmoonpants: it's hard to take him seriously when he looks like he got strawberry jam all over his face
[20:52:58] drmoonpants: yes, all that hard work I was doing taking him seriously before
[20:53:15] relvetica: awwww
[20:53:32] drmoonpants: oh, of course, he has to put the gun down so he could kill the guy with a sword
[20:53:51] ladysisyphus: He knows it'll make him SO badass by 2005 standards.
[20:54:18] drmoonpants: just waiting for the world to be ready
[20:54:39] relvetica: what... year... is this again
[20:54:54] ladysisyphus: The Year of the Trenchcoat
[20:55:00] ladysisyphus: He thinks he's in the Maltese Falcoln.
[20:55:19] relvetica: hmmm
[20:55:45] ladysisyphus: Hannibal gets more interesting the less you see of him, and this movie is out to prove that in reverse.
[20:55:51] drmoonpants: mathematically I guess it's like 1960?
[20:55:59] drmoonpants: set-dressing-wise it's mubmblbhlbm
[20:58:26] drmoonpants: I really did not need the Russian bum dude sucking his fingers clearly sucking his fingers before reaching under Asian Fetish Aunt's robe, movie
[20:58:28] drmoonpants: not in any way
[20:58:38] relvetica: D:
[20:58:39] ladysisyphus: Suck your fingers /after/, loser.
[20:59:45] ladysisyphus: SCREEEEEAM
[20:59:45] drmoonpants: oh, Hannibal's terible secret is he ALSO ate his sister
[20:59:55] drmoonpants: that is not that terrible
[21:00:01] ladysisyphus: What are you carving into his chest?
[21:00:04] ladysisyphus: That's not art.
[21:00:06] drmoonpants: I think it's an M?
[21:00:13] drmoonpants: M for Moriarty
[21:00:19] ladysisyphus: M for Mm-mmm good
[21:00:26] relvetica: so... he ate her and Russians did not?
[21:00:35] ladysisyphus: No, the Russians ate her too.
[21:00:36] drmoonpants: they gave him some
[21:00:37] drmoonpants: I guess
[21:00:37] relvetica: well, his sister's name is Misha
[21:00:44] drmoonpants: yeah, that's what it was actually for
[21:00:56] relvetica: I only know that because I just read that wikipedia article
[21:01:05] ladysisyphus: M for Mickey Mouse
[21:01:50] drmoonpants: this is pretty much what Hannibal looks like this whole movie http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_QFnrrKnAsFo/TMHh2nJPMXI/AAAAAAAAAKo/RZFnAEsl8gI/s1600/bald_eagle_01tk.jpg
[21:02:09] relvetica: oh, fuck
[21:02:16] relvetica: that got me
[21:02:19] ladysisyphus: wait, now he's http://blog.garagepunknyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/crying_bald_eagle_cgb.jpg
[21:02:25] drmoonpants: oh, now he's just biting the cheeks right off
[21:02:32] drmoonpants: oh, true
[21:02:40] ladysisyphus: http://www.nicolasdory.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/2011_11_05_BaldEagleHaines_5546.jpg
[21:02:49] drmoonpants: sorry man, cheeks are inherently funny
[21:02:59] relvetica: om om om
[21:03:16] ladysisyphus: Aw, McNulty's gonna bone Asian Fetish Aunt.
[21:03:32] ladysisyphus: As soon as explosions are done exploding.
[21:04:34] drmoonpants: always have a woman whispering 'Hannibal' into the post-explosion wind
[21:04:52] ladysisyphus: That'll be Will's job this season.
[21:05:09] drmoonpants: that's what I said
[21:05:30] drmoonpants: and then there was one last really anticlimactic bum
[21:05:32] ladysisyphus: Now children are singing.
[21:05:40] drmoonpants: and he's full, I guess
[21:05:42] drmoonpants: full of cheeks
[21:05:46] ladysisyphus: You know, I don't know how you go from there to psychiatry.
[21:05:58] drmoonpants: yeah, he TOTALLY phoned in medical school
[21:06:08] relvetica: wow
[21:06:12] relvetica: wow
[21:06:14] ladysisyphus: He spent the entire time dipping corpses in formaldahyde!
[21:06:29] drmoonpants: AND AT LAST IT'S OVER
[21:06:39] ladysisyphus: Oh, teenibal is actually French.
[21:06:43] ladysisyphus: That's sad for him.
[21:07:04] relvetica: wowww
[21:07:16] ladysisyphus: Trivia: 'A fake severed head and a rubber penis were stolen from the set. '
[21:07:26] drmoonpants: well, wouldn't you
[21:07:35] drmoonpants: why was there a rubber penis??
[21:07:45] ladysisyphus: I have no idea.
[21:07:53] drmoonpants: there were definitely not any penises
[21:07:54] ladysisyphus: Like, I guess it was just floppin' around.
[21:07:56] drmoonpants: I would have noticed that
[21:08:04] ladysisyphus: Backup penis.
[21:08:18] drmoonpants: maybe it was supposed to be a reveal about Asian Fetish Aunt but they chickened out
[21:08:20] drmoonpants: The Full Fetish
[21:08:37] drmoonpants: Maybe it was just, you know, private property
[21:08:46] drmoonpants: and someone was like 'ha ha I'm gonna steal this prop dong but'
[21:08:51] drmoonpants: er, move that quote
[21:08:54] ladysisyphus: Joke's on you!
[21:09:10] drmoonpants: No, I'm upset! Did I miss a penis??????
[21:09:39] ladysisyphus: googling 'where was the penis in hannibal rising'
[21:10:00] relvetica: wowwwwww
[21:10:18] ladysisyphus: Google refuses to explain.
