Army Brat, Final Chapter and missing scene
Sam read and re-read the golden letters on the invitation, trailing her fingers across the slightly textured script. The class of 1985 invites you..
It felt so strange. In a few short weeks she would be a graduate. An alumni. Forever free of high school. Somehow she had made it through in one piece.
She finally raised her hand and knocked, knuckles bruising on the glass screen door
"Sam! Well this is a pleasant surprise, I didn't think you were coming this week."
Sam held out the invitation with both hands, smiling shyly. "I made it. I made it, Uncle George. And I would really, really love it if you could be there."
Sam suddenly found herself swept up into a big, rib crushing bear hug. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
She squeezed her eyes shut, returning the embrace. She'd gone years without crying she wasn't going to break now. It was just a graduation. "Thank you for everything, Uncle George. I know I don't say it enough."
"All I did was teach you how to play chess."
"You did a lot more than that."
*****************************
The gown was ridiculous.
The cap was ridiculous.
The whole damn thing was ridiculous.
Sam couldn't even remember the last time she had worn stockings and here she was, all dressed up. Never mind that everything above the knee was hidden, dress code was strict- Dresses or skirts for the girls, suits and ties for the boys. Anything else meant not walking with the class.
It was oh so tempting to be rebellious and show up in some wild sure-to-get-her-kicked-out ensemble but she wanted the diploma enough to let the urge slide. Mostly. She did cover the top of the cap in glitter before attaching the tassel but nobody would be able to see that unless they were intentionally looking at the top of her head.
Sam pulled the monstrosity down over her wild mess of hair and tilted it at a jaunty angle, grinning at herself in the mirror.
"Here goes nothing."
********************
"Drew Carpenter... Samantha Carter..."
Sam stole a glance at the audience as she walked across the stage, heart pounding against her ribcage with an over whelming swell of pride and...
Disappointment.
There was Uncle George, grinning and looking to be on the verge of tears, beside him his wife smiling warmly. And two empty chairs.
She had sent an invitation to Mark, hoping he would get over his issues with their father and show up to support her but of course he hadn't. And she was sure she had told her father the right time. More than once. Double and triple checked.
Sam swallowed hard and clutched the diploma tight to her chest.
************************
Jacob was waiting for her outside, leaning against the side of his car.
"Hey kiddo." He reached out and tugged on her tassel, lips curved in something like a smile. "Look, I'm really sorry-"
"I don't care. You're here now."
The got in the care and Jacob sat with his hand on the ignition for several long moments, expression unreadable. Not for the first time and probably not for the last Sam found herself wishing she could tell what he was thinking. Even just a little hint would have been nice.
"You did good, kid." He said finally.
Sam remained silent, not sure where he was headed. She wanted him to say he was proud of her. She wanted so bad for him to say he was proud of her, just something to know all that she had accomplished mattered some how. A hug, a handshake, she wasn't picky.
"I mean, I knew you could."
Probably the closest she was ever going to get to a compliment.
"I wish your mother could have been here to see this. She would have been so proud of you, Sammy."
Sam nodded, her throat suddenly tight. "I know, dad. I know. I wish she was here too."
It was the closest they had ever gotten to discussing their loss with out breaking down into an argument and Sam suddenly felt like they were walking on then ice. One wrong step and she would sink beneath the surface and never get out. This thing between them, this moment of father-daughter bonding, was ever so fragile.
"I like to think," She paused, wrestling with her feelings. "I like to think that she knows. That she can see. That a small piece of her is here, even though she isn't..."
Jacob turned to look at her, grinning wryly. "And I would like to think you're right, kid, I really would."
It was a start. They weren't healed yet and they still didn't know how to handle each other but it was a start.
***************************
"I'm never going to see you again, am I?"
They were in the loft of the abandoned barn, cuddled together, palm against palm. Sam's eyes were red with unshed tears that just wouldn't come.
"This isn't good bye, Sam. I'm not going to say good bye... We still have a few weeks..."
