(no subject)
Man....emotions sometmies just blow my mind away. All im gonna say is that im feeling someting and its getting me scared and i dont know. I mean the more i think about it i can figure out why im getting nervous and scared. (dont worry its no old feelings or anything like that...heck no) Just some unexpected ones i guess that ive been thinking ive felt for a while but i guess ive been either denying them or ignoring them. and i still have a while to figure things out, heck even if i did make a decision i dont know if anything would happen cause i dont know if im ready for anything yet, not like that. and i know he used to kind of like me a little but that stuff fades, i have no idea though, thats not really the main reason im so confused over all this. Mainly im just confused in my own thoughts and feelings and what i want but then what im scared of. Nt scared of rejection or anything, for some reason i can handle that, i guess of just other stuff...I HAVE NO IDEA. Cause i know if i would want to try someting with this person i would want it for the intentions of seeing if someting serious could come of it, and i know serious is not what i need right now (not because im not ready in the sense of maybe having feelings of past stuff cause thats not it cause honestly i hardly have any there at all) but more in the sense where i konw its good for me to date. I havnet had alot of expeirence at all. Its healthy and i need this, i know, but the again i dunno. I refuse to decide anything till summer at least that way ill be back here and can think maybe more clearly about this? I just know that if something were to happen that summer could be too late, cause im pretty sure he has no idea im confused and stuff like this which it wil stay that way for now. I dont want to say anything whatsoever now cause im afraid id mess with his head or he might feel like he should wait for me which he should NOT at all (im not saying he feels the same way which i do think he may feel some but i dont know anymore really, but yeah im not sayin he does for sure have feelings or woudl wait, im just saying if he still does im afraid he may think he should wait and then that could get both our hopes up and i dont even want to go there, i dont wnat to plan stuff, just let it happen, thats how the good stuff happens). If God wants it to happen then it eventally will, honestly thats good for me. Part of me would like to say something, but most of me kows what i should do. I honestly am going to wait. Ill see how this semester goes, see what God is telling me in this area, see if i can overcome my fears and see what my feelings say, and where him and i are in each others lives Ill decide from there if i should take any action, for all i know absolutely nothing will happen and that will work out great, but then of course you have the other end of the spectrum...i dont want to mess up either one of our lives (not that i would mess everythign up but you know, it woulc definetly make things confusing, i would only want to do it if i knew it wouldnt put too much pressure or burden on him (depending on how things in his life are giong) i know none of this is making sense at all, but i just need to get this all out somewhere. Basically i think i may be feeling something, ive kind of thought it for a little bit but im def not gonna act on anything until im sure. Last thing i want to do is make an irrational decision that could cost me a friend and cause poooo. Im just gonna see whatlife leads and where God wants me to go with this. Wellim gonna stop with the vaguness of trhis entry and blah cause im sureits annoying the heckout of some people but sorry, not gonna spill. You can try to get me to but i wont. Im diong great! i love thie break and i love all my friend! toodles see ya