[21:10:42] drmoonpants: THE MYSTERY OF THE PENIS
[21:10:47] ladysisyphus: The director says: 'There's a character called Dortlich whose head is severed during the course of the movie. It was stolen by someone. There's also a scene with a body that Hannibal Lecter is working on. It's a full-size replica human body, including the genitals. Somebody took the genitals - they had to cut them off. So someone somewhere has got a large rubber penis and a rubber head.'
[21:11:06] drmoonpants: ohhhh
[21:11:13] drmoonpants: man, that's disappointing
[21:11:28] ladysisyphus: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm468883712/nm0880484?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_sf_9 was the look that made me guffaw.
[21:11:52] relvetica: /very/ 60s
[21:12:40] relvetica: he's pretty when his hair isn't doing a thing
[21:12:50] drmoonpants: Will closes his eyes. the pendulum swings. he sees: http://gringationcancun.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/mario-lopez-corona-cancun.jpg
[21:13:02] relvetica: lol
[21:13:23] ladysisyphus: Yeah, his sickle cell look is better: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm435329280/nm0880484?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_sf_10
[21:13:43] drmoonpants: yeah, he was more Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zorro there
[21:13:48] drmoonpants: much better
Buckle in, kiddies.
[18:26:02] ladysisyphus: I made tuna helper!
[18:26:07] ladysisyphus: And now we're going to watch Hannibal Rising.
[18:26:09] ladysisyphus: Because why not.
[18:26:17] relvetica: yikes
[18:26:37] ladysisyphus: I apparently torrented the /unrated/ version.
[18:29:27] ladysisyphus: At least tiny_Hannibal is a beautiful boy.
[18:29:37] ladysisyphus: Oh, he reminds me of one of the tiny Winter is Coming children.
[18:29:41] relvetica: I would hardly expect less
[18:29:46] ladysisyphus: Bran Flakes
[18:29:48] ladysisyphus: Brad Pitt
[18:29:51] ladysisyphus: whatever his name is
[18:30:01] ladysisyphus: Sharon, Lois, and Bram
[18:30:15] relvetica: Jeff!
[18:30:29] ladysisyphus: That's it!
[18:35:22] ladysisyphus: I feel comfortable already saying that this is not a very good movie.
[18:35:43] ladysisyphus: Though a Nazi did just get blown up in a tank when a British plane crashed into it.
[18:35:51] relvetica: hmm
[18:37:02] ladysisyphus: Tiny children and HORRORS OF WAR
[18:37:13] relvetica: :9
[18:39:29] ladysisyphus: Now Nazis are being mean to other Nazis.
[18:39:36] beeblebabe: :(
[18:40:51] ladysisyphus: Now Nazis are being mean to tiny_Hannibal.
[18:41:47] ladysisyphus: Nazis are mean, guys!
[18:44:37] drmoonpants: they are burning family photo albums and eating birds in slow motion
[18:44:49] ladysisyphus: so mean!
[18:44:57] ladysisyphus: nazisaremean dot tumblr dot com
[18:44:59] drmoonpants: oh now they're going to eat children
[18:45:09] relvetica: :T
[18:45:22] drmoonpants: there was an 8 YEARS LATER title card so I guess Hannibal got eaten
[18:45:34] relvetica: I don't think TV's Hannibal can claim nazis for his backstory
[18:45:36] ladysisyphus: Abrupt end to a promising fiction series.
[18:45:42] drmoonpants: yeah, that's... trickier
[18:46:15] relvetica: everyone is shocked by how young he looks, forgets he eats people
[18:46:25] ladysisyphus: Little sister eaten by potheads in Amsterdam.
[18:46:36] drmoonpants: it started with a title card that said LECTER CASTLE - LITHUANIA and I just started cracking up so hard
[18:46:39] relvetica: it happens
[18:46:44] relvetica: oh god
[18:46:52] drmoonpants: there was no roll of thunder and lightning bolt, so disappointing
[18:47:51] drmoonpants: oh now teen Hannibal is in a Stalin orphanage
[18:48:08] drmoonpants: and wearing off the shoulder shirts
[18:48:13] drmoonpants: and hiding sickles on his person, somehow
[18:48:15] relvetica: !
[18:48:25] ladysisyphus: In his sickle sac!
[18:48:30] drmoonpants: :/
[18:48:37] ladysisyphus: Which people with sickle cell anemia do not have.
[18:48:48] ladysisyphus: He has a very pretty neck.
[18:48:51] relvetica: :\
[18:48:54] drmoonpants: he's in orphanage jail now with his sickle, does that make it a sickle cell
[18:48:59] ladysisyphus: yes
[18:49:01] drmoonpants: yeah, he's a very cute teen Hannibal
[18:49:28] drmoonpants: I'm glad my wife laughed at my terrible sickle cell joke
[18:50:05] drmoonpants: oh now he's gonna homoerotically murder the head boy with his sickle
[18:50:07] ladysisyphus: Grudgingly.
[18:50:11] drmoonpants: and a bear trap!
[18:50:17] ladysisyphus: No, just the trap.
[18:50:20] ladysisyphus: No homoeroticism here.
[18:50:24] drmoonpants: oh he escaped from orphanage
[18:50:29] ladysisyphus: And ... was that the word SING written in the dirt?
[18:50:35] drmoonpants: yeah
[18:50:42] drmoonpants: the weirdest thing about it is he wrote it in English!
[18:51:18] ladysisyphus: I'm glad we're all polymaths here in our Stalin orphanage.
[18:51:19] drmoonpants: teen hannibal border run
[18:51:46] relvetica: are they speaking German or Russian
[18:51:59] drmoonpants: everyone is speaking ENGLISH, Arielle, OBVIOUSLY
[18:52:02] drmoonpants: this is a MOVIE
[18:52:13] relvetica: well, I think that answers your question
[18:52:26] ladysisyphus: Other signs earlier were written in Russian, though.