"And after that, then what? You've got college, I've got college... And the military... And neither of us is going to have the time... we won't be able to keep in touch... you know as well as I do long distance relationships rarely work out well-"
Janet shushed her with a kiss. "It doesn't matter. We'll see each other again."
"How can you be so certain?"
"Because, Samantha Carter, I'm not finished with you yet."
Sam buried her face in Janet's hair and sobbed until she felt like her whole body was going to shake apart.
#
"Some hot blond lieutenant's been clearing out the place. Poker, pool, you name it."
-- Do No Harm pg 8
Sam spun around in the swively black office chair, allowing herself just a moment to feel giddy about the new lab and the project to top all projects that had brought her to it. Doctor of Astrophysics Captain in the Air Force Samantha Carter had accomplished a great many things during the course of her career. Clocking over 100 hours in enemy air space during the Gulf War, graduating at the top of her class. She had a lot to be proud of. The drab gray walls weren't much to look at but this, this was without a doubt the highlight of her life. Finally, finally she was close to the stars.
It had been one hell of a first mission. For several terrifying hours the nagging fear of never getting home again had nagged at the back of her mind. It would be the perfect irony; She would have finally managed her life long dream of travelling to other planets only to die there a million light years from home where no one would ever no about it.
They almost came out of it without a scratch. With the one big exception of Kowalski.
"Knock, knock Carter."
Sam leaped to her feet as her CO strolled in, wearing a "I know something you don't know" smirk.
"Oh for cryin' out loud... At ease, Carter."
"Sorry Sir." Sam was sheepish, relaxing a fraction.
"Carter, I would like to introduce you to our new head CMO, Doctor-"
"Janet Fraiser." Sam's heart did a flip flop.
"Wha- You two know each other?" O'Niell looked back and forth between the two of them, rapidly deflating.
"Kind of." Spoken simultaneously.
"Okie dokie... I'll uh, just leave you to it then."
"Howdy stranger."
"It's been a long time."
Too long.
**********************
"The nightmares just keep getting worse. She stopped talking again- I've tried everything but she won't tell me about them, she won't let me comfort her-"
"She's just scared, Jan. She lost an entire planet. It's going to be rough the first few months, maybe even the first year. We knew that from the beginning. She needs time to heal."
"I don't know what to do anymore, Sam! I feel like I haven't slept in weeks and I'm at the end of my rope. She wants you. She chose you. But you're hardly ever around..."
"It's my job, Jan, I can't always help it. I am trying-"
"I know. I know. it isn't your fault, I'm sorry. I'm just... Stressed out."
"I can tell." Sam enfolded the slight brunette in her arms, rocking her slowly. "We're going to figure this thing out, I promise."
"I can't do it without you, Sam. She doesn't want anything to do with me. She needs you."
"She needs you. You're a good mother, Janet, I know you are. Give it time. I'll talk to her. I'll try to be around more. We'll work it out. Together."
**********************
"So, how are you liking school?"
Big, shy eyes stared at Sam, full of sheer hero worship and a little bit of trepidation. "It's alright, I guess. Sometimes the other kids tease me because I don't know things they think I oughta."
"Kids can be brutal. You shouldn't let it bother you."
"That's what Janet says. It's hard though."
"I know."
Sam reached out to scoop up one of the pieces, twirling the little horse between her fingers.
"So what is all of this anyway?"
Sam grinned from ear to ear. "This, Cassie, is a game called chess. And this-" She plunked the piece down on the board. "Is called a knight."
MISSING SCENE:
They planned to take things slow. It had been years since they had seen each other it would take time to regain the familiarity they had once shared. They had both of their careers to think about. They'd both agreed that this was the first time in a long time that they were happy with where their lives were. If they were caught there would be very really consequences to face. They could lose everything they had worked so hard for. There were so many reasons why they should take their time and just build a strong, platonic friendship. All of which they had agreed on, all of which had made perfect sense a few hours ago.
Best laid plans and such. Curled in on herself in the front seat, her knees pressed awkwardly against the dashboard, with a handful of Janet's oh so soft auburn hair and the world's most perfect lips locked against her own, it took far too much effort to remember why anything else in the universe had ever been important.