[18:52:43] drmoonpants: teen hannibal is a pretentious little fuck
[18:52:43] ladysisyphus: I mean, I'm not expecting consistancy, I'm just saying.
[18:52:45] drmoonpants: surprise of the year, I guess
[18:52:50] ladysisyphus: So sad, so peacoated.
[18:52:57] ladysisyphus: ...In a peacoat, not coated in peas.
[18:53:03] drmoonpants: lol, shit
[18:53:06] ladysisyphus: He hasn't reached that stage of psychosexual development yet.
[18:53:16] relvetica: Hannibal will fail to speak German, Russian, French, AND Japanese
[18:53:20] drmoonpants: well, those Russian vagabands DID want to eat him
[18:53:28] drmoonpants: I guess, you know, you want a side dish
[18:53:42] ladysisyphus: I like my Hannibal like I like mo coffee ..... covered in peas!
[18:54:02] relvetica: ewww
[18:54:16] drmoonpants: now Hannibal has a pretty Asian lady to feed him?
[18:54:22] drmoonpants: I'm not sure what happened there
[18:54:55] ladysisyphus: Oh, it's okay, she doesn't speak Japanese, she speaks mumblewhisper.
[18:55:16] drmoonpants: she is an asian woman in a movie so she has to speak in a whisssspeerrr
[18:56:03] drmoonpants: guys! this movie isn't good! it's SURPRISING
[18:56:33] ladysisyphus: I literally can't understand what she's saying over the noise of our fan, and I suspect it kind of improves the movie.
[18:56:58] relvetica: wow
[18:57:30] drmoonpants: he cut his thumb because he remembered his sister being eaten by Russian bums and now she's sewing it up while he stares at her chest
[18:57:34] drmoonpants: that seems realistic, I guess
[18:57:56] drmoonpants: I feel cheated, where was Teen Hannibal: Voice Changing
[18:58:02] drmoonpants: Teen Hannibal: Hair In Unexpected Places
[18:58:04] relvetica: I know from the wikipedia that she's somehow his aunt
[18:58:14] drmoonpants: huh
[18:58:33] drmoonpants: well, he's pretty into his aunt
[18:58:36] beeblebabe: He did mention that in the first episode of this season!
[18:58:38] beeblebabe: a japanese aunt
[18:58:43] relvetica: yeah, he's into her
[18:58:49] ladysisyphus: Oh, that's right, he did!
[18:59:03] beeblebabe: I'm behind on hannibals
[18:59:14] drmoonpants: ohhhh
[18:59:43] drmoonpants: oh, good, she has ancient scrolls of samurai decapitations
[18:59:47] drmoonpants: how else will a young man learn
[19:00:15] drmoonpants: now he's learning kendo because of course he is
[19:00:18] ladysisyphus: yeah, whack him with a stick
[19:00:38] relvetica: you can't be a real badass post-1990 unless you kill people with a katana
[19:00:49] drmoonpants: it's illegal!
[19:01:01] ladysisyphus: Like a dead person writing a letter.
[19:01:02] relvetica: Hannibal wants to be in compliance
[19:01:22] relvetica: maybe I will watch this Mikkelsen film on netflix about pedos
[19:01:38] drmoonpants: he has to get licensed somehow!
[19:01:58] drmoonpants: now he and his aunt murdered a creeper at the open-air market
[19:02:16] relvetica: it doesn't actually look very interesting but I would enjoy listening to him speak Danish
[19:02:17] drmoonpants: okay, I GUESS they just beat him up
[19:02:41] drmoonpants: it would be interesting to see him be human
[19:03:08] relvetica: he is a teacher unjustly accused of being pedo! so says the blurb
[19:03:22] ladysisyphus: I've watched that interview with him and Stellan Skaarsgard tons of times because he's so cute!
[19:03:43] beeblebabe: That gay danish movie he's in is cute.
[19:03:46] relvetica: Danish is weird to listen to
[19:04:23] relvetica: it sounds like the Sims
[19:04:36] drmoonpants: are you fucking kidding me, movie
[19:05:28] drmoonpants: http://cdn.wegotthiscovered.com/wp-content/uploads/HannibalRising-21.jpg COME ON
[19:05:41] relvetica: pfffft
[19:05:49] relvetica: well, Mads is a lovely schoolteacher
[19:05:55] drmoonpants: :3
[19:05:58] ladysisyphus: Now I can't understand anything teenibal says.
[19:06:08] relvetica: why is he wearing that
[19:06:14] ladysisyphus: He's turning Japanese.
[19:06:42] drmoonpants: he found it in his aunt's room
[19:06:45] relvetica: how many cultures can we appropriate with a single character
[19:07:15] drmoonpants: well, he is now cutting up the creeper with a katana at length and showing him a drawing of him with his head cut off before killing him
[19:07:23] drmoonpants: so... is that an answer? I don't know
[19:07:28] relvetica: I would dig it if they were speaking French, I would actually watch that
[19:07:31] drmoonpants: now he has a fish
[19:07:56] drmoonpants: of course I am trying to deliberately narrate this as surreally as possible but it really does not need it
[19:08:54] ladysisyphus: Oh no, and now there's fake French Sherlock Holmes played by the main cop from the Wire!
[19:09:11] ladysisyphus: He's gonna /detect/ some shit.
[19:09:18] relvetica: Mads is wearing glasses, you guys
[19:09:22] ladysisyphus: <3_<3
[19:09:28] drmoonpants: oh myyyyy
[19:09:40] ladysisyphus: I always forget that actor is one of those Surprise, Actually British actors.