Janet trailed butterfly kisses down her throat, pausing only to nip at her pulse point and Sam couldn't contain the bubble of laughter that welled up within her. "What?" Doe eyes gazed up at her, a single eyebrow raised in amusement.
"It's just... I'm making out with Janet Fraiser. In her car..."
Janet's grin was irresistible. "Gee, you must be the coolest kid in school."
"I know!"
They dissolved into a fit of laughter, Janet pressing her forehead against the curve created where Sam's neck connected to her shoulder and Sam cuddling her as close as possible in the cramped space. The seat belt was doing awful things to her hip bone but it was more than worth it.
"God I missed this."
"So did I." Janet played with the fine hairs at the nape of Sam's neck, smiling against the skin of her throat.
"Are we... Is this crazy?"
"Probably. I like to think it's fate."
Sam snorted. "Fate."
"Yes. Destiny. Swans and lobsters. Haven't you ever wondered about soul-mates, Sam?"
Sam reached up to take Janet's hand in hers, twining their fingers together and kissing her knuckles. She had thought about it, but not seriously and not since they had last been together. After Jonas she'd decided love in general was over rated. "I don't know. I don't know if I even believe in the soul. We chase after false gods on a daily basis. It's hard to imagine there's anything real, sometimes."
Janet pulled their joined hands to her chest, flattening Sam's palm just over her heart. Sam could feel it thundering beneath her fingertips. "Feel that? This? This connection... You can't tell me there isn't more to us than flesh and bone. I work with people on a daily basis and I know there's something more."
Sam smiled. Janet's conviction of feeling was one of the many things she loved about her, even though the doctor didn't always have the easiest time expressing herself. She was so self contained sometimes... Sam considered herself privileged to bare witness to moments like these, when those deep brown eyes were so full of raw emotion. "Do you really think we're soul mates?"
"Maybe. It's a nice thought, anyway. Of all the assignments we could have gotten don't you think it's funny we both ended up here?"
"Funny, lucky. Just because we're both so amazingly brilliant? I don't like to question the gift horse."
Janet chuckled, kissing her way down Sam's jaw and completely throwing off the blonde's train of thought. "Come in with me..." She whispered between kisses. "Stay with me."
Sam swallowed, throat suddenly dry. All the moisture in her body had decided to migrate further south. "I thought we were taking things slow?"
"I think we ditched that idea when we decided to go out tonight..." Janet captured Sam's lips in a searing kiss, nipping her chin as she pulled away. "I've waited for this for years, Samantha. It wouldn't kill me to wait a little longer but I sure don't wanna."
Sam was past the point of needing convincing. She couldn't get out of the car fast enough.
*********************
Much later, wrapped up in five feet of naked doctor and tangled, sweat soaked sheets, Sam couldn't keep the big, sleepy, and she was certain almost smug, grin off her face. Janet's heart was beating out a steady rhythm against the blonde's rib cage and she couldn't imagine a sweeter sound. She trailed her fingers up and down a bare arm, playing connect the dots with a series of freckles on Janet's shoulder.
She was more euphoric than she could ever remember being in her life... And more terrified. She'd been less afraid when they were on another planet, running for their lives with staff blast fire raining down from all sides. Words she had whispered once, so many years ago, had come back to haunt her and she couldn't shake them.
"I think I could fall in love with you..."
She could save the world at the drop of a hat, battle Goa'uld system lords and knife fight Shavadai chiefs but the thought of having actually fallen in love with the tiny, delicate woman in her arms had her quaking in her metaphorical boots.
Love... Sam hadn't thought about love since the hellish excuse for a relationship she'd had with Jonas Hanson but that hadn't been anything like this. Even when she'd been prepared to marry him she hadn't experienced anything that even compared to the overwhelming rush of emotion she got from simply watching Janet sleep. She'd settled. She'd settled because it was easy and it was safe. This wasn't safe at all and it was never going to be easy.
It was pretty wonderful though.
"I love you, Janet." Sam whispered, words she couldn't quite yet bring herself to say when the other woman was conscious. "I love you so much."