[19:09:45] relvetica: and is being tacked by a MILLION CHILDREN
[19:09:48] ladysisyphus: :D
[19:09:51] drmoonpants: eeee
[19:09:59] ladysisyphus: Sounds like you made a better viewing choice.
[19:10:17] relvetica: he is very charming and Danish
[19:11:05] ladysisyphus: They might as well be speaking Danish here.
[19:11:15] drmoonpants: aww, teen hannibal gave the creeper head to Sexual Fetish And Cultural Appropriation Delivery Device Aunt
[19:11:16] ladysisyphus: mumble mumble mumble
[19:11:24] drmoonpants: and then polished his sword at her in a penis way
[19:11:25] beeblebabe: muraki???
[19:11:31] ladysisyphus: XD
[19:11:35] drmoonpants: oh, a little
[19:11:50] drmoonpants: I /was/ thinking earlier 'this is gonna be like that Penis comic I guess'
[19:12:06] drmoonpants: 'cause I had a traumatic childhood! : D
[19:12:12] relvetica: XD
[19:13:58] drmoonpants: I think teen Hannibal has a bigger nose than Anthony Hopkins does
[19:14:08] drmoonpants: fellas, I got to tell you, that is the opposite of how noses work over a lifetime
[19:14:27] drmoonpants: by the time men pass age 40 they are about 60% nose
[19:14:43] relvetica: hmm, yes
[19:15:46] drmoonpants: that head is getting a lot of travel
[19:15:59] drmoonpants: ASIAN FETISH AUNT HAS A MOTORCYCLE???
[19:16:01] drmoonpants: COME ON
[19:16:17] relvetica: wowww
[19:16:24] relvetica: this is some good fanfiction
[19:16:51] drmoonpants: it totally has no idea what time period it should be pulling clothes from, too
[19:16:52] ladysisyphus: It's some fanfiction, definitely.
[19:17:00] ladysisyphus: Not going to call the 'good' part.
[19:17:05] relvetica: I hope the motorcycle is canon in the TV show, too
[19:17:21] drmoonpants: like :-S ??? thingy hat blouse sweater idk
[19:17:35] drmoonpants: oh, now teen Hannibal is a doctor
[19:17:36] relvetica: VESTS, DAMN YOU
[19:17:38] ladysisyphus: Wait, is Hannibal narrating now?
[19:17:45] ladysisyphus: Open-shirted and narrating.
[19:18:02] relvetica: this just sounds like a long, weird dream
[19:18:07] drmoonpants: I do not know how he got there from being questioned by the police
[19:18:17] ladysisyphus: Because of the head!
[19:18:21] ladysisyphus: The traveling Nazi head.
[19:18:25] drmoonpants: heads make you a doctor?
[19:18:29] drmoonpants: what do tails do
[19:18:36] ladysisyphus: Oh, they're good in a stew.
[19:18:45] drmoonpants: oh, now the costumers are like PUT SOME FUR ON HER I GUESS
[19:18:58] relvetica: has he eaten anyone yet??
[19:18:59] drmoonpants: MAKE SURE THE BOY'S CLOTHES ARE TOO BAGGY
[19:19:03] ladysisyphus: NO
[19:19:06] relvetica: UGH
[19:19:10] ladysisyphus: I am so disappointed.
[19:19:20] drmoonpants: at least Asian fetish aunt is going away
[19:19:24] drmoonpants: I guess
[19:19:40] drmoonpants: that was like a two-second scene 'I want to stay here with you!' 'No you must mumbblbjslfsfmbumble.'
[19:19:41] relvetica: this is a lot to absorb
[19:20:39] ladysisyphus: Oh, just plant some heroin on the kid and be done with it, McNulty
[19:20:40] drmoonpants: now he might be stealing executed Nazi war criminals' bodies for medical school??
[19:21:01] relvetica: EAT THEM
[19:21:14] drmoonpants: I hope so1
[19:21:18] ladysisyphus: Now the criminal is confessing! ... though I don't think a completely mumbled confession is admissable in court.
[19:21:23] relvetica: WHAT FRANCHISE DO YOU THINK THIS IS
[19:21:55] drmoonpants: he put a crucifix homoerotically in the guy's mouth before he went to be executed
[19:22:05] drmoonpants: what does THAT do to the meat
[19:22:27] drmoonpants: there was some sort of explanation for that but it was mubmbmlblemumble and I don't care
[19:22:38] drmoonpants: oh he has a shrine to his eaten sister
[19:22:42] ladysisyphus: Then they chopped his head off.
[19:22:46] relvetica: sure
[19:22:47] ladysisyphus: Wait, he's going to roofie ... himself?
[19:22:52] relvetica: sure
[19:23:05] drmoonpants: he also has a futon and a bamboo wall scroll
[19:23:09] drmoonpants: fuck you, kid
[19:23:18] ladysisyphus: At least his shirt is open.
[19:23:21] drmoonpants: well, at least he opened his --
[19:23:33] ladysisyphus: That chest don't mumble.
[19:23:41] relvetica: http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/the-hunt-mads-mikkelsen-thomas-bo-larsen.jpg
[19:23:45] drmoonpants: hips don't lie, chests don't mumble
[19:23:58] beeblebabe: oh, I want to hug megane mads
[19:24:00] drmoonpants: ahhhh, that's better
[19:24:02] ladysisyphus: awwwwwwwwwwwww
[19:24:11] ladysisyphus: I want to hug him too!
[19:24:12] relvetica: I am actually not getting into this movie at all, I just want to present a counterpoint
[19:24:34] relvetica: I can see where it's going
[19:24:48] ladysisyphus: It's much better to look at than these strange blue-tinted flashbacks.
[19:25:06] drmoonpants: did he take roofies to have flashbacks?
[19:25:10] ladysisyphus: He did!
[19:25:18] drmoonpants: I guess the Russian bums blew up before they could eat his sister
[19:25:19] ladysisyphus: It was sodium pentathol, or however you spell it.
[19:25:38] ladysisyphus: I only know I spell it wrong because the crossword a few months ago required me to spell it right, and woo, that didn't happen.
[19:25:42] relvetica: I don't... think... that's how it works??
[19:25:49] ladysisyphus: HE IS A DOCTOR
[19:25:56] relvetica: I don't think that's how it works
[19:26:24] drmoonpants: I don't know why he's on a train now
[19:26:36] drmoonpants: wait he's going to Russia
[19:26:36] ladysisyphus: never thought he'd be on a train
[19:26:47] drmoonpants: you don't need to go to Russia, dude, nobody ate your sister
[19:26:53] drmoonpants: like my grandfather always told me
[19:27:06] ladysisyphus: Ah, that old chestnut.
[19:27:52] drmoonpants: wait, NOW is someone speaking German?
[19:27:57] drmoonpants: now that we're in Russia?
[19:28:14] relvetica: one of the books somewhere says he found her baby teeth in a latrine, which I remember because it bothers me
[19:28:23] relvetica: why would they eat her teeth
[19:28:26] ladysisyphus: Yeah, never forgot that bit.
[19:28:33] drmoonpants: teeth aren't even GOOD
[19:28:43] ladysisyphus: Maybe she just ... molted.
[19:28:52] ladysisyphus: And is living happily somewhere in the Ukraine.
[19:29:05] drmoonpants: maybe that dude just really likes swallowinig baby teeth
[19:29:08] drmoonpants: people have fetishes
[19:29:16] ladysisyphus: PIG IN THE COTTAGE
[19:29:19] ladysisyphus: THIS IS NOT A DRILL
[19:29:40] ladysisyphus: Yes, let's go to a part of the world with no electricity and examine a creepy cottage in the middle of the night.
[19:29:48] ladysisyphus: Did I mention this man is supposed to be a genius?
[19:29:57] relvetica: pig-in-a-cottage uses full size hot dogs
[19:30:17] beeblebabe: : D
[19:30:22] ladysisyphus: And a whole roll of biscuit dough.
[19:30:29] ladysisyphus: (the hot dogs are people)
[19:30:33] ladysisyphus: (the biscuits are people too)
[19:30:47] relvetica: ._.
[19:30:48] drmoonpants: man now I want a pig in a cottage
[19:32:38] relvetica: I don't
[19:32:41] relvetica: /anymore/
[19:32:51] drmoonpants: oh, he found one of the bums! is he gonna eat the bum
[19:32:59] drmoonpants: ...did he just put mayonnaise on the rope around the bum
[19:33:06] drmoonpants: that doesn't... that won't help
[19:33:37] drmoonpants: maybe they didn't blow up? I don't know what happened
[19:33:43] relvetica: Hannibal does /not/ eat mayonnaise
[19:34:32] drmoonpants: he just commented on the bum's sandwich having mayonnaise and then i think rubbed the sandwich on the rope?
[19:34:48] drmoonpants: did they even have mayonnaise in Russia in the 60s?
[19:34:54] drmoonpants: maybe he didn't say mayonnaise
[19:35:03] relvetica: cool whip
[19:35:07] drmoonpants: I'm not drunk but I feel like I am
[19:35:19] relvetica: roofies, man
[19:35:48] drmoonpants: now he's angrily singing while he strangles a bum
[19:36:02] drmoonpants: like you do
[19:36:14] drmoonpants: lick the blood off your glvoe LICK IT LICK IT YESSSDSSSS
[19:36:27] drmoonpants: THERRRRE IT IS
[19:36:44] relvetica: :3
[19:37:28] drmoonpants: he stole the dude's cheeks and left a screw in the fire
[19:37:33] drmoonpants: oh wait it was a mushroom
[19:37:44] drmoonpants: I know because the policeman explained what dish he must have made with mushrooms and cheeks
[19:37:48] ladysisyphus: And from that the Russian cop concluded that the dead guy was good eats!
[19:37:57] drmoonpants: I cannot stop laughing
[19:38:31] ladysisyphus: Oh, now Asian Fetish Aunt wants smoochies.
[19:38:44] ladysisyphus: Or to take his jewelry, I'm not sure.
[19:38:56] drmoonpants: Asian Fetish Aunt, maybe if you didn't whisper everything into your nephew's ear so much he wouldn't want to bang you
[19:39:04] drmoonpants: like you haven't heard THAT from a librarian before
[19:39:24] drmoonpants: I guess we're back in France now
[19:39:25] ladysisyphus: Oh, he's off to the great city of mumble-les-mumbles.
[19:39:37] drmoonpants: where else would they have a cafe with birds
[19:40:19] ladysisyphus: You know, I thought teenibal was much more attractive before he started talking.
[19:41:11] drmoonpants: yeah, he was cuter before he started singing creepily to little girls
[19:42:17] ladysisyphus: Oh, I didn't recognize Head Nazi Bum Other Lead Actor From Rome.
[19:42:23] ladysisyphus: Until he was de-bummed.
[19:42:38] drmoonpants: I think now there are arms dealers
[19:42:46] ladysisyphus: I mean, he still has his butt, but there's no guarantees in this movie.
[19:42:48] drmoonpants: ...as in weapons, not the kind Hannibal would like
[19:42:56] ladysisyphus: I bet you can make some great dishes with butt.
[19:43:04] drmoonpants: this ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race
[19:43:11] relvetica: >:T
[19:43:18] ladysisyphus: arms on the floor, floppin' around toward the finish line
[19:43:18] relvetica: settle down over there
[19:43:45] drmoonpants: one of the Russian bums looks like a tall Peter Dinklage and it's wigging me out
[19:44:29] drmoonpants: oh I guess they're slavers too
[19:44:40] ladysisyphus: Dealing in arms and other attached parts.