Sam kissed Janet's brow and held her tight enough to merge skin, were it only possible. She'd let go once and she wasn't ever going to let go again.
She was done settling.
.
"Sam! Well this is a pleasant surprise, I didn't think you were coming this week."
Sam held out the invitation with both hands, smiling shyly. "I made it. I made it, Uncle George. And I would really, really love it if you could be there."
Sam suddenly found herself swept up into a big, rib crushing bear hug. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
She squeezed her eyes shut, returning the embrace. She'd gone years without crying she wasn't going to break now. It was just a graduation. "Thank you for everything, Uncle George. I know I don't say it enough."
"All I did was teach you how to play chess."
"You did a lot more than that."
*****************************
The gown was ridiculous.
The cap was ridiculous.
The whole damn thing was ridiculous.
Sam couldn't even remember the last time she had worn stockings and here she was, all dressed up. Never mind that everything above the knee was hidden, dress code was strict- Dresses or skirts for the girls, suits and ties for the boys. Anything else meant not walking with the class.
It was oh so tempting to be rebellious and show up in some wild sure-to-get-her-kicked-out ensemble but she wanted the diploma enough to let the urge slide. Mostly. She did cover the top of the cap in glitter before attaching the tassel but nobody would be able to see that unless they were intentionally looking at the top of her head.
Sam pulled the monstrosity down over her wild mess of hair and tilted it at a jaunty angle, grinning at herself in the mirror.
"Here goes nothing."
********************
"Drew Carpenter... Samantha Carter..."
Sam stole a glance at the audience as she walked across the stage, heart pounding against her ribcage with an over whelming swell of pride and...
Disappointment.
There was Uncle George, grinning and looking to be on the verge of tears, beside him his wife smiling warmly. And two empty chairs.
She had sent an invitation to Mark, hoping he would get over his issues with their father and show up to support her but of course he hadn't. And she was sure she had told her father the right time. More than once. Double and triple checked.
Sam swallowed hard and clutched the diploma tight to her chest.
************************
Jacob was waiting for her outside, leaning against the side of his car.
"Hey kiddo." He reached out and tugged on her tassel, lips curved in something like a smile. "Look, I'm really sorry-"
"I don't care. You're here now."
The got in the care and Jacob sat with his hand on the ignition for several long moments, expression unreadable. Not for the first time and probably not for the last Sam found herself wishing she could tell what he was thinking. Even just a little hint would have been nice.
"You did good, kid." He said finally.
Sam remained silent, not sure where he was headed. She wanted him to say he was proud of her. She wanted so bad for him to say he was proud of her, just something to know all that she had accomplished mattered some how. A hug, a handshake, she wasn't picky.
"I mean, I knew you could."
Probably the closest she was ever going to get to a compliment.
"I wish your mother could have been here to see this. She would have been so proud of you, Sammy."
Sam nodded, her throat suddenly tight. "I know, dad. I know. I wish she was here too."
It was the closest they had ever gotten to discussing their loss with out breaking down into an argument and Sam suddenly felt like they were walking on then ice. One wrong step and she would sink beneath the surface and never get out. This thing between them, this moment of father-daughter bonding, was ever so fragile.
"I like to think," She paused, wrestling with her feelings. "I like to think that she knows. That she can see. That a small piece of her is here, even though she isn't..."
Jacob turned to look at her, grinning wryly. "And I would like to think you're right, kid, I really would."
It was a start. They weren't healed yet and they still didn't know how to handle each other but it was a start.
***************************
"I'm never going to see you again, am I?"
They were in the loft of the abandoned barn, cuddled together, palm against palm. Sam's eyes were red with unshed tears that just wouldn't come.
"This isn't good bye, Sam. I'm not going to say good bye... We still have a few weeks..."
"And after that, then what? You've got college, I've got college... And the military... And neither of us is going to have the time... we won't be able to keep in touch... you know as well as I do long distance relationships rarely work out well-"
Janet shushed her with a kiss. "It doesn't matter. We'll see each other again."
"How can you be so certain?"
"Because, Samantha Carter, I'm not finished with you yet."
Sam buried her face in Janet's hair and sobbed until she felt like her whole body was going to shake apart.
#
"Some hot blond lieutenant's been clearing out the place. Poker, pool, you name it."
-- Do No Harm pg 8
Sam spun around in the swively black office chair, allowing herself just a moment to feel giddy about the new lab and the project to top all projects that had brought her to it. Doctor of Astrophysics Captain in the Air Force Samantha Carter had accomplished a great many things during the course of her career. Clocking over 100 hours in enemy air space during the Gulf War, graduating at the top of her class. She had a lot to be proud of. The drab gray walls weren't much to look at but this, this was without a doubt the highlight of her life. Finally, finally she was close to the stars.
It had been one hell of a first mission. For several terrifying hours the nagging fear of never getting home again had nagged at the back of her mind. It would be the perfect irony; She would have finally managed her life long dream of travelling to other planets only to die there a million light years from home where no one would ever no about it.
They almost came out of it without a scratch. With the one big exception of Kowalski.
"Knock, knock Carter."
Sam leaped to her feet as her CO strolled in, wearing a "I know something you don't know" smirk.
"Oh for cryin' out loud... At ease, Carter."
"Sorry Sir." Sam was sheepish, relaxing a fraction.
"Carter, I would like to introduce you to our new head CMO, Doctor-"
"Janet Fraiser." Sam's heart did a flip flop.
"Wha- You two know each other?" O'Niell looked back and forth between the two of them, rapidly deflating.
"Kind of." Spoken simultaneously.
"Okie dokie... I'll uh, just leave you to it then."
"Howdy stranger."
"It's been a long time."
Too long.
**********************
"The nightmares just keep getting worse. She stopped talking again- I've tried everything but she won't tell me about them, she won't let me comfort her-"
"She's just scared, Jan. She lost an entire planet. It's going to be rough the first few months, maybe even the first year. We knew that from the beginning. She needs time to heal."
"I don't know what to do anymore, Sam! I feel like I haven't slept in weeks and I'm at the end of my rope. She wants you. She chose you. But you're hardly ever around..."
"It's my job, Jan, I can't always help it. I am trying-"
"I know. I know. it isn't your fault, I'm sorry. I'm just... Stressed out."
"I can tell." Sam enfolded the slight brunette in her arms, rocking her slowly. "We're going to figure this thing out, I promise."
"I can't do it without you, Sam. She doesn't want anything to do with me. She needs you."
"She needs you. You're a good mother, Janet, I know you are. Give it time. I'll talk to her. I'll try to be around more. We'll work it out. Together."
**********************
"So, how are you liking school?"
Big, shy eyes stared at Sam, full of sheer hero worship and a little bit of trepidation. "It's alright, I guess. Sometimes the other kids tease me because I don't know things they think I oughta."
"Kids can be brutal. You shouldn't let it bother you."
"That's what Janet says. It's hard though."
"I know."
Sam reached out to scoop up one of the pieces, twirling the little horse between her fingers.
"So what is all of this anyway?"
Sam grinned from ear to ear. "This, Cassie, is a game called chess. And this-" She plunked the piece down on the board. "Is called a knight."
MISSING SCENE:
They planned to take things slow. It had been years since they had seen each other it would take time to regain the familiarity they had once shared. They had both of their careers to think about. They'd both agreed that this was the first time in a long time that they were happy with where their lives were. If they were caught there would be very really consequences to face. They could lose everything they had worked so hard for. There were so many reasons why they should take their time and just build a strong, platonic friendship. All of which they had agreed on, all of which had made perfect sense a few hours ago.
Best laid plans and such. Curled in on herself in the front seat, her knees pressed awkwardly against the dashboard, with a handful of Janet's oh so soft auburn hair and the world's most perfect lips locked against her own, it took far too much effort to remember why anything else in the universe had ever been important.
Janet trailed butterfly kisses down her throat, pausing only to nip at her pulse point and Sam couldn't contain the bubble of laughter that welled up within her. "What?" Doe eyes gazed up at her, a single eyebrow raised in amusement.