[19:44:56] drmoonpants: and I guess they know teenibal is after them now
[19:45:21] drmoonpants: YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE SPY CAMERA PICTURES OF HIM, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
[19:45:25] drmoonpants: WHY IS THERE A VICAR
[19:45:30] beeblebabe: I'm loving this, guys
[19:45:33] ladysisyphus: There wasn't even a lawn!
[19:45:45] relvetica: this is the best way to watch this movie
[19:46:09] ladysisyphus: 'Have you ever seen this man?' [blurry picture of Andy Warhol]
[19:46:15] ladysisyphus: Oh, wait, no, that's a severed head.
[19:46:18] drmoonpants: WHY CAN'T ASIAN FETISH AUNT EVER PUT ON SOMETHING THAT'S NOT A ROBE
[19:46:21] ladysisyphus: It looked like Andy Warhol, okay?
[19:46:26] ladysisyphus: She put on her motorcycling gear!
[19:46:32] ladysisyphus: DON'T TOUCH THE SWORD, MCNULTY
[19:46:33] beeblebabe: well, you know, if you had the option in life to just wear a robe
[19:46:34] drmoonpants: she probably had a robe on under it
[19:46:48] drmoonpants: takes off the helmet, shakes out her hair, a robe falls down
[19:47:56] drmoonpants: or is she just always wearing a robe and whispering toward people's mouths
[19:48:05] ladysisyphus: No, she made him put away the sword.
[19:48:10] drmoonpants: well, good
[19:48:12] drmoonpants: that's not his
[19:48:15] ladysisyphus: MAP OF CANADA, said the map of Canada
[19:48:32] relvetica: where he can continue to not speak French
[19:48:32] drmoonpants: I don't know why that made me laugh really hard and clap my hands
[19:49:06] drmoonpants: 'That's a nice house,' I thought, but it was medical school
[19:49:22] drmoonpants: even teenibal's DOCTOR COAT is too big for him!!
[19:49:27] drmoonpants: who would do this
[19:49:31] ladysisyphus: It's pretty cute, I have to say.
[19:49:42] drmoonpants: just playing dress-up, the whole movie
[19:49:45] ladysisyphus: Little of the Doogie Howser, Professional Cannibal look.
[19:50:06] ladysisyphus: He has only eaten like one person thus far.
[19:50:14] ladysisyphus: And not all or even most of a person.
[19:50:47] drmoonpants: just cheeks!!!!
[19:51:31] relvetica: well, cheeks are probably good eats
[19:51:39] ladysisyphus: They are, but that's hardly the point.
[19:51:46] relvetica: easy, too
[19:51:51] relvetica: gateway... food
[19:52:03] ladysisyphus: This kid needs a murder suit.
[19:52:05] relvetica: plenty of people have eaten cheeks on PCP
[19:52:09] ladysisyphus: mmm
[19:52:11] drmoonpants: did he put the bum in the formaldehyde? that is NOT good eats
[19:52:27] ladysisyphus: Yeah, I'm not understanding this culinary decision.
[19:52:30] relvetica: I wouldn't want to eat a bum anyway
[19:52:39] ladysisyphus: Well, he's an ex-bum; now he's an arms dealer.
[19:52:49] beeblebabe: oh no, I liked that guy in metal gear
[19:52:54] ladysisyphus: This is tall P.Dinks
[19:53:24] ladysisyphus: And now he's confessing to cannibalism, because I guess Big Hollywood won't let you show teeth-laden poop.
[19:53:35] drmoonpants: I guess this is just one long revenge fantasy where no one is possible to understand
[19:54:39] beeblebabe: wait
[19:54:59] beeblebabe: why would you eat teeth
[19:55:18] ladysisyphus: They're a delicacy in Russian bum culture.
[19:55:19] drmoonpants: because you're Russian
[19:55:48] ladysisyphus: 'Cannibalism' sounds kind of cute when said with a French accent.
[19:55:53] relvetica: that's what I said!!!
[19:55:59] relvetica: wy would anyone eat teeth
[19:56:15] drmoonpants: I want Hannibal Rising!: The Musical
[19:56:16] ladysisyphus: Maybe the Russian bums thought they were popcorn.
[19:56:23] drmoonpants: with the song Why Would Anyone Eat Teeth
[19:57:28] relvetica: they just took bites out of her head like it was an apple, I guess
[19:57:44] relvetica: in my head, that was funny
[19:57:50] relvetica: it's less funny typed out
[19:57:51] ladysisyphus: awwwww,
[19:58:04] drmoonpants: eh, when they're little, why bother carving them!
[19:58:07] ladysisyphus: A tiny, tuburculotic apple.
[19:58:11] drmoonpants: just eat the whole thing
[19:58:14] drmoonpants: I saw a horse do it once
[19:58:26] relvetica: eat a little sister
[19:58:32] ladysisyphus: HANNIBAL'S ENTIRE MOTIVATION: REVEALED
[19:58:48] ladysisyphus: eat a dude everyday, because of that horse
[19:58:54] beeblebabe: A+ horse callback, ashlea
[19:58:58] drmoonpants: thank you. thank you
[19:59:09] drmoonpants: ...we should go to the CVS
[19:59:18] ladysisyphus: I think it's almost over.
[19:59:26] drmoonpants: surely not. it will never be over
[19:59:46] ladysisyphus: Oh no, it's got like forty minutes left.
[19:59:51] drmoonpants: god help me
[19:59:55] relvetica: wow
[20:00:02] drmoonpants: NO MAN, LET'S GO, I NEED A BREAK
[20:00:16] ladysisyphus: But he's about to bone Asian Fetish Aunt in the two-tap tub!