"It's just... I'm making out with Janet Fraiser. In her car..."
Janet's grin was irresistible. "Gee, you must be the coolest kid in school."
"I know!"
They dissolved into a fit of laughter, Janet pressing her forehead against the curve created where Sam's neck connected to her shoulder and Sam cuddling her as close as possible in the cramped space. The seat belt was doing awful things to her hip bone but it was more than worth it.
"God I missed this."
"So did I." Janet played with the fine hairs at the nape of Sam's neck, smiling against the skin of her throat.
"Are we... Is this crazy?"
"Probably. I like to think it's fate."
Sam snorted. "Fate."
"Yes. Destiny. Swans and lobsters. Haven't you ever wondered about soul-mates, Sam?"
Sam reached up to take Janet's hand in hers, twining their fingers together and kissing her knuckles. She had thought about it, but not seriously and not since they had last been together. After Jonas she'd decided love in general was over rated. "I don't know. I don't know if I even believe in the soul. We chase after false gods on a daily basis. It's hard to imagine there's anything real, sometimes."
Janet pulled their joined hands to her chest, flattening Sam's palm just over her heart. Sam could feel it thundering beneath her fingertips. "Feel that? This? This connection... You can't tell me there isn't more to us than flesh and bone. I work with people on a daily basis and I know there's something more."
Sam smiled. Janet's conviction of feeling was one of the many things she loved about her, even though the doctor didn't always have the easiest time expressing herself. She was so self contained sometimes... Sam considered herself privileged to bare witness to moments like these, when those deep brown eyes were so full of raw emotion. "Do you really think we're soul mates?"
"Maybe. It's a nice thought, anyway. Of all the assignments we could have gotten don't you think it's funny we both ended up here?"
"Funny, lucky. Just because we're both so amazingly brilliant? I don't like to question the gift horse."
Janet chuckled, kissing her way down Sam's jaw and completely throwing off the blonde's train of thought. "Come in with me..." She whispered between kisses. "Stay with me."
Sam swallowed, throat suddenly dry. All the moisture in her body had decided to migrate further south. "I thought we were taking things slow?"
"I think we ditched that idea when we decided to go out tonight..." Janet captured Sam's lips in a searing kiss, nipping her chin as she pulled away. "I've waited for this for years, Samantha. It wouldn't kill me to wait a little longer but I sure don't wanna."
Sam was past the point of needing convincing. She couldn't get out of the car fast enough.
*********************
Much later, wrapped up in five feet of naked doctor and tangled, sweat soaked sheets, Sam couldn't keep the big, sleepy, and she was certain almost smug, grin off her face. Janet's heart was beating out a steady rhythm against the blonde's rib cage and she couldn't imagine a sweeter sound. She trailed her fingers up and down a bare arm, playing connect the dots with a series of freckles on Janet's shoulder.
She was more euphoric than she could ever remember being in her life... And more terrified. She'd been less afraid when they were on another planet, running for their lives with staff blast fire raining down from all sides. Words she had whispered once, so many years ago, had come back to haunt her and she couldn't shake them.
"I think I could fall in love with you..."
She could save the world at the drop of a hat, battle Goa'uld system lords and knife fight Shavadai chiefs but the thought of having actually fallen in love with the tiny, delicate woman in her arms had her quaking in her metaphorical boots.
Love... Sam hadn't thought about love since the hellish excuse for a relationship she'd had with Jonas Hanson but that hadn't been anything like this. Even when she'd been prepared to marry him she hadn't experienced anything that even compared to the overwhelming rush of emotion she got from simply watching Janet sleep. She'd settled. She'd settled because it was easy and it was safe. This wasn't safe at all and it was never going to be easy.
It was pretty wonderful though.
"I love you, Janet." Sam whispered, words she couldn't quite yet bring herself to say when the other woman was conscious. "I love you so much."
Sam kissed Janet's brow and held her tight enough to merge skin, were it only possible. She'd let go once and she wasn't ever going to let go again.
She was done settling.