[20:00:29] drmoonpants: oh, yeah, she's now actively macking
[20:00:38] ladysisyphus: I ... guess she finds getting acquitted of murder sexy.
[20:00:46] drmoonpants: DID YOU SEE A HORSE FUCK ITS AUNT ONCE, HANNIBAL??
[20:00:50] drmoonpants: eh, probably
[20:00:59] ladysisyphus: It /was/ Lithuania.
[20:01:00] drmoonpants: horses don't care
[20:01:11] ladysisyphus: Oh no! Mack rejected!
[20:01:41] drmoonpants: maybe she thought she could be like, hey, stop killing and eating and/or formaldehyding dudes and I'll bone you
[20:01:43] ladysisyphus: He Has To Walk This Lonely Road Alone, I guess, I couldn't understand.
[20:01:47] drmoonpants: I mean, normally that would probably work
[20:01:56] drmoonpants: did he eat more cheeks
[20:02:01] ladysisyphus: cheeky!
[20:02:05] drmoonpants: dude, those were covered in formaldehyde!
[20:02:39] drmoonpants: well now he has a picture of a piano and some binoculars, so I guess we'll never know
[20:02:48] ladysisyphus: It was clip art of a piano.
[20:03:18] ladysisyphus: Dude, you are driving around a big truck that I'm pretty sure says CITY MORGUE in French on the side.
[20:03:25] ladysisyphus: If you're trying to be sneaky, this is not the way.
[20:03:30] drmoonpants: WOOOOOO
[20:03:34] drmoonpants: SPRING BREEAAAAAK
[20:03:36] ladysisyphus: JACK IT
[20:04:44] ladysisyphus: Oh, I thought Asian Fetish Aunt was shaving Hannibal's chest, but Hannibal is hairless as a dolphin boy, so it was just some trafficked girl and a Nazi bum.
[20:04:58] drmoonpants: I don't think they manscaped in 60s Europe either
[20:05:03] drmoonpants: like, really specifically not
[20:05:34] ladysisyphus: ...It's one thing to come out of a mist dramatically, and quite another when that mist was made by a sauna.
[20:05:37] drmoonpants: Hannibal was in the sauna with a gun. I don't know how he got in the sauna
[20:06:12] ladysisyphus: And then HE went splashy splashy.
[20:06:28] drmoonpants: the trafficked girl told him to kill the Russian bum but he just wanted to play splashy splashy
[20:06:39] drmoonpants: well, that's how they get the drop on you, kid
[20:06:54] ladysisyphus: That bum put a towel around his junk real fast.
[20:07:18] ladysisyphus: Why ... did the bathtub ... catch on fire?
[20:07:27] drmoonpants: he made a bomb out of a rubber glove
[20:07:30] drmoonpants: OBVIOUSLY
[20:07:41] ladysisyphus: Okay, let's go to the CVS.
[20:07:47] drmoonpants: yes
(we do)
[20:23:15] peripheralsight: Ashlea, I always love it when you summarize things
[20:43:54] ladysisyphus: Okay, we're back!
[20:43:58] ladysisyphus: Let's finish this thing.
[20:44:07] relvetica: \o/
[20:44:23] ladysisyphus: Now the bad guy is wearing fur!
[20:44:27] ladysisyphus: And a fedora!
[20:44:37] ladysisyphus: Oh no, he has Asian Fetish Aunt as a prisoner.
[20:44:45] ladysisyphus: 'Speak to your little fuckboy' is quite an order.
[20:44:46] relvetica: noooo
[20:45:45] drmoonpants: why is everyone in this movie obsessed with cheeks
[20:45:53] drmoonpants: anyway I'm glad my madness is being enjoyed
[20:48:23] drmoonpants: a Russian bum is just sort of licking Asian Fetish Aunt's head like a salty hardboiled egg
[20:48:32] ladysisyphus: Is he pretending to be Dracula now?
[20:48:40] ladysisyphus: Trenchcoat Dracula?
[20:48:52] drmoonpants: the slicked hair is NOT a good look
[20:48:59] ladysisyphus: No, it's a poor choice.
[20:48:59] drmoonpants: then again neither are a lot of things
[20:49:14] ladysisyphus: It's understandable when he's old and balding and you can't get a good barber in prison.
[20:49:50] ladysisyphus: Why is he tormenting the guy from Rome?
[20:49:51] relvetica: eat it like an apple
[20:50:51] ladysisyphus: Oh, I looked away and I look back and now he has a bloodbeard.
[20:52:48] drmoonpants: it's hard to take him seriously when he looks like he got strawberry jam all over his face
[20:52:58] drmoonpants: yes, all that hard work I was doing taking him seriously before
[20:53:15] relvetica: awwww
[20:53:32] drmoonpants: oh, of course, he has to put the gun down so he could kill the guy with a sword
[20:53:51] ladysisyphus: He knows it'll make him SO badass by 2005 standards.
[20:54:18] drmoonpants: just waiting for the world to be ready
[20:54:39] relvetica: what... year... is this again
[20:54:54] ladysisyphus: The Year of the Trenchcoat
[20:55:00] ladysisyphus: He thinks he's in the Maltese Falcoln.
[20:55:19] relvetica: hmmm
[20:55:45] ladysisyphus: Hannibal gets more interesting the less you see of him, and this movie is out to prove that in reverse.
[20:55:51] drmoonpants: mathematically I guess it's like 1960?
[20:55:59] drmoonpants: set-dressing-wise it's mubmblbhlbm
[20:58:26] drmoonpants: I really did not need the Russian bum dude sucking his fingers clearly sucking his fingers before reaching under Asian Fetish Aunt's robe, movie
[20:58:28] drmoonpants: not in any way
[20:58:38] relvetica: D:
[20:58:39] ladysisyphus: Suck your fingers /after/, loser.
[20:59:45] ladysisyphus: SCREEEEEAM
[20:59:45] drmoonpants: oh, Hannibal's terible secret is he ALSO ate his sister
[20:59:55] drmoonpants: that is not that terrible
[21:00:01] ladysisyphus: What are you carving into his chest?
[21:00:04] ladysisyphus: That's not art.
[21:00:06] drmoonpants: I think it's an M?
[21:00:13] drmoonpants: M for Moriarty
[21:00:19] ladysisyphus: M for Mm-mmm good
[21:00:26] relvetica: so... he ate her and Russians did not?
[21:00:35] ladysisyphus: No, the Russians ate her too.
[21:00:36] drmoonpants: they gave him some
[21:00:37] drmoonpants: I guess
[21:00:37] relvetica: well, his sister's name is Misha
[21:00:44] drmoonpants: yeah, that's what it was actually for
[21:00:56] relvetica: I only know that because I just read that wikipedia article
[21:01:05] ladysisyphus: M for Mickey Mouse
[21:01:50] drmoonpants: this is pretty much what Hannibal looks like this whole movie http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_QFnrrKnAsFo/TMHh2nJPMXI/AAAAAAAAAKo/RZFnAEsl8gI/s1600/bald_eagle_01tk.jpg
[21:02:09] relvetica: oh, fuck
[21:02:16] relvetica: that got me
[21:02:19] ladysisyphus: wait, now he's http://blog.garagepunknyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/crying_bald_eagle_cgb.jpg
[21:02:25] drmoonpants: oh, now he's just biting the cheeks right off
[21:02:32] drmoonpants: oh, true
[21:02:40] ladysisyphus: http://www.nicolasdory.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/2011_11_05_BaldEagleHaines_5546.jpg
[21:02:49] drmoonpants: sorry man, cheeks are inherently funny
[21:02:59] relvetica: om om om
[21:03:16] ladysisyphus: Aw, McNulty's gonna bone Asian Fetish Aunt.
[21:03:32] ladysisyphus: As soon as explosions are done exploding.
[21:04:34] drmoonpants: always have a woman whispering 'Hannibal' into the post-explosion wind
[21:04:52] ladysisyphus: That'll be Will's job this season.
[21:05:09] drmoonpants: that's what I said
[21:05:30] drmoonpants: and then there was one last really anticlimactic bum
[21:05:32] ladysisyphus: Now children are singing.
[21:05:40] drmoonpants: and he's full, I guess
[21:05:42] drmoonpants: full of cheeks
[21:05:46] ladysisyphus: You know, I don't know how you go from there to psychiatry.
[21:05:58] drmoonpants: yeah, he TOTALLY phoned in medical school
[21:06:08] relvetica: wow
[21:06:12] relvetica: wow
[21:06:14] ladysisyphus: He spent the entire time dipping corpses in formaldahyde!
[21:06:29] drmoonpants: AND AT LAST IT'S OVER
[21:06:39] ladysisyphus: Oh, teenibal is actually French.
[21:06:43] ladysisyphus: That's sad for him.
[21:07:04] relvetica: wowww
[21:07:16] ladysisyphus: Trivia: 'A fake severed head and a rubber penis were stolen from the set. '
[21:07:26] drmoonpants: well, wouldn't you
[21:07:35] drmoonpants: why was there a rubber penis??
[21:07:45] ladysisyphus: I have no idea.
[21:07:53] drmoonpants: there were definitely not any penises
[21:07:54] ladysisyphus: Like, I guess it was just floppin' around.
[21:07:56] drmoonpants: I would have noticed that
[21:08:04] ladysisyphus: Backup penis.
[21:08:18] drmoonpants: maybe it was supposed to be a reveal about Asian Fetish Aunt but they chickened out
[21:08:20] drmoonpants: The Full Fetish
[21:08:37] drmoonpants: Maybe it was just, you know, private property
[21:08:46] drmoonpants: and someone was like 'ha ha I'm gonna steal this prop dong but'
[21:08:51] drmoonpants: er, move that quote
[21:08:54] ladysisyphus: Joke's on you!
[21:09:10] drmoonpants: No, I'm upset! Did I miss a penis??????
[21:09:39] ladysisyphus: googling 'where was the penis in hannibal rising'
[21:10:00] relvetica: wowwwwww
[21:10:18] ladysisyphus: Google refuses to explain.
[21:10:42] drmoonpants: THE MYSTERY OF THE PENIS
[21:10:47] ladysisyphus: The director says: 'There's a character called Dortlich whose head is severed during the course of the movie. It was stolen by someone. There's also a scene with a body that Hannibal Lecter is working on. It's a full-size replica human body, including the genitals. Somebody took the genitals - they had to cut them off. So someone somewhere has got a large rubber penis and a rubber head.'
[21:11:06] drmoonpants: ohhhh
[21:11:13] drmoonpants: man, that's disappointing
[21:11:28] ladysisyphus: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm468883712/nm0880484?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_sf_9 was the look that made me guffaw.
[21:11:52] relvetica: /very/ 60s
[21:12:40] relvetica: he's pretty when his hair isn't doing a thing
[21:12:50] drmoonpants: Will closes his eyes. the pendulum swings. he sees: http://gringationcancun.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/mario-lopez-corona-cancun.jpg
[21:13:02] relvetica: lol
[21:13:23] ladysisyphus: Yeah, his sickle cell look is better: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm435329280/nm0880484?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_sf_10
[21:13:43] drmoonpants: yeah, he was more Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zorro there
[21:13:48] drmoonpants: